Anger, or Stress? Take a Second, or Sleep on It?

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

-- Mark Twain

This is my look when someone threatens my family, my country, my country's Constitution, my civil rights, the civil rights of others, and the helpless.  This is my look I get when I hear of military veterans and retirees being disrespected by the country they have put boot to ass for.  This is a look made to elicit shock and awe from the enemy, the face one wears when they've had enough, grab up their AR-15, and charge out of the foxhole to wreak death and destruction on any who would dare trespass.  This is also the face you'll see when I accidentally dump the expensive artichoke dip, which I just finished working an hour preparing to bake, into the oven that just reached 350 degrees.  Yep, wasting my own time also pisses me off.  There are a lot of things that piss me off, but very few things that are really worth wasting precious life stressing over.  Stress?  I laugh in the face of it!  Anger?  Oh, hell yes!  But, then, I'm what my mother refers to as a spiker.  I spike to anger for a minute or two and then I let it roll off my back; I just have too much else on my mind to dwell on things that will keep me pissed off.

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”

-- Maya Angelou

It is sage advice to stop worrying over that which you have no control.  If you worry you'll become stressed and, sooner or later, you'll probably become angry.  When my marriage finally went south, I worried, stressed, and became angry in the blink of an eye.  The anger lasted thirteen years before I realized she wasn't worth the negative emotion I was wasting on her.  I now tell my children to wish her well for me, when they talk to her.  I do wish her well, and I will always love her, but my life has become so much more than her, and so much better.  My point being, if I had let go of this anger sooner, how much better would my life be than what it is?

Life is much too precious to waste it stressing over that which we have no control.  I see way too much beauty and joy around me to waste my time being angry.  My mother says I shouldn't "spike" because it isn't good for blood pressure.  I would much rather spike for a few seconds, find the humor in it and be done with it, than to dwell on it.  I think dwelling on things is much worse for one's blood pressure.  When I dumped the dip in the oven, I cussed and stomped, and carried on for the minute it took Terry to come over and turn the oven off.  The humor I immediately saw was that I should have turn the oven off prior to cussing and stomping like a sixty-two year old spoiled child having a tantrum.  Maybe it's true that we start reverting to children after a certain age.  Like the face on baby, drooling, Pablum, and diapers, all things to look forward to... again.

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.” 

-- Aristotle

One of my friends recently asked me to review a letter she was writing concerning an incident where she was dressed down and embarrassed by her boss, in front of her class, for something not technically her fault if she had been given proper training and guidance in the first place.  She told me that, after thinking on it, she rewrote the letter a couple of times, slept on it, and rewrote it again.  I asked if her intent was to have the letter be professional and yet still get her point across that this manager was soooo out of line, and speak to the deficiencies in the training and need for a checklist.  She said, yes.  I told her to sleep on it some more and rewrite it again. 

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

-- Ambrose Bierce

Anger and the written word are strange bedfellows.  The only thing worse than writing while angry, is calling someone while angry.  If I'm that pissed off, I want the person to see it in my face.  I want them to understand how important my emotions are by reading my face so they have no question as to what the inflections in my voice represent.  I want them to see their personal safety light go on right before they realize their career low light is also winking.  But this is the kind of planning that comes from sleeping on it, getting your ducks lined up, and controlling your voice so you maintain control of the conversation.  The written word, as we see with scripture, is always open to interpretation.  Speaking over the phone will allow the listener to question and clarify what they might not immediately understand.  A well thought out face-to-face conversation might not require any clarification on the part of the listener as your facial expressions will probably say it all.

When everything's said and done, however, the stress isn't as beneficial as the anger, and recognizing our anger makes us act out which helps to produce a much needed pressure release allowing us to blow off steam which we probably shouldn't have let build up in the first place.  And, if we shouldn't have let it build up in the first place, maybe we should learn to control it so we can act maturely and take the high road when faced with poorly trained managers who should, more appropriately, be dressed down by their own managers... in a private office.  A pressure release valve is about all our anger is good for.  Anger truly accomplishes little else and, when we come to the realization that everything that happens can be traced back to decisions we ourselves have made, we find our anger is more appropriately aim inward to the real perpetrator of our consequences.

Like my artichoke dip dumped in the oven, the anger we wallow in is of our own making.  My friend who got her ass chewed, perhaps should have asked more questions or asked for a checklist to ensure the task was done as expected instead of relying on incompetent managers to train her to do a job they, themselves are not even certain of the right way to accomplish.  Shit flows downhill and if you aren't intelligent enough to move out of the way, whose fault is that?

My friend would be better served in her letter to point out the shortfalls, ask management for checklists and standard operating procedures be developed so the issues do not repeat, state in a short the ass chewing was inappropriate and unprofessional, and also state that no apology is expected as she is above requiring one, thank them for their time and advise them that the entire incident has been documented, filed and, for now, forgotten.  Check and mate.  Ball has calmly been put in management's court and they have, in not too many words, been put on notice by a lowly staff member who they think knows something about employment law.  No anger, no stress, just get out the help wanted ads and prepare to go looking for a job that hires fewer incompetent assholes as managers... just in case.  When it comes to employment law - document, document, document; dates, times, what, when, who, where, and how, because you have to just know they're too incompetent to understand they have to do the same thing.

“When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.”

-- Mark Twain

So, next time you get angry or feel stressed, take a second, breathe, let off a minute of steam in private, sleep on it if need be, compose yourself and then consider your options,  Foremost we must always remember that life is a series of our choices and the consequences of those choices.  For better or worse, what happens is entirely up to us.

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, and instructor. He is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path," which offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination.