Women - Be the Pedestal (Updated two-part post combined from 7/26/2016)

"On the darkest days, when I feel inadequate, unloved, and unworthy, I remember whose daughter I am and straighten my crown."

-- Unknown

I have published, on numerous occasions, posts concerning women.  I've talked about their concerns; overweight, looks, men, stress, and my own belief that there is not a pedestal high enough to put them on, or safe enough.  I truly love all women, and they keep falling off.  

From what I've seen and heard, falling off their lofty pedestal has much to do with self-image.  That self-image seems to be driven by the actions and words of the "caring and loving" people around them, as much as by media and society.  Maybe women need to listen less to people that haven't walked a mile in their shoes, and start listening more to their own hearts and more comfortable shoes.

Women look in the mirror too much.  Put on some makeup, if you must, brush your hair and move on, but many will stand there and critique themselves against some asshole's off-the-cuff remark, or some article about society's new view on what makes a woman beautiful or what men find attractive.  When did women start listening to men?  And, what men were asked about attractive women?  I wasn't. My view is that there are enough female assholes out there, judging women, without listening to some dumbass man's viewpoint.

I think it is marvelous that over the past few years "plus-sized" women have been the new vogue.  Actresses, singers, and other popular entertainers are emphasizing that it is okay to feel good about yourself.  It is all about a makeover; dress, makeup, personality, poise, and your outward attitude toward life in general which makes you beautiful to those around you.  I'm all about staying healthy, and if you can manage that while carrying a few extra pounds, hey, if you're happy, why not?  I've put on a few extra, myself.  Too many people spend way too much time finding all new ways of dipping our "ugly bags of mostly water" into hard candy shells of societal acceptability.  Large is becoming the new beautiful, so get used to it.

What do I find attractive in a "plump" woman?  Other than a vivacious and happy personality, the ability to speak intelligently, and kindly, is a big plus.  I'd think that, of all women that should know the damage done by throwing stones, overweight women would be more tolerant and understanding of others, being extra cognizant to not offend.  

But, there are those women who would be well served to sew their pie hole shut, because opening it usually does more harm than good to themselves and whatever cause they're commenting on.  Joyce Behar, Whoopie Goldberg, and Rachel Maddow are a few of my least favorites.  They open their mouths and we are assaulted by the current "party line" from the League of the Perpetually Offended.  Instead of being great role models for gay, overweight, or politically opinionated, these women prefer to alienate all of their potential fan bases save those of like mind that buy into the star's ever-changing lines of bullshit.  Where they could be role models, they settle for being seen as just another woman offended at herself for not being able to measure up to their own sad view of society's expectations.  They seem to be forever in denial that they could be beautiful souls by simply being... well, beautiful souls.   

Of course, I feel this way about all role models.  If you are in the public eye, you are a "role model" and our children will be watching you.  If you don't want to be a role model, go crawl back into your hole under the madding crowd that is the rest of us.  Sports figures, actors, and entertainers should all be censured for acting like morons in front of our children.  If you elect to be an entertainer, then shut up and entertain me.  I don't want to hear your political views, that you think white cops should die, only black lives matter, or why you were caught on video slapping your significant other around. If you want to talk smack, about crap you know nothing about, then give up acting and take on the mantle of divisive activists, like Al Sharpton, and make your money off the multitude of perpetually offended people stupid enough to buy into your particular line of crap.

I think all agents for entertainers and sports figures would be well served to put handlers on them until they prove they can act like responsible adults.  Handlers can head off most irresponsible acts like beating on the paparazzi, assaulting women, or removing their clothes in public.  Tempering offhand statements the press will get hold of, or stupid statements around microphones they assume aren't active, is a task that even the President and their handlers find difficult.  These so-called "role models" have enough money to stay out of public scrutiny by hiring a car and driver if they want to get shitfaced while out on the town, for heaven's sake.  They don't have to be responsible adults, but the least they can do is try to act like responsible adults.

Anyway, I digress.

“She was of exactly the same essence as Adam. She was in no way an inferior character, but she was his spiritual counterpart, his intellectual coequal, and in every sense his perfect mate and companion.”

