Question of Change, Choice, and Truth

 

How do I deal with people who just won’t change?

Don’t, they’re not going to change.

Note to my readers:  This question is a duplicate post for me.  I reposted it because of the comment, from the author, that came late (see below).  I thought you might find the comment interesting.  Yeah, I know.  Right?  It is long. 

Author comment: It’s very frustrating to dealing with a person that won’t change. Especially a grow adult in his 40’s that refuse to change their attitude, behaviors, lifestyle and is so stubborn stuck in his own little world. I’m dealing with a person that operates his his life like a useless naive stupid teenager and is codependent on his sister for everything in his life. Not to mention doesn’t know how to do anything in this modern generation no concept of how to use the internet, email, apps and nothing digital. He doesn’t even know how to work the radio in his car or connect his phone through the blue tooth in the car. He lacks basic life skills and doesn’t know how life operates. He doesn’t listen and can never do anything correctly and properly so caused mistakes and f-up that he doesn’t how to fix. He doesn’t know how to take responsibility of his adult things in life and refuses to learn things/skills necessary for life. He doesn’t understand right and wrong like a little child. He doesn’t know how to pay his bills no concept of anything. He doesn’t know when bills are due or interest nothing. He has no idea when he needs to renew car insurance and so screwy doesn’t even stick the new sticker on the license plate so gets car towed away. Has no idea what to do in situations. His life is a mess so careless, disorganized, irresponsible etc. He doesn’t know anything. Important paper work he doesn’t know where they are. When he does important thing he doesn’t ask for receipt or copy of anything etc. He has no professionalism. He doesn’t keep important paper work separate from junk mail. Important paper work are wet or crinkle up and sometimes food stains. He doesn’t take important things in his life seriously. He didn’t know that he has to make appointments when doing certain things etc. He doesn’t even know how to do the laundry properly or take care of himself. He has tunnel vision way of thinking not open to different methods of doing things or options. He only wants/ expects things and situations to be done his way and on his time. His sister only knows enough necessary for her own daily life not much and can’t help him either, can’t teach him much, so when she tried to help him she usually doesn’t things wrong and f-ed up. Him and his sister always goes head first without knowing anything. His sister keeps causing more f-ups in his life. He is so ignorant and keeps listening to his sister and others that know Jack s***and reliant on them for nothing in turn causing more problems in his life. They keep telling him the wrong thing and things that make no logical sense. Dumb and dumber. Stupidity no common sense and no logic. Him and his sister never double check anything they do they expect it to be always right. Basic thing wrong his car insurance name is even spelled wrong for years he did know until I saw it. His taxes wrong missing information and address wrong. He keep trying to do thing the old fashion way which if obsolete and cause more problems for himself. He don’t understand that the people you surround yourself with is what you become. Screwy, stupid and useless. He won’t change update/upgrade himself and learn things necessary to operate life the modern way and love being stuck know nothing and living with constantly f-up’s one after another.

My reply: Doll, really, he’s not going to change. You need to let this go and stop being frustrated with him. He is what he is until he isn’t, and it sounds like he plans on being what he is unto death. You need to go find some constant happiness and leave him to his own devices. 

Oh, and learn how to use paragraphs. My goodness, girlfriend!

"Writing on a computer feels like a recipe for writer's block. I can type so fast that I run out of thoughts, and then I sit there and look at the words on the screen, and move them around, and never get anywhere. Whereas in a notebook I just keep plodding along, slowly, accumulating sentences, sometimes even surprising myself."

-- Chad Harbach

If you could choose to have any last question what would it be?

Who would I be asking the question of? And, more importantly, why would I think they know the answer?

How do you convince yourself to do hard things?

I run out of excuses not to. When everything else is done, “hard” is all that’s left. 

When is absolute truth?

When it occurs. What we make of it, however, is another issue. 

“A scientist is more doubtful of his theories than the science teacher who teaches those theories. A Guru is more doubtful of his words than his followers because he knows that everything except silence is a corruption of truth.”

-- Shunya

Who said this, "lies, damned lies, statistics, damned statistics, research”?

