Yet More on Growing Old

These three couples are having a great time.  Looks like sunshine and maybe a beach are involved.  Well, maybe the young lady on the left is having issues but, in general, a good time seems to be the order of the day.  The day would be somewhere in the vicinity of Biloxi, Mississippi around 1951.  I know this because the two people in the middle are my parents and the guy on the right is my dad's "cumpari," his best friend, Jay; I knew him better as "Uncle Joe."  I know where they are because the three of them were stationed at Keesler Air Force Base together.  Dad and Jay remained close friends until the mid to late 1960's when Jay just up and left; disappeared off the face of the earth.  There was no explanation and no goodbyes.  One minute here, the next gone.

Dad is in his early 80's now, and I'm sure everyone else in the photo is within range of that.

"As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say.  I just watch what they do."  -- Andrew Carnegie

Have you ever watched older people?  Older than my dad, that is; he would take umbrage at someone calling him old.  And I mean really watched them, not just acknowledged they are there as you move on to something else more interesting.  Try taking a moment every now and then to study them.  You have to be coy about it, especially if they're women.  Much older women have this sense they're being watched.  You can be looking at their back, for a moment longer than common courtesy would allow, when you hear, "Is there something I can help you with young man?"  There is nothing more humiliating than choking out a "No, ma'am," as your innocent act dies a painful death.

Given the opportunity, I would recommend checking out the fruit section in the supermarket.  Watching an older lady choose fruit is like watching a fine tuned machine; a ballet of facial features and digital dexterity a surgeon would kill for, as they pick through a mountain of fruit with a frail hand, looking for a likely candidate.  They gently lift and squeeze, ever so slightly as not to bruise the interior meat and close their eyes as they bring the possible treasure to their nose for the final test.  The verdict is easily determined by the slight smile of triumph, or the almost imperceptible sneer of disgust as the fruit is returned to the mountain as she searches for another.

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us.  ASt age 40, we don't care what they think of us.  At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."  -- Ann Landers

Getting caught while "older people watching" is particularly common due to the fact that watching seems to be what older people seem most adept at.  They'll sit in a park for hours, feed the squirrels, and watch the parade of life go on around them.  I think they feign the crotchety ol' fart stuff just to have some fun at our expense and have some anecdotes to tell their friends over a coffee next morning.  Most elderly people I have met in passing have been engaging encyclopedias of little known histories and most people my age were eager to hear them.  Young people now days seem too wrapped up in their own personnel bullshit to care or notice the elderly as anything more than a bothersome bump on their path.

"Small children will talk to anyone, once the guard of shyness has fallen, and they have, like the elderly, a sense of immediacy, a need to say or do something, now, now, the minute it is thought of, combined with that other sense, of the complete irrelevance of time."  -- Susan Hill, "The Magic Apple Tree: A Country Year

Why is it that young people always want to give old people advice?  Is it that old people listen to it?  Personally I believe the old people listen because they think it's precious and are just happy some young person is giving them the time of day, as well as another funny anecdote to tell over a coffee next morning.  I always like to watch their facial expressions and their eyes as they complain about the aches and pains of a hard life, having to get up to piss four times a night, the baby food served at the cafeteria for lunch, and forgetting why they walked into a room.  I think most of the complaining is the bullshit they throw out as bait to see if someone bites.  The eyes usually give them away.  The outside of the structure might be ancient and weathered, with peeling paint and a rickety porch but, every now and then, the high wattage lights come on inside with a sharp click of the switch.  Old?  Like a fox!

I think I'll enjoy being old.  I like feeding squirrels, and watching people.  I've done both most of my life.

When You Are Old

"When  you are old and grey and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars."

-- W.B. Yeats

First Love

"No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

-- Albert Einstein

Do you remember your first love?  For me, that would be the "older" woman at my fourth birthday party; a ravishing beauty for her advanced age of five or six.  Anyone could see I was playing the seemingly disinterested younger man and, yes, it did not work out as I planned.  I'm not sure if the various modifications to my "game" ever work out as planned, even though I continued to polish my technique for the next fifty odd years.

