Questions on Ethics, Guilt, and Cults

“Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.”

-- Stephen Colbert

Why do people think I don't deserve to be happy when I know I want to be happy and I want to share my happiness how do I make them see and listen to what's in my heart?

Why are you listening to haters that don’t think you “deserve” happiness. You dictate what you deserve when it comes to emotions. If you truly want to share happiness and make them see and listen to what’s in your heart, well, this is a choice that says more about their selfishness than you. 

Do yourself a big favor and ignore them, unless they need help and then be there for them. Sounds like you might be the only one that'll show up, and that will turn some heads. Go out and be happy. If they happen upon you, one fine day, and ask where you’ve been, tell them you had to feel real happiness always, and hanging with their drama was making it impossible.

Why do I think people think about me so much?

A legend in your own mind? 

Is guilt ruining your life?

Oh, guilt is so not ruining my life. At 67 I have virtually nothing to be guilty about, and what I do certainly won’t “ruin” my life. My life has been ruined by the best… me! I married the wrong woman and destroyed my life. I had to rebuild it, and I did so better than it was. I felt guilty about my part in the 20 year waste of time, but then I forgave myself, and then I forgave her. I accepted the apology I knew I was never going to get. No, guilt is so not what will ruin my life. One must strive to be happy always and, in order to do that you must sidestep guilt whenever possible.

“Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness.”

-- Audre Lorde

In what unusual ways are you creative?

Hmmm… nope. Not going there.

What are the good things I can tell if someone asks me, "What is your personality?"?

If you don’t know what good things you can tell, what makes you think we do? And, the fact that you’re asking us... means you’re in deep doo-doo.

Why not honestly and objectively test Scientology techniques, discard what's useless or harmful, use what works to benefit society, and stop the bickering already?

Note to my readers:  I did not initially answer this question because I thought the answer given by another covered it pretty well, but he pressed me to answer so mine is after his.  Enjoy!

"An honest and objective test of Scientology would lead to you having to discard ALL of it. It’s a scam and it’s a cult and no part of it benefits society.

Furthermore, the conflict between Scientology and everyone else isn’t “bickering”, bickering implies two parties sharing an equal share of the blame for the argument, that’s a false narrative and an example of the “Golden Mean” fallacy. The organization that calls itself Scientology is an amoral, exploitative, predatory enterprise that exists to enrich a small number of people at the top of its organization."

My comment: I was going to cite my own experience, but you have covered this nicely. Well done!

His reply: Thank you, but feel free to still answer, I'd be interested as to what you have to say.

My answer: I went there as part of a four-person team and all of us were assigned to Wing Intelligence. We wanted to see what Scientology was all about. It took us one evening to realize it was a scam and a cult. I was taken into a room where a teenager was sitting at a desk, with a large goon standing on either side.  The kid was about to browbeat me. Saying the kid was a "teenager" was being generous. I stood and one of the goons took a step. I warned him this was going to get messy and he stopped when I called out to my partner waiting just outside the closed door. Well, it was closed until he kicked it in. He put a finger in the goon's face and repeated my warning that it was going to get very messy. We backed out the door and reported back to base. Shortly thereafter, the base was put off-limits to Scientology. We found it to be an insidious cult.

His reply: I have to laugh at the idea that they thought they could intimidate someone who was in the military.

“VERY EARLY ONE MORNING in July 1977, the FBI, having been tipped off about Operation Snow White, carried out raids on Scientology offices in Los Angeles and Washington, DC, carting off nearly fifty thousand documents. One of the files was titled “Operation Freakout.” It concerned the treatment of Paulette Cooper, the journalist who had published an exposé of Scientology, The Scandal of Scientology, six years earlier. After having been indicted for perjury and making bomb threats against Scientology, Cooper had gone into a deep depression. She stopped eating. At one point, she weighed just eighty-three pounds. She considered suicide. Finally, she persuaded a doctor to give her sodium pentothal, or “truth serum,” and question her under the anesthesia. The government was sufficiently impressed that the prosecutor dropped the case against her, but her reputation was ruined, she was broke, and her health was uncertain. The day after the FBI raid on the Scientology headquarters, Cooper was flying back from Africa, on assignment for a travel magazine, when she read a story in the International Herald Tribune about the raid. One of the files the federal agents discovered was titled “Operation Freakout.” The goal of the operation was to get Cooper “incarcerated in a mental institution or jail.”

-- Lawrence Wright

Why might you take an indirect route?

Potholes, landmines, traffic, poor planning, it depends on how the barriers on the direct route will slow down progress, especially if there is a time constraint.

Do what is right?  What does reason tell us is the right thing to do? 

