Think Faster Than You Walk

"You need to think faster than you walk 

if you ever expect to get where you're going."

I think most kids you see downtown couldn't run if you leveled a pistol and shot at them.  They have earbuds shoved so far into their ears as to have a direct connection to what little brain matter they seemingly possess; they probably wouldn't even hear the shot.  And, the crotch of their jeans is down around their knees which prohibits any long strides, required when trying to outrun a bullet, without grabbing a handful of the waistband and trying to run with one hand attached to your front button and zipper, not to mention their tennis shoes with the laces untied and dangling.  God forbid they accidentally knock off their sports cap which their subculture dictates the need to leave tags hanging off so they look all the part of Minnie Pearl (my sincere apologies to Sarah Ophelia Colley Cannon, God rest her soul).  No, you can't wear the cap with a suit, especially in an office environment, and when you do wear it, the bill of that cap is supposed to have a curl to it, and you have to stop wearing it sideways when you reach the age of thirty.  None of this is a fashion statement; it's more of a non-fashion statement.  But, then, isn't this is a generation of, "I'm not expecting to get anywhere in life, so why try?"  

As always, some of our young people are without guidance as they grow up.  Without quality role models they are taught by others that it is okay not to accept the responsibility for their own shortcomings; not to think faster than they can walk.  For them it becomes obvious that society is to blame for them being a  generation of losers and dumbasses that don't have the fortitude, much less the testicles, to even give responsibility half a chance.  Unfortunately, to some extent, this is true.  But, regardless, you can't constantly deny responsibility and call yourselves men or women.  Perhaps this is why some kids have chosen to be neither... or both. 

Speaking as a man, men don't use guns to intimidate.  Men don't leave their unborn babies and not take ownership for having a child and doing right by it.  Men don't sell drugs to kids, and men don't feel a need to belong to a gang just to "fit in" and feel macho.  Perhaps what they need to ask themselves is, "What kind of a real man needs a gang to bolster their manhood or lack thereof?"

And women, not to be forgotten, they're the ones on the arm of these, so-called, "men."  I'd think any intelligent woman would have to ask herself, "What does hanging with this 'man' this say about me?"  And, after the first four or five kids with still no prospects for a husband, I also think you'd be asking, "Why in God's name do I keep doing this to myself?  Why do I hate myself this much?"

Life is more than just shucking and jiving down the street until you get so old that you begin to look really stupid doing it; when it gets to the point that everyone you know is laughing at you behind your back.  This is the old balding guy that takes what little hair he has and puts it into a thin, gray, ponytail.  We've all seen how silly this looks on a mature adult, and have probably made some comment about him being lost in the sixties.  This is the tail end of a circular life path that goes nowhere because they have refused to use their God-given brains before taking each step.  They began their journey by not really thinking where their life was going and not really caring.  If you can't think faster than you can walk, how do you ever expect to get where you're going?  If your path is a circle then it really isn't a path at all, it's a track, and if you can't learn to concentrate on where you're putting one foot in front of the other you will never be able to get off this track to nowhere.

I think for most young people in inner-cities, it would seem they're satisfied to be what their government wants them to be; forever on the government dole, with little or no self-respect except that which the government allows them, and little or no prospect for a future.  It is another unfortunate reality that this kind of entitlement mentality is becoming pervasive outside of these poor communities as well.  Political parties use these people to great advantage.  Some people are fine with being used.

The next time you think about declaring that you're nobody's bitch, remember who you have chosen to belong to.  The next time you grab that welfare check, remember that someone is buying your vote.  The next time you use those food stamps think about the definition of a whore and ask how much, or how little, cash you're accepting to be one.  And, if you're voting to allow this kind of philosophy to flourish, at least have the balls to accept responsibility for the higher taxes, crime, energy, food, gas, and medical costs, just to name a few of the non-benefits.  If they have you convinced that it's okay to facilitate this kind of thinking, aren't you simply paying money for the right to be their whore?  Who does that?

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill. Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course.
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?
Churchill: Madam, we’ve established that. Now we are haggling about price.

This all sounds pretty harsh... and it should.  Life is all about choices; your choices, not society's.  Do not fall for the political bullshit being spoon-fed to you; bullshit that keeps you humpin' the leg of "the man" while you're convincing yourself that you're not.  There comes a point when its time to stand up and admit a whore is a whore, and come to grips with just who your pimp really is.  Or, you can just say no.  No more!  There are plenty of people out there that will help you rise above it all, and if that fails, try faith.

