Questioning Bais, Grammar, Shame, Anger, and Bullies

“Outfits don't define your character, your behavior does. Great achievements are born, not from fancy suits, but from great minds. And great minds do not need suits to feel and look important. Only the shallow look at outfits, but the wise know to look beyond. Look at the person beyond the outfit.”

-- Abhijit Naskar

What are some dangerous examples of confirmation bias?

Yep, you were right. It was the red wire.

What made you believe in luck?

I have survived several motor vehicle crashes that officials say should have killed me. It wasn’t luck as much as it was intervention by an unknown force. I am still here because I was meant to be, for reasons yet unknown to me. Luck? I believe in cause and effect. It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is, again. If it’s coming at you, get out of the way. If it’s already here, deal with it. If it’s your time, fight against the dying of the light, or say goodbye.

What is the theory in which a person takes or agrees on something he likes or thinks it’s right, but it actually is the opposite?

Heraclitus - Unity of Opposites?

What do old people know that makes them happier than most people?

The secret to true happiness is a conscious choice to be happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstance. We waste most of our lives searching for that which is a simple choice. Old people find this out later in life, a few of us find out earlier. Make good choices, and smile… constantly.

What is an easy thing that everyone could do to change the world for the better?

Be tolerant and understanding.

“The highest result of education is tolerance.”

-- Helen Keller

Is my friend making fun of me to put me down or to make me laugh?

A real friend doesn’t put you down, so it’s probably to make you laugh. However, you asked this question for a reason. I’d be thinking about that. You might want to pick your “friends a little better.

How do you answer “what have you been doing”?

Enjoying retirement.

What makes a problem beneficial?

When the problem works out to your advantage. I have a girlfriend but we are having problems. We break up. Her good-looking friend comes up to me, smiles, and says, “I thought you two would never end it.” The problem worked to my advantage. 

Is "And suddenly, the world doesn't feel that lonely" correct?

It would depend on your perspective. Does it, or does it not?

Why does it feel like a lot of people on here are highly sarcastic and conceited when someone asks a genuine question?

Yes, says the self-admitted hypocrite. Unfortunately, they’re all questions. The trick is to ferret out the serious questions. A “hit and miss” proposition, for a lot of us. We bank on a robust sense of humor and occasionally fall short.

“A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.

"Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel."

"Easy mistake to make," Jem said.

-- Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

Growing up around narcissists, healthy self-love, and pride in my accomplishments was treated as narcissistic so I internalized self-love as shameful. How can I change my inner dialogue so that shame and self-love are not synonymous?

Well, you’ve taken the right first step. You recognize that shame and self-love aren’t synonymous. Now, stop talking to yourself about it. It sounds like you had lousy role models growing up, so ignore your formative years and start reforming yourself by hanging around people who really love themselves, who are truly happy, and who find the company of others as nurturing. Let them know your issues and what you strive for. They will be there for you. They aren’t “all that” and they’ll be the first to admit it. No one is perfect, but we can certainly strive for excellence.

What’s one thing, you’ve heard a repairman say, that made you question their expertise?

“Uh…”  It really isn't an answer, as much as it is an ignorant utterance.

What's the difference between a person being honest versus a person being truthful? 

Honest means you’ll do no harm, but truthful means you might be hurt. You’re honest, but you hold back because someone might be hurt if you tell the truth. If you’re truthful, you have no filter. You set their feelings aside and tell them what you know. Good “ethics” demands that we be honest and truthful. With no balance between the two, it explains why we don’t steal, but we tend to hurt the ones we love. I love her too much to be truthful, so I’ll filter it through honesty and hope she forgives me.

Or, you can just go with “don’t steal” as honesty, and “Don’t lie” as truthful. But, you’ll piss someone off, sooner or later. 

How am I supposed to respond to "Why do you ask so many questions?"

“I want your job.”

Is it true that the opportunity to participate in social activities has no strong impact on a person’s identity, self-esteem, quality of life, and ultimately his/her social status?

So, following this strange train of thought, being an introvert, a “wallflower,” will also have no strong impact on a person’s identity, et al. So, why do we call them introverts and wallflowers if there is no strong impact? The academician who uttered this is either in denial or has never suffered the indignation of not being given “the opportunity to participate in social activities.”

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”

-- Iyanla Vanzant

How can I get my anger down in writing without coming across as too aggressive?

Don’t. Write what you feel and think. This is your honest opinion coming out in an aggressive format. Once you have it down, go back and wordsmith it. Explain some of the aggressiveness, and some of the anger. Try to be a narrator, walking the reader through your strong opinions. I use humor to soften my aggressive side. I blurt it out and then find the humor in my anger.

What is the difference between being pampered and being babied?

They call baby diapers “Pampers” for a reason. No difference to me, or, it seems, to corporate America.

I get tired of people fast and it gets very hard for me to keep treating them nicely due to a lack of interest. How can I not get tired of people so fast?

Put yourself in their shoes. They have to put up with the likes of you. So, become a hermit. Stop hanging with other people, since it seems to really bother you. If you find you can’t stay away, maybe you are in denial of a cruel streak in you that demands you treat people poorly. Maybe the lack of social contact is what you need to cure your antisocial tendency.

Have you known others that don't follow the rules on how to have careers while having careers?

Saw it all the time in the military. It took a while to separate the wheat from the chaff, but we get there eventually. 

What embarrassing thing happened to you in your neighbor’s home?

I visited for an hour as the new neighbor, not realizing my fly was down until his wife pointed it out by asking if I was hot, trolling, or just absent-minded. We became friends after that. Nothing like humor to nurture cordiality.

“I've been embarrassing myself since about birth.”

-- Phil Lester

What makes people talk to themselves?

I can only speak for myself, but, I’m the only person I truly trust. There are times I even question that.

What's the difference between manipulative and cunning?

Cunning: Having or showing skill in achieving one's ends by deceit or evasion.

Manipulative: Characterized by unscrupulous control of a situation or person.

A dictionary is a terrible thing to waste.

When you meet someone who becomes your "favorite person" and you feel "matched" by them, the feeling of happiness for you is great, overwhelming, and ineffable, as if nothing can shake you, this is in stark contrast to "normal", do you feel like this?

Only when I’m around them.

Are people who bully horrible people?

Yes, but I think the majority are products of upbringing, the lack thereof, or their environment. Others might just have a screw loose, or one bottle… not realizing there’s supposed to be a six-pack. I think most can be shown a better path, probably by a victim, with skills, that’s had enough. 

Is an image or a photograph, just an image, or does it truly tell you all about a person?

It’s just an image. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

“Today, while sitting in my car, I saw a couple of Hell’s Angels bikers. One smiled at me broadly. I smiled back and gave him a thumbs up. He nodded and was gone in a flash. All is right in the world.”

-- Wayne Gerard Trotman

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com