Maybe if I had just grabbed her young face in both hands, looked deeply into her innocent eyes, and planted a big wet one right on her lips?  The young Sicilian kid and his older, white bread, sugar mama.  One could almost feel the "pant down" spanking for just considering such a gutsy plan.  Dad would have been silently proud behind the admonitions and mom would have been mortified.  Hey, boys will be boys, especially at the age of four.  Holding my fourth birthday candle in my hands I looked to be considering if it would fit up the young ladies nose before she could scream foul.  I was probably also considering the consequences of trying to do it - the ever feared "pant down" spanking, always lurking in the shadows.  Needless to say, I would become better acquainted with spankings life had to offer than I would with a good looking woman.  But, at the age of four, who knew you could have both?  Who cared?

Truth be known, I would find out this little lady wasn't my type.  Age was obviously not a factor.  I would enter grade school more attracted to auburn hair, freckles, and braces.  Braces?  Yeah, who would've thought?  To find all three was, for me, the Holy Grail.  Unlike the legendary Grail, though, my quest was almost fulfilled.  I found her at the ripe old age of nine, in fourth grade, her name was Susan.  And, unfortunately, fate would rear ugly the next year, and Catholic School would put any thought of girls out of my mind and bring, instead, a waddle of giant penguins to the forefront of my reality.

Infatuation with hair color, mouth gear, and those beautiful clusters of concentrated melanized cells known as freckles, would fade with the discovery of legs, miniskirts, breasts and the associated cleavage, as I approached ninth grade and high school.

Now, at sixty-five, I still find women with auburn hair very attractive.  As for women with freckles and braces, these seem to have morphed into less appealing age spots, retainers, a removable bridge or false teeth.  Thank goodness I never had a romantic evening with a woman who whipped out her false teeth on me.  I can imagine screaming like a little girl, horrified at the thought of what body part she might remove next.  Is it any wonder people suffer from certain dysfunctions later in life?

I was never a frivolous lover.  No "love them and leave them" attitude.  No "woman in every port." I can truthfully say that, while traveling the path of life, I have loved and cared about every woman I have had the privilege to know, save one. I met her at a party, shortly after arriving at my first assignment in the Air Force.  I threw caution to the wind for one evening of meaningless "frivolity" with a young lady who would remind me of remind me of what I already knew.  She reminded me, in her own "Marchioness de Sade" way, that a woman's feelings and emotions should come well before my own.  It was a lesson I remember to this day.  Needless to say, this was a one night stand in a trailer park which, for many, explains everything.  But, I remember her as I remember others - fondly.

I married way too young, for her and for me, and as painful as the twenty years of marriage were, I still manage to care about her as the mother of my two children.  I opted not to be a glutton for any more matrimonial punishment and only married the one time.

Whether it is your first love, your latest, or your last,  every woman you're with deserves to know you care about her.  Your love for each of them may differ, but it's love none the less.  There is nothing trivial about someone's emotions.  You should never take them lightly.  They are important, and often times fragile.  Treat everyone with the same love and respect you would have them treat you, even those you love and leave.  This has to do with burning perfectly good bridges behind you.  A retreat is always an option and you might find need of that shoulder you've loved to cry on one day.

"A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man."

-- Charles Dickens

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Sermon for Sunday - January 26, 2014: Thoughts on the Poor

"Thank you for what you do."

It was a simple statement of thanks.  It was not an announcement; no loudspeaker, pomp or circumstance.  It was a heartfelt thank you to let us know that, without the hot meal the homeless get on Saturday morning many of them might go without.  Like their circumstance could be worse?

One of the Joyful Hands Ministry folks said something back that stuck with me for this morning's post.  Someone cares that you are, and this is our way of showing you that there is hope; that you are not forgotten.

Every Saturday that I attend this breakfast I hear comments of thanks, God bless you, we appreciate the help.  Through the line I have met men and women trying to find work and those that no longer can.  I have met the mentally and physically infirm, many of which have become repeating characters at the Ministry's weekly affair.  Mama Dee knows many of them by name, knows when they don't show up for several weeks, and knows when they return.  She worries, and the people down here know that.