All men fall.  Pope Francis even admits to failings.  But God forgives all sin if you just trust in your faith.  Don't ever let anyone convince you that you're a loser and can't ever amount to more than you are.  Concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.  Begin to think about each step and you will finally begin a path that leads somewhere, and not just in the hopeless circle that others want to keep you on.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Sermon for Sunday - July 27, 2014: Sermons?

Dictionary definition of a sermon just doesn't give you the flavor for it.  As usual, I went to Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, and, as usual, came up with some better stuff.  I have some excerpts below.

A sermon is an oration by a prophet or member of the clergy. 

Sermons address a Biblical, theological, religious, or moral topic, usually expounding on a type of belief, law, or behavior within both past and present contexts. 

Elements of preaching include exposition, exhortation and practical application.

The word can mean "conversation", which could mean that early sermons were delivered in the form of question and answer, and that only later did it come to mean a monologue. However, this is contradicted by all the examples from the Bible...

In modern language, the word "sermon" can also be used pejoratively in secular terms to describe a lengthy or tedious speech delivered with great passion, by any person, to an uninterested audience.

The first line I think we can all pretty much agree upon, as I also think we can agree sermons address the listed topics in both contexts.  However, I separated out the line concerning "preaching" because I want to address it momentarily.

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then have the two as close together as possible."

-- George Burns

A sermon can mean "conversation" at this is contradicted by all of the examples in the Bible.  Really.  Let's think about this from a writer's point of view.  I can write the entire sermon for you, complete with questions and answers, or, knowing that I have limited parchment or papyrus to write this down upon, at night by a flickering lamp; maybe I'll just give you the meat of the speech.  Who is to say that the oration wasn't including answers to questions not put down by the scribe?  Also, the Bible certainly doesn't list every little sermon given during the time period.  I think we need to be realistic and conclude that only the important sermons were included by the Council of Nicaea.  It is already fact that they left out much that was, and is, of interest because it did not serve their agenda.  So, I put forth that we should reexamine the very likely possibility that, Billy Graham orations in front of hundreds notwithstanding, sermons may have been conversations where questions and answers were the impetus driving the sermon.

Now, back to "preaching" which is of particular pain to most of us, and I wanted to include it for that reason in my discussion of the final excerpt.  For those that don't want to look it up, "pejoratively" means to use in derogative, contemptuous or a disapproving manner in secular, non-religious or spiritual, terms.  In non-religious terms?  Oh,  hell no!  I sat through all those sermons.  They were just as lengthy and tedious, and delivered with the same great passion by the Catholic priest to an equally passionately disinterested audience that was more interested in stopping by the supermarket on their way home for beer and dogs to watch the Sunday game with.  I think we can all agree we hate preaching.

"The best sermon is preached by the minister who has a sermon to preach and not by the man who has to preach a sermon."

-- William Feather (1889-1981), author

When I started my blog, The Path, I made it a personal goal that I would never preach.  I would say what is on my mind, my thoughts, as a way of stirring the emotions of others so they might make their own opinion and say what was on their mind and pass on their thoughts, and so on.  To me preaching is a way of trying to convince; you are wrong and I am right; you are sinning and I am not;  this is the path of Jesus and yours is, well... so not.  And, if you also feel this way, I am preaching to the choir.

"It is a poor sermon that gives no offense; that neither makes the hearer displeased with himself nor with the preacher."

-- George Whitefield (1714-1770), English clergyman

I have changed my Sunday Thought to a Sermon.  It is an oration delivered by a member of the clergy.  It is also meant to be a conversation, to be agreed or disagreed with, as you see fit.  The fact that you agree or disagree is evidence that you have thought for yourself about how you feel and, in doing so, formed your own opinion.  It may or may not be in concert with mine and this, in itself, is a good thing.  A conversation means that we have agreed to disagree; to the exchange of creative thought, hopefully with peaceful intent, in striving to reach similar goals while traveling our separate paths.

"A person's faith goes at its own pace," Owen Meany said, "the trouble with church is the service.  A service is conducted for a mass audience.  Just when I start to like the hymn, everyone plops down to pray.  Just when I start to hear the prayer, everyone pops up to sing.  And what does the stupid sermon have to do with God?  Who knows what God thinks of current events?  Who cares?"

-- John Irving, "A prayer for Owen Meany"

So, Attractive Is In?