Mark Twain attributed it to Disraeli, “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

When someone you haven't seen over ten years from a toxic church thinks they can enter your life at a whim and take control over your personal autonomy of your life, and tell you who they think you are?

Is there a question in here, or was the wrong punctuation used? This is more of an answer than a question.  

Why do humans always lie all the time? Don’t tell me today's truth is tomorrow's false argument even that is true.

It depends on who we’re with and what we think they want to hear.

Question: “Does this dress make me look fat?”

Answer: “Uh... No, not at all.”

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

What makes a child become materialistic and obsessed with money and success?

Parents, for the most part, though, there are probably reasons the parents aren’t aware of. Wait… that would be on the parents, again, for not being aware.

What do you hope to accomplish in therapy?

If I were in therapy, I like to find out what’s wrong with me. It seems like everyone else’s life is shit but mine, and that’s just beyond the odds. I must be in denial for me to be focused on striving for happiness always and in all things.

Is age 60 too old to look up a grade school bully and get even with him?

Having just turned 68, I’d think, perhaps, it's time to get over it.

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”

-- Jessica Brody

What should you do for your kids starting from their early childhood to make them successful?

This question was put to Quora as, “Can you nurture a child to become successful?” I will answer as it was asked: Absolutely, but it is up to the child to accept the nurturing. Life is about making choices, no matter the age.

Is honesty always the best policy when self-disclosing?

If you can’t be honest at all times, what is the point of having a personal, moral, code of ethics?

What should I do? The subject is lies, concealment, and a kind of betrayal.

There’s no such thing as “a kind of betrayal.” Betrayal is what it is. A lie is a lie, and concealment is concealing. Don’t get involved with any of it, and stay away from those that deal in it. It is always better to walk the path of truth and strive to be happy always.

“It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”

-- David Levithan

 Does self-esteem influence consumerism?

I think it influences better, more informed, consumerism. You tend not to buy just to buy. You are careful with why and how you spend money, and on what.

"Self-esteem" is about having self-respect. Just because your neighbors go out and buy useless crap, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same just so you keep up with them. Better to have some self-respect.

How did you handle being part of organizations that didn’t practice what they preached?

I found an organization that did.

How far is too far to drive to work on a daily basis?

If the highway is a parking lot, any distance is too far. I lived in Olympia, Washington, and knew people who commuted to Seattle. An hour commute in traffic? Not for love or money would I do that. If I can’t be at work in 20 minutes, I live way too far out. I managed to find great jobs for the past 50 years using this rule of thumb.

"For people who live in the suburbs and must commute long distances to work, their wealth will sink as energy prices rise."

-- Robert Kiyosaki

Does Chomsky have a point when he argues that questions like materialism and causality are simply beyond the paygrade of any human?

The point is, these questions are beyond Chomsky. "Materialism" and "causality" are understood by most capitalists, which evidences that “paygrade” has nothing to do with a person’s ability to comprehend or understand. You just have to be smart.  Just saying.

How can I change my daily life to make myself healthier?

Eat healthier, and make time to exercise, even if it’s just taking a walk in the park.

Can you make lasting changes in your personality?

Always. I am usually better for the effort. Right now, I’m working on being more patient.

“Don't try to impress others by showing fake personality because they will love your fake personality not real you.”

-- Narendra Singh Dhami

How do you feel when all your efforts are being trashed and cajoled?

Cajoled?  So, which is it, trashing or flattery? Are they trashing you one day and flattering you the next? I’m confused, but this is nothing new. 

Still have about 20 days in 2021, what are you grateful for?

The gift of life, and the daily opportunity to excel in it.

What daily practice can make one good with words?

Writing has been my “go-to” for being better with words. I find that answering questions, as opposed to commenting, holds my feet to the fire. When you actually try to answer questions, you put yourself out there for everybody with a contrary opinion to comment on what you wrote. This is why I seldom, if ever, comment on someone else's answer, their opinion. My dad used to say, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.” And, this is true. But, if you feel your opinion has validity and is worth reading, then answer the question. Being a "target" has its own benefits, like making you better with words.

“It’s not saying something that’s been said a million times before. It’s saying something that’s been said in a way that feels as if it was missed a million times before.”

-- Craig D. Lounsbrough

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com