-- Pastor John MacArthur

I love women; short, tall, skinny, fat, freckles, lesbian, I really don't care.  Hell, I love lesbians, if for no other reason than because they also love women!  Those that know me, or read my posts, know I put women on a pedestal. A high pedestal. Women are the mothers of our specie.  I don't expect more from them, they already live with enough genetic expectations without other folks ladling helpings of extra crap onto their already full plate.  

I think they might need to expect more from themselves, love themselves, and be the very best at what they are.  For me, this is what makes a woman beautiful. This is what makes anyone beautiful.  I have great respect and admiration for anyone that gets up off their dead ass, cleans themselves up, dresses nicely, has a happy, outgoing attitude, and treats other people with the same respect they, themselves, seek.  There is nothing that turns people off more than someone being in a state of constant complaining about being miserable because they're too damned lazy to be anything but.  Life is not as bad as some women would make it out to be.  Life is generally bad due to our lack of trying to make it better.

I put women on pedestals.  Does that piss you off?  Fine, then climb down and be offended.  You don't have to thank me for opening the door for you, offering to carry your bags, paying you a compliment, or sacrificing my umbrella for you when it starts to rain.  I don't require your thanks; it was the way my mother brought me up.  I do it because I was taught to respect women, protect them, be polite, and put them on that damned pedestal, by a woman.  It is what real men do, just because.  Does this define me as a sexist?  I'll take that as a compliment, then, even though I think women are at least as capable as men to perform most tasks, if not more so.  I can so live with your offense at my respect and love for you.  

The only thing I ask of you is that you hold me... when I cry.

When I hear a man verbally or physically abusing a woman, it just pisses me off.  First of all, it makes all men look bad.  Secondly, why in God's name has she hung in this situation long enough to be subjected to abuse?  I'm not sure what grinds my ass more, a man that has no control or a woman who excuses him.  There is no excuse for being an insensitive asshole, not in my book, and certainly not when it concerns a woman or a child.  Better they remove themselves from the abuse and surround themselves with loving, caring people, and an environment where they can grow and flourish.

Take comfort that there are still men that put you on pedestals.  Enjoy the men treating you like porcelain dolls that need protection.  Sure, you might not want or need it, but it makes us feel good to do it.  I think God was the first to put women on pedestals.  God created Eve to be the mother of all mankind and Mary to be the mother of mankind's salvation.  Men have tried to reinterpret Abrahamic scripture so women are viewed as subservient, yet women come off as revered in scriptures of the Abrahamic faiths.  Men should recognize and respect this special role offered to women, and women should be on the pedestal.  They are, after all, the marble foundation of man's life.  Maybe you don't want or require the attention, but you might, at the very least, relax and try to bask in the attention we feel the need to shower upon you.

The only thing we ask in return is that you hold us when we cry, and there will be those days when real men do.

As for the opening quote, I found this more complete version online, and still have no idea of the author:

"More than a conqueror Loved by the King of Kings Righteous by the blood of the Lamb Child of God.

I am God's daughter and He is my Heavenly Father. He is the King of kings. I am Jesus' sister and He is the Prince of Peace. My royalty gives my immunity from Satan, the prince of darkness

Sometimes on dark days I think "nobody cares and nobody's coming." Then I remember who sends thoughts like that... and I straighten my crown. 

On the darkest days when I feel inadequate, unloved and unworthy, I remember whose daughter I am and I straighten my Crown! I Love This So Much!! I Love My Father Jesus Christ So Much! 

On the darkest days when I feel inadequate, unloved and unworthy, I remember whose daughter I am and I straighten my Crown! Happy Mother's Day! 

On the darkest days when I feel inadequate, unloved and unworthy, I remember whose daughter I am and I straighten my crown! I know this is probably a Christian sentiment but I am my father's daughter and THAT is what I need to always remember."

Who am I to judge?

Sometimes I write posts that resonate with my audience.  Usually, these posts concern women, the issues I see them having to deal with, my opinions of those issues, and my undying respect and love of the gender in general.  I was brought up to respect women, open doors for them, treat them gently, and place them on a pedestal where they might be protected and admired.  Every woman, whether she knows it or not, is a trophy for some man willing to vie for her affection.  If being thought of in this way offends some, well...