I am still struck by the courtesy these folks show, constantly.  The patience while they wait in line.  You see a myriad of faces lined with pain, age, emotion, and history.  And you see children; children that ask politely for another cookie or more juice.  I wish the juice were more than a powdered drink and that there was milk available, but this is a shoestring budget affair and we are lucky there were enough funds to get as much accomplished as we did.  Mama had to finish the last few meals with just tortillas and gravy; not much, but it filled an empty hole.  There was a breakdown in communication as Mama Dee had sent me several e-mails, which I didn't receive for some reason, asking for any help I can bring to the table.  The end of the month is the toughest for funds as everyone is stretched thin.  I will do what I can for next Saturday to ensure enough food is available; and some cookies for the children.

"Thank you for what you do."  I want to answer back, "Who the hell are you?"  Who are these people and what are their stories?  If the television networks want reality TV, they need to be down here on the street discovering the story behind the faces.  Their story is a recurring story of America, the "land of opportunity."  Who are they and how did they arrive at this situation in life?  What are their hopes and fears?  Who have they left behind?  There are stories here of families that have no idea what happened to a father or grandfather that disappeared onto the streets and stories of families reuniting with the lost.  As much as is the success of people, this is also an American reality.  This is the tough piece of meat and the unwanted vegetable of America that is all too often hidden under a napkin so it isn't seen.  God forbid we have to choke it down.

The sad reality of life is that we can't save the poor from themselves.  There will be poor, always.  Jesus states this in the gospel of John:

"For you always have the poor with you, but you do not always have Me." 

John 12:7-8

 Jesus does not discourage our concern for them.  There is a prophecy, if you will, not just for those that have, but for those that have not; a prophecy that there will always be people in need of His love.  "Poor" is not to be taken literally as it refers to all of those in need whether it is a need of work, food, healing, or love and caring.  There will always be those among us in need.  As with our own path, this is where their path has led them.  Somewhere along the way they took a fork in the road that led them here.  They are lost and need assistance in finding their way back.  You can't do it for them.  They must do it themselves, with your help.

"Give a man to fish he eats for a day, teach a man to fish he eats for a lifetime."

Chinese proverb 

Ask yourself today, as you contemplate your life:  If a member of your family were to find themselves drowning, would you not reach out a hand to save them?  If you were to only think of yourself, would it not become a lonely place to live, when all others have passed on?

Think of your fellow man
Lend him a helping hand
Put a little love in your heart
You see it's getting late
Oh, please don't hesitate
Put a little love in your heart

And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see

Another day goes by
Still the children cry
Put a little love in your heart
If you want the world to know
We won't let hatred grow
Put a little love in your heart

Jackie Deshannon, "Put a Little Love in Your Heart", 1969

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMj7UcjPZ0U

Sermon for Sunday - January 19, 2014: The Caretakers of Planet Earth

As a species we exist as a flesh eating virus inhabiting the surface of the planet.  The original intention, if one believes sacred texts, was to enjoy a more symbiotic relationship with the earth and the other life forms inhabiting her.  We, pretty much, screwed the pooch in that regard.

We have polluted the oceans, air, water and soil.  We take what we want leaving behind a toxic, barren wasteland.  Fish are unfit for human consumption; meat is loaded with hormones and antibiotics that will ultimately hurt us more that help us; the air and what is left of our potable drinking water has to be measured to ensure the pollutant level is within acceptable levels.

The relatively new concept of sustainable resources has been tossed into this mix a bit late in the game.  The old concept of ecology was only ever just a concept.  This is what man has done with the gift of paradise given by God.  Like a spoiled child having a tantrum it would seem we are telling God, “This is for taking away the Garden of Eden.  So, there!”  God is surely looking at this and saying, “You made this bed, you sleep in it.  So, there!”  I have a few dollars to place on God to win.

What do we do about it?  Not much, after all, we are just human.  If we can’t learn to stop killing each other then how can we ever learn to stop killing ourselves?  We are, in reality, a flesh eating disease feeding on ourselves and our appetite is voracious.  This is not meant to paint a picture of doom and gloom; a no win scenario.  There is “not much” to do about it, but that statement still leaves an opening for something to be done.  After all, we are human.  We were given the knowledge and ability to be the caretakers of this world and everything on it.

Maybe it’s time to grow up.

Elementary School Shootings

Shootings in schools are bad enough when it's an adult gone wild.  Shoot the sick ticket and be done with it; no trial, no jury, no waste of the taxpayer's money.  However, when a student perpetrates the crime against our children, what are we to do?  Shoot the parents, and then go after a legal system that has removed our ability and right to discipline our children.  This kind of violence was unheard of in my day, of course we had the feared "beating in the woodshed" to temper our thoughts of doing anything wrong.  

My daughter decided that her career was to be a parent and divide her attention with another job until that one was completed.  What a novel concept.  If you can't do two things well, and one of them concern children, make a decision to either stay away from kids or dump the other job.  There should be parental accountability for damaging a child or allowing the child to damage others because of a parent's lack of focus.

Children aren't born inherently bad.  Children are born without sin, or thoughts of sin, and as they grow into those sinful ways it is up to parents to provide course corrections along their journey.  If the child is beyond help, the parent should be able to seek assistance from the courts.  Remember when a "bad" kid was offered detention or the Marine Corps?  This was a way of giving unruly teenagers a wakeup call and, for many, structure in their lives.  I have known quite a few military people that swear they would be in prison if not for the direction the military provided to them.  But, the truth of the matter is that, for most of these children, parenting is not a priority.  Children are in charge of the family, or the parents are teaching them the wrong values.

Values came from dinner time sitting around the dinner table and bonding.  Values come from religion, spirituality, and faith.  Values come from parents that give a damn; parents that do more than put a leash on their child so they don't wander off in the store.  God forbid the parent should pick the child up or make the child sit down and behave.  Parenting is a concept lost on those that had children from about 1990 onward, and probably a bit before that if you include the hate mongering taught to children by parents with any affiliation to the American Nazi Party.  Christians are not immune to blame; bombing of abortion clinics is not a Christian lesson to teach children.

So now we have a twelve year old child shooting up a Roswell, New Mexico elementary school.  Twelve years old?  My God!  All the usual questions come into play here.  Where did a twelve year old get a gun? Where did the child learn how to use it?  Where were the parents during all of this?  And, let's not forget my favorite "catch all" question:  Why?

In these cases the authorities need to keep their eyes on target.  The target is parenting.  How did parents let this happen?  If the parents tried to get help, where did the authorities drop the ball?  How can we stop this senseless, mindless, killing of our young people by their fellow students?

The problem reaches beyond gun violence and into technology.  Facebook bullies, schoolyard bullies, date rape, racism, and much more abuse permeate our schools and the family and personal lives of our young people.  The real crime is that we as a society cannot seem to stop it.  The most important, advanced nation on this planet cannot do what Mexico seems capable of doing.  Mexico gates their schools.  Mexico stations police in front of their schools.  Mexican parents and grandparents wait outside the schools all through the daily session and even pass lunch through the bars of the gates to the waiting children.  Is this right?  It is their culture and I'm certain they would defy criticism by a first world nation incapable of doing the same.

It should make a parent think.  It should, but...this is just my opinion; I could be wrong? 

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word."  --  Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Note:  The following quotes in this post are all attributed to Dr. King.  Don't just read them; think about them, and try to understand them.  Go online and take his day to read more of what he thought, then ask yourself:  Is this the "message" being repeated by those that have come after, or do they take the message out of context for their own agendas?  I think you will find these people wanting.

I think that Dr. King died before he could figure out how to make people listen to him.  Oh, I think plenty of people heard him; very few people listened to him.  I don't mean to say people ignored what the heard; they just didn't listen to the message hard enough to truly understand it.  The African-American segment of society praised what they heard, and celebrated his life then, and now.  They all say they heard his words, as do many whites throughout the world.  They heard him, but they did not listen; they did not pay attention.  Who is at fault for this, the white man?  The black?  Mankind has never listened very well.  We have historically listened and not understood.

Until those of all colors in this world refuse to buy into the philosophy that their own leaders spoon feed them daily, the idea that they can blame everyone else for their lack of incentive to forge ahead to a better life, nothing will change.  If you believe the white man is holding the black man down then ask yourself who is holding down white man?  It's the same people; the white man just can't use the race card.  And, if you feel you are being held back, black or white, then do something other than whine about it and stop waiting for the government to do it for you.  No one can help you except you.  You can't save the poor from themselves any more than you can make a slackard want to work.  You either want it or not, and if you aren't willing to work for it, then shut the hell up and wallow silently in this pool of self-pity you seem so comfortable with.

"I look to the day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." 

You are what you are because you want to be.  If you believe yourself to be po' black trash or white trailer trash, you are the trash you desire to be.  If you want to lead your life speaking like you have no education, you will live your life sounding like some movie stereotype of an ignorant person - stupid.  If you want to act like a "gangsta" you will probably die like a gangsta.  It is bad enough that the black man holds himself back of his own volition, but when white kids without their own identity insist on emulating this ignorance, where does this leave any of us when we have young black and white teens talking ghetto speak, wearing baggy jeans down around their thighs, walking around with all the upright pride and respect of a wet noodle, and all the while wondering why they're being held back.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is as much self-respect you have to offer.  If you like the answer -- you are what you are, and you have nobody to blame your own dumb ass self.  Or, you can try to be something better; something more than the sack of hammers your own people, believing in their ability to keep you stupid, have damned you to be.  Stand up and tell them they're wrong!  Scream it loudly so that "all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause."

"If a man is to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.  He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well."

The key to success is not blaming everybody else for your inability to succeed!

President Obama would be happy to have the poor stay poor, and ignorant, while making promises he never has any intention of keeping.  It is all about maintaining control and a voting base for life.  White politicians in the south, courting the black vote, learned this lesson early on.  Then there are minority leaders that essentially do the same thing.  Some do it very subtly; others are blatant because they truly believe no one sees it. Oprah Winfrey, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, all these black leaders would have you believe they put the best interest of their people first.  In so far as it keeps them in the news and makes a buck, this is probably true.  Yet, it is in fueling the fires of misinformation, ignorance and hate that they make their money and stay in the lime light.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at time of challenge and controversy." 

For Dr. King, never had there been a time so crucial to the ending of racism throughout, not only America, but the rest of the world, and none of them listened to his message.  Look at what these leaders I've listed above have acted like, and see if they measure up to Dr. King's desires for love, understanding, forgiveness.; oh, sorry, sounds like teachings of the Christ.  Don't forget that two of the black leaders flaunt the title of Reverend.   It is easy to see how one could accuse black leaders today of having learned the lessons of slave holders well. They have become the new shackles binding their own people to a new, insidious, slavery put upon them by their own people.  Lies and deceit are so much easier to maintain when you have a "captive" audience.

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

Now think about Jesus.  In Dr. King we had a leader with such charisma that even the whites were paying attention, yet no one listened.  In Jesus we had a leader with such charisma that he almost changed the world, almost.  Everyone was hearing, but so few were listening.  It continues to this day.  When the followers of great men lose the message of those men in the clutter selfish agendas, the great may become immortalized while the deep meaning of their message is forgotten.

"Ten thousand fools proclaim themselves into obscurity, while one man forgets himself into immortality."

My mother was born and raised in Mississippi.  Nothing made her angrier than racism and bigotry.  She left Mississippi to escape it, and returned later in her life to bask in the, almost, 180 degree change in attitude.  She made sure I grew up accepting people for who they were, not what they were.  I was taught to accept folks on merit, desire, and ability, and not to have preconceptions.  This latter idea is the most difficult, especially when those you are trying to look upon as equals are trying just as hard to prevent it.  This is not just true with race; it encompasses religion, gender, sexual orientation, and the physically handicapped.  When people stop thinking of each other as different and start celebrating our similarities, it will become easier for us to find common ground for peace, love, and acceptance.

Again, this is just my opinion and I'm sure there will be people out there that would rather take umbrage at it than embrace the spirit of Dr. King's message to all of us.  Sadly, it is expected. 

