Questioning Self-Care, Expectation, Failure, Insecurity, Attitude, and Anger

 

“If you want to help her, you need to help yourself first. No one serves their friends by grinding themselves into dust on the altar of compassion.”

-- Seanan McGuire

 

What are some things you do for your form of self-care?

Bourbon, meditation, and to be truly happy always, and in all things, regardless of my circumstances.

How do you help others without expectation, but they must not judge you about anything?

If I’m helping them it is selflessly, and without expectation. I also don’t expect them to judge me, but that is their tact, not mine. If they judge me, their judgment is on them. I can only hope it is a positive judgment.

Do you know what your responsibilities and the operator's responsibilities are?

I’m not completely stupid. What are we talking about?

To what extent is the concept of ditching boring things a bad idea?

I would be careful about ditching the “boring” wife who loves her husband dearly. The husband made this mistake and it is up to him to make it right by helping her to be an exciting spouse.

How do successful people think?

Successfully?

 What is a strategy as a process?

The “strategy” can be how you plan to implement a process. The “strategy” can be to plan the process. The “strategy” can be how you plan to market an end product of the process. The “strategy” is a plan, no matter where it falls in the process model. Any plan made without strategy is at risk of failing, and a process with no strategy is at risk of failing.

“You’ve got to think about big things while you’re doing small things, so that all the small things go in the right direction.”

-- Alvin Toffler

Is it better to fail than not try at all?

Failure and mistakes are the best way we learn. Perseverance in the face of failure is the trick. It isn’t that you fail, it’s what you do with the failure that counts in life.

I'm 25 years old. Will I be able to navigate through life?

You are 25. It seems you’ve been navigating through life, so far. Keep it up.

What role has your emotional intelligence played in recognizing and diffusing bullying situations before they escalate? Please give specific examples of your emotional intelligence if you can.

I had just started high school and was being bullied constantly. It wasn’t going to stop, and I knew this. I picked up a tree branch and almost killed the little shit before my friend peeled me off of him. My “emotional intelligence” told me to stand up for myself. I got my ass beat several more times, but I never ran from the fight. Emotional intelligence? I served 23 years in military intelligence, does that count?  

Why are people who answer Quora questions such bad-tempered, miserable geriatrics?

I resemble that remark, you judgmental little so-and-so.

What do you do if someone is calling you a bad person when you're really not?

Ask them to cite when you’ve been a “bad person” and what you did that was so bad to deserve their ridicule. If you have done nothing, it should shut them up. If they have evidence, you have some introspection to do.

Is it possible for a poor person to be a friend with a rich person?

Even rich people need true friends. I doubt they’ll find them in their “click” though.

“There's always something to do if you don't have to work or consider the cost. It's no real fun but the rich don't know that. They never had any. They never want anything very hard except maybe somebody else's wife and that's a pretty pale desire compared with the way a plumber's wife wants new curtains for the living room.”

-- Raymond Chandler

What is your biggest insecurity? Is that something you can solve?

Dying alone. I make a lot of friends and never go anywhere alone.

What is the meaning behind someone telling you that you deserve better than what they can offer?

It is self-explanatory. If someone tells me that they deserve better than I offer, they must believe it. Tearing their ego down won’t win me points.

Who's the best personality of all time?

George Burns.

What do you expect to want?

At my age? A much younger woman who likes threesomes. I don’t expect to want anything at my age. Stuff just complicates life, and people bring their baggage with them. I don’t want anything, especially stuff and baggage.

What kind of people should be part of your “close group of confidantes”?

The retired military. We’ve been through the same hell for longer than most.

What does it mean when someone says, “Money can't buy everything.”?

Money can’t buy true love, and money can’t buy true happiness. True happiness and true love are generally the purview of those who want, not of those who have. If you haven’t lived a life before you have it all, what have you experienced that is true, except money? Better for the rich to walk in a poor person’s shoes, for a time, so they can appreciate real life.

“Work can sometimes be very tricky. It gives with one hand and takes away with the other. It gives you money and takes away your time. It offers you wealth and steals your happiness.”

-- Mouloud Benzadi

How important is failure in becoming successful?

Very important. Failure and mistakes are the best way we learn. And, if you don’t learn, you can’t hold onto the goals you’ve attained that made your life successful.

How do you get to know life more?

You have to go out and “live” life to know it. I experienced more “life” than I bargained for by being in the Air Force for 23 years. I met airmen who wouldn’t even consider going off base while overseas. If you don’t go off base, you don’t get to live life to the fullest. Having said this, In Turkey, I collected a mild case of PTSD from sitting in cafes with bombs going off outside. Hey, part of living life to the fullest. No guts, no glory.

What do you do if you put yourself down a lot?

I waste a lot of time picking myself up. It is so much better for me to like myself.

What is the meaning behind someone saying they are not perfect and then later claiming that not everyone can be like them?

Not everyone can claim to be “not” perfect. Most people claim to be as perfect as they want to be. I think if someone claims to not be perfect, and then states that not everyone can be like them, they haven’t lied.

What do the poor always worry about?

Money. They should be worrying about happiness, but they think money can buy that.

I am successful people, but why?

To be truly happy in life is to be successful. You must strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances, to be this successful.

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

Does a person's attitude change with wealth?

They say their attitude is the same. The lie they tell is the first change in their attitude.

What are your challenges and difficulties?

When my mother and father died recently, they left everything in a “family trust” which has made my life a living hell.

Can someone be wealthy without having any friends or social life?

Yes, they can be wealthy in money. They will be lonely, but monetarily wealthy.

Is it advisable to forgive someone who has cheated once or twice? Can someone who has cheated once be trusted not to do it again if forgiven?

It is always wise to forgive, but forgetting is another issue. If they have cheated more than once, there is always the possibility they will cheat again. This is why we can’t seem to forget. Life has served you a lesson, and you have to remember the lesson so you don’t get “used” again. We have a memory for a reason.

How can we determine if someone is a true friend or just using us for their own benefit?

Find a way to cut off their perceived benefits. If they’re still your friend, you’re a lucky person.

For all the people in my life that hurt me and treated me like crap, I want revenge. What could I do about it? I know it's probably bad to want revenge. I'm just filled with so much hate towards everyone.

Let it go. Karma will take care of everyone else, so you don’t have to be on Karma’s list of evil-doers. “Revenge” will put you at the top of the list, and “hate” if not quelched, will put you halfway. Better to let Karma handle it.

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”

-- Jessica Brody

What do you call someone who gets mad when you do to them what they did to you?

Confused. They need to have it pointed out that it’s the same thing, and just because they do it doesn’t make it okay. 

How could people always make you the issue but they keep doing the same wrong thing over and over?

Because you keep letting them get away with making you the issue?

I've hurt my family and I'd like to stop the cycle of abuse. Is suicide reasonable?

An apology will prevent you from being born into the same situation and trying to make it right. An apology, heartfelt, will help you to make things right in this life, not in the lives that come. Better to change and turn over a new leaf in this life. You can, actually, ask your family to help you. Now, there’s a thought.

Can you forgive your partner who cheated on you two times?

I can forgive her for ten times. I’d be an idiot for staying with her, but I’d forgive her. Forgetting is another thing, however.

What do men talk about when women aren't around?

Women.

Why do history books suggest that people are doomed to repeat their mistakes, even though they continue to make them?

Because they continue to make them. Evidence proves that the suggestion is true. Am I not understanding the question, or is it the question?

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

-- George Santayana

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com