Sunday Thought, December 28, 2014: Suicide Is Painless?

"If you're reading this...

congratulations, you're alive.

If thats not something to smile about,

then I don't know what is."

-- Anonymous

Unless you're in intense pain from dying anyway, suicide is the only chance in a lifetime where, if everything goes right, you have one, last, irrevocable opportunity to prove to everyone what you really think about yourself.

I have a better idea...  prove you wrong!

There is a statement I'm intimately familiar with.  I think many utter this statement before they really think through what they're doing.  They utter it to themselves as a definitive close to the heated discussion going on in their heads; a way to shut up the angel on this shoulder, and the little devil on the other.  It is a statement of finality, and purpose.  It is a declaration of who you are, and all you will ever be.  "I'll show them!"

This statement is usually punctuated with the snap of a rope, a gunshot, a clothed sack of unrecognizable meat hitting the pavement, and maybe lots of blood.  For an unfortunate few, there might be several seconds where they have an opportunity to think, "Oops!"

"That's the thing about suicide.  Try as you might to remember how a person has lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it."

-- Anderson Cooper,  journalist

I give exception to the statement suicide makes about the person, for those dying of some disease that dictates they must endure, for no good reason, a death of a thousand razor cuts just to prove... what?  They are brave?  Show everyone how a real man dies in agony?  I do not think this is God's desire.  I think there is a bit of wiggle room in the suicide clause for going to heaven.

But, as for the rest, I'm sure they have asked themselves my favorite question and answered it in every fashion imaginable to give themselves the bullshit to justify, in their own minds, what they are about to do - "Why?"

"To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill."

-- Aristotle (384-322 BC), Greek philosopher

Why have they driven me to this?  Why has she done this to me?  Why don't they like me?  Why am I gay?  Why am I short, tall, fat, skinny,  or homely?  Then there are the ones that really require serious therapy; why am I so attractive, so popular, so rich, so smart.  Suicide does not play favorites.  It does not just befall people that have nothing, it can also be the end all of those that have everything.

First thing you need to understand, for yourself, is why you feel anyone is responsible for your happiness except you.  You cannot blame anyone else, because no one will let you.  When you're dead you won't care that everyone sees through your bullshit reasoning, so don't let that worry you, really.  It makes so much sense to "off" yourself because people think you're a dumbass, when doing so simply proves to everyone they were right.  You were a dumbass.  Really?

Back to, no one is responsible for your happiness.  Therefore, why in God's good name do you give a rat's patoot what anyone thinks about you?  It is more import to determine why they think a particular way about you.  Is it a flaw with you or with them?  If it's with them then stand up for yourself, or find new people to be around.

Why is your spouse leaving you, is it because of you, or is it because of them?  If it's you, and changing won't save the marriage, then change for the next significant person in your life.  If it's your spouse, cut your losses and bail.  They are not responsible for your happiness, and you were never responsible for theirs.

To our gay youth, you have probably already asked the question, "Why am I gay?"  And, as it turns out, this may not be your fault.  It may not be anyone's fault.  We are beginning to recognize the many issues that may contribute to homosexuality; chemical, genetic, and others.  We are also recognizing this may not be something that has to be "cured."  Families are beginning to be more supportive and there are support groups to help you understand that which you may not.  You may need to come out into the open.  You need to actively seek support, love, understanding, tolerance, and maybe even help.  You are okay.  Sometimes its those around us that need help; the short sighted and small minded.  If you don't like being gay, change it.  If you can't, maybe that's okay too.

"I think what we have seen in terms of gay teenagers committing suicide because of bullying is anguishing.  I think young people, if they are feeling like they are confused, need to know there are people to talk to and there are places they can go and not feel alone.  But I feel that they have just as many rights as I do not to be bullied."

-- Kevin Spacey, actor

For those young people being bullied, go ask for help.  Believe it or not, most of the people around you are probably being bullied as well.  If they have posted compromising pictures of you on Facebook, well, personally I like to fight fire with fire.  Everyone has seen the pics anyway, blow the pictures up to poster size and post them in school with a caption that tat says, "Lowlife bullies, so-and-so, thought this was a mature thing to post of Facebook.  Let's tell them we don't think so."  Sooner or later you have to take a stand against bullies and it is usually something best not done alone.  Of course, this will result in you getting the crap beat out of you, so I would not advise it.  Just because I lose my mind and do something stupid doesn't mean you have to follow suit.  And, doing something stupid is what this is all about, isn't it?  "I'll show them!" 

Maybe you can "show them" by being better than they are.  Maybe, when you find out why you're contemplating suicide, you'll figure out it all boils down to bad decision making on your part; no one is responsible for you, except you.  Maybe, when you learn to understand the true why of things, you can rise from the ashes by acknowledging your destiny is in your hands, not the hands of others.  

If your spouse leaves you, be more than you were with her, then really piss her off and find someone better.  Don't rub their nose in it.  Vengeance is the Lord's purview, but sometimes you have to scratch that itch, just a little.  If it's a bully, sometimes standing up for yourself in front of everyone goes a long way to shutting up the lone wolf.  If you're gay, or different, define different.  We are all different, and being gay should not be a reason to be ostracized in this day and age.  Like racism it is perpetuated by the fearful and small minded.  They attack because they are not intelligent enough to discuss.  They judge because they must show themselves superior and, in doing so, they show their own bigoted ignorance.

For those contemplating suicide, I can only tell you what I feel.  The ones you will hurt most, other than yourself, will be the innocent.  Your moment of darkness, for them, will be a lifetime of hurt, and maybe even guilt, for something they were not responsible for - your happiness.  Those you intend to hurt probably won't.  If they didn't gave a shit that you lived, what makes you think they'd care if you died?  You're not responsible for their happiness any more than they are yours.  Do yourself a favor, do some soul searching and then go find people that really care.  If you can get through this, you will have something marvelous to share - stories of life, love, and hope.

When you put the gun in your mouth, take a moment and think.  Before you pull the trigger, think.  Don't try to talk, because with a gun barrel in your mouth you'll just sound silly.  No, just put the tip of your tongue in the barrel, and think, "Why in God's name am I doing this?"  Is it really worth it, and who are you really hurting?  You might also want to consider developing a sense of humor, which might have prevented all of this to begin with.  Learn to laugh at yourself and life.  What's the alternative?

"Suicide is not a remedy."

--James A. Garfield (1831-1881), 20th U.S. President

The sign the girl is holding in the opening photo, echoes the sentiment of James Garfield, "Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse; suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better." Life will always get better as long as you take responsibility for it, even if its just the ability to say, "You're not the boss of me!" Responsibility for your own life is a gift from God. Don't ever let anybody take that responsibility from you, don't give it away, and don't waste it. Your life is a precious thing and, although you may not understand this now, the value of your life to someone will become evident in due time. Until then, stand up and take control of your happiness.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Note from Pastor Tony, the founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance, as well as the author and editor of "The Path," the Congregation's official blogsite:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Frank Anthony Villari, Pastor