Father's Day: Time to "Man Up" - Revisited

I originally wrote the post Father's Day: Time to "Man Up" on May 28, 2014, to get a jump on this year's celebration of fatherhood.  It occurred to me, upon reflection, that I missed addressing the obvious "at risk" population - the forgotten children, or the abused children wishing they would be forgotten.  How do they "celebrate" the day?  Do they even care anymore?

One would think this is a question that requires a delicate touch, and nothing could be farther than the truth.  Ask a real father; ask a man.  For a real father this is a very simple question.  Just as a mother feels for all children, a father can be a father to all children.  A father can mentor any child.  A father can protect any child.  A father can show a father's love to any child.  The child simply needs to ask.  Of course, in today's age of rampant perversion, it is incumbent upon a father to address this situation with the child's mother or guardian and go from there.  A real man would never consider harming a child.

We are, after all, not that far removed from apes and monkeys.  Watching these societies can teach us much about how to raise our own young.  I am always amazed, as I watch a nature films on these populations, at how closely related we really are.  Some would point out we have progressed so far beyond our simian roots, we have forgotten how to treat each other as one large extended family.  But have we really progressed?  Predatory males from outside the group occasionally raid in order to woo, or rape, an unsuspecting female leaving her to raise the offspring.  If we see that this activity seems to mirror humanity, one would hope we would also follow the simian societal value of accepting, mentoring, and protecting the offspring, regardless of their origin.  We humans are capable of this same behavior.  Have we forgotten?  If so, how sad is this for us, and how much sadder for the children.

Are we our brother's keeper?  I have issues with this.  Are we our children's keeper?  Absolutely!  Do not visit the sins of the mother or father upon the children.  The children are our future; they cannot control the idiots that give them life.  Most importantly, I think it is incumbent upon all real men to protect children, all children, not just their own.  The options if we don't can be frightening for the child as predators abound in our society.

If you do nothing else on your journey, consider mentoring a fatherless child.  Give them hope, a role model, and a rock to use as a foundation for their future, and for ours.  They will love you for your effort, and your caring heart.  They will not soon forget.

Now, Father's Day: "Man Up" Revisited:

"It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father."

-- Pope John XXIII 

And, with this statement, herein lies the problem with our society today:  Males not acting like fathers or just outright abandoning their children and their responsibilities.  I use the term "males" here as it pertains to the sex of the individual.  The fact that they don't live up to their responsibilities as a father, makes them so much less of a man as to cause other real men to shun them as cowards.  So, let us be clear on this point:  If you shun your responsibility as a father you are a coward, period!  There is no excuse that can make this right.  If the mother prevents you from being a father and you are not constantly in court fighting for your rights, you are also a lazy coward.  NO EXCUSE!

Our young people today are failing, and it can, for the most part, be traced back to lack of a male parent taking responsibility.  If you are a man and know a male that falls into this category, you have a responsibility as a man to tell him he needs to man up and do the right thing.  As a man you need to take action and make sure he understands how he is failing himself as a man, and the child as a father.  There is absolutely nothing more important in our lives than the children, and anybody that abuses or neglects their child is a criminal and I personally think they should be castrated so they cannot have more.  But, then, I take a much harder line on this for the sake of the abused children and because our legal system is a joke.

"Be a dad.  Don't be "Mom's Assistant"...Be a man...Fathers have skills that they never use at home.  You run a business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old?  Take it on.  Spend time with your kids...It won't take away your manhood, it will give it to you.

-- Louis C.K.

My dad was a good father.  He taught me values, occasionally at the expense of my butt cheeks as he laid a two inch leather belt across them while telling me how much more it was hurting him.  It took me becoming a father to understand what he meant.  Child abuse, you say?  No.  I deserved every bit of it.  I firmly believe if he hadn't done everything he did, I wouldn't be here today.  I was a seriously, high active, handful.  Mom constantly put herself between us as I got older; fearing that one of us would go too far.

"My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it."

-- Quentin Crisp

I remember her putting the fear of God in me one day saying, "Wait until your father gets home!"  He came home and I locked myself in the bathroom, forgetting you can open it with an icepick in the little hole.  I realized it, almost too late, as the door knob jiggled and I had one leg out the window.  The door flew open, I leaped to freedom, and I could hear my dad yelling behind me the inevitable truth:  I would have to come home sometime.  And, as usual, he was always right.  Through all of this another inevitable truth was constant:  I loved my father with all my heart.

As a child he always took me fishing, hunting, and camping.  He taught me the rudimentary aspects of survival that would be built upon during my military career.  He was "engaged" in my life.  When I had my motorcycle accident in high school and damned near killed myself, he chewed my ass for scaring mom half to death, and made sure I got the best of care.  I knew I had scared him as well.  When I signed up for the Air Force, he fell asleep in his chair with the recruiting brochures open on his chest with fond memories of his own time in the Air Force.

What Is A Dad? 

A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again. 

A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt. 

A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail...

- Unknown

Good, bad, or indifferent, my dad was present; he was engaged.  He is the rock I learned values from.  He is the man I tried to grow up to be.  I succeeded in many ways and failed in a few as well.  He says I have always made him proud.  I would like to think that is true.  I would like to think that, returning to be with him in his later years proves this.  I can think of nothing else I would rather do.  He is, after all, my father.  I love him dearly.

I would also like to think that I was at least half the father he was.  I'm not sure if I measured up.  My son says I have nothing to be ashamed of.  He may be right as both of my children have turned out so much better than I could have ever dreamed.  I hope I had some small hand it that, especially with my daughter as the only thing she ever wanted to be was a mother, and she has aced that.

"The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, "Daddy, I need to ask you something," he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan."

-- Garrison Keillor

I will be back home again, in Mississippi, when Father's Day roles around on June 15.  Back home where I now belong.  Back home with my parents, to help them and enjoy them for the time we have left together, and I hope it is a long time.

I will take my dad fishing, and I may even take him hunting or camping.  I know I will be taking him on "foodie" road trips.  We will bond again, as father and son, and make new memories to last a lifetime.  This is what a father does, and this is what a son owes his father.

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."

-- Charles Wadsworth