Questioning Dreams, Lessons, and Absurdity

 

“In the dead of a long, black night it is hard to imagine a sunrise on the horizon extending its vibrant and warming rays, but that is how you hold out hope. Have faith that the morning you dream of will eventually come.”

-- Richelle E. Goodrich

Why is doing the right thing always difficult?

Because doing the wrong thing doesn’t take much imagination. This is one reason the prisons are so full, lack of imagination on the part of felons.

Often, we have to think about how to go about doing the right thing, to get the most bang for our effort. And, doing the right thing has to be selfless. The good thing about doing the right thing all the time is that it gets easier. Just like a hard job becomes rote over time, so does doing the right thing. Soon, we find ourselves doing the right thing without giving it much thought.

Is a balanced life, without money, a dream, or can it be possible?

Money is not real happiness, and if you don’t find real happiness before money, you’ll probably regret it when you understand that money bought you everything but the real happiness you wish you had. Many people lead a well-balanced life without a lot of money. I know this to be true because I’m one of them.

Which strategy has more difficulty?

A “well thought out” strategy. It’ so much easier to just do something, but when it comes to strategy, all things being equal, if you don’t take the time to cover all the contingencies, you’ll find yourself in a world of shit that is so much more difficult to extricate yourself from. Thinking about all of this is difficult and time-consuming, but it usually pays off in the end.

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”

-- Napoleon Bonaparte

What saying or lesson gave you an existential crisis?

Sayings are just so much drivel emanating from someone’s pie hole. I learned a lesson, however, during my messy divorce, when I lost everything and considered ending it all. I considered that the loss of everything made my life pointless. Then, I thought about it. I thought about how much stronger than her, I was. I made a better choice. I made it my mission to rise above it and become even more than I could imagine. It took me less than five years.

How true is "Savers are Losers"?

That depends on the context. If you’re saving money in a bank, instead of investing it wisely, you’re going to end up losing. I’m not an accounting major, nor a rocket scientist, but the average interest rate for a saving account is .06%, and the money market is .09%. Woohoo!  By contrast, the annual dividend yield on my stock investments is between 8% and 11%, and I’m considered a “moderately aggressive” investor. Basically, the bank is using your money and paying you virtually nothing for it.

When people say, "Everything happens for a reason," what do they mean?

I can argue with Newton’s “Third Law,” because it isn’t really correct in the reaction being equal and opposite. However, there is a reaction. So it is, that everything happens because of something else, from thought to emotion, and the physical universe. It may not be equal or opposite, but it is a reaction.

“I knew everything happened for a reason. I just wished the reason would hurry up and make itself known.”

-- Christina Lauren

Why do you do the wrong things in life?

Because it feels so good! And, then, my conscience rears its ugly head and I feel bad about it. The downside of having a personal moral code of ethics.

Reader comment:  How does a person make the right decisions in life?

My reply:  Trial and error, until you understand life. Conscience plays a big part in making good, righteous, choices and decisions. Time also plays a part. I always try to take my time making decisions, like buying a car. A good deal today, won’t really disappear overnight. If it does, the seller really doesn’t want to sell. Never succumb to pressure when choices and decisions are involved, and never be afraid to get another opinion. 

Why do things that actually matter in life always come unexpectedly?

Not all things that matter follow this rule, but those that do seem to make us stay on our toes.

Can taking action, mean the difference between success and failure?

Or, you can just sit there and watch it all fall apart. Yes, taking action can mitigate failure.

“No more excuses. No more self-sabotage. No more self-pity. No more comparing yourself to others. Time to step up. Take action right now and start living your life with purpose.⁠”

-- Anthon St. Maarten

What opportunity/chance made you great today?

I woke up! I’m always great, and a legend in my own mind, but waking up is another opportunity for me to excel in this life and strive to be happy always.

What do people mean when they profess “the absurdity of life if there is no God”?

This strikes me as funny. I’ve heard this as the “absurdity of believing in God.” I usually hear this from the League of the Perpetually Offended as they slam anyone who believes in a deity. Personally, I show vastly more tolerance by not judging their belief. There is, in fact, no proof either way. Both sides have faith, however, that we are right, but the only proof exists in the end. We shall see.

As to the question, if there is no God, life still holds much meaning. Ask anyone who has no belief in a deity why they continue to live life. They will give you many valid reasons. As a person of faith, I feel that praying for someone who is living a life of their own faith, not harming or judging others, deserves the same courtesy to believe what they believe, as I do. My prayers would mean little. I only ask the same courtesy for my belief, but I rarely find it.

