Questioning Expectations, Life, Perspective, and Values

 

“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas-covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

-- Douglas Adams

How have your expectations of "family" changed as you've grown older?

As a father whose rights were ripped away from me during a divorce, I have no expectations. “Family” has depended on who chooses to be a part of my life. The minute you have expectations, you will be disappointed. 

A building rule says you must have a person "that is outside your family" in your group. But, the same building also has rules that say "everyone in the group must be inside your family." What to do?

Rules are meant to be broken, especially stupid ones that make little sense.  Sounds communist to me.  A revolution is in order. 

How do people who are good in math and arithmetic differ from people who aren’t in psychology and decision-making in daily life?

If they aren’t in psychology and decision making, what makes us think they aren’t the same people that are good at “math and arithmetic”? Why can’t people in Psychology and decision-making be math and arithmetic wizards, as well?

Author's comment:  Hello, Thank you for answering. I actually was trying to ask how mathematic geniuses may differ in their psychology compared to people that aren’t actively using math in their lifestyle

My reply:  You should have stated it just like that. It is much clearer.

Can a man love the other woman?

A man, like a woman, is capable of loving many others. Unfortunately, society, for the most part, says they must choose one significant other to live out their life with.

Why are society's good standards and values degrading nowadays?

Well, the United States has all but done away with the “Rule of Law.” This might have some bearing on a lack of good standards and values. I’ve started carrying a semi-auto pistol, at times, just in case I’m attacked.

“Before you call yourself a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or any other theology, learn to be human first.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

What is your personal definition of life and how do you appreciate life?

Until we meet a non-biological organism, I define life as a biological organism. My appreciation of life is exhibited each morning when I wake up to the “gift” of another day in paradise and another chance to excel. The alternative simply sucks. 

Is the Vice President more powerful than the President?

The current President is a puppet. The current Vice President is a waste of oxygen. The “puppet master” on the other hand, is destroying the country. Who is more powerful?

What does this quote, "Life is what we make it," mean?

You choose your life, your path. You can let someone else choose for you, but this is still your choice. If you are a slave, it is your choice to be one. Our freedom to choose our life and how we live it, what we make of it, is something that can’t be taken from us... unless we choose it.

"Love rules without rules," what does this mean?

It means they have no idea how real life works. True love rules with unspoken rules. There are unspoken boundaries, and, unless we’re “simple” folk, we are all aware of them.

"Choose a job you love, and you will never work a day in your life" - can this quote really be attributed to Confucius?

Who knows? I can say I have had two jobs, one for 23 years and the other for 17 years, and I didn’t mind coming to work. I enjoyed the jobs so much that the “work” was just another day to excel. I worked, but it just didn’t seem like it.

“If you love your work, if you enjoy it, you're already a success.”

-- Jack Canfield

Why do people lack a genuine perspective of realistic conceptual ideals? Also, I don’t mean to talk down to anyone, I’m just genuinely curious about other people’s knowledge on the subject.

You’re looking for a “common” perspective from people who probably grew up in vastly diverse upbringings. Perspectives will be just as diverse. Can a “concept” be realistic? More time than not, but, even concepts undergo change as they’re brought to fruition.

What you think is “talking down to anyone” is simply stating the probable fact that we all hold our own perspectives on any topic. Some of us will agree, others will not, and there will be those with open minds who can be swayed by good sense.

What is your current passion project?

Taking care of my aging mother. She gave me 18 years of her life, I can give her 18 years of mine.

What is conflict? What do you know about Conflict Resolution?

Conflict: A serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one. To be incompatible or at variance; clash.

Conflict resolution and I became good friends in military intelligence. Conflict can be caused by perception. The typical conflict would be when one fact conflicted with another fact, or when a military target was close to, let's say... a civilian neighborhood. This was a conflict that we needed to resolve. We did so by a critique of the facts, or by changing the weapon system we used on a target, etc. Any time there is a conflict, there is a way to resolve the issue. If we found that a conflict couldn't be resolved, then the conflict might not really exist. It is either this or that. We were very good at resolving conflict, however.

