More on Growing Old

"Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old.  Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs.  With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it.  But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me the wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity.  But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others.  Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle.  I do not have the ambition to become a saint -- it is so hard to live with some of them -- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy.  Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any.  And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen"

-- Margot Benary-Isbert, children's author (1889-1979)

I love this quote, and smiled as I read it; I could have written it.  I think any person approaching that time in life when you realize your mortality low light is beginning to flicker would easily claim they have thought most of this.  If they haven't they may very well be "a harsh old person."  As for me, I really identify with asking to "teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong."  Only on occasion, however, and those are few and far between.

Truly I am a legend in my own mind, and I am fine with that.  Who else should I be a legend for?  Not one of us is perfect, and to claim such is to look a fool in the eyes of others.  Have you ever met a doctor that introduces themselves as, Dr. So and So?  When I hear this I always introduce myself back with Mr. Villari, or Master Sergeant Villari (which I can do, as retired rank follows into civilian life).  They only had to read a book for their title and that makes them think they deserve the respect.  I don't deserve the respect; I earned it.  You show me a doctor that introduces themselves by their first name, ran a surgery on a battlefield, and shuns their title to maintain a sense of soul, and I'll show you a humble person deserving of my respect.  I have met only two doctors like that in my life.  One was a PhD teaching astrophysics in Sacramento, and the other is an MD at the company I retired from in Olympia, Washington:  Brad Waite, I salute you.  It isn't the title that earns you the respect, and most learned people seem to forget this fact.  Even Presidents forget this fact, and I think we can all agree that Congressmen can't forget what they seemingly don't care about, which is why their benefits package is more important to them than the work they're elected to do.

"A full bird Colonel I knew once accused me of showing him no respect.  I respectfully reminded him that I respected him twice as much as any general I have ever known.  Several minutes past and he came back into my office to remind me, I once told him I never met a General I respected."

Being humble is an admirable trait.  It is sought after by the last people one would expect; the soldier.  A leader that is not humble cannot command the respect of their troops.  They can demand it, but they cannot command it, and the troops will not give it freely if it is not earned.

I am a Senior Noncommissioned Officer in the United States Air Force. I hold allegiance to my country, devotion to duty, and personal integrity above all. I wear my rank of authority with dignity, I promote the highest standards of conduct, appearance, and performance by setting the example. I seek no favors because of my rank. I am devoted to the concept of service rather than personal gain. I uphold the traditions of senior noncommissioned officers who precede me. I manage resources under my control with astute efficiency, and lead the way with the highest level of competence. I always strive to merit the respect of my fellow senior noncommissioned officers and of all with whom I come in contact.

-- USAF Senior Noncommissioned Officer Creed

Try finding this philosophy in the back stabbing world of business.  When I got out of the military, I found the hardest aspect of civilian life was the back stabbing.  Everyone did it, and that was just sad.  I grew up in a different era, raised by a military man and a patriotic American; more than that, I was raised by -- a man. Fallible?  Yes.  Prideful?  Yes.  Macho?  Absolutely, he's Sicilian!  Like most Sicilians, even as evidenced by the Mafioso, there is a code of honor.  There are certain things you just don't do, and one of them is back stabbing.  If you're a man, of any worth, you operate face to face.  If you have a problem with me, you come to me, in private. Oh, and family is off limits.  If I have a problem with you, I will not air it in front of your friends and loved ones.  Nor would I denigrate your mother, no matter how bad she was in bed.  This is honor.

"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be."  

-- Socrates

Honor is something I find lacking in the majority of young people today.  I blame the parents.  Parents without honor cannot instill honor.  If children of dishonorable parents learn honor, it is probably from another outstanding role model they have come into contact with.  This is why it is so very important for celebrity to always do the right thing.  Drugs, racism, disrespecting authority and women  the "gangsta" bullshit, doesn't cut it.  Not speaking proper English doesn't cut it.  It shows a lack of respect for yourself; it shows a lack of respect for those around you, and it shows a lack of proper upbringing.  It is "low brow," and, as my Aunt Grace would say, God rest her soul, it is plebian (look it up).

Thus endeth the lesson for today.  I have, just about, violated every aspect of the  "Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess."  I have much work to do.  To the last bit of the prayer, I offer this quote from a beautiful woman:

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love.  When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.  

-- Sophia Loren