More Answers to Questions

“You spend your whole life looking for answers because you think the next answer will solve all your problems: make you a little less miserable, because when you run out of questions you don't just run out of answers... you run out hope.”

-- Pilot Episode - "House M.D." (2004)

Why does everything change?

“The only constant in life is change” -- Heraclitus (c. 500 BCE).  Actually, change is the only universal constant. There seems to be no such thing as an absolute unless we consider change, as change absolutely happens.  Even a “total vacuum” isn’t totally void of particles, evidencing that change even affects a vacuum. Everything goes through changes, grows, breaks down, or dies. Radioactive isotopes decay. Suns explode, and the universe continues to expand until it doesn’t. Everything is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is, once again.  It may look the same, but it really isn't.  Change is occurring at every moment.

When things are really bad and you are miserable and you have an opportunity to do something that will make things worse for everyone else but it will give you a glimpse of happiness and fulfillment, do you go for it?

Unless everyone else’s happiness is predicated on your misery, why would you even consider this? If their happiness is predicated on your misery, stop being miserable. That’ll teach them. We make a choice to allow misery to invade our lives. If people are using you and this makes you miserable, then make the choice to get rid of that little piece of drama from your life. Divorce yourself from associating with selfish people who use you for their own happiness. Happiness is a choice each of us must make for ourselves, and our happiness should not rely on others. Just choose to be happy, and then go about making it so.

“There are some questions that shouldn't be asked until a person is mature enough to appreciate the answers.”

-- Anne Bishop, author

Is there such a thing as multiple opportunities or people that could be “the one” throughout your life like can multiple people you’ll meet in life have the sure-fire ability to be that special person you’ll last throughout life with just curious?

At 66 years of age, I’m talking to several of them about missed opportunities, how things might have changed lives, made things better. I still love them all, even the one I divorced and learned to forgive. Life is a crapshoot. You take your best shot at happiness. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you leave knowing you still have money in your pocket and another shot at life. Who you’re with is not as important as that you loved at all, multiple times, as long as you really felt for them. Better we try and fail, and live to try again, being happy always.

I seem to come across so many negativity these days, and its really taking its toll, so what has been the most positive thing that has happened to you today and how do you stay positive within such a negative environment?

First of all, positivity is all about happiness. Happiness is all about making the right choices in this life. Ignore the negativity, unless you can make some impact to mitigate it. Don’t concern yourself over things that you have little or no control. Find an environment that isn’t negative. I have a cigar bar that I frequent, where we can talk about any topic and still have a beer afterward and part friends. If you don’t have this, you need to get rid of who you’re with. Happiness is a choice we make, and it requires us to structure our lives to accept it. At first, you may find yourself alone, until you learn to be happy always. Being happy always will piss off many of the League of the Perpetually Offended. Well, boo hoo! Sucks being them.

“I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone's hand.”

-- Benjamin Alire Sáenz, poet, author

 How easy is it to just do the right thing?

Sometimes it isn’t that easy, but it is the right thing. It always seems easier to take the easy road, but then you have to deal with yourself. You will always know you didn’t do what you should have. This can be a terrible weight to bear. Now, don’t do the right thing always and see how the weight multiplies. Better to just do the right thing always, regardless of what it takes. In this way, you can strive to be happy always.

In what situations is it not worth hesitating?

Life and death. Hesitation when it concerns fight or flight might be worth consideration, but life and death could be more costly. 

How many times did you choose the wrong way? Can you explain what did you do to turn back to the right way?

Many times. Not that I was a dull tool, I just had issues with taking sound advice from credible sources. I had a hard time recognizing that being intelligent was not the same thing as being smart. I was, however, smart enough to admit my mistakes, learn from them, and go back to the fork in the road to correct it. I learned that failure is not something to hide from, or not to admit. Failure is the best way to learn, and I learned plenty over the past 66 years. Making mistakes is about making the right choices, and making choices is about being human. Even intelligent people make mistakes. Admitting mistakes makes you honest and ethical... smart. Correcting your mistakes evidences how smart you are, but mentoring others concerning your mistakes is an intelligent path to fulfillment and happiness.

“To ask the 'right' question is far more important than to receive the answer. The solution of a problem lies in the understanding of the problem; the answer is not outside the problem, it is in the problem.”

-- Jiddu Krishnamurti (1895-1996), philosopher, speaker, writer

How can you be exemplary as a leader without imposing yourself as a model?