What does it mean if a person admitted their mistakes, took responsibility for their actions, and apologized but did not ask for forgiveness?

A mature adult. Hard to find these days.

Do you believe in second chances? 

And third, given the right circumstances. I was privileged to have the Intelligence Division dump every troop that the trainers and supervisors didn’t want to deal with. I was what the other people weren’t - honest. I let the “below standard” know they worked for me or they were out. General discharge - good luck with that. I never lost a troop, and a few have called to thank me for the second or third chance. Everyone deserves a second chance, and if they’re seriously trying, they get a third chance. They never disappointed me. The previous supervisors and trainers, on the other hand…

“Because this is what I believe - that second chances are stronger than secrets. You can let secrets go. But a second chance? You don't let that pass you by.”

-- Daisy Whitney

What do you think of this phrase: "If you want something you never had, you have to do something you have never done"?

Well, this only makes sense. You either have to purchase it, work for it, or get a job so you can afford it. Some people I’ve met in my life, fall into this slot. I’ve either had to pay them, work to create a relationship with them, or get a job so I could afford them. A real pain in the ass, but all three were things I had never done, and I have grown through the experiences and am better for them.

How do some people stay motivated for extended periods (months to years)?

Do what you enjoy. If you aren’t, what a waste of precious time is that? Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances.

What was the hardest thing you went through in life, and how did you get past it?

My divorce. When you spend 25 years trying to make it work, only to find out you were only being used, it leaves a bitter taste. I got past it because it is what it is.

I could have hoped for a different outcome, but to what end? She never loved me, even after two kids. I thought the second child might have made a difference. It didn’t. So you finally come to the conclusion that shit just happens. I accepted the apology I knew I would never get from her, and I moved on. Marriage is not in my wheelhouse anymore, and neither is trust, and the wheelhouse is a lot cleaner and more secure for the decisions.

How can I answer this question: do you have any particular skill or ability which you would like to offer the community? Can I mention more than one skill or should I talk about one particular skill?

Mention all the skills you have. If there is one that stands out, explain that one. You have no idea what they’re looking for, and they might not either.

Are my thoughts on how I look, real? Do people see me the way I see myself?

Generally, yes. But, how you look and who you are can be significantly different. Be clean and neat, and take care of yourself. Take care of how you dress. In all of this, you are what you are. Who you are, on the other hand, is the person other people wish to meet and hang with. How you present yourself, gets you in the door. How you interact with others makes you the life of the party.

"If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how different would our ideals of beauty be."

-- Unknown

Can you show humility and courage at the same time?

First, we need to become familiar with “humility”: Freedom from pride or arrogance; the quality or state of being humble.

One can be courageous and not rub it in everyone’s face. Most first responders would shy away from accolades or rewards for doing what they were trained to do. Courage is something you work up in order to accomplish what needs to be done. Bravery usually beats you to the door.

Do smart people get bored easily? Why is it that they find the majority of things really boring?

You’re confusing us with “intelligent” people. We’re too smart to get bored.

Is it true that you should never care what other people think about you? 

I cared more in the military, you had to in order to move ahead. When I got out and into the civilian sector, I learned to ignore what most people think about me. This has served me pretty well. If you don’t like me, you should get to know me. If you still don’t like me, we’re not going to have the sex of a lifetime. Sucks being you. 

How does one go about learning a new skill?

Find a teacher.

What do you think about prioritizing your values?

I don’t. If you discount a value, where do you stop? My values are all important or they wouldn’t rate among my values. Values are like a “code of ethics.” If you are willing to bastardize your personal code of ethics, what does that say about you? Prioritizing makes me think we might find a reason to bend these rules. The reason would have to be drop-dead gorgeous… and willing. 

“Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury - to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best for both the body and the mind.”

-- Albert Einstein

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com