The title of this post was changed to what it is because the title of the original post became the subject of small-minded critique by members of my monastery who found the four-letter adjective, for the three-letter noun which references reproduction, to be objectionable. There is a saying here in the south, "Don't get into a braying contest with a jackass." For those not up on southern colloquialisms, it simply advises you shouldn't argue with someone whose I.Q. and maturity level is less than half their age. To this end, I have changed the four letter word to "attractive." The only other time this adjective was used in the original post was in the second paragraph.  I have reprinted the first two paragraphs, shown in blue below, for those not wishing to follow the link, also included below.  The change is shown in red.

To be perfectly honest, the adjective was not what I thought might garner the unwanted attention of the "Monastery Nazis." I was afraid the lead-in photo I used, a provocative torso shot of a woman with ruby red lipstick with a skimpy red evening dress would be the subject of their rant. Imagine my surprise to find that Webster's Dictionary would be my undoing. 

Socialism, at its root, begs the attention of the immature, and in today's American socialist environment, I probably should have expected some small-minded Gestapo stormtrooper to burn my books and bind my hands. For the benefit of these particular folks, an adjective is a word, or words, that describe something or an attribute of something. For instance, "I am beautiful" includes a noun, a verb, and an adjective. But, I digress. 

I wanted to follow up on that post of June 12, 2014. For those that haven't read the original post, you will find it on my blog, The Path. Since this will also probably find its way to the Monastery website, for the benefit of my fellow ministers, I hesitate to offer up the direct link as the four-letter adjective is still a part of the title. So, instead of repeating the previous mistake, bear with me and please utilize the following link: Click On This

In the original post, I give men hell for letting the fact that they're fat or homely be the reason for not taking care in the way they groom, dress, act, and speak.  I included men in this discussion after I gave women hell for not making the most out of what God gave them to work with.  I am a firm believer that with the proper make-over you can, more times than not, make a silk purse from a sow's ear.  I try to make the point less eloquently in the following two paragraphs:

Men, if you think you're immune from this, think again.  Most of you slovenly miscreants couldn't find a quality woman because you rarely find the sober ability to part your ass cheeks long enough to pull your head out and take a breath of fresh air much less bathe, shave, put on some fine threads, and, yes, learn to walk, talk, and act so a woman of any worth would give you a first, much less a second, look.  Try getting a haircut and combing what's left.  Try wearing pants that don't droop half past your butt crack and, by the way, boxer shorts worn in plain sight are not a fashion statement to anyone, except the person wearing them and it certainly isn't a sign of good breeding.   Let me say that all of this is aimed at the teenagers that do it.  You guys over thirty that do it, well, really?  GROW THE HELL UP!  The fact that you think you can act like you're eighteen is just, well, sad.  Any woman that thinks he's "cute" needs a serious reality check.  God was kind enough to give a man two heads, how about using the one with a brain in it occasionally.  If you want to really be different, try acting like an adult, or at least like a person that gives one shit about who they are and where they are going in life, after you wake up from your drug or alcohol induced coma tomorrow morning. 

The point here is very simple.  Attractive has always been in.  It doesn't matter what your shape is.  It matters who you are and how you present yourself.  If your goal in life is to be trailer trash, hey, I respect that.  Go for it!  But, at least be the best trailer trash you can be and please don't bitch to the rest of us about how miserable your life is.  It is your life!

I believe this to be fairly accurate and true, to a point.  Whereas you can make a silk purse from a sow's ear, I also believe that there are times you just can't take the country out of the boy.  He can go to college, dress himself up in a wardrobe of expensive sportswear, buy himself that $50,000 SUV, and when everything is said and done you can still be left with well-dressed, college educated, hot car and boat owning, trailer trash, because the minute that country yokel opens his loud, obnoxious, mouth he is just another backward ass country boy.

I have had the unfortunate, and embarrassing, opportunity to witness a couple of these boys in action recently.  I would have felt bad for the attractive women they were with but, hey, these were guys of their own choosing.  These guys were not really overweight or unattractive.  They had the expected beer guts and what I could best describe as that good ol' boy, baby fat, face.  So, I figure they didn't have to work very hard to have some possibilities, some potential.  And then, they had to go and speak.  They were loud, obnoxiously loud, with that "good ol' boy, backward ass, country drawl" which was so thick to the point you just knew they had to be playing it up.  I find this kind of ignorance plays as well for whites as using ebonics and the "N-word" plays for blacks.  It doesn't.  It's simply evidence that ignorance is ignorance.