I wrote the two-part post, Women - Be the Pedestal, because I was, again, finding myself fielding comments from women who feel inadequate, unloved, and unworthy.  And, the obvious reasons for this?  Well, they were inadequate, unloved, and unworthy.  They had listened to the bullshit around them for so long that they had become what others thought they should be, and that was manifested into what others saw.  How sad is that for one of God's creatures tasked with being the mother of us all?

“A consequence of female self-love is that the woman grows convinced of social worth. Her love for her body will be unqualified, which is the basis of female identification. If a woman loves her own body, she doesn't grudge what other women do with theirs; if she loves femaleness, she champions its rights.

-- Naomi Wolf

I received a comment on the post which sparked the "Part 2" installment.  I have shared the comment, beginning below, with minimal changes to correct formatting issues. 

I did not read the whole article but I intend to, and I do appreciate it. It opens the door to a whole new dialogue especially coming from a man to women. The truth is that most females don't identify or understand who they really are. I could elaborate but what for. For one thing, we don't get the whole picture about self-esteem. Look around you. Whether you are a male or female you must learn to love yourself first before loving anyone else not to mention LEARNING to love GOD. God accepts us exactly the way we are on the outside; he is only interested in the unseen on the inside.

It is of no consequence how attractive or beautiful you are, that will not get you an audience with the ONE it matters with most. We did not come here to stay. We all must leave; talk to God about it. You are beautiful and whatever is imperfect to others should not matter. The one you need to please is God. If you are not satisfied with yourself then do something about it if that is possible. Otherwise leave off with the earthly physical of who you are supposed to be or look like. 

There is a whole lot more too each FEMALE than her outward makeup/gender if she would just identify with the gifts that GOD has endowed her with and I don't mean her physical body. Each one of us is unique in our own way. God is our FATHER and I say lovingly - Talk to HIM about it and see what happens.  Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened to you. All you need do is ASK. I hope I have not offended anyone for I had the best intentions.

--Anonymous

It is another unfortunate reality of our times that parenting and faith are no longer priorities for so many of us.  Parenting teaches our young girls how they should act, look, and expect to be treated by society.  Faith would instill in them the knowledge that they have a path laid out before them to become more than they are, regardless of what anyone else might tell them.

When we love we should love God, self, family, and society, in that order.  One might ask why I always say you need to love yourself before you can truly love others, yet God comes first on my list.  My answer would be that God loves you, whether or not you understand that you already love God.  It would be like a rebellious child that hates their father without understanding that the father's love is, usually, unconditional.  You can't truly love unless you love yourself, but sometimes folks need God's help to understand why they are; why they exist.  Once we understand why we are, it is easier to understand who and what we are, or will become.  With this understanding comes a greater understanding and love of omnipotent power in the universe. 

If you imagine your love as a pyramid of priorities with God, and self, represented as a gold coin spinning like a top, God and self on either side, one and the same as contradictory evidence, the paradox, that we must love ourselves before we can love God and we must love God before we can love ourselves.

“A person learns how to love himself through the simple acts of loving and being loved by someone else.”

-- Haruki Murakami

French lawyer, politician, and author, Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), once wrote, "Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are."  I think his comment is not so much to do with gastronomy as with his witty observation of the human condition.  We are what we eat.  We are our faith, our beliefs, and our actions.  We are, for better or worse, what we want to be.

“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.”

-- Eartha Kitt 

Whether a woman is plus-sized or slender to the point of anorexia, the only concern should be how it affects her health and her continued life among those that truly care about her.  What you are on the outside should reflect what you are on the inside.  If you're fat because you're the "life of the party" ton of fun, so be it.  Be happy and revel in it.  Show people, you are happy with why you are by your positive outward appearance.  If you dress nicely, do your hair, and put on some appropriate makeup, everyone will learn to understand that you are all about happiness, life, and love.  You should strive, for your own benefit, to make a statement that you do not wallow in self-pity and that you are so much more than meets the eye.  Be the woman of mystery; be the mother of the future; be strength, the foundation, and the pedestal on which you stand for all to see!  

“I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really, it is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose.”

-- Margaret Cho

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com