I think Donald Trump is a good example of this. I love what he has done to make this country great again. As a leader, I think he has done well, but as a role model, he sucks. His mouth gets him into much trouble, as do his non-stop tweets. He does speak what’s on the mind of most American’s, but sometimes not everything needs to be thrown out there with such blatant honesty. Not everyone is mature enough to handle this tact, especially not the League of the Perpetually Offended.

Who are some historians that you feel don't get enough credit?

Any honest “historian” who wants to teach real history, won't get the credit they deserve, much less get tenure. Most historians teach a tainted “version” of history. This has been going on for some time. Institutions of learning don’t really want honest history taught so they allow "instructors" to teach an editorialized version of it. Now, it seems, there is also a move to remove math and cursive writing from the curriculum. The reason for this is pretty clear for those who have ears to hear: Of what use is any of this to a communist ideology? Good question, especially when you understand, from history, that any hidden agenda of communist indoctrination is a dangerous road to follow.

“People who fit don’t seek. The seekers are those that don’t fit.”

-- Shannon L. Alder, author

How did people in the past live, compared to people living in the present?

The vast majority worked hard to get by. There was no “welfare” allowing them to sit on their hind parts and take advantage of everyone else’s hard work. Back then, you worked hard or you probably died. This is a great motivator. The majority of migrant farm labor wasn’t done by Mexicans, and men traveled across the country to help build dams and other infrastructure projects for the little money they could send back home. Of course, back then, there were no laws prohibiting unskilled labor, either. Have you seen anyone with a bucket or broom going door to door asking if they can wash windows, sweep a store, or weed a garden? That’s because if they hurt themselves they will own you when the lawyers are done. This makes it very hard for anyone really wanting to work in order to better their lot and build the country up, instead of leeching off of society.

When did you decide you don’t have to prove anything to the world?

When I became a Master Sergeant and officers from other bases were calling to ask my interpretation of regulations. I came to the realization early on, that what other people think is just a critique of the good job you think you’re doing. If the critique is negative you have to consider their reasons and determine if you have to tweak your processes. If it is positive you have to ask yourself if you agree with their conclusion and, if not, why not. Never think you know everything; once you do, you've fallen into a trap.  But, the only person you have to prove yourself to is you, so be honest with yourself. Everyone else?  Well, they're just part of your “quality control” section.

“The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and I am not quite sure that I know that.”

-- Socrates (c. 470-399 BC), philosopher

What communication skills are needed in planning?

Be clear and concise about everything. Let people around you ask questions for clarification and, remember, there are no stupid questions, not if you’ve chosen the right team. Be open-minded to concerns and be opened to change. When you think the planning is complete, it isn’t. Go over it again. Have your team go over it again. If the plan is for another group, have them go over it again. Then, expect the plan to go south and have an alternate “Plan B” ready. Always hope for the best and plan for the worst.

One of my friends thinks that being an adult is about doing what you want, when you want, at all times, but isn't more about realizing that you have liberty, but still have to be responsible and you still have to do things like chores?

Absolutely true! It is about so much more. What we see happening in America today, with riots and cities burning, police being defunded, history being torn down, is basically an anarchist takeover of our freedom. This is what your friend is destined for.

Being an adult is about being mature. Being able to discuss constructive solutions to important issues, and determine if the issues are really important enough to discuss. These riots were about the death of a black man by a bad cop. We all saw it. We all agreed he murdered the man. Burning cities proved what, other than your friend got to do whatever he wanted? No. You have to be responsible. You have to look at where we were and how far we’ve come. We aren’t perfect, and maybe never will be, but we are trying. It is a lot easier to try as mature adults than as murdering anarchists that divide a country and accomplish nothing… but setting us back 20 years

“Lots of things are mysteries. But that doesn't mean there isn't an answer to them. It's just that scientists haven't found the answer yet.”

-- Mark Haddon, author

Does time have depth? If so, how can it be represented or explained?

I’ll give you my thought and let the physicists rip it apart. Time is a human construct developed to give structure to this existence. Time, for all the stress it gives us, does not really exist. What is in the past is done, memories of the lessons we have learned. The future does not exist until it does, and then it is the present. Each moment is a gift for each of us. A new moment in which to excel in this reality we call life. I try not to stress over this thing we call time, even though, like most of us, I was programmed to live by it. Better to just be happy always. 

