A Question of Happiness

"Happiness depends upon ourselves"

-- Aristotle (385-323 B.C.), philosopher, polymath

I've been frequenting a site where questions are put to the readers.  If you answer questions, people can then ask for you specifically to answer their questions.  To date, I have responded to over 2000 requests for my answers to questions put before me, by people worldwide.  About 50% of my answers were upvoted and shared numerous times by readers and followers.  I humbly assume my answers must strike an acceptable chord.  Having nothing to write about, I thought it might be interesting to reprint some of the questions concerning "happiness" and my answers to each.  Please feel free to let me know what you think:

If happiness and knowledge are mutually exclusive, would you rather be happy but ignorant or knowledgeable but sad? 

Ignorance is bliss, or so they say. Unfortunately, this sentiment negates our moral responsibilities with everyone’s head buried snuggly in the sand of fantasy land. Reality is something we need to recognize, embrace, and, then, either take action or at least form an opinion about. I’m not sure how one can be truly happy with the knowledge of self-imposed ignorance judging them.

Why is it that when I'm happy, I think it will not last for much more? 

Happiness is a state of mind and, as such, should not rely on outside stimuli to exist or not. If you “think it will not last for much more,” you have already set the stage for your happiness to fail. I always use children in children’s hospitals as my go-to for a definition of happiness. In their most dire moments, they can teach us so much about life and death. I am sad they may die so young, but I find happiness in how they seem to view the world and those around them. I am very happy to give donations to those who try to save these young “philosophers.” Find a reason for happiness in all situations. Be the rock for others to lean on and learn happiness from in their own horrible situations and you will probably learn much from them as well. Will this be easy? Probably not but, then, nothing in this life is. Everything in life is a lesson in balance, ethics, and morality. I think the hardest lesson for most is finding this sense of balance.

Do some people never get happiness? 

Happiness is a state of mind and, as such, should not rely on outside stimuli to exist or not. If you “think it will not last for much more,” you have already set the stage for your happiness to fail. I always use children in children’s hospitals as my go-to for a definition of happiness. In their most dire moments, they can teach us so much about life and death. I am sad they may die so young, but I find happiness in how they seem to view the world and those around them. I am very happy to give donations to those who try to save these young “philosophers.” Find a reason for happiness in all situations. Be the rock for others to lean on and learn happiness from in their own horrible situations and you will probably learn much from them as well. Will this be easy? Probably not but, then, nothing in this life is. Everything in life is a lesson in balance, ethics, and morality. I think the hardest lesson for most is finding this sense of balance.

I always seem to be at odds with who I like to refer to as the “League of the Perpetually Offended.” Perhaps those who never find happiness are stuck in this “League.” We can’t always be offended at every little thing, or we’ll find ourselves, ultimately, being offended at ourselves, or making excuses for why what others view as our constant misery is so appropriate. 

If smiling improves mood, can pretending to be happy, attract happiness? 

If you pretend long enough, do you become what you are? I think the possibility exists.

Do you agree that happiness has little to do with pleasure, and much more to do with developing resilience and character? 

Happiness is a pleasure, unless you find pain and discomfort pleasurable and, even then, that happiness is pleasurable, or so the Marquis de Sade would tout. I think to be happy and able to rise above or even to willingly take on the challenges of the dramas in life, shows resilience and character, whether you had it before or not. Happiness is a state of mind. If you’re looking for happiness then you aren’t seeing the forest for the trees.

Without money, how could you make yourself happy? 

Happiness is a state of mind. Buddhist monks have nothing but are exceedingly happy. One can see happiness in almost everything if you simply open your mind to it. Stop looking for sadness and pain.

Is happiness to be found in the appreciation of simple things? 

Happiness is a state of mind, a choice. Happiness can be found almost everywhere but, in particular, it usually begins with you making the simple choice to just be happy. You won’t have to look for what you already have.

How do you make someone happy? 

First of all, you need to grasp that another person’s happiness is not your responsibility. Happiness is a choice they must make or they will not be truly happy because they will always rely on you to make them so. Guide them, mentor them, but do not fall into the trap of being responsible for what they themselves must discover.

Are you suspicious of people that seem too happy? 

Yes! I wonder what they know that I don’t. Just kidding, but I do wonder if their happiness is sincere or simply a poor facade to disguise those hidden dramas they’d rather not share or deal with. I find that a simple conversation usually determines if they are or if they’re truly that happy.

Would you be happy without anything from this planet? 

This isn’t a fair question. I don’t know what other planets might have to offer. I always tout that happiness is a state of mind, so I’d have to say I would probably be happy regardless.

What are the little things in life that others do for you to make you happy? 

Comedian Ellen Degeneres made me exceedingly happy the other day when she took on the League of the Perpetually Offended. She and I have a different political view but we do agree on not bowing to those who are constantly offended. If we all believed the same thing and agreed all the time, what a boring place this would be. She made me smile!

How do I get over needing someone to make me happy? 

