Questioning Sex, Failure, and Fate

“Sex talk? You mean the bee and the flower sex conversation? Your parents should have taken care of that a long time ago. Mine did."

She elbowed him. "No, you bozo, I meant the safe-sex conversation where the bee explains in detail to the flower how he's always worn a raincoat while buzzing around, and how he'd never gotten entangled with dubious pollen.”

-- Elle Aycart, More than Meets the Ink

Is life shaped by our everyday decisions or just fate?

Our “everyday decisions” determine our fate. Fate doesn’t just happen. It is a consequence of what we do or don’t do, say or don’t say, think or don’t think. If our fate ends up really sucking, it’s probably due to us not thinking.

What is stopping you to live the life you wish? Are you responsible for the 'hindrances'?

Yes! I am always responsible for what happens, or not, in my life. The “hindrance” you speak of is my inability to easily schedule some time to go fishing, just down the street. 

What's your greatest achievement, and what did it take you to achieve it?

My children. What did it take? Well…

“Birds do it, bees do it

Even educated fleas do it

Let's do it, let's fall in love.” 

-- Buddy Bregman

Should one never define success as being ahead of others?

The moment you do that, someone will pass you. Being ahead of others in attaining a goal could be due to any number of variables like they multitask and you don’t. Success is being truly happy in the journey, not by coming in first.

My dream is to find a box of money. What's yours?

To win the lottery. A box of money? Really?

Is it normal to be in a relationship where you love them but they don't love you back? I don't know if they will ever love me.

Oh, sure.  I was in that relationship for 25 years until she admitted that she never loved me. Okay, so she wasted a third of her life, and for what? Two kids? By someone she never loved? I’m not judging. Nope.

My advice is for you to run, fast, and don’t ever look back.

“Unrequited love does not die; it’s only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after, pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before.”

-- Elle Newmark

Why do we assume this is the future tense? Matthew 6:10 "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."

It doesn’t read, “Thy kingdom came.”

What do you think is the most important to be successful in life, intelligence or charisma and confidence?

I’ve known many “intelligent” people that can’t even balance a checkbook. Smart people, on the other hand, seem to do pretty well with knowledge, charisma, and confidence. Either way, though, you need to add perseverance to the list. Whether you’re intelligent or simply smart, the ability to persevere in the face of adversity will, in all probability, carry you through to your goal. 

How can you stop talking to yourself?

Why would I want to? I’m the only one who makes any sense.

“Talking to yourself is okay. Answering back is risky.”

-- Brian Spellman

Why does some people's hard work seem so worthless?

I’d have to ask the people doing the hard work if they feel it’s worthless. What might “seem” worthless to us may be very important to them. The hard work might be all they have keeping them alive, or sane. Hard work is never worthless. It always has a purpose. Could it be done more efficiently? Probably, but it still has value. I try not to judge the “hard work” of others.

Should we follow the heart over the mind or the other way round?

The “heart” gives the mind necessary “emotional” input, however, sometimes emotion can override good sense. The heart and the mind are at opposite ends of the mental scale. One can only hope for balance. 

Which is more important to you, that someone is truthful or loyal?

If they’re loyal but not truthful, how loyal are they, really? No, I think honesty is a sign of loyalty, if to nothing else than one’s own personal code of ethical behavior. If they are with me and have ethics they stand by, I can rest assured they will stand by me, as well, unless I give them a reason to not.

“I belong to the people I love, and they belong to me--they, and the love and loyaty I give them, form my identity far more than any word or group ever could.”

-- Veronica Roth

Do you have to look successful to be successful?

It helps if managers look like managers, and supervisors set an example for the workers. It would concern me if the owner of a company constantly showed up to important meetings in worn-out blue jeans. How long will the company last? What do other owners think of us? I think putting your best foot forward is essential.

Why do people always try so hard to balance the good and the bad in life? Why not just make things good?

There will always be good and bad in life, it has to do with balance. If we just had good, how would we truly know what is bad? A “good” life is when you are able to keep most of the bad from really affecting life. We accomplish this by recognizing what is good and bad.

How did you become successful? What should I do to get on my feet after I've been knocked down and beat? I'm starting off at zero and can't find the strength to try.

 It was easy to become successful, I simply made the conscious choice to be happy always and in all things.  Viola!  Success!

As for the rest of your question, if the military taught me anything, it was perseverance in the face of adversity. This won’t be the only time in life you get knocked down or feel life is being unfair. In reality, it is probably because of some poor choice or decision you made.

I took control of my life. It is my life, not anyone else’s. Everything that happens in my life is because of something I did or didn’t do. No one else has any blame for what I allow to happen to me. Once you wrap your mind around this simple truth, you realize you need to make better choices and decisions.

This might sound brutal, well, it is. The first thing you need to start doing is to get back up when you’re knocked down and stop whining about the fact you make mistakes. We all make mistakes. Most of us learn from our mistakes and move forward. The minute you quit, all is lost. Get back up and confront the reason you were knocked down. Pretty soon you’ll stop being knocked down.

“Of course I don’t want to get knocked down. But the single and sole solution to that fear is to not go anywhere where I can be knocked down. And is that not already being knocked down?”

-- Craig D. Lounsbrough

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com