“Google can bring you back 100,000 answers. A librarian can bring you back the right one.”

-- Neil Gaiman, author

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center. 

More Questions & Answers

“To seek truth requires one to ask the right questions. Those void of truth never ask about anything because their ego and arrogance prevent them from doing so. Therefore, they will always remain ignorant. Those on the right path to Truth are extremely heart-driven and childlike in their quest, always asking questions, always wanting to understand and know everything — and are not afraid to admit they don't know something. However, every truth seeker does need to breakdown their ego first to see Truth. If the mind is in the way, the heart won't see anything.”

-- Suzy Kassem, writer, poet, philosopher

What is the simple technique to overcome insecure feelings and insecure behaviors when making decisions in day-to-day life?

Understand that failure is the best teacher. It is the way we really learn the lessons we were put here to learn. Through failure, we learn to be careful, to research, and to plan our actions and choices carefully for better outcomes. Choices and decisions are what life is all about. We must learn to lose with grace and understanding, be happy to win with the same attitudes, and mentor others to do the same. More than this, however, we need to learn to keep all drama from our lives. Be happy always!

What is your life advice for someone who thinks they already know what they want to do?

You’ll never stop thinking until you do it. You have to take the first step.

How do I completely focus on the present moment?

Wrap your mind around the human concept of time, and then understand time does not exist. Yesterday are lessons we succeeded in or failed at but, either way, we learned valuable information for this moment. Tomorrow does not exist , as the future is a figment of our imagination until it arrives… if it arrives.

So, don’t concern yourself with what has happened; what is done is done. Learn the lessons taught to you from it. Don’t concern yourself with a future that does not exist; what will be will be. Concern yourself with this moment, as it is all you really have any control over. Make good decisions and, hopefully, you will have good outcomes. Always hope for the best, but you must plan at this moment for what you hope. Stay focused on the presnt! Remember, it is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is, again. Be happy always!

Do you think you can be anything you want to be?

I think you can be whatever is within your power to become. Obviously, some positions, like elected offices, require you to be chosen by others, but you can become whatever you want to be if you have the talent, education, drive, and support to get there. The only thing holding you back would be you.

What small daily action can improve everyone’s life?

I start each day thanking God for the gift of another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in this life. Start each day being thankful for the gift of life because the gift you get is up to you to make the most of. If you wallow in misery it is a choice you make to either remain there or to lift yourself up. Once you have made the choice to be thankful for life, to not be perpetually offended by every little thing, and to keep drama from your doorstep, you will find it so much easier to be happy always!

What's the most unbelievable thing that has ever happened in the history of mankind that makes it difficult to grasp the reality that the event occurred?

The resurrection story of Jesus Christ.

What kind of actions do you do that give you leadership?

Step up to the challenge. Choose good people for their abilities, knowledge, and attitude, not because you like them. Listen to the ideas of your team and communicate clearly. Be firm but fair in counseling and critique. Give credit where it is due and always strive to be humble. Never ask anyone to do what you would not do yourself or haven’t already done. Your people need to know you have their back, your support. Always back up your people when things go south; you are, after all, the one in charge. Admit your own mistakes and shortcomings so those around you will feel free to admit theirs, as well. 

How do you react to little things that really matter?

I think the first thing we have to do is define those little things that really matter, and those may be different for each of us. For me, selfless acts of kindness, charity, politeness, and the like, make me smile. These acts are evidence to me that the League of the Perpetually Offended is well offset by good people who rise above pettiness with respect and understanding to address issues better solved together with constructive conversation, ideas, and balance.

“Don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to.”

-- John Henry Reese  (1910-1981), auth

How can you differentiate between that you must keep going and not give up to succeed or it's not working for you, you need to change the path to succeed in something different?

This is simple - when I stop having fun. If I’m not enjoying the challenge anymore, why continue along the path, unless it is teaching me something valuable or assisting someone else to succeed? If it isn’t working for me, it becomes pretty obvious to me. My path has had many forks in it, and each one has new lessons. I may revisit something that wasn’t working for me if I get new skills that allow me to enjoy succeeding in it.

If thoughts can be dictated by emotions, are conscience and free will from outside of the mind?

I think conscience and free will are thoughts dictated by emotions, and emotions are dictated by external stimuli or the lack of it. If this is true, then nothing but stimuli are from outside the mind, unless it is imagined. I’m not sure what can be imagined that doesn’t have its roots in something outside the mind.

