The Eyes Have It

“Ah, what happiness it is to be with people who are all happy, to press hands, press cheeks, smile into eyes.”

-- Katherine Mansfield (1888-1923), writer, poet

I don't want you to text me.  I hate texting.  I hate any kind of messaging that is written and not heard or spoken.  And, I want to see the reaction to a comment, to a soft touch, to a kiss.  I want to look into the eyes of the one I am communicating with.  I want to hear what they're saying, watch their body language, and confirm their belief in what they say by looking through their eyes and into their soul.  This is the way we have true interpersonal communication.  With this, it is very hard for anyone to claim, "Well, you simply misunderstood me."  No, I didn't.

Face to face there is much to be said for the studdering response to an accusation when there is no time to come up with bullshit.  There is also much to be said for feeling a partner who will flush at your touch and weaken at your kiss; the mental and physical feeling of emotion, often lost in the written word.  Why?  Because we have forgotten how truly express our feeling through the written word.  Maybe we should be teaching that again, considering our reliance on new technology for what we think is communication.

“The face is a picture of the mind with the eyes as its interpreter.”

-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 BC-43 BC), Roman statesman, lawyer, philosopher

Some of us learn, by career choice or by life, to read into what is written or what is not, to analyze what we read, see, and hear, and to judge an answer by the time it takes for someone to respond or if they're attempting to deflect the truth by using a question to answer a question which only required a simple yes, or no.  This is difficult, and it's accurate only to a point.  Acting like you're hard of hearing gets people to repeat themselves or restate what they said; a great tactic until you get old and your hearing really starts failing.  But, when you are trained to gather information by listening to those around you, to the least significant of comments, to take the bits and pieces of conversation, of information, and create a truth to be confirmed, you begin to exercise a kind of passive control through information.  This is not always a good thing, especially when you're with people you know and care about.

“We scarcely know how much of our pleasure and interest in life comes to us through our eyes until we have to do without them; and part of that pleasure is that the eyes can choose where to look. But the ears can't choose where to listen.”

-- Ursula K. Le Guin (1929-2018), author

This is why, when I retired from the military, I swore to leave my career behind me.  To stop picking apart every little thing and simply enjoy life and people.  If I did slip, it was only to enjoy watching the discomfort in a lie, or an "unseen" emotional response of one person to another's words or touch.  I always enjoyed just watching the parade of humanity as it passed before me.  But, leaving old ways behind me, albeit a nice thought, turned out to be difficult.  

It was especially hard at my last job, where my boss knew my background and utilized me in an occasional "information" gathering role.  I would attend meetings, in my job as "Corporate Liaison,"  and keep him apprised of what might affect the company.  He would press me for specifics, but I would never compromise my ethics for him, and he knew this.  I kept the information to what he needed to know, to generalities, and names never crossed my lips.  I had many titles with the company, as I was moved around where he felt I was needed.

“An intelligence knowing all the forces acting in nature at a given instant, as well as the momentary positions of all things in the universe, would be able to comprehend in one single formula the motions of the largest bodies as well as the lightest atoms in the world, provided that its intellect were sufficiently powerful to subject all data to analysis; to it nothing would be uncertain, the future, as well as the past, would be present to its eyes.”

-- Pierre Simon de Laplace (1749-1827), scholar, polymath

When I retired from working, I found that bourbon can help deaden abilities best unlearned.  Actually being deaf also helps a bit, but a lot of bourbon helps a lot.  Even with this, however, you can only maintain a facade of normalcy for so long before cracks appear, or you become an alcoholic.  You can't act one way in public and act another way in private, especially when the lines of public and private begin to blur.  For the most part, people are not stupid.  Sooner or later, you risk revealing a "tell" that something in your life is askew.  It is better to just live your life, and let others live theirs.  Learn to be happy always and stop trying to judge others by what you think you know. 

And this brings me back to the point of this post.  

Even if you're trained to be full of shit for those with eyes to see, sooner or later people will see through you.  But, and this plays to my point, they have to be in front of you to actually see you.  What we see, hear, and feel when we are in the presence of someone has so much more meaning than what we think we read in a text, a message, or a letter, and even what we think someone means when they talk to us over the phone.  

Happiness is being around other people and communicating in a way so you truly understand what's on their mind and they understand what's on yours.  Communication is all about "give and take" and understanding each other.  If whom you communicate with turns out to be full of shit, well, it is who they are; recognize it, be constantly aware of it, and take a risk by offering them friendship.  After all, they're only human.  Are any of us perfect?

“The tongue may hide the truth but the eyes—never!”

-- Mikhail Bulgakov (1891-1940), writer, doctor, playwright

You won't truly know who someone is until you listen to what they say and, while face to face, you can look into the windows of their soul, their eyes, while they say it.  But, you need to be very careful.  While you're looking into their soul, they are very probably looking into yours.  

If what you seek is truth, the eyes have it.

“You have two eyes, and two ears, but only one mouth. This is so because you are supposed to look and listen more than you talk.”

-- Lucca Kaldahl, writer

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.