Thoughts After Officiating My First Marriage

It has been almost three months since I wrote the post, The Wedding Officiant (The Path: Wedding Officiant).  One of the weddings never came to be, another possible gay wedding went south when I informed them that gay marriages were not recognized in Mississippi.  I was willing to perform the ceremony, but I think the lack of legality put them off.  I hope the cancelled for the right reasons, but one has to define "right" for one's self.

I think this was the problem in my own marriage.  We had a civil ceremony at the courthouse.  No promises of fidelity or lifelong commitment to God, or our friends; no "holy" in the matrimony.  It was an exercise in paperwork that made our union legal with plenty of wiggle room for bolting at the first opportunity.  She tried to bolt for fifteen years and I was either too thick headed to see it, didn't want to see it, or was too stubborn to let it go.  Whatever the reason, I think I took the idea of marriage to be more holy than she did or, maybe, she was just a realist.  Being brought up a Catholic and a Sicilian, for me, divorce just wasn't an option.  Wrong again.

And this has become the norm for marriage in this nation.  Actually, if we are to believe the stats, marriage isn't even occurring anymore.  Marriage has been replaced by living together and having children out of wedlock.  God bless atheism?  Maybe.  There is also a lot of the CINO community out there (Christians In Name Only) that have opted for a different path and lost their core belief along the way.  Again, no real promises to each other, friends, family, or God.  No promises by either of them to the child of being there for them, doing the right thing, being a role model during their formative years.

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again: there is nothing new under the sun."

-- Ecclesiastes, 1:9

Marriage, like so many other core values in our society has become outdated, kind of like patriotism, tolerance, celebrating diversity, and so many others.  These are all solid values once held dear by the progressive elements of our society, the values which progressives have turned their backs on.  As with the empires of Rome and Greece, even religious and spiritual morality can't save society from the destructive path it is traveling.  Jim Nelson Black, When Nations Die, lists ten things that can bring society to a point of collapse:

          1.   Increase in lawlessness

          2.   Loss of economic discipline

          3.   Rising bureaucracy

          4.   Decline in education

          5.   Weakening of cultural foundations

          6.   Loss of respect for traditions

          7.   Increase in materialism

          8.   Rise in immorality

          9.   Decay of religious belief

          10. Devaluing of human life

He goes on to explain that as few as three or four of these would be enough.  Any of these sound familiar?  I highlighted just the four I deal with in this post.  Three of these are the foundation of a solid marriage and family.  I leave the "decay of religious belief" up to the reader as many atheists would argue this point, and I have to agree there are exceptions to every rule.

Jim Bramlett, author and radio personality, on his site Choices for Living, says the following about Dr. Black's list:  "Aiding the breakdown of decadent cultures was a philosophy of 'change for the sake of change.'  Dissatisfied with traditional authority, the cultural elites turned their backs on values and traditions as old as the nation itself.  Tragically, according to Dr. Black, the United States is the first nation in history where all ten symptoms are present in one society at one time!"  

Please visit Jim Bramlett for more opinion:  

http://www.choicesforliving.com/spirit/index.htm

As for the couple I married on my birthday?  Well, it wasn't his first, or his second, but three is supposed to be the charm and, at their age, it will probably stick.  Their friends and family seem to be of good, southern, spiritual stock so they have the right support surrounding them.  The groom had difficulty making it through the vows he had written due to tears which evidenced, for me, this must be the right woman for the rest of his life.  Her concern for him as he worked through it was good evidence for the same on her end.  All in all it was a fun afternoon.

But, the ceremony left me feeling concerned for our future as a nation, a society, and a people.  We choose to focus on divisiveness, as seen recently between the lesbian Houston mayor and the pastors bemoaning homosexuality.  We have become, worldwide, a people of, "why can't you be more like me" instead of celebrating the diversity of whom we all are.  It is worse when we use our religious and spiritual morality as a sword of intolerance and unforgiveness.  Where is the love in that?

It is no secret comedian and talk show host Bill Maher is not my favorite atheist.  He takes atheism to all new heights of intolerance and bigotry.  He decries God as hateful and cruel.  He does this because he uses the Bible as evidence for his opinion.  Well, here Bill and I have to agree.  If you read the Bible it is easy to see from whence his opinion comes.  But what if the Bible has it all wrong?  What if there are those of us that believe in a kinder gentler God?  Well, Bill would probably say that is proof we are ignorant and deluded.  If Christ were to appear before Bill, he would find a way to justify his insanity.  Bill Maher is another member of the Society of the Perpetually Discontent.  It is unfortunate that he wants to drag everyone else into this pit with him, but that is the world we live in.

Whether marriage is between atheists, Christians, Muslims, or Buddhists, it should be entered into for only one reason - love.  What you come into a marriage with, is what you leave with.  If there is business in the marriage, then a contract had better be forthcoming if you expect half when love isn't enough.  The house and property had better be in both names, as should any accounts, for the same reason.  There should be no reason for vindictive lawsuits.  Law should dictate what percentage of each person's wages go to the support of any child, remembering that it took both parties to produce the offspring so both are responsible for the support; there will be no suing for more.  It is what it is.  Material wealth in a marriage is a business and should be handled as such for the protection of both parties in the event of hospitalization, death, and threats from outside.  Everything else is supposed to be about love and commitment.  If you don't have love, it is just a business partnership with the benefit of meaningless, conjugal, nighttime activity.  

Don't be too surprised when the "business" partner brings someone else to the party.

"The moral code of Heaven for both men and women is complete chastity before marriage and full fidelity after marriage."

Ezra Taft Benson (1889-1994), American farmer and religious leader

This quote from Ezra Benson is what one would expect from the 13th President of The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-day Saints.  Unfortunately Mr. Benson lived long enough to see Mormonism fall prey to the same ills of vice and divorce afflicting the rest of the religious world.  With all of the baggage people carry with them, and into a relationship, fidelity before marriage is a bit insane unless you've known the person your entire life.  Being an American Farmer, around the turn of the 20th century, that was one community where knowing someone else from birth would have been prevalent.  For the rest of us, not so much.

"Maybe that's what it all comes down to.  Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way.  And maybe making that choice again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all."

-- Emily Griffin, "Love the One You're With"

So, maybe Emily Griffin and I are right.  Maybe it all comes down to love.  Maybe the need for that piece of paper we call a wedding "license" is just a legal necessity after all.  How can government license you so you can "legally" feel?  They can't.  The only piece of paper required, if you just have to have one, would be from two witnesses saying you have made vows before friends, family, and God (if so desired).  Otherwise, just tell each other how you feel and accept each other for the rest of your time here on Earth.

Of course, if you decide to leave... you're still screwed.  But, then, that's what you get for lying, right?

Note from Pastor Tony, the founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance, as well as the author and editor of "The Path," the Congregation's official blogsite:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.
  

Frank Anthony Villari, Pastor