Why do they have to be responsible for your happiness? How selfish is that? Try giving selflessly to others and see if you can revel in how fulfilling that can be.

Can you or I simply choose to be happy? 

Yes. Try actually making the choice and not wasting more time asking questions about it.

Should people just be happy with what they have got, or is it good to have a desire to want a little bit more? 

There is no sin in wanting a little more. You can still make the choice to “just be happy” as you go about wanting a little more. Just BE happy while you’re doing it.

What brings you the most joy without costing you any money? 

Being polite and courteous to others. It has some shock value because people so seldom experience it from others any more. I find it makes them smile, so it also gives me some added joy.

How much do I need to earn in order to make enough to be happy and content with life in America? 

It is sad to me when people ask this. Money does not buy happiness. Many times it causes exactly the opposite as you lose your “self” in the material aspect of life. 

How can you joyfully learn from your experiences? 

Life is all about making the right choices. To do this we are constantly tested. We fail or we succeed. If you succeed, you have a pretty good idea of what works. Or, was it simply luck? If you fail you pretty much know what doesn’t work. In this way, failure is a better teacher than success, as long as you learn from the mistake which caused the failure.

What sparks joy in you? 

Almost everything joyful. I especially get joy from children who exhibit that childish sense of wonder.

How do I achieve happiness? 

Be happy. Happiness is a choice. If you’ve chosen not to be happy, make a better choice. Yes, life is really this simple. We make life more complicated than it has to be.

What is the relationship between wealth and happiness?

There is none, not really. Money cannot buy true happiness.

Why do you need emotional awareness, emotional intelligence, and emotional fitness to be truly happy? 

Why is it that everyone thinks they need so much more just to be happy? Happiness is a state of mind; you either are or you aren’t. Be happy!

What kind of happiness are you seeking for? 

If you seek the trees you will never see the forest. Don’t seek what you already have the ability to feel, just feel it. Happiness is a choice. Be happy that you have the choice.

Do you worry about being happy? 

I worry about not waking up in the morning. Every morning is another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in this life. I am given this gift each morning and it makes me exceedingly happy to receive it. Not waking up probably concern me if I were aware of it. But hopefully, this would be the start of my next great adventure, which would make me happy all over again anyway. Hey, no harm, no foul.

What are some mind-blowing facts about happiness? 

For me, the most interesting fact is that happiness makes me happy. C’mon, I mean this is really basic stuff here. Happiness is a good choice when planning each and every day. Stop dissecting it and simply choose to be happy!

Why does depression precede happiness? 

Depression is a result of not embracing happiness always. if you see the depression coming, step away from it. Acknowledge the drama of life and move past it. We are susceptible to the ripples others make in this pond, just as others are susceptible to those ripples we make. Learn to stay away from the tsunamis of life and show others how to mediate the ones they are about to cause. Happiness should precede everything else in life.

Why do bullies think they have control over someone’s happiness level when they actually have absolutely zero control over anyone’s happiness level? 

Because they thrive off of other people’s misery. Don’t give them what they want. Ignore them or rise above them. If you don’t feed the animal it will die. If someone bullies, I have always found it best to confront their need for bullying. I would thank them for their ability to point out the obvious, which only those in the shallow end of the pool consider important, and ask them to return when they’re able to look deeper. Bulling is not going to teach them to swim and, until they realize this, they will be forever relegated by society to the “kiddie” pool. They need love, understanding, and, most of all, honesty. They’ve probably never received any of them. They need the good “parent,” the moral mentor, they probably never had.

How can I deal with people who are extremely broken and sharing their feelings with me? 

How can I make them happy? You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. Be a mentor, lend an ear, but it is ultimately up to them to be responsible for their own happiness. Be their light in the darkness and an example of happiness for them to emulate.

Are these cowards really happy after they return kindness with hatred? 

Is there really happiness for them, in this unfounded act? It would also help to know which cowards you speak of. My favorite group is the League of the Perpetually Offended, who seem to find happiness in creating misery for others. They create or perceive offense in every little thing of life. One has to wonder what good in the world this energy might do if focused on some creative endeavor, like tolerance, peace, love, and understanding. If you find happiness in anything else I’d think you might want to exercise a bit of introspection.

Why are Americans becoming less happy? 

Have you been watching all the political backstabbing? We pay these people to do a job, not play games for four years on our dime. Then there is that lack of good education because we can’t fire teachers who don’t perform and the system that carries the student along. God forbid we should allow one student to excel and another to fail. Now we have participation awards, which isn’t teaching them how to succeed in life. How about we get back to basics and quit pushing this socialist agenda which will ultimately fail us anyway? How about we all stop being perpetually offended at every little thing and remind our children, and the adults, of everything we’re supposed to be happy for. If you don’t like this country you have a choice to make, the same choice everyone has had for a good many years: Love it or leave it. But, ultimately, everyone just needs to make a choice to be happy and allow others to do the same.

