Questioning Life, Goals, Anger, Failing, and Values

“Angry people are not always wise.”

-- Jane Austen

What does it mean when a psychologist says "I don't really think we're a good fit"?

The patient, or the psychologist, isn’t up for the challenge.

What does the world want from me? Why does it keep me alive? I'm 27 years old, so what?

Selflessness. The world wants to see what you will bring to the table and if you expect something in return. All life is important for the contributions they make to the world. Do you expect to make it to 87 years old? It is about the right attitude and making the choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances.

You have a “path” to walk in this life. It is your path, no one else’s. It was “gifted” to you, and no one can walk it for you. This path will lead you from this existence into the next, and the next, and so on. What the world wants from you is silly. You are one of over 8 billion people on this planet. The real question you should be asking is, what do you want from yourself? It is your path, after all. It might be nice for you to find out.

Can you achieve your goals by just saying “I will do it”?

Nope. You actually have to put some effort into attaining the goal.

What do you think are the main reasons why people judge others? Is it ever okay to judge someone?

Unless you’re a court judge or an employer, it is rarely okay to judge the servant of another master, lest you are judged, yourself.

If you know someone is going to do something annoying, does it make it less annoying?

No, if anything it makes it more annoying.

“It’s taken years, but part of my own personal growth has involved deciding that I can learn something from even the most annoying person.”

-- Auliq Ice

Is it possible to live with only one goal in your life and achieve that goal?

It’s possible, but I’ve never heard of anybody only having one goal in life. Life is full of little goals that we pay little attention to.

What is your opinion of people who are always on time (sooner than they should be)? What would you call such people?

Punctual. Yes, it’s my opinion and also what I’d call them.

Why do people often expect more from others after they do them a favor?

Selfishness. They just can’t stand not getting something more back in return for doing a favor. They feel entitled. Better they should do favors selflessly, that have an expectation of “more than a favor” in kind.

Reader comment: There are also quite a few people that perform favors only so you “owe them.” They see social interactions and friendships as almost like a business deal. It's extremely manipulative.

Is the saying “you get what you pay for” positive or negative?

It’s usually negative. People buy cheap crap and it falls apart. You get what you pay for.

Why do people write long detailed answers to closed-end questions where a simple yes or no is sufficient?

They enjoy bloviating. I can write a short paragraph, and an occasional couple, but, usually I try to keep answers short. It also keeps the League of the Perpetually Offended off your back, They like to argue.

“Finding the right answer begins with the right question.”

-- Frank Sonnenberg

How do you deal with the sense of failure when you know you could have done better?

Failure and mistakes are nothing more than opportunities to learn. To accept them as anything else is counterproductive. You fail, you critique, you find out why you failed, you try, try again. The next time it comes around you are better prepared to mitigate the failure.

Why does my family never take me seriously just because I am the youngest although I am right?

Because you’re young. Continue to be right, they will come around.

Why does it hurt a lot when someone gets mad at us?

They evidence an inability to explain their emotional issue. Better to be sad at their lack of ability to cope than any offense you might have caused. What will being sad accomplish for us? Learning from whatever mistake we made makes much more sense if they would control their anger and simply explain so we can understand and try again.

What do I need to do to have a fun time with you?

Do you like to drink bourbon? Smoke cigars? Eat barbeque? Mississippi is the place to be. 

Does anyone ever deserve to be judged harshly? Is it ever possible to completely avoid judgments from others?

Other than a court of law, harsh judgments simply shut people down. You can avoid judgments from others by explaining how little they are for thinking their judgment says more about you than it does about them. How dare they swim into the deep end, try to instruct you how to swim, and end up drowning in their own bullshit. They need to stay at their own end of the pool.

“How easy it is to judge rightly after one sees what evil comes from judging wrongly.”

-- Elizabeth Gaskell

Why is nothing impossible if anything is possible?

Uh… doesn’t it mean the same thing?

What questions help you think about a problem?

“Why?” It is the only question I have to ask in order to find out what went wrong or what went right. It is usually a choice or decision I made or didn’t make, that caused the issue. If I ask the question 5 times and I’m honest in my answers, I will probably answer the question, and usually in less than 5 answers.

Does saving money mean you're good with money?

No, you could be saving money to blow it on crap you really don’t need.

Do people who have failed once usually fail or succeed again in the future?

Failure is the best way we learn. If you’ve never failed, you probably need to think about it. We all fail, and we all should try to learn from the failure. They call it the “practice of medicine” for a good reason. No one is perfect. 

Why don't I judge other people?

You aren’t supposed to. Good job!

“Your judgments about another person say more about your own character than the character of the person you are pointing a finger at.

This is the key and one of the most fundamental insights about the "red flags" that we often dismiss regarding the people in our lives. If someone complains a lot to you about other people, guess what? That is part of their current character. And, as quickly as the tide changes, you can just as easily become the person they target and criticize, point fingers at, and negatively judge. Forever and always, until vibrations are raised, this will be the cycle of the relationship. So, it’s your choice to continue to engage in the cycle with them or to move on.

There are plenty of people who do not criticize, point fingers, or judge. THIS is the kind of character we want to foster within ourselves. THIS is the character of the kind of people we DO want to develop close relationships with.”

-- Alaric Hutchinson

Would you rather look strong but weak or look weak but strong?

“Weak but strong” has always served me well. Like nitroglycerin, one has to handle the small packages carefully, lest one of them blows up in your face. It has kept enemies from my gate. I have found that the small and weak looking among us are the folks not to screw with. You may take the day from them, but, sooner or later, you have to sleep.

Do you think people learn better when they are in classes with friends or strangers?

If you’re serious about learning, then, friends. You tend to discuss what was taught and glean more understanding of the lessons with friends than if you were with strangers.

I am stuck in my own perspective of life and I can see no other perspective. What is the problem?

If your own perspective works out for you, there is no problem. If seeing no other perspective is causing issues for you, this is the problem. Maybe you should consider opening up your mind to other perspectives. You don’t necessarily have to accept them, but be open to the possibility that they might be better.

What are things that people value and want in life?

True happiness! True happiness is true success in life.

Is it morally normal to complain about your life if you have anything to live comfortably (like you have an okay phone, some kind of laptop, etc.)?

It is your life. Complaining about your inability to make it better seems incompatible with progress. How about using that energy to better the circumstances you let slip? It is your life, after all, not someone else's, so you are the one that makes it or breaks it, not someone else.

If you don’t like your job, why are you working there? If you don’t like your partner, why are you with them? If you have no money, what are you spending what you have on crap? These are some choices we make for our lives, so make better choices if you have complaints. 

“See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”

-- Eckhart Tolle

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com