More Questioning of Communication and Choices

“Never presume to know a person based on the one-dimensional window of the internet. A soul can’t be defined by critics, enemies, or broken ties with family or friends. Neither can it be explained by posts or blogs that lack facial expressions, tone, or insight into the person’s personality and intent. Until people “get that”, we will forever be a society that thinks Beautiful Mind was a spy movie and every stranger is really a friend on Facebook.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

Why do we normalize negative self-talk instead of positive self-talk?

Because governments convince us that we can’t be more than they want us to be. This is what fosters the “welfare state” and socialist ideology. If we think we’re not all that, we are more likely to turn our “worthless” lives over to government control. A government that promises “free everything” will always find ignorance to follow them, even though they only deliver a token of what they promised. People buy into socialism until they discover it’s worse than what they gave up. This is why socialism doesn’t work. People who are told they aren't "all that" become “woke” to the bullshit.  (I really can't believe I used "woke" in this.  I should feel ashamed.)

Are there any examples of using great skills and knowledge for nothing?

The Congress of the United States. 

Why do I get goosebumps while worshipping God and feel like crying?

I do the same thing.  I have for the past 55 years, and I only consider myself an average Christian, if that. However, I do have an undying faith that there is a power so much greater than us. So, though I don’t bemoan it, I blame this emotional display on faith. We have given ourselves over to a belief for which there is little or no proof. Is this ignorant? Atheists might say so, but we’ll see when some of us move forward into the next great adventure.

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a 'hot mess' or having 'too many issues are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”

-- Anthon St. Maarten

What's one easy-to-get thing that can instantly make your day better?

Bourbon!

Is the field of somatics pseudoscience?

It might be considered that, by some. I get debilitating cramps if I move the wrong way. I have found the position, for each cramp, that will make it feel better so I can breathe and relax to the point that the cramp quickly dissipates. Mind and body working together instead of just suffering through the episode. And, here is a strange note. I caught COVID and thought it was just the flu. A week later I was better and noted that I rarely cramp up anymore. I suppose that would be my “side effect” they say we get. Some are miserable and, I guess, some are okay.

What is your own definition of communication?

A Two-way transfer of understandable information and feedback between two or more people actively listening and responding.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

How do I please everyone and don’t make them mad?

If you really want to please everyone, don’t make them mad. I think you’re onto your own answer here.

In your own perspective, what do you think is the importance of knowing someone else's intelligence level?

I was a briefing trainer for a time while in military intelligence, and public speaking will tell you to always consider your audience when putting together your briefing. What the audience are capable of understanding, their age, etc., is very important to how much they get out of what you tell them. For instance, the military uses many terms that mean nothing to civilians, so it is necessary to explain the terms as part of the briefing. It isn’t a judgment as much as it is just good sense. 

Should I be nervous?

I don’t know. What have you done?

“If you live with fear and consider yourself as something special then automatically, emotionally, you are distanced from others. You then create the basis for feelings of alienation from others and loneliness. So, I never consider, even when giving a talk to a large crowd, that I am something special, I am 'His Holiness the Dalai Lama' . . . I always emphasize that when I meet people, we are all the same human beings. A thousand people -- same human being. Ten thousand or a hundred thousand -- same human being -- mentally, emotionally, and physically. Then, you see, no barrier. Then my mind remains completely calm and relaxed. If too much emphasis on myself, and I start to think I'm something special, then more anxiety, more nervousness.”

-- Dalai Lama XIV

What is the difference between laziness and resistance?

Laziness is just not wanting to be bothered getting involved in any task. Resistance is when you’ve shown you can do a task but, just to make a point, you aren’t going to do it.

What gives you positive vibes?

Good music! A local musician frequents the little cigar bar here in town and we had him for a night of music. His trio did Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” and knock the socks off of it. The first time I’ve gotten out of my chair in some time.

What can be one of life's greatest struggles?

Choosing true happiness in the face of life’s other struggles. Happiness is a choice each of us must make for ourselves, to strive to be happy always, regardless of our circumstances.

“There is no thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.”

-- Audre Lorde

What is your understanding in this quote, "You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the winds, but you can change yourself. That is something you can have charge of."?

I think the quote is flawed. I agree that one must take personal responsibility. Life is all about making good choices, the right choices, for ourselves. If we make a mistake, instead of whining about it, it is up to us to own the choice and change the outcome. By changing yourself, your choices, and owning your actions, you can change your circumstances and, many times, the circumstances of others that your questionable choices have also affected.

"When days are dark, friends are few". What does it really mean and why does it happen? (1st topic for my mental health podcast. Your contribution will be highly appreciated.)

Do you really want other people’s drama in your life? I don’t know of many people who don’t have enough drama of their own without taking on the drama of others. So, why does it happen? I think, subconsciously or overtly, we are selfish. Sometimes, this can be a good thing. I always tell folks to remember the safety briefing for an airline flight, to put on your oxygen mask first before assisting the person next to you. You have to take care of yourself before you can help others. If neither one of you can breathe, what kind of help will you be?

Reader Comment: Good point! I went through a time when I wasn’t taking care of myself, yet I was open to helping others until I had a mental breakdown. I guess I ran out of oxygen but this time around I’m putting my oxygen mask on first. Thank you so much Tony!

Reflect on this: "A sample of your accomplishments can provide an insight on the type of person you are."

I would hate to sample the wrong accomplishments of an otherwise good person. I think you have to look at the person’s “global” accomplishments to get an honest picture of who they are. We all make bad choices, but looking at the good choices, and also seeing how one deals with the bad, will give us a better picture.

“We have this weird thing in the world where you don't get insulted for what you do, you get insulted for who you are.”

-- John Green

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.