One of these guys strutted passed me acting like he was all that.  I would have snickered at his failure to pull it off if I weren't gasping for oxygen.  The bottle of cologne he'd bathed in not that long ago was shortening the life span of several children in the store, contaminating produce, and setting off an overly sensitive CO2 detector.  Luckily the supermarket is a no smoking area because an open flame would have put us on the local news and cost untold thousands in window damage for a several block radius.  To the ladies traveling in the SUV with this guy all I can say is, "Sucks being you."

In your journey to make the most of what God gave you to work with, don't get too wrapped up in the, well...wrapping.  You can buy very expensive wrapping paper, tissue, and a large bow but, if all you're wrapping is a piece of shit, it will still be a piece wrapped nicely.  And, I don't care how expensive the cologne is, if you get close enough you might have to ask which is worse, the cologne or the piece of shit it's trying to mask.

Everyone concerns themselves with physical expectations.  What's outside is a paint job, and that paint job can be the best money can buy, but if the foundation is corrupt or the framing has dry rot or termites, then all the paint does is mask the true issues.  Most quality people can see through the paint.  They knock on the walls and look at the foundation.  It might be more property than they want, but if it is a solid investment it just might win them over.  There is nothing that beats a sound investment picked up by a solid investor.  This is a great, long term, relationship.

So, guess what, chubby?  If you walk the walk and talk the talk; if you show a woman you have possibilities; if you can balance the backwoods yokel with some sophisticated "man about town," then maybe what you look like won't be as important as how interesting you are, if it comes into play at all.  Dare to be the most interesting man in the world.  Dare to be what you want to be.  Dare to be more than the sum of your parts, whatever the hell that means.

Again, understand me; I am not an advocate of becoming something you are not.  If, and only if, your goal is to work with what God gave you and stop making excuses for being less than what God intended you to be; if you can accept that you have some physical shortcomings and want to rise above them; if you want people to notice that there is a beautiful person trying to get out, then you also have to make that person inside believe they are the mature, beautiful person you want everyone to see.  Otherwise, be who you are, there is nothing wrong with that.  I support the freedom for people to be what they want, no matter how much cheap cologne they wear or how much it burns my eyes.  I can only repeat what I said in the last paragraph from my previous post:

It doesn't matter what your shape is.  It matters who you are and how you present yourself.  If your goal in life is to be trailer trash, hey, I respect that.  Go for it!  But, at least be the best trailer trash you can be and please don't bitch to the rest of us about how miserable your life is.  It is your life!

As usual, this is just an opinion, my opinion. Opinions are great "pot stirrers" and more people should voice theirs. One person's opinion is another person's stepping off point to creating an opinion of their own. My goal is never to try and convince, nor to preach. My goal is to try and make people think. Sometimes, I don't even agree with me. I can write something then sit back and ask, "Where do you come up with this drivel?" Then, occasionally, I find I'm right on target. What you think is never the point. The point is always that you think at all, and the more important question is, as always, "Why?"

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

The Right Fit?

"If I 'think' about a problem but limit my thoughts to certain dimensions - then i am not thinking at all, because thinking implies that one at least tries to take all relevant factors into consideration, and as there's usually no way to tell which factors are and which are not relevant restricted thought is not 'thinking' and so 'thinking outside the box' is simply a euphemism for 'let's start to think', but the metaphor implies a hidden desire to return to conformity immediately."

-- Martinus Hendrikus Benders

We spend so much of our lives looking for the right fit or trying to fit in.  Think about those words, "trying to fit in."  It's like trying to put the square peg in the round hole.  I keep going back to Master Yoda: 

"Do or do not.  There is no try."  

But, you might rightly state, we all know that a square peg does not fit in the round hole, so trying is not an option; it is what it is, right?.  Really?  And what of Star Trek's "Kobayashi Maru" scenario?

Kirk: I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship.
Saavik: What?
David Marcus: He cheated.
Kirk: I changed the conditions of the test; got a commendation for original thinking. I don't like to lose.
Saavik: Then you never faced that situation... faced death.
Kirk: I don't believe in the no-win scenario.

-- Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

A square peg in a round hole?  Trying is always an option.  Make the hole bigger, and use a lot of putty to fill in around the peg.  Make the round hole square or make the square peg round.  Carpenters do it all the time.  Learn to adapt and overcome in the face of, seemingly, insurmountable odds.  try to think of your life as a stonemason building a wall.  The mason places all the stones on the grass so he can pick an approximate fit for each spot as he constructs the wall.  Is each stone perfect?  No, and he gets around that problem with the mortar he uses to hold each stone in place; he fills in the gaps.

