Questioning Unrequited, Psychology, Lying, Knowledge, and Self-Deception

“Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back... then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.”

-- Sarah Cross

Could we have loved someone who didn't love us?

Happens all the time. I have truly loved women who never gave me the time of day.

Can cheating in school lower your self-esteem?

You cheated. Where is the esteem? Where is the respect and admiration? It not only lowers your self-esteem, it will lower everyone else’s opinion of you… if they find out. Better to fail honestly, so you can hold your head up and say you seriously tried.

Does everybody love or hate me?

You left out the people who really don’t care.

Instead of saying things and repeating what I read in my head BY saying it, how can I better understand and/or comprehend what I read or want to know? Life is much harder (a lot harder) when I just do that.

There are people, mentors, all around you, waiting for questions. You should reach out and ask folks for their opinions. You will find many people willing to give you their time.

How do peoplw come up with these stupid questions?

Most of them, however, know how to spell.

Is motivation the forerunner of any tangible achievement in life?

Motivation is the primary reason for most people’s achievements. Without motivation, why would anyone get out of bed, much less go to work? When a person comes up with an idea, it is motivation that drives them to follow the idea through to fruition. Without motivation, they will see someone else bring the idea to fruition. Without motivation, they’ll be heard to say, “I thought of that first!”

Sure you did.

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

What is the hardest part about being a psychology major?

Getting a job when you graduate. I was a psychology major. I never cracked a book and made a B+ average. Psychology came easy for me. I was able to utilize what I learned when I was drafted into the military and served in the Intelligence field for 23 years.

What is the psychological reason behind people wanting to know why something happened?

If you don’t know “why” things happen, you can have them again or prevent them from happening again.

How do I make impossible wishes come true immediately? I have read that you should visualize it, but that won't work on its own. What else can I do that works? (Note: I can't buy stuff because I don't have money and you can't say there's no way.)

No way. What part of “impossible” did you miss in your question? If they were “possible” you might have a chance. You can visualize the impossible until hell freezes over, but only the possible has a chance to ever be realized. You can’t ask an “impossible” question and then say, “…you can’t say no way.”

If you were being made to take full responsibility for something that you know is only partly your fault, how would you react?

First of all, they can’t make me do anything. Second, they would have to prove that I am entirely at fault. If they don’t or won’t, then it’s time for court. They need to show proof.

What role do slogans for life play in mental health and well-being?

It makes things easier to remember, especially where safety and health are concerned.

I am very ugly. What can I do?

Groom well, dress well, act well, and develop self-confidence. How you look is not as important as how you look and act. Be polite, stand up for what is right, be selfless in everything you do, and you will develop a sense of self-confidence. 

"At the small table, sitting very upright, was one of the ugliest old ladies he had ever seen. It was an ugliness of distinction - it fascinated rather than repelled."

-- Agatha Christie

How can you tell if someone is lying if all of their past statements have been proven to be false?

You can’t. But, their history tells us not to believe a thing they say.

What is something old-fashioned that you still enjoy doing?

Taking walks, alone, in the park. It gives me a chance to think and to enjoy watching the children play. At 70, I’ve become the quintessential grandpa, and I love doing it. Being with yourself is something old-fashioned that, I think, most young people miss out on.

Can you ask for a lie detector test?

Can you afford it?

Why do people lie about others?

Jealousy? It’s the only reason I can see some people lying about other people. I’ve never had the inclination… unless it was part of my job.

What will happen if you were right about someone who was wrong about you due to responsibility?

Shit happens. Either confront them or get over it. Life is too short for this kind of drama.

How can I see if someone is being lied to?

Know the truth. If you know the truth it is very easy to see if someone is lying. Other than that, you have to be very good at interrogation in order to see their “tells” that give them away as liars.

“In a series of three studies, the offenders who claimed they were abused as a child were 67 percent, 65 percent, and 61 percent without the threat of a polygraph. With polygraph (and conditional immunity), the offenders who claimed they were abused as children were 29 percent, 32 percent, and 30 percent, respectively. The polygraph groups reported approximately half the amount of victimization as children as the non-polygraph groups did.

Nonetheless, the notion that most offenders were victims has spread throughout the field of sexual abuse and is strangely comforting for most professionals.”

-- Anna C. Salter

How is knowledge applied?

With a trowel. Any problem, no matter how small, is solved with knowledge. The greater the knowledge, the better the solution, usually. Sometimes intelligence gets in the way of our smarts, and we tend to overthink.

How do you dumb down intelligent people?

Be more intelligent than they are.

Do people have to get to know you to like you?

No. I’m just a likable guy. If they get to know me, we’ll become friends. If they get really close to me, we might become closer friends. If they’re women… well…

How do you deal with people who claim to be mind readers?

They need to prove it. But, unless they are reading your mind, why would you care?

What are some reasons why someone might seem stupid when they actually aren't (or vice versa)?

Their mind works faster than their mouth. I’ve known very intelligent people, who suffer from this. I have to tell them to slow down, form what they want to say, and then speak slowly. Or, they had too much bourbon.

What factors contribute to a rise in hateful and threatening rhetoric during times of conflict?

Bad reporting from equally bad media outlets.

“Ce n'est pas la première fois que je remarque combien, en France particulièrement, les mots ont plus d’empire que les idées."

-- George Sand

Self-deception seems an impossible task as it requires intent to deceive. Can you clear this up?

It requires deceiving yourself, which is impossible without knowing you’re doing it.

What are some quotes from atheists about the fear of God?

They’re the same quotes from spiritual people who are not part of organized religion. God was never meant to be feared. That’s unless you’re an atheist, but then, they really don’t give a shit because they have no belief in a God.

What things should a man be respected for in a relationship?

Honesty, integrity, respect, politeness, oh… wait. These are the same things we should all be exercising in any relationship. Silly me!

What was a red flag that made you stop talking to a person immediately?

When I realized they were a member of the League of the Perpetually Offended. You simply can’t talk to them. They bait you in with a question, and then they don’t want to listen to an answer. The real “red flag” is when they start cussing at you, which happens almost immediately. I decided life was too short to pay attention to them.

Can it be true that pride is giving your best shot, and dignity is knowing when to walk away?

Pride be damned! Living life demands your best shot.  Dignity is knowing when to walk away and learn from the lessons you’ve been taught, so you can try, and try again.

Author's comment: Brilliant, thank you!

What are the best ways to understand the modern world?

Understand that what is old is, in all probability, yesterday. Some things that are old can stand the test of time. Usually, however, they need some “tweaking” to keep up. Equality, fairness, respect, and the like, go through changes. Every day we wake up, it is another day in another modern world. Learn to deal with it.

“The modern world is not evil; in some ways, the modern world is far too good. It is full of wild and wasted virtues. When a religious scheme is shattered (as Christianity was shattered at the Reformation), it is not merely the vices that are let loose. The vices are, indeed, let loose, and they wander and do damage. But the virtues are let loose also; and the virtues wander more wildly, and the virtues do more terrible damage. The modern world is full of the old Christian virtues gone mad. The virtues have gone mad because they have been isolated from each other and are wandering alone. Thus some scientists care for truth; and their truth is pitiless. Thus some humanitarians only care for pity; and their pity (I am sorry to say) is often untruthful.”

-- G.K. Chesterton

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com