Can you identify and describe the exact moment or decision that drastically changed your life course forever? Would you go back and change it if you could?

My ugly divorce from a twenty-year marriage. It changed my “life course” for the better. I have stayed out of debt and recovered financially, retired from a second career, and met women who taught me to forgive and love again. Even if I could, I wouldn’t change anything except to ensure the children were better protected financially. What happened isn’t for me, entirely, to change. It was a marriage of unrequited love. You have to know how to love, to forgive, and to not be offended at every little thing, or there is no chance of changing anything, including your own life.

I (18 male) hate being gay. I feel like I‘ll never be accepted and it makes me extremely depressed. What can I do?

Make mad, passionate, love to a beautiful woman. Then, the rest is history, if you want it to be. Life is all about the choices we embrace.

You’ve been assigned the task of making 2021 a worse year than 2020. How do you accomplish this without destroying the planet?

The Obama presidency. Of course, there will be racist, liberal, dissenters who feel the party of the KKK and Jim Crow deserve another chance. How much sense doe it make to support the party that made the noose a necessity, instead of the party who died to free slaves?  How about going with the only party that has actually fought for emancipation and equal rights? You know, the non-plantation owners; the party of Lincoln. Slavery never ended… the color of the master changed. Wake up, America!

What does taking responsibility for the consequences of your own actions look like?

It looks like honesty. It evidences that you are big enough to take responsibility for what you cause and not blame others. This is also the sign of a great manager. Life is about making choices, and if you feel confident enough to make a choice, you better be prepared for if the choice goes wonky on you. You will garner no respect by shifting blame or not accepting responsibility for your own actions.

Happiness is about making the right choices and keeping drama from your life. If you make the wrong choice, you’ve invited half the drama in. If you deny your responsibility, you invite the other half in. Better to admit your error, mitigate the effect by trying to fix it, or asking for help, learn from it, and get that drama behind you so you can focus on being happy always.

“The secrets of the universe aren't really secrets. It's just that humanity is too subjugated by their blissful ignorance to ask the right questions. When you have all of the answers, but are unable to ask any questions to them, then all you have are secrets.”

-- Lionel Suggs, author

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center. 

Still More Questions

The next in my series of answers to questions put before me.  If you desire to read the other posts, please follow these links:  A Question of Happiness and More Questions

Why hasn’t that big moment taken place yet? I have given and now I have nothing to give anymore.

And still, you wait. Did you give with the expectation of getting something in return? When you learn to give selflessly, this is when you will truly realize your reward.

To what end are you destined?

That will be determined many lifetimes from now. In the meantime, I will try to learn the lessons God puts before me, strive to be happy always, and excel, as much as I can, in this life.

Why is problem-solving a problem for most people?

Who teaches problem-solving? This would require parenting by parents who were taught problem-solving. If people understood problem-solving the jails and prisons would be empty, and most of us would have degrees from prestgious universities.

There are ways to learn it, however. Sports, music, the military, games, and the like. I spent over 20 years in military intelligence, so problem-solving was my forte. At 66 years of age, I now play online games, like Freecell, that require problem-solving skills. Chess would be another great way to learn.

Exactly what horrible things are going on around the world as of June 2020?

Uh... Covid-19 comes to mind.

What would be the biggest human mistake in history that could be easily avoided?

Abortion. The killing of innocence for no good legal or medical reason. We simply make the choice to respect life, especially the innocent who have no voice and no means to protect themselves.

How does one learn to adapt to change better?

First, you need to embrace the philosophy that change is the only universal constant. Everything changes, even if it doesn’t seem so. Understand why the change is happening, and don’t fret over those things of which you have little or no control. If you don’t like the change, you have a choice to let someone know or walk away. Personally, I found the complaining rarely has any effect on the change and just makes it more difficult to adapt. Better to embrace it, help make it a smooth transition, and move forward being happy always.

Have you dramatically changed in some way since the onset of the shelter in place order?

Immediately after the quarantine, I started playing solitaire, MS Freecell, specifically. Since starting, I’ve played 1,680 hands with a win percentage of 100% - no losses as of Level 361. This has garnered me the title of Silver Grandmaster 13, so far. This and a buck still won’t buy me a cup of coffee. Other than this, it’s just like another beautiful vacation in paradise.

Is there anything wrong with hard, even obsessive, work?

Not if it makes you exceedingly happy. If it doesn’t, I’d be looking for a hobby… or a hot companion.

What are some practical applications for “work smarter not harder”?

Don’t carry what you can much better haul more of in a wheelbarrow.

And the same question phrased differently, as was my answer:
What are the best examples of working smart versus working hard?

One is all you need. I've answered this before, but it bears repeating: Using a wheelbarrow to haul more than you can possibly carry so you can finish earlier and go have a cold beer.

What are the best steps to get past indecision?

Weigh all of the pros and cons, make the best choice you can and throw it out there. The best way to get past indecision is to decide. Life is a crapshoot. Take a gamble. 

Do you pick friends that have the same level of social and economical status as you do?

No. How shallow is that? Friends come in all colors, sizes, social and economic status. I have friends because I like them, not because I judge them. I will get into serious arguments with them over religion and politics but, at the end of it all, we have another drink and always part friends. It keeps life interesting.

What is okay now but was unacceptable twenty years ago?

Being rude comes to mind. Not holding the door for someone, helping someone with their bags at a store, and basically being polite, all seems to have gone out the window. The “me” generation is a disappointment. People want others to do for them and they don’t even have the courtesy to say thank you. If it was unacceptable, there was a reason. It was rude.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

What Is Not There

Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;

It is the center hole that makes it useful.

Shape clay into a vessel;

It is the space within that makes it useful.

Cut doors and windows for a room;

It is the holes which make it useful.

Therefore profit comes from what is there;

Usefulness from what is not there.

-- Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - Chapter 11

I read Taoist and Zen philosophy for a reason, it makes sense to me.  There are stories that actually teach life and how to live in it.  I've heard people tell me that it makes little sense to them, and then I explain it.  Don't overthink it.  It was written so everyone can get something from it.  Philosophy reminds me of the biblical "Ten Commandments" in its simplicity, and then we write scripture to try and explain what was never difficult to understand.  We obfuscate the obvious.  The scripture is what's difficult, the Commandments were never meant to be.  Any scripture must be explained and the explanation depends on the hidden agenda of the clergy explaining it, the control a religious sect feels it has the right to exercise against its own congregation.  This is how good philosophy becomes corrupted.  I do not approve of organized religion.  However, the original philosophies behind peaceful religions, I have no issue with.  Bad leadership is the issue I have.  But, I digress.

The Tao Te Ching states, "Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub; It is the center hole that makes it useful. Shape clay into a vessel; It is the space within that makes it useful. Cut doors and windows for a room; It is the holes which make it useful. Therefore profit comes from what is there; Usefulness from what is not there."  When people are confused about the Bible, I tell them to put it aside and pay attention to their heart, after all, the only true Word of God intended for us is what God handed down - the Ten Commandments.  The profit from scripture comes from what is there; the usefulness from what is not there.  The usefulness of anything comes from the intent.  The intent of a window is to see through it; the hub, a hole to put the axel into; the vessel, a void to fill with water and such; and as for scripture, the intent is faith.

Communication can be this way.  Communication is all about the intent, and often times the intent isn't as clearly obvious as it should be.  When we talk to people we need to listen for what isn't being said, in order to understand what they truly want us to hear.  The facade of a smile can hide pain within.

At 66 years of age, I am still learning.  I am learning that, as a young man, what I left unsaid to those I loved was also left unsaid by those who loved me.  We never knew our mutual love for each other existed.  How our lives might have been different; in some ways good, and in others not so much.  In someway our lives would have been richer, in others, children and grandchildren, with us now, would not have been born or, perhaps, have been born of different parents.  What was not there was honest communication.  The void was not filled, was not useful.

We hear, but we seldom listen, and when we listen, we seldom hear.  We hear when a noise occurs.  We hear better when our name is mentioned.  We selectively ignore until it concerns us, and then we listen and truly pay attention.  How selfish is this?

What makes me useful is what isn't there.  My hearing is shot.  This is useful in that I must truly pay attention to you and ask you to repeat what isn't heard and then repeat back to ensure I understand.  I ask questions and I'm corrected, constantly.  And, yet, everyone talks to me like I can hear them.  They selfishly do not speak up and feel free to continue this game.  It becomes aggravating.  I could get "hearing" aids.  Why?  They aren't called "listening" aids.  And, at this point, giving people an excuse to not speak up will not help my hearing.