Do you need to be the perfect fit for a group you'd like to join?  Why?  Maybe your differences are exactly what that group has been missing.  You could provide the mortar that brings it all together.  Sometimes the perfect fit isn't right in front of you; not inside your box, so to speak.  Sometimes you have to go into your mind and convince yourself to look outside of the box for a better solution.

Is it cheating?  If you cheat on a test and the answer is wrong, it isn't cheating unless somebody catches you being a dumbass using bad answers, in which case you should be reprimanded for being stupid, not for cheating.  But, the answer doesn't always have to be the accepted answer.  Personally, I think Kirk cheated by changing the conditions of the test, but his point was that there is no such thing for him as a no-win scenario.  He rightly got a commendation for original thinking.  Is enlarging the round hole to fit the peg cheating?  Yes, but it shows the ability for original thought, and a never-say-die mentality.  Cheating should never be a "go to" solution for every problem but when it comes to life or death, is it really wrong to consider?

We all remember the scientific community's refrain, "There is no other intelligent life in the universe."  It would certainly seem to evidence no intelligence from any scientific mind making any definitive statement.  Science is all about repetitive outcomes to prove a hypothesis, yet the fact that definitive statements seem to always get proven wrong seems to escape them as a repetitive outcome.  "As of this moment we have no proof of any other intelligent life in the universe," would be a more acceptable and intelligent statement as it leaves the door open to possibilities, and there are always possibilities.

My favorite discussion is the "I've quit smoking," statement.  If you have stopped smoking, you have not yet quit.  The only time anyone will be able to definitively say you quit smoking, is after they die having never smoked again.  Until that time, there is always a possibility you will smoke again.

Very little is definitive in God's marvelous universe where change is the only constant.

Never be definitive; leave your life open to possibilities.  I challenge you to go into the world wanting everyone to see you not as the round peg in the round hole.  Instead of being a peg trying to fit into a particular shape, how about we be content simply being the peg we are.  Go out there and let people see your differences and, in those differences, see you for all the possibilities you bring to the table.  In this, then, there is no "try" involved.  Do it, or do not, the choice is always yours.

Dare to be the square peg; to hell with the hole.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Stress Control & Anger Management

"You must learn to let go. Release the stress. 

You were never in control anyway."

-- Steve Maraboli

I used to have a bad temper.  Not all the time.  I would spike.  One moment I would be happy-go-lucky, the next I would be ripping your head off and defecating down your neck.  Not at trivial stuff, mind you.  It had to be something worth getting really pissed off about.  That was how I excused it.  Truth be told, I was never like that until I got married.  I feel pretty confident about this reasoning because, since the divorce, I've been back to my old self.  Just don't piss me off.

There are four stages of anger:

1.  Annoyed

2.  Frustrated

3.  Infuriated

4.  Hostile

Really?  In my humble opinion, this is so much psychobabble.  It establishes criteria for the common man.  Does it?  Or, does it establish criteria for the uncommon man?  How many of us go straight from annoyed to hostile?  You can start at any one of the first three and jump to hostile.  Think about it.  "I'm annoyed with you, so why don't you shut the eff up?"  No frustration, and certainly not infuriated.  We go straight from annoyed to hostile.  How many of us, like I used to do, go straight to hostile from happy-go-lucky?  Thinking about it, in order to go straight from happy to hostile probably means we've banked some annoyance or frustration for use at a later date.  This accounts for many people asking, "What in God's name brought that on?"

Hey, it's good to blow off steam, right?  Right?  Well, sure...if you do it right.  Or, maybe you like the three phases of stress.

Physiological Response with increased heart rate and blood pressure, decreased blood flow to the extremities, slowed digestion.

Interpretation, or how we interpret the cause of our stress, can affect our ability to cope with the resulting stress.  If we can't cope with it we could be setting ourselves up for a fall.

Reaction to stress can manifest itself physically through blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, infertility, or irritable bowel.  It can be emotional with anxiety, depression, anger, forgetfulness, or panic attacks, and it can be behavioral with overeating, poor appetite, drug abuse, excessive smoking, irritability, social withdrawal, or insomnia.

Each phase can probably express itself in any or all of the symptoms, or something entirely different.  Don't ask me, I'm not a doctor, and since they only practice medicine they probably aren't really sure either, but at least a doctor can offer some hope for a better outcome than just dealing with it.

"I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems.  Nothing is worth diminishing your health.  Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear."

-- Steve Maraboli

We all know how my stress manifested itself, but I took some action.  I went and saw a psychologist; I worked on managing my "spiking" at every little thing; I got rid of the root cause of my stress through a divorce, and I finally got on a low dose of blood pressure meds.

Yeah, that's right.  This picture is like me, back in the day; no longer the cute little cuddly babe that all the ladies wanted to hold and smooch upon.  Nope, when I got on a tear I could be a real ass.  I'd throw one hell of a tantrum.  I'd scream, kick, throw stuff, drool, wet myself, and then sulk.

Now I'm back to being cute, cuddly, and smooched on.  Oh, I still have my moments, but I have found ways to express my displeasure other than through anger.  Most of the time it results in me looking stupid but, hey, it beats looking like an ass.  Besides, pasta sauce washes out of your hair and there is oxy stuff that can get the stains out of my good shirts.  These tantrums usually occur when I run out of beer or bourbon, everything else in my life is trivial and not worth the effort, except for family.  I deal with the family like a father now, and not an ogre.

Stress control and anger management, not really rocket science.  A bit of meditation, a little focus, a healthy dose of tolerance, and re-learning the art of truly having fun again.  Try to remember that it does no good to fret over those things for which you have no control.  It also accomplishes little to control things that do you no good.  In all things there is a middle ground; there will always be winners and losers, but what is more important is how you play the game, and so it is with life.  Learn to unload those things that do bother you by being honest with people around you.  Do it calmly and I think you'll find that most folks appreciate the honesty and will learn to expect that from you.  Blowing up at people and situations do you little good.  If you think it makes you feel better, you're not paying attention to how it affects your health, your daily routine, and the folks around you; the folks that you love.

"If the problem can be solved, why worry.  If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good."

-- Santideva

It is never about the destination, it is always about the journey.  The people we meet, the lives we touch, and those that touch us.  Who we help and how we help, and what we expect in return.  To see your full larder and fill a box for those that struggle for their next meal.

"It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes happiness."

-- Charles Sprugeon

God gives me a continual lesson, and it is very simple.  Every time I think I have a reason to be truly angry, or I think I have reason to stress, God shows me a young lady crippled from birth that can wish me a happy day; a wounded soldier with prosthetic legs that can thank me for my service; an elderly person that suffers tremors or cannot remember their loved ones; a young suffering four-year-old who gets to make a wish with the Make a Wish Foundation and the wish is to bring toys to all the other children are suffering in hospitals.  God gave me the knowledge of a young girl, a musical virtuoso, who was asked what her aspiration was in life, to which she answered, "Happiness."  Each of these instances and so many others are lessons.  Lessons for us, or lessons for them.  For me, I knock on wood and remember the John Bradford quote, "There but for the grace of God go I."

The things that annoy us and anger us are trivial in God's greater universe, and this stress is usually of our own making anyway so we might as well focus our anger on the right target so everyone else doesn't have to deal without bullshit so they get stressed.  People catch me looking into the sky a lot nowadays.  I'll look up, shake my head, laugh, and go on with life.  Usually, you might hear me say something like, "Really God?  You're gonna throw this at me too?" Or, I may have seen it coming and, "Yeah, yeah, I was expecting it."  Or even, "Nope, I didn't see that coming."  But, I'm my own worst enemy because now God knows I can take it.

I think my stress control and anger management came about when I developed a personal relationship with God; when I learned how to have a conversation with God, not with a priest, or through prayer, but to just look up while I'm walking and just say what's on my mind or ask a question, or just to say thank you for another glorious day in paradise.

"If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath."

-- Amit Ray

Do something novel this Sunday.  Don't go to church.  It won't be a big deal because it says in the bible you should be humble and worship in private.  As far as the alms are concerned, give it to the poor because of the leaking church roof, well, to what end?  You're supposed to worship in private.  How about we sell the church and feed the poor?  You know, do some real good with our faith.  Stay home this Sunday and make a new friend, introduce yourself to God, and then have a nice long talk with the one you've been worshipping.  

I have real money that says you'll feel like more was accomplished than in all the time you've spent suffering through countless sermons just to hear lessons on morality and righteousness which you already know.  You might even find that your stress goes away, and wouldn't that be a marvelous thing?

