Dealing with Bullies

 

"You can slap me, and I will turn the other cheek.  I will let you slap me again to show you my strength of character.  If you draw back your hand a third time, I will show you my resolve.  There is no contest of will.  At the first slap, you had already lost."

Bullies are an interesting lot.  On the face of it, they are mean, insensitive, brutes that delight in torturing those too weak to defend themselves.  Underneath it all, they are egotistical, attention whores that usually have glass jaws.  They are hiding a deep rooted cowardice behind a facade of bluster and what some dumb ass, probably their father, told them was the way to be a man.  As for women, you are not immune.  Bullies are men or women of all colors and religious affiliations, or lack of.  Their deep seeded cowardice is specifically why bullies pick on the weak; anyone stronger would pound the crap out of them, which is what they really needs to happen in order to straighten them out.  I like to call this required ass kicking, "attitude adjustment."   These are the same cowards that beat and rape women while trying, in vain, to prove what tough men they are; trying to make their deep inadequacy adequate, and failing miserably.  For the female bully, she can swing to either side, using her dominant demeanor to mentally destroy a person's self-worth, or physically beat down either sex.  But, what do I know?

"I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It's the bully who's insecure."

-- Shay Mitchell, actress

I was picked on by the school yard bullies until high school.  I was the scrawny kid with the "coke bottle bottom" glasses.  It was easy for me to deal with bullying because of the way I was brought up; I could let most of the stuff roll right off me.  I was also able to almost always avoid getting the hell beat out of me, probably because I could run like the wind and again, I was a slender, scrawny, slippery cuss.  Sometime around my sophomore year, though, something snapped.  

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

-- Harvey Fierstein, actor & playwright

There was a kid that hung around my friend and me.  He would taunt me when we were together but he always fell short of escalating it due to the fact my friend was larger than he was.  One day, as the three of us were walking through the woods, he said something that set me off.  I said something back; he pushed me, dared me, and called me a name.  Enough had become enough as I picked up a tree branch lying on the trail and proceeded to beat him with it about the head and shoulders.  He tripped, while backing away, and fell backward on his butt.  Down on the ground in a sitting position he was helpless.  I delivered retribution for years of bullies in my life.  My friend had to gather me up in his arms to prevent me from killing him.  Never again!  I promised myself; never again would I be a victim for some coward to show off with.

I kept that promise.

Oh, I got a whipping more than once after that but, I didn't run from it.  Nor did I fight.  I learned a valuable lesson:  Bullies are basically dumb animals.  If you don't play the game, it isn't any fun for them and they get bored.  Or, you can easily divert their attention to some other poor sap and make good your escape.  I was the scrawny kid that became a shield, putting myself between the bully and the other victims they preyed on; asking them, in front of their girlfriend, if it made them feel like a man to pick on the weak and helpless.  More than once this would elicit a punch, or two, and I would find it necessary to repeat the question, adding that if they found it necessary to beat on someone to prove their manhood, better they continue to beat on me as I had no qualms about reminding their friends what a true coward is.  Pretty soon the taunting stopped, along with the occasional punch.  I never whined about it.  I never cried to mommy.  I just dealt with the problem my way.

Bullies exist because there are victims.  The best way to defeat a bully is to not be a victim.  How you do this is situational, and it can be very dangerous.  It depends to what length the bully is prepared to take it, and at what point you decide enough is enough.  For me it took realizing I had no problem hurting someone back.  For me it was the realization that I have the ability, and the anger inside me, to kill another human being.  I had discovered the "Hulk" that exists in all of us and, like Bruce Banner I had to learn to control it.  I came to terms with the idea that, even though they can beat me to a pulp, payback was made for those with the intelligence to deliver it.  It would be swift, it would be overkill, and it would send a definite message.

"Bullies are always cowards at heart and may be credited with a pretty safe instinct in scenting their prey."

-- Anna Julia Cooper, African-American scholar (1858-1964)

I abhor violence and in no way advocate the use of violence; violence begets violence.  But there is a lot to be said for speaking softly and carrying a hammer-less 9 mm with a laser sight as a means of deterrence.  There is an inherent problem with this philosophy?  You need to be willing and able to go the distance that the bully isn't willing to entertain.

What scares the crap out of bullies is the unknown.  Remember, the bully is just a coward that is more afraid of what you are, and what you can be.  They know, deep down inside, they can never be anything more than what they are now.

" Some people won't be happy until they've pushed you to the ground.  What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day.  Hold on to your power and never give it away.

-- Donna Schoenrock, author