That would depend on your definition of “reason.” My sense of “reason” is driven by my personal morally ethical principles of behavior. If you’re ever willing to turn your back on your principles, then your sense of “reason” is already corrupt. The right thing is not a secret, but we tend not to publicize when we choose the wrong thing. If you strive to be happy always, doing the wrong thing will make it more difficult.

Does wanting the last word, because I don't think the other party deserves to have it, a bad thing?

When do we start building gulags and furnaces? When do we start deciding who lives and who dies simply because they choose to speak their mind, or because of who they are? And, finally, who gives us the right to determine who will “deserve” to have the last word? Hitler thought he could. Socialism, communism, despots, tyrants, all want to have the “last word” at the expense of freedom. I think I’d rather continue to have robust conversations.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact, I'm delighted when she reaches it.”

-- Walter Matthau

Has fear become a virtue?

Virtue - behavior showing high moral standards. Fear is an emotion, not a virtue.

How do fears influence risk assessment and the decision-making process?

Fear cannot dominate any decision-making process, including risk assessment. Think about it. Risk assessment is all about risk which is seen as the danger which causes fear. If you let fear dominate everything that is risky is dangerous, you’ll shy away from it. If you shy away from all risk it definitely affects your decision-making processes. Fear is necessary, but one cannot let it dominate the process, or nothing will ever be accomplished. The danger must be recognized, however, and mitigated so the process can move forward.

Why must the beginning of human life be determined? What has personhood and dignity to do with it?

It must be determined in order to assign responsibility for the murder of innocence. Proponents of abortion, the “right to choose,” would rather not have this definition solidified, and for the obvious reason. I am against abortion unless there is just cause, like the welfare of the mother or the fetus, rape, and such.

The ongoing “stigma” of pregnancy in our young children should be handled with understanding and education. Our young should not be afraid to immediately come forward so “mistakes” can be mitigated. There is always contraception and failing that, an immediate “morning-after pill” to remove further controversy. We should make this pill free or affordable so it is readily available to those who need it, or just can’t say no. Simply wanting to abort a child is not a reason to excuse a person for continuously spreading their legs.

What do “personhood” and “dignity” have to do with it? If we choose to murder innocence we can, at the very least, do so with a modicum of dignity for the condemned, the unborn person, don’t you think? And, if we’re so concerned about dignity for society, well, rest easy, that ship sailed when we, as a society, legally allowed the murder of the first unborn child.

This is just my opinion, and everybody has one. I hesitate to answer questions concerning this topic because I always open myself up to the wrath of the League of the Perpetually Offended who usually demand the right to do what they will, simply because the law allows them to do it. What does “dignity” have to do with it? This answer is for each of us to wrestle with, but, as a person of faith, I have little choice but to stand up for those who cannot, even when faced with the LPO.  It falls under my personal rules of morally ethical conduct.  This is one rule I have a problem bending.

“I feel the greatest destroyer of peace today is 'Abortion', because it is a war against the child... A direct killing of the innocent child, 'Murder' by the mother herself... And if we can accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we must persuade her with love... And we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts...”

-- Saint Teresa of Calcutta

How do I endure and transcend a very difficult test of character?

“Character” is all about holding to your personal morally ethical beliefs. You “endure and transcend a very difficult test” by holding firm to those morally ethical beliefs. These beliefs define who you are and what you are capable of. Once you begin to question these beliefs you have opened the door to difficulty. Stand firm in the face of adversity and you will always do yourself proud, regardless of what others may think.

What should I do to understand life?

Start by striving to be truly happy always, even in the face of adversity, whether you are rich or poor. If you can accomplish this you are on the right road to understanding life.

My close friend gave me permission to rub my finger on her tongue as long as I was gentle and didn't hurt her tongue. I accidentally scratched the underside of her tongue, so she revoked the permission. Was she right?

First of all, where had your finger been? Second of all, how kinky can you get? The fact that you got “too rough” would give her reason to revoke permission, unless she’s also into sadomasochism. What inquiring minds probably want to know, however, is whether rubbing your finger on her tongue did anything for you, like arousal? What were you expecting?

“Frequently, and not only in the popular usage, sadomasochism is confounded with love. Masochistic phenomena, especially, are looked upon as expressions of love. An attitude of complete self-denial for the sake of another person and the surrender of one's own rights and claims to another person have been praised as examples of "great love". It seems that there is no better proof for "love" than sacrifice and the readiness to give oneself up for the sake of the beloved person. Actually, in these cases, "love" is essentially a masochistic yearning and rooted in the symbiotic need of the person involved.”

-- Erich Fromm

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com