When Enough Is Enough

jackass
Noun (plural jackasses)
1.  A male donkey.
2.  A foolish or stupid person.
3. An inappropriately rude or obnoxious person.

When do you determine that your conversation has turned into a "braying contest with a jackass" and you would be well-served to step aside?  This was a question put to me recently, my own fault really, as I use the adage occasionally in my posts. I first heard it from an uncle in Mississippi that said a close member of his family use to say, "Never get into a braying contest with a jackass."  I have found there to be much truth behind it.  Yes, much truth.

Now, one's first thought might be that it would be easy to take down a jackass in a discussion. And that would seem reasonable, if jackasses weren't stubborn as all get-out. More likely what will happen is, everybody else will only see two jackasses trying to "outbray" each other. "Hee haw!"

For me, stepping aside is a difficult concept.

As a small kid, my entire young life was spent being bullied. In high school I decided running from bullies was not a sustainable option, and turning to fight was going to be a one-way ass whipping. As mom had already determined my smart mouth would someday be my downfall, I opted to turn the tables on the bullies. I actively sought out bullies picking on the weak and put my mouth into overtime taunting them and ridiculing them for being less than men for doing what they do. This was particularly effective when their girlfriends were around. Of course, mom was right; I got the inevitable ass whipping until I found I could run faster than the large moron chasing me.  I hate being right all the time... running was not a sustainable option.

I finally just told them, if they wanted to hit someone smaller than they were, start with me and let's see how big of a man your friends really think you are.  It only took half an ass whipping for them to figure out I was gaming them and, in my own masochistic way, winning.  They would walk away less of a man for their effort, and I would eventually get up off the ground to lick my wounds and consider less painful routes of confrontation.

At sixty, I'm tired of the confrontation; tired of getting into the braying contests. I am content to state my thought and intelligently discuss it, but I'm too tired to argue with foolish, stupid, people. I guess I've finally grown up at sixty. But, when do you determine your conversation has gone south prior to turning into the braying contest?

Jackasses are inappropriately rude and obnoxious. It is one thing to state a negative comment in general terms. "Most young people are ignorant," is significantly different than, "You are ignorant." "Democrat leadership tends to foster socialist philosophy," is much different that "You're a democrat, therefore you're a socialist." Not all democrats are socialists, not all republicans are capitalist war mongers, and not all young people are ignorant. I have learned that people tend to speak in general terms without thinking. I do this quite often. I will discuss democrats, for instance, in the context of the leadership, not the constituents. I make an assumption, after my career in Intelligence, that those I'm speaking with understand the context. This is my mistake. You should always consider your audience and never assume they understand anything. Even a PhD can miss the forest for the trees. Intelligence, a high IQ, is no guarantee of having the sense God gave a goat.

Watch for the conversation to turn inappropriately confrontational or threatening. I have found that, more times than not, long-winded responses can be your first clue. A concise, constructive comment that is well thought out takes a few lines to state. An angry, offended person starts off by calling you a name or demeaning your ancestry, or your mother, before launching into a tirade not worth listening to. If it isn't worthy of listening to, it isn't worthy of a response. I find the best response to a jackass is to ignore them. Eventually they fade away.

Sometimes people are better left in God's hands than in yours, or their own. Discretion is oft times the better part of valor. Walk away for another day, especially if you're discussing faith, God, religion, or politics. Wish them the best, thank them for their comment, bless them, and do not respond further. The latter is the toughest to do. You will know you were right in stepping aside when the other party tries to bait you back in with another confrontational, rude, or obnoxious comment. I find it is best just to delete them and walk away. If everyone were to practice this, sooner or later, assuming a modicum of intelligence, the individual might just get the hint that they are a fighting force of one.

'Is it possible, gossip, that it was not my ass that brayed?' 'No, it was I,' said the other. 'Well then, I can tell you, gossip,' said the ass's owner, 'that between you and an ass there is not an atom of difference as far as braying goes, for I never in all my life saw or heard anything more natural.'

-- Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, "The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha

Note from Pastor Tony, the founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance, as well as the author and editor of "The Path," the Congregation's official blogsite:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Frank Anthony Villari, Pastor