Remember, these are just my opinions, we all have some.  Make sure you put a voice to yours.  If you feel you have stress in your life or cannot control your anger and frustration on your own, seek professional help.  There is no shame in seeking help.  Which is worse, seeking help, or hurting someone you love or care about?  If you don't have money for help, ask your minister or call a hotline that is available in most cities and hospitals.  Help is out there, you only have to ask, and asking is that very big first step to a happier life.

"We often think that admitting struggle is a sign of weakness, but we all struggle sometimes.  We all get overwhelmed sometimes.  We all need help sometimes.  Acknowledging this is not a sign of weakness, but struggling alone is a choice to grow weak.  

We all need each other.  No one is an island.  The good news is that people really do care.  Think about it  If someone you know was hurting, would you offer your support?  If someone you know got into a tough situation, would you help them find a solution?  You'd probably want them to come to you - to know that you care and they can trust and depend on you.  

Why not give them the opportunity to do the same for you?  Why push yourself to your breaking point when there are people who'd be honored to help lighten your load?  

If you're carrying more than you can handle today, choose to let some of it go by letting someone else in.  You may feel vulnerable asking for help, but wouldn't the world be a better place if we all learned to depend on each other?" 

-- Lori Deschene, Tiny Wisdom:  On Asking for Help

God bless us all this fine Sunday.  God bless us all with laughter and tolerance, and a bit more understanding.  God bless us all with the ability to cope and, failing that, the knowledge to know when to just walk away, and smile.  God bless us all with the ability to look like clowns instead of like asses, and to laugh at ourselves while we do it.  And, finally, God bless us with the hearts of children so we may see the world with eyes of wonder.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Wasted Tears

"There are few things in life sadder than tears wasted, 

save tears themselves."

450 years before the birth of Christ, the Greek poet Sophocles said, "There is no sense crying over spilt milk.  Why bewail what is done and cannot be recalled?"  By the same token, you should not fret over those things you can do nothing about.  Is this supposed to make grief easier to bear?  I think not.  To the contrary, William Shakespeare says, "To weep is to make less the depth of grief."  I have found this to be true for many people, including me.  I find it best to not cry for no good reason, and then I fail.  There are few things in life sadder than tears wasted, save tears themselves.

We cry for a variety of reasons, not all of them are necessarily bad.  We cry when sad or happy.  We cry at the loss of a loved one, or at the birth of a baby.  We cry when we lose something cherished, and when we get a gift of something desired.  We cry when we laugh too hard and we cry when someone else cries.

Personally, I cry at the drop of a hat.  I always have, and it was always a source of embarrassment for my daughter who has witnessed my tearful displays numerous times as we watched such cinematic classics as the 1963 Disney film, "The Incredible Journey" and the 1993 Disney remake, "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey."  Both of these masterpieces required a large box of tissue which she was eager to fetch prior to the start of each film.  For me, the moment doesn't even have to concern living beings.  In the Star Trek movie franchise, I cried when the starship Enterprise was destroyed, and I cried when the Android, Data, gave his life to save everyone in the final offering of that particular franchise.

I came to two conclusions some time ago.  One is that it takes a real man to wear pink and make it look good.  And two is that real men cry.  Hey, real men can be sensitive.  Get over yourself.  Real men cry as the antithesis to our sense of humor.  The more heartfelt our tears, the more we laugh.  A man who can cry simply displays evidence of his ability to feel deep emotion, while the man who holds it in exhibits fear of what others might think.  Many men see tears as a sign of weakness.  I think this is bullshit.  A leader should never fear to show emotions, when appropriate.

"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either."

-- Golda Meir (1898-1978), Former Prime Minister of Israel

I happened upon a new philosophy for dealing with loss.  Well, new for me anyway.  And it comes from far out in left field, though one will recognize why the author of this "philosophy" should not really surprise anyone.  We spend so much time crying and bemoaning the loss, the end of an era, a relationship, family or friends.  But I ask you to consider this gem:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

-- Dr. Seuss

But how does this help me when I see kids in a children's hospital that fight for life and greet death with much more dignity and understanding than any mature adult possibly could?  I cannot visit a children's ward.  Dying children affect me in a way that crushes my heart while lifting my soul.  You have to experience this to understand.  It is hard to explain.  Victor Hugo wrote, "Those who do not weep, do not see."  I think it pertains.

And you're probably asking what any of this has to do with wasted tears?  Well, I see it this way.  We waste a lot of our tears on trivial bullshit.  This is sad when you consider all that is happening around us in the world.  Yet, when I see one child cry from hunger or hurt, the feeling I get as a father and a grandfather is one of empathy.  We have many reasons to cry, but should we?  There are those among us who cry for far better reasons than many of us could ever imagine.

Next time I cry, I think I'll try to make sure they're tears of joy.  I will try not to cry for the loss of someone, but to smile because they happened, because I knew them, and because I shared a moment of friendship and love.

But, I will cry.

"Crying is one of the highest devotional songs.  One who knows crying, knows spiritual practice.  If you can cry with a pure heart, nothing compares to such a prayer.  Crying includes all the principles of Yoga."

-- Swami Krialvanandji (1913-1981)

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid... Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

-- John 14:27 & 16:24

We hear from people every day how angry they are, how hurt they are, how sad they are, how poor they are, how overworked they are, how lonely they are, how God has forsaken them, and the complaints go on.  Yet, they go to bed at night and wake up the next morning having been given the "gift" of another day; perhaps, for some, another day in hell.  And yet, if these complaints were a heartfelt reality, why wake up?  Why abuse the gift given to you by wasting it with complaining?  Why endure another pitiful day in a self-imposed hell?  I say "self-imposed" because life is all about making choices and living with the consequences.

When you were born, life was gifted to you.  This gift was reality; the only true reality.  Awareness of the world around you allowed you to make choices which replaced this true reality with your own "created" reality.  Your "created" reality has thrown the one true reality out of balance.  The further out of balance this reality becomes, the more misery is felt, to the point that our misery begins to affect the reality of others, and so on, and so on.  But we have the ability to end this cycle, or at least mitigate the damage.  While Christ lived, and before He died, He gave us yet another gift; a chance to bring our reality back into balance.

He came, He lived, and He showed us the path.  He endured more than any of us could imagine prior to his death, yet in those final minutes, he still forgave mankind.  With everything we think we endure in this life, we still wake up the next morning with a fresh chance to make our lives right; to put our reality back in balance.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you."  Unconditional peace and love, brought by Him, from God, for all mankind; a peace which is free for you to enjoy, as long as you make good choices.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  To what end your troubles and fear?  It will gain you nothing to worry over that which you have no control.  If it affects you so much, ask for peace in His name "and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."  Or, you can continue to wallow in self-pity wondering each morning why God has forsaken you by making you wake up to another miserable day in your self-imposed hell.  

Why would God do this to you?  You wake up every morning and, yet, you don't really wake up.  Every morning God gives you another chance to understand and, like many, you remain in a near vegetative state, constantly ignoring lessons in favor of whining and complaining about your misery.  Does it compare to the misery Christ endured for you?  I think not.  If you truly think this, then consider going to the garage, getting a 60 penny box nail, driving the nail through your hand with a 4-pound sledgehammer, and then ask yourself if you want to repeat this "lesson" with the other hand.  No?  Then I doubt if your misery comes close to that of the passion of Christ.  Yet, you wake up every morning to endure... what?.

We all have to ask ourselves why we are miserable in our lives.  Why we dread waking up every morning instead of reveling in the paradise we were gifted.  Once we figure out why our "created reality" sucks, we can do something about making it right again.  The point is, it's not someone else making our lives miserable.  If you're looking for someone to blame for all of your ills, look in a mirror.  When the analysis is complete, you will find that the 800-pound gorilla in the room is you.  If you are miserable because of your job, but the job supports your lifestyle, you have a logical choice; change jobs or change the lifestyle.  If you don't want to do either then quit complaining and suck it up, because misery seems to agree with you.

The bottom line is, your heart doesn't need to be troubled.  You are always in control of your own life.  Whatever misery befalls it, is misery you create, so stop it!

Maybe it's time to wake up and take control of your life by making better choices, choices which will diminish, or extinguish, all the drama you allow into it.

As always, this is just my opinion.  Not many will agree with me.  I understand this, and never expect much from my detractors.  Personally, I don't think many folks are awake enough to understand or desire to understand, the changes they need to make.  Many will still target others for their misery, even though it was their own poor choice which set the wheels of misery in motion.  It always seems to be someone else's fault.  I find it a conundrum that we are so afraid of change and yet change is the only constant in the universe.  We encounter changes in our lives daily, yet we fear those changes which can make our lives happier and more fulfilling.  We fear these changes so much that we subconsciously make ourselves ignorant of them.  We need to stop fearing change and learn to embrace it.

Tomorrow morning, ask yourself if you are truly awake, and then go out and feel the joy of another great day in paradise.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.