Fitting In or Standing Out

“Tis a miserable thing to turn a soul into something it is not. Perhaps it is one of life’s greatest misfortunes.”

-- Ella Rose Carlos, author, "A Long Lost Fantasy"

Do you fit in, or do you stand out?  Have you ever thought about it?  Do you really give a fig one way or the other?  Well. whether you're the only white kid in an all-black school, the only black kid in an all-white school, or the only woman in the all-male infantry platoon, you either fit in or you stand out, right?  How about the only gay football player on an all-hetero team?  Not so much, unless they choose to "come out."  Why would we care?  I can't think of a reason... unless they walk around with a chip on their shoulder waiting for some schmuck to knock it off so they can be offended at the rest of the world when so few of us really care about anything except that chip they keep flaunting in our faces.  Fit in or stand out, but you don't have to be a jerk about it.

There is a school of thought running through our "politically correct" society that says we need to lose our differences; we all need to be viewed as just people.  We need to be grey.  There is no black or white, male or female, democrat or republican, theist or atheist; we need to view each other as the same.  But, then there is the story of a Nebraska school district ruling that saying, "boys and girls," is not transgender-inclusive.  Ah!  Therein lies the problem.  There are infinite shades of grey!

“Most people actively try to bury their differences and become like everyone else for fear of ridicule. They want to belong. They want to 'fit in'. They don't like to be singled out, have their differences scrutinized, put on microscope slides or in Petri dishes and poked by society. I, on the other hand, rejoice in it. I don't want to belong if it means having to wrestle your individuality into a small space, paint it grey and make it... normal.”

-- Amanda James, author, "The Calico Cat"

Society today grapples with a larger population of sub-cultures coming into their own.  The conversation has morphed from "black and white" to black, white, brown, sexual identity, preference, and so much more.  When does the black stop being black, or white being white?  I'm talking about genetics here, not culture.  President Obama was half white, half black, and yet if the white voters didn't like him they're labeled as racists.  I suppose the black voters that didn't like him were racists too, then.  So, if you're fifty-one percent white, are you white?  If you are 51% white and live in an all-black neighborhood do you put down Caucasian on the census paperwork or do you identify as black?  These types of questions begin to insinuate themselves into much of our daily lives as the perpetually offended find cause to rattle their own offensive sabers.

There are more "mixed-blood" people in the world than ever before.  There are more cross-cultural families and gay couples.  Now, transgender pops up to muddy the waters of "normalcy" even further.  But, what is normal?  How do you fit in while also trying to stand out?  There's a young man I know who is serving in the Coast Guard.  He was born in Mexico to Caucasian parents from the U.S., living abroad.  Being born "in-country" he enjoys dual citizenship and, after patriotically serving the U.S. Coast Guard for a couple of enlistments, was asked to renounce his Mexican citizenship or forfeit his chance for a higher security clearance.  He refused to do it, and I don't blame him.  Consider the reasoning behind this question he was asked, "But, what will you do if Mexico attacks the United States?"  Really?  That's the best the Coast Guard had as an argument?  

“The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight.”

-- Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919),  26th U.S. President

My personal opinion, having gone through many of these security clearance update investigations, during my 23 years in military intelligence, is the investigator was an idiot. The hypocrisy of the question is unbelievable given that he had already served several years with a security clearance and no one seemed that concerned about the idea of a Mexican military invasion.  Now, all of a sudden, he's a security risk?  As a citizen of the United States, where you are born, the color of your skin, your sexual identity, and other such factors, should not evidence your sense of patriotic duty to the country you have sworn allegiance to, only your actions can evidence that.  Hell, where the intelligence apparatus is concerned, dual citizenship would be a reason to utilize your language and knowledge to the fullest potential and benefit of the United States.  

When I consider what our country is currently facing with illegal aliens flooding over our southern border from Mexico and Central and South America, and the lack of solid security present to protect our country at that border, I still find it doubtful a conquering force of Mexican military is going to come rolling across the border with tanks, heavy artillery, and thousands of what battle-seasoned troops to begin a conflict they'll lose in less than a week.   Now, consider the much more realistic plan that Mexico has already placed how many illegal Mexican "infiltrators" across the southern border and all Mexico would have to do is tell them to strike.  This thought is as silly as the idea of Mexican sending their army for any other reason than lobbing a few shells our way so we're forced to retaliate and invade their country just so they can surrender and get war reparations.    But, these are the silly types of questions we have to face and deal with in our perpetually offended society.  Simply broaching question to this patriotic American was ludicrous given that no military armed force can leave the Mexican territory without a declaration of war, and approval of their congress.

