Another New Year's Resolution, Chubby?

"Girls of all kinds can be beautiful - from the thin, plus-sized, short, very tall, ebony to porcelain-skinned; the quirky, clumsy, shy, outgoing and all in between.  It's not easy though because many people still put beauty into a confining, narrow box.  Think outside the box.  Pledge that you will look in the mirror and find the unique beauty in you."

-- Tyra Banks, author, actress, model

Well ladies, and gentlemen, it is that time of the year again, and what are you going to do?  Have you put the scale in the closet for the holidays?  Thought about just leaving it there?  Looked in the mirror and walked away in frustration?  Hey, why not?  You keep trying and failing, right?  Seems only logical that you should give up on yourself after half assed attempts to do the "right thing" according to societal standards, right?

"I hate being overweight, because it implies there's a weight standard I should be adhering to."

-- Camryn Manheim, actress

A note before the men close this out.  This post is geared toward the ladies but, make no mistake, it is applicable to you men as well.  How you look and present yourself also has great bearing on how you view yourself and respect yourself and your significant other.  If you don't respect yourself how can you respect, or get respect in return, from someone else?  Men, pay attention!  Hell, here's a novel thought, you might just learn something.

I've written several posts on the subject of beauty.  The overrated concept we seem content to foster at the expense of our egos.  I met a few "fluffy" women recently that brought this whole subject back to the forefront.  I enjoyed meeting these women and we had great conversation that lasted several hours.  They were business women, wives and mothers, on a "girls night out," and all had several things in common.  They exuded self-confidence, dressed well, and carried their weight like well-bred southern ladies, which they were.  Halfway through our evening I found myself rereading my old postings in my head and promising another post prior to the coming New Year.  If you haven't had a chance to read them and would like to, I've included the links in order of their posting:

So Sexy Is In?

Eye of the Beholder

So Attractive Is In?

One of the ladies was a woman of color.  She reminded me of an actress I just love because she keeps it real - Queen Latifah.  Those that have followed her career have seen her ups and downs with weight.  Through it all she managed to stay Queen Latifah.  I catch her talk show, and reruns, whenever I come across it.  I always find her viewpoints very enlightening.  She says she often finds "it's just the confidence that makes you sexy, not what your body looks like.  It's how you feel about yourself that makes you sexy."  Well, she is right, as long as how you feel about yourself is positive.

First things first:  Gorging yourself on fried chicken is not okay.  If you have a weight issue, fine.  If diets don't work, fine.  But you need to, at the very least, be reasonable.  It isn't what you eat inasmuch as it is how much you eat.  Don't go back for seconds, put the Hawaiian roll down, and put a portion of greens on that plate.  You are not necessarily what you eat, but if you stand aside and watch you might agree you are necessarily how you eat.  Eat like a lady, look like a lady; eat like a cow... well, you get the point.

"We overweight people, we say terrible things to ourselves.  Oh, you wouldn't believe it.  'You fat pig.  How can you do this?  You're a disgusting jerk.'  And that gets you nowhere.  You're right back into a bowl of pasta fregula."

-- Richard Simmons, fitness personality, actor, former fat guy

So, now you don't look like a pig at a trough or a cow mowing the back forty.  It is time to work on self-image; to make a purse out of the proverbial sow's ear.  It is time for a bit of makeover.  Say what?  Yep.  Believe it or not, there is someone hiding in there that you probably haven't seen for quite a while, and the rest of us might not have ever seen - the wonderfully beautiful person hiding behind the fluffy, plain Jane, and you have no idea how easy it is to coax her out.  As someone once said, you have an hourglass figure, yours just contains more sand.

We are all adults so don't blame us for you.  We all know you've had kids and the boobs aren't what they once were.  We know you have the multi-kid, oatmeal textured belly that exercise just didn't cure.  We know you have scars, physical and mental.  Guess what?  Welcome to life!  Now that you've wrapped your mind around being one of us, go get a girlfriend and do something about that rat nest atop your head; cut it, color it, perm it, but do something with it that compliments your face.  Now put on a bit of makeup.  You don't have to go to the garage and get the plastering trowel and paint brush, we aren't after the clown in you so keep in mind that less really is more.  Remember, this is all about you.  Just a touch of eye makeup and lipstick might do wonders, but the focus is on you.

"If we focus on our health, including our inner health, our self-esteem, and how we look at ourselves and our confidence level, we'll tend to be healthier people anyway, we'll tend to make better choices for our lives, for our bodies, we'll always be trying to learn more, and get better as time goes on."

-- Dana Elaine Owens (Queen Latifah), actress, rapper, producer, songwriter, etc. 

 This is all about finally finding out who you are, where you've been hiding, and most importantly, answering the universal question, "Why?"  I found out fifteen years ago who I really was.  I came to grips with it confounded everybody around me with my excessive happiness.  I always keep the question in the front of my mind, "What is the alternative?"  Been there, done that, it did not end well and it could have ended much worse.  You live, and you learn.  By learning to love yourself, you put yourself in the shoes of your own worst critic.  Who do you want to be?  How do you want to look?  How do you want others to view you?  Is any of it important?  These are questions that define who we are and who we can become, if we care.

I have always taken pride in the way I look and how I present myself.  It is a family trait I learned from my father and we then passed on to my son.  It was never about other people, it was always about having pride in one's self.  That pride in self would bring the job opportunities, friends and significant others; the self-esteem of having succeeded in life.  I am now sixty-one years old and retired.  I get up each day, take a shower and put on clean, neat, clothes.  I keep my hair cut neatly, and shave prior to meeting the public.  What will it gain me at this point in life?  I look in the mirror before I go out into the world, and I smile.  "Watch out, world... here I come, again!

"If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am."

-- Cyril Cusack (1910-1993), Irish actor

Next year be the fluffy woman that turns heads, even if it's just your husbands.  Get up off of the couch and turn off the TV.  Make yourself look nice each morning so you impress yourself.  Then, when you're ready to meet the new day, look at yourself in the mirror and exclaim for all to hear, "Watch out world!"

"Thin people are beautiful, 

but fat people are adorable."

-- John Herbert "Jackie" Gleason (1916-1987) actor, comedian, forever "The Great One"

Believe it or not things will always get better if you want them to.  You are not who you see, you are always who you want to be.  Be more, it is why God placed you here and gave you the gift of life.  Share your life and share yourself; to do less is just a waste of God's gift.

I wish for all of you the happiest of New Years!  God bless you and keep you always.

Note from Pastor Tony, the founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance, as well as the author and editor of "The Path," the Congregation's official blogsite:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Frank Anthony Villari, Pastor