I'm always sad. I can still function normally, but it's always in the background. I can't remember the last time I was happy. Is this normal and if not, why do I feel this way? 

It isn’t “normal” and you shouldn’t feel that way. Only you can answer why you do. Happiness is a state of mind, a choice you must make to always be happy regardless of what happens around you. Find the drama making you sad and get rid of it.

Would you rather have everything but happiness or nothing but happiness?

Who would not want happiness, in some form? I would easily have to choose nothing but happiness! I could see having everything getting a bit boring after a while. I even question going to heaven where everything is perfect. I think I’d go a bit batty without a challenge, without an ability to fail, learn from failure, and come back to succeed.

Why do we sacrifice our own happiness for someone else's? 

Never sacrifice your own happiness for someone else’s happiness. You are not responsible for their happiness, they are. I made the conscious decision to give up my job to come and take care of my parents. I didn’t sacrifice my happiness, I change my definition to include them in it. Happiness is a state of mind and a choice you make. Never give up your happiness, change it to include others, and help others to be happy.

What can I do to be a happier person? 

I go to therapy because of my depression, but nothing works. Life isn’t difficult, we make it so. Depression is a result. Therapy is a great way of helping to find out why you are depressed. When you find out the why of your depression, get rid of it. Life is so much happier without all the drama we allow into it. Simplify your life and be just be happy. It is really that easy!

Must one forgive to be happy? 

Forgiveness lifts a weight of hatred from our shoulders that we may carry around for the rest of our lives. We need to learn to accept apologies we never receive. Not be able to forgive can eat away at us.

Have you learned more in your life from happiness or from misery?

I’m a firm believer that you learn more from failure than success, so I’d have to say misery probably fills that bill. Happiness just is. I’m not sure you can learn anything from happy except for the feeling of happiness. Misery, on the other hand, can teach you how not to be miserable… if you pay attention.

How do you deal with unhappiness in your life? 

You don’t struggle with what you do not embrace.

How can I be happy? 

Happiness is a frame of mind. You have to make the conscious decision to simply be happy! Life was never intended to be as complicated as we make it. Get rid of all the drama which you let into your life, all of the debt and emotion, all of the crap which you think prevents you from being happy, and then do what you want to do: Be happy!

Why do people make you go through hell to be happy? 

Why do you allow selfish people to put you through hell to achieve what you already have inside? Screw them, and just make the conscious decision to be happy regardless of their evil desire to put you through hell. Besides, it will probably piss them off when you don’t play along.

What is the color of happiness? 

I think I’m too busy being happy to have cared to pay attention. I’d probably hope for soft pastels, like “robin’s egg blue,” but then, who cares? Just revel in being happy. The color is insignificant.

Should I focus on making myself happy because no one else is bothered to make me happy?

Your happiness is not anyone else’s responsibility but yours. Yes, you should definitely focus all your attention on it. No one can walk your path but you, so take the first step. Smile!

Why are most people unhappy with their life, and what should they do to be happy in most parts of their life? 

Adult life, and even some childhood, are all about the choices we make. Good choices tend to get good consequences, and bad ones get bad consequences. Our lives, therefore, are truly what we make of them. If someone is unhappy they need to change their choices and make better ones. We need to be making choices that make us happy. If you have to make a choice that doesn’t, then make the most of it and be happy that you have the right to make the choice. Parents would be well served to teach this concept to their children. You can expect nothing unless you put effort into it, and even then its a crapshoot. Hope for the best, but be prepared for things to go south so you’ll still be happy regardless. Learn from your mistakes and don’t make them again. Life is all about learning, so learn to enjoy the process.

How can I be happy in the present forgetting about the past? 

The past is yesterday, so pay no more attention to it than a memory and a lesson. Pay attention to now, for this moment is how we will live the next. Be happy always!

What can you do to create internal happiness that’s not going to be stifled by an external stimulus? 

Just be happy. Why is everyone so concerned about anything else? Happiness is a state of mind and a choice you must make. Try to never let anything come between you and true happiness.

What is the best way to replace sadness with joy? 

Uh… go ahead and just replace it? Happiness is a state of mind and a choice. Make the conscious choice to not be sad. Be happy always!

Does forgiveness really bring happiness, and if so, how can we make ourselves forgive someone that really hurt us? 

Learn to accept the apology you were never given.

How can you be happy when you feel that actually nobody understands you or your feelings? 

Why do you care if anyone understands you? You are not here to make them happy, you are here to walk your own path. Stop letting others dictate your happiness. So much better to just be happy.

Why do we sometimes feel lost? 

How can we keep ourselves happy? Feeling lost is okay. I feel lost most of the time, and it makes me laugh. And that seems to be a good lead-in to the second part of your question. Don’t try to keep yourself happy. Get rid of all drama that surrounds you and pay attention to being happy all the time. Happiness is a state of mind and a conscious choice, so be happy always by being strong enough to fight off those who would try to drag you into their pit of misery.

“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.”

-- Cynthia Nelms, auth

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.