When I worked in an office late one evening, one of the women came in and spoke to me in a low voice from the door.  I told her to come closer so I could hear her.  As she got closer, she began whispering.  Really?  What was the intent of you coming closer?  To fill the void with sound!

I was asked a question recently, about how to think out of the box.  Learn to pay close attention to what is not there.  Your methodology in the box is not solving the problem.  You have looked and decided your "toolbox" is missing what is needed to complete the task.  The entire point of thinking out of the box is because the solution you're looking for is not in the box.  Truly, you have made a decision that what you think is useful is not there.  The void must be filled from outside the box.  Now, go find it.  But, even thinking outside the box, you must use the same problem-solving methodology to find this "new tool" and fill the void in the box.  The new "tool" you seek might simply be an issue with your methodology.  Either way, the void becomes useful when it is filled with new information and or a better methodology, or both.

I often find what is useful is not there.  I find being alone is the most useful time I have.  What is not there is a distraction, and I fill that void with my mind.

And, yes, it is a very small void.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

More Questions

I've been frequenting a site where questions are put to the readers. If you answer some of these questions, people can then ask for you specifically to answer their questions. To date, I have responded to over 2000 requests for my answers to questions put before me by people worldwide. My answers are being upvoted and shared numerous times by readers and followers. I humbly assume my answers must strike an acceptable chord. Unfortunately, this also means there is no shortage of questions being directed to me. I started posting some of these questions and answers (see "A Question of Happiness") when I had no idea what to write about on the blog, but it seems people like reading them, so I will continue to occasionally post some of them. Please feel free to let me know what you think:

Is there such a thing as your real self or does your self change as time passes and given the circumstances you are in?

It is what it is until it isn’t and then it is what it is, once again. My real self constantly changes, recognizing change as the only constant. I remain my “real” self, throughout.

Do you have any advice that could change your life in an unimaginable way?

Learn to be happy always! Oh, you said my life? Well since I already learned this, my answer stands. Learn to be happy always!

What is the most unfair advantage a person can have?

In what area of challenge? It really makes a difference. All things being equal, except the advantage, in gambling it might be well funded to bet. In a beauty contest, being knock-dead gorgeous. To be a surgeon, a steady hand. It really depends on the challenge.

What is the meaning behind the quote “When you finally learn that a person's behavior has more to do with their own internal struggle than you, you learn grace”?

It’s not always about you? When you realize your desires are selfish, you begin to see the reality of those around you; their struggles. You start looking behind the facade of a smile, into their eye, and the pain that lies beyond. When you learn to listen, you begin to care, you tend to find grace. 

What are the pros and cons of having a higher social status?

The pros are obviously egotistical. The cons, well, obviously have to do with the downside of being egotistical. Better to just be happy always and let the socialites feed off themselves. The higher you rise, the longer the fall.

What are the measures of freedom?

How much you’re willing to risk, to give up, in order to maintain it. Are you willing to die for it? Will you let your children willingly die for it?

Do you still get stuck in your past mistakes instead of leaving them behind?

No. Mistakes are nothing more than opportunities to learn. I would be wary of hiring a person who thinks they never make mistakes or one who refuses to own them. We all make mistakes, but we must also learn from them so we mitigate the possibility of repeating them. Learn from your mistakes and move forward. 

Does the reason why behind every action really matter? How?

Yes! We already know what happened, where and when, and usually how. Somewhere in there, we will find out if there is a who involved. But, the “why” can explain so much more about it. If it is something directly related to a particular person, we will usually find out that the why is directly related to a decision they made or didn’t make and should have. The “why” of something is so much more important than anything else.

How do I achieve personal freedom?

Stay out of debt, keep drama out of your life, and learn to be happy always. It has worked for me.

How do you choose when you have to make a split-second decision and you can’t do anything?

The question itself is confusing, so any decision will probably be wrong. Split-seconds allow no time to consider options. I hate it when a salesman says this deal is only good for a set time.  I tell them I'll consider it over the weekend and get back to them on Monday.  If they balk, they lose the deal, I really don't care.  If a deal is good now, it will be good later, or you don't need it.  In the vevent of an emergency, on the other hand, the choice you’ll have to make is going to be based your ability to think fast to determine right from wrong and how fast you’re able to act afterward. Having said this, however, you also state “and you can’t do anything” which puts you in a pickle. If you truly can’t do anything, then don’t waste precious time - go find someone who can. 