Mexico cut diplomatic ties with Japan on December 9, 1941; it broke with Germany and Italy by December 11. In January 1942, at the Conference of Foreign Ministers held in Rio Janeiro, Brazil, Mexico’s delegation argued forcefully that all the nations of the Western Hemisphere must band together in mutual cooperation and defense.

-- History.com, "The Surprising Role Mexico Played in World War II"

The United States opens it's doors to more "legal" immigrants than any other country in the world.  It is one reason the world is really becoming much grayer than black and white.  It will soon become difficult to see even the physical differences of race as any regional genetic purity continues to blend into, essentially, one race.  Instead of racial differences, we will truly begin celebrating our rich cultural and personal differences, those infinite "shades of grey,"  which set us apart as individuals.  This will be the time when, unless otherwise stated, religious affiliation, gender preference, gender identity, and the like, will remain personal.  If a woman cuts her hair and dresses like a man, or a man grows his hair and dresses like a woman, they will move through society virtually unnoticed unless they choose to share with others.

The mass of humanity is truly blurring into the genetic melting pot of humankind.  But, where does it end, and should it?  Is it a bad thing to begin referring to boys and girls as "young people" in our schools?  It should come as no surprise if we find answers to questions like these to be more complicated than a simple yes or no.  We want to celebrate diversity even as we help it rapidly fade away into obscurity.  What will we do then, celebrate our sameness?  How boring is that?

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

-- Bernard M. Baruch (1870-1965), financier, philanthropist, statesman

There are no "boys and girls" because the term is deemed transgender exclusive.  I'll buy that.  Good catch, because we wouldn't want to offend.  What restroom are they using?  Hey, the same question for my gay friends.  I have no issue with homosexuality, but are we requiring them to pick a gender for planning purposes or are we planning for a third and a fourth restroom to accommodate them?  How about in the military for living quarters?  Will we finally have mixed-gender roomies?  We have made accommodations for the handicapped, why not transgender?  Where is our comfort level, or theirs for that matter?  Is it really all that important, and can we rise above who and what we are by simply having mutual respect?  As a woman, are you really willing to crap in a restroom stall next to a man crapping in the next stall?  Will a "courtesy flush" be the order of the day?

Do you fit in, or do you stand out?  As our world continues to move forward in breaking down boundaries of race, gender, religion, and culture, will we cease to stand out in a crowd?  Will we eventually become just another ant in the colony of humankind?  Will we ever have to grapple with the crime of "personal opinion" in our, supposedly, free society?  That day seems to be upon us, and we continue to feel the differences within ourselves.  Black society does not want to "be the same" by not being seen as "black."  It is who they are, as much as being Asian, Hispanic, Latino, Greek, and Italian, define who they are.  These are just some examples of the rich cultural heritage that goes well beyond any visible barrier we may want to do away with.

“People who fit don’t seek. The seekers are those that don’t fit.”

-- Shannon L. Alder, inspirational author

Being of Sicilian heritage, I have dealt with my share of hurtful words and learned to separate malicious thought from the non-malicious.   I can find much find humor in my heritage.  Personally, I don't like being classified Caucasian as it gives no one a taste of who I really am.  I am pizza, pasta, meatballs, and lasagna.  As we grapple with "issues" we insist on being offended by, concerning race and heritage, we need to remember it isn't the words that hurt, it's the intent behind the words that do the damage to each of us and our society.  

For better or worse, I will continue to stand out as an individual.  Fitting in is such a bore and, besides, where's the fun in that?  There has to be a great Sicilian joke out there which I haven't heard yet.  "Two Sicilians walk into a bar..."

“To choose not to be part of a team or religion does not make me non-religious; for my religion is Truth and I am very much in love with God. I do not need to align myself with a specific messenger if I already understand God’s message. And the way I think is not considered ‘New Age’ since common sense is not new. So long as you act and speak with love and truth in you, and are good to your fellow man — in that you treat everybody as you would want yourself to be treated, your heart will stand by God regardless of the label you have assigned to your mind.”

-- Suzy Kassem, writer, poet, philosopher

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.