Life is defined by each of us according to our beliefs. Acceptance, tolerance, and understanding go a long way when we try to find peace and love. There is no “absurdity of life” unless you are a terrorist, violently forcing beliefs on others. Violence, judgment, and lack of tolerance do nothing but divide us.  This is the evil we all face.

Is a good mindset the greatest tool to success?

It is one tool. You can have a great mindset, but until you start on the journey you will accomplish little in attaining your goal. Hard work, perseverance, and knowledge are some other tools you’ll need.

“Happiness has to do with your mindset, not with outside circumstance.”

-- Steve Maraboli

I have crossed 46 years. How do you feel after 45?

Age 47 was my divorce. For 20 years I waged a constant fight to save a failed marriage. This was stupid, as I was the only one that didn’t see the marriage was over from the start. After the divorce, life opened up for me. I was happy and had a focus I hadn’t enjoyed in years. I have never looked back, except to forgive both of us and accept the apology I knew she would never give me in return.

As I approach 70, I have learned much about life, not the least of which is to strive for happiness always and in all things. The alternative to happiness simply sucks.

How can people get less anxious when they need to start their own life and they feel the supporting family and certainty is not there anymore?

First of all, don’t “feel” anything. Don’t ever assume, know for certain. If you start off in life “feeling” things instead of knowing, you are already in trouble. Knowledge is a great way to mitigate anxiety.

How can I make a difference in people's lives when I turn 60?

Why have you waited? You should have been the “light” for some years, by mentoring others. I volunteered as a chaplain at a local medical center and held a weekly session in their PTSD unit.

Lucky for you, it isn’t too late. By selfless mentoring, volunteerism, coaching, and the like, we can make a difference in people’s lives. I say “selfless” because you must do it for the right reason - to make a difference. The fact that it makes you feel good is something we can’t control.

Author comment:  Hello Mr. Villari. I haven’t waited or not waited to make a difference in peoples lives. When you said “you should have already been making a difference in people’s lives”. Excuse me? I only asked this because in the 25 years that I have left before turning 60, I want to feel important and useful. I don’t have a clue how physically fit, handsome or wise I’ll be by then. And wanted some advice on how to be an asset.

Most youth these days don’t listen to their elders or take advice. Will I still be able to capture their attention? Will I have any words of wisdom to pass on to them? Will I still be able to lift a table to save a damsel in distress or make the women turn their heads at age 60? These are things I’m wondering now as a 35 year old. Basically, will I still be useful, handsome, strong, and charming when I turn 60?

There are a few perks of being a senior I imagine. Discounted coffee, discounted movie tickets, discounted offers at clothing stores, people open the door for you more often. They call you sir.

Sir, I will keep doing cheritable acts. And not for self glory. I just don’t want to lose what I have.

Strength, good looks, humor, and imagination. I’m afraid that turning 60 will change all that. Then what ?

My reply:  Lol… don’t let it change anything. I didn’t. I had no idea you were that young, I assumed you were approaching 60, like 50. Oh, and when you’re 60, don’t worry about looking young and able. Most don’t care, and those that do, they’ll find out, lucky boy. The wisdom will come, along with the discounts. Take all you can get, wisdom and discounts, you’d have earned them, Adrian. Don’t worry about what to do, either. There are plenty of opportunities to excel. Look into them when you get up there, a bit closer.

Author's reply:  I appreciate that very much!!! It really does ease my concerns of turning 60. Based on what you said, it’s not as bad as I thought. Why worry about those minor details? Learn as much as I can while I’m still young, enjoy the senior perks, and accept that their will always be time and opportunities to make a difference in someone’s life.

I use to think about how seniors were more privileged because they get all the special discount rates. That train of thought came before I started worrying about getting old.

After talking to you, I realized that it’s because they earned every penny of those discounts. They worked so hard their entire lives and it’s good that humanity is trying to show some respect and gratitude to those who have long experienced the pressures of life. Our teachers and grandparents of a better generation. When entertainment and free time was more wholesome. Sure they are honored by having the door opened for them. It’s a courtesy that is waning slowly from this video game drawn generation. Certainly McDonald’s serves seniors coffee for only 50 cents. It’s ok. It’s only 60 more cents that the non-senior citizens have to pay. And I’m perfectly fine with not being called sir. I’m only 35.

Eventually, I’ll be there. Until then, I’m just going to enjoy the present. It’s why today is called the present. Life is a gift. Everyday that I am up and awake, present and accounted for, is a gift. The gift of life. Have a wonderful day! Thank you for your time.

My reply:  Not a problem. Oh, and I forgot to mention, as a military veteran, I also enjoy discounts. Loving retirement!

“It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”

-- Mahatma Gandhi

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com