Questioning Therapy, Bullying, Hate, and Anger

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.”

-- Aristotle

Have you known that mean and negative people don't want therapies?

Most don’t want therapy, but not all. Some realize they have an issue that needs professional help. Mean or negative people need to find the reason why they are mean and negative. My reason for being mean and negative, according to the psychologist I went to see because of my anger, was that I had been married to the wrong woman for 25 years. Once we divorced, my life took off and I was so much happier, albeit poorer, for the experience.

Do you think people use the word just as a buzzword to shame people who have boundaries?

Okay, which “word” are we discussing?

People seem to move faster or slower than others and the concept of efficiency seems to be of great importance for some but not at all for others. Why is this and what causes this in some and not in others?

I could be wrong, but I think it is, usually, upbringing or making bad choices. Intelligence, to a lesser extent, because street smarts mixed with desire will take someone a long way down their path. But, I have to go with parents not instilling good work ethics into their offspring. Why do some children of welfare parents who are happy to be on welfare, seem happy to grow up to be on welfare?

If parents haven’t been exercising good parenting, it is up to us to change who we are, or we risk becoming slow, inefficient, and/or a burden on society. Choosing to be more than we are is either instilled in us by our parents or is a choice we must make for ourselves. When it comes right down to it, however, what we are and what we become, is this choice we must make. Make good choices. 

What is the impact of the best decision-making on yourself?

The knowledge that I’ve learned the lessons life presented me.

Why am I thinking of problems that don’t exist?

Better to think about them now than when they jump you from behind. Think about problems, but don't dwell on them until they arrive, if ever. Dwelling on something that doesn’t yet exist is a waste of effort better used in the present.

“If you can see something, and it is wrong, you can fight it with a reasonable chance of success. Fighting the nonexistent is worse than pointless: Don Quixote tilted at windmills, but at least windmills are real.”

-- Mike Klepper

 Why do people feel bullied in conversations when, in reality, it's just the other person simply expressing their strong views the best way they can?

Fear or, perhaps, a lack of confidence.  This applies to both of them.

Does applause feel like approval to you?

It is the primary reason for applause. If you don’t feel like it is, then you might be like me, your own worst critic.

Have you ever felt that someone, or something, is watching or following you?

Always! And, they’re very good at it because I can’t catch them. Truthfully, though, I have no reason why anyone would waste time watching or following me unless it’s a woman. They should know, by now, I’m open to their "physical" violation. Just saying. 

Can you tell the truth if you are not honest?

Certainly, but, who will believe you? 

What do you think of people who complain about life and think they have more right to complain than you?

They probably do. I have no complaints about life. The alternative to life simply sucks, so, why complain about the only chance you have to make it better? Why complain about life?

“What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.”

-- Maya Angelou

What are practical problems that you face in everyday life?

Patience. I continue to work on my lack of it when it comes to other people and, especially, stupidity in everyday tasks, like driving. If they can’t multi-task, why are they on the phone while driving, or sitting at a stop sign when they have problems using the rearview mirror?

Do you ever feel that you're being controlled by an overpowering force that makes you commit crimes?

Nope. Not even a tiny bit.

Is it possible to change how we feel about people we hate?

I changed from hating my ex-wife for everything she did and put me through. I accepted the apology I knew she would never offer, and never has. I made peace with the fact that I dragged out the failing marriage for 25 years in a desperate hope that she would, sooner or later, love me as much as had loved her. If I can change my abject hatred for everything she did, I think everyone else is capable of the same. You simply have to be ready to make the choice.

Have we forgotten how important parallel thinking is?

I don’t think so. It prevents us from constantly being adversarial. 

Why do people say, “we are all humans”?

Unless you believe aliens are walking among us, we are all humans. Humans are the culmination of everyone who came before us, as we will, in all probability, be the precursor of those who will come after.

“A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really..."Do the stars gaze back?" Now, that's a question.”

-- Neil Gaiman

Can you control your anger without help?

Yes. Anger is a choice you don’t have to make, so recognize it and let it go.

In what ways can prior knowledge impede understanding?

If your uninformed “prior knowledge” prevents you from understanding the new information that will probably change your mind. Change is difficult for many people, especially if they have been at something for a long time. They tend to go along with “it is what it is” instead of understanding “it is what it is, until it isn’t.”

What is the best response to the question, "How are you?"

“I’m fine.” If you don’t want to get into a protracted conversation about your feelings.

Isn't it just easier to be kind than not?

For most people, it takes some work. Being kind is not our natural state. If it were, parenting would not be so important in a child’s upbringing, and selflessness would be our natural state of mind. When was the last time you were selfless?

Are you having to think about it? 

Is it possible to be rich without being wealthy?

I am so very rich in history, friends, and family, but not very wealthy.

"We are not rich by what we possess but by what we can do without."

-- Immanuel Kant

What happens when people surround themselves with negativity?

If they’re weak-minded, they will probably become just as negative. But, why would someone willingly do this, when being truly happy is a better choice?

How can you overcome low self-esteem without therapy?

You need to learn to love yourself for who you are, ignoring the negative people around you. Strive to be happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Be respectful, kind, and selfless. It is a pretty good bet that what you give of yourself, you will get back from others.

What do you think about people who lie?

What can you believe about what they say? When are they not lying? 

Will there always be something for activists to fight against? What if humans eliminated all injustice, would people still find something to fight about?

The League of the Perpetually Offended, comes to mind. There is always something they will find wrong in what you say or do. Agreeing with them just pisses them off, even more, it seems.

 Why has bullying become an American pastime?

Because the “rule of law” is being ignored by a segment of society that has no clue. They are destabilizing a nation with the thought that they will be better off, or in charge, when, in reality, they will be put up against a wall and shot by those really in charge.

“Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right.”

-- Theodore Roosevelt

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com