How do I become an outside the box thinker and figure out puzzles and problems faster?

Play solo strategy games. When we were forced to stay secluded due to COVID-19 I started playing MS Freecell solitaire. I’ve reached Level 361 and the title of Silver Grandmaster 13 after playing a total of 1,678 hands with no losses. My best time was one minute, forty-four seconds, and my worst was a couple of hours. What you learn playing this is there is always a solution, you simply have to work it out.   If you lose, you simply didn't think it through. When the hand takes an inordinate amount of time, I walk away from it for a night and the answer jumps out at me the next morning as a route I didn’t see. After w while it becomes easier to see those strategies. Thinking out of the box is an ability to admit there is always an answer, you simply have to open your mind to all possibilities. Don’t ever say never or can’t, if you do you are defeated before you begin. 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Crayons

They say my love is like chalk,
that I can write it on
and erase it whenever I choose. 
But, they're wrong. 
I use crayons.

Someone, probably my ex-wife, once told me that love can be switched off.  If you don't love someone anymore, just flip the switch.  No harm, no foul.  And then they said I knew what that was like, didn't I?  After I heard this, I went to my room and wrote this verse, "They say my love is like chalk, that I can write it on and erase it whenever I choose.  But, they're wrong.  I use crayons."  I guess, in this respect, I'm old-school.  I didn't do well in school.

I'm an idiot.  Like most of us, I have loved more than a few times in my life, many of them for all the wrong reasons.  I finally started calling it, "falling in lust" just to make myself feel better when it all fell apart, and it would, sooner than later.  I used to try and remember the names, but I was lousy at remembering names; always have been.  The faces I remember.  The emotion I remember.  And the feeling of having my heart crushed under their stomping heel, I remember.  I still love them all, in my own way.  I did say I'm an idiot, right?

After a while, you give up.  You begin to realize what you're looking for in a relationship isn't what you were put here for.  You begin your search for something greater.  You leave what you know behind.  You begin to search the world over.  You search the bars, the nightclubs, the "exotic" side of nightlife, looking for the reason.  Is this all there is?  And, once again, what you ultimately find isn't what you were really looking for.  You have to ask the right question - "Why?"  

For a few of the weaker among us, it happens like a murder mystery, one dark and stormy night.  You finally "find" yourself.  You find yourself on your knees in a candlelit living room, in a house someone let you use until you get back on your feet from the nasty divorce.  You're probably french kissing a gun barrel, wondering if you actually have the cajones to pull the trigger and ruin your friend's expensive furniture.  

You're looking for a reason to do it; like there aren't too many to choose from already.  I mean, you've determined, with little evidence, life as you know it is over.  You've chosen the how, and the when is at hand.  Now you're asking yourself what pulling the trigger will prove, and to whom?  Your mind wanders as you try to put it all together.  A little pain, a little pleasure.  Like the memory of a stinging slap, you suddenly "find" yourself.  You feel your cheek and smile.  You realize you can't answer why you're contemplating the end of life if you can't answer the other questions honestly.  Unlike good journalism, which nobody practices anymore, the story lacks an element of honest cohesion.  You will pull the trigger to validate all the lies you've told yourself.  

Life is complicated, but it is life.  Life is all about choices we must make for ourselves.  We determine who we work for, who we marry, what investments we buy, how to mentor our children, if we join the military, and so on.  It is our choice to do these things.  It is also our choice to end it all.  Of course, if I'm right, you will end up right back at birth to try it all again and see if the outcome is different; see if you learn the lessons you were supposed to learn in life to help you not repeat this one and make it into the next life.  What?  you thought suicide was a free pass?  Be real.

There is no erasing our history.  We carry it like so much baggage we are afraid to part with.  We write our emotions with crayon, India ink, or permanent marker.  Chalk is not available and, if you do find some, you will surely go insane using it  We haunt ourselves with the memories of those we knew, still know and, if we're really twisted upstairs, those we will soon come to know.  We write what will happen in the uncertain next moment on the back of a napkin in the nightclub of our mind, and then go about making it come true... if we can.  Love?  Sure, but I'm an idiot, remember?  Like most of us, I have loved more than a few times in my life, and I may again, many of them for all the wrong reasons.  You can't really plan love, it just happens.  It doesn't have to involve intimacy.  You can love your friends dearly.  

But, I will love them all, regardless, and I don't use chalk.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.