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with an Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as Chaplain Program Liaison, at a regional medical center.

Sunday Thought - January 12, 2014: Mirror, Mirror

Life is all about how you handle Plan B.

-- Anonymous

When you look in the mirror every morning, who do you see?  Are you happy with what stares back at you?  Are the lights on, but nobody's home?  Maybe you really aren't the sharpest tool in the shed?  Are you looking at someone whose life is a toilet, ready to be flushed?  Well, flush it then!  Contrary to all of those "power of positive thinking" gurus, I think that, for some, life might require an occasional flush.  Let's face it, when the pooh gets so deep you're on your tiptoes trying to put off going under, maybe pressing the handle down makes a bit of sense.

 

There's a lot to be said for, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."  Many times we think this, and it really isn't.  As a matter of fact it oft times is the same, or worse.  But when your lips are about to take their first sip of "how low can you go," maybe it is time to bail.  Hey, life is a crap shoot and when you feel you have nothing left, there is usually no direction but up.  Does this mean change is going to be easy?  No.  Change might mean moving, a cut in pay, leaving your current main squeeze in hopes of finding someone just as good or better, and maybe downsizing your living space, your car, and your life.  If you aren't willing to do any, or all of this, then you have no idea what life is really all about and maybe you really are a bag of hammers.

"Life has meaning only if one barters it day by day for something other than itself."

-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Life is all about change, adventure, and asking, "Why?"  Why am I in this dead end job?  Why am I with this loser?  Why am I lost in this big, damned, city?  Why am I making good money and I'm still not happy?  Why do I feel like there is no path to my life?  Why do I feel like I'm constantly fighting battles I just can't win?  Why?

There occasionally comes a time in battle when one has to perform a cost/benefit analysis.  The cost outweighs the benefit when one realizes the outcome is not obtainable.  There is no shame in admitting defeat.  The shame is in throwing loyalty on a bon fire you cannot hope to extinguish.  The shame is looking upon your soldiers as fodder.  Better to beat a hasty retreat and live to fight another day, before there is nothing left to fight with.  So it is with life.

 

If you're asking "why," then you're probably ready for a path out.  The next step is to - take a step!  You have to be willing to give it all up.  You have to be willing to say enough is enough.  You have to come to grips with the fact that money can't buy happiness. Is it really worth all the crap you're drowning in?  Once you take that first step, guess what?  You are on a path!  You are on your path!  It belongs to you, good or bad, right or wrong.  If someone tells you that you've made a mistake by taking this path (and they always do), you can look them square in the eye and tell them, at least you had the brass to try.  If it turns out to be a mistake -- it is your mistake, not theirs, and you're going to own it, wear it, and learn from it.  That is life!

 

You fool,

You have been dangling

For such a long time!

When will you seize the opportunity

Or feel the necessity

To untangle the taut knot

Of your bondage life?

-- Sri Chinmoy, "Ten Thousand Flower-Flames"

It is amazing how much of our lives we spend diligently working ourselves into debt and misery simply because we buy into the societal correctness of it all.  "Keeping up with the Joneses" has finally morphed into a religion in which we feel an obligation to tithe unto death.  We aren't being held down by an anchor; we have become the anchor!  We are drowning ourselves daily for fear of being labeled a loser, or a quitter; in whose eyes?  When you look in that mirror what do you see?  Do you see what you could be, or do you see what society has convinced you to be?  Why?

 

Mirror, mirror, why?

 

The question screams for an answer.

"Everything that occurs in your life is part of God's plan to wake you up."

-- Leonard Jacobson, spiritual teacher, mystic and healer

Hell is Just a Four Letter Word

"Religion gives us an idea of heaven to create fear in an idea of hell, then promises a path to heaven for the faithful to the particular religious philosophy.  The idea of heaven and hell is simply a means of control.  In reality, we create our own heaven or hell right here on earth."

Is there hell on earth?  You betchya, by golly, eh!  Michigan is one place where you can usually expect to see hell freeze over during the winter months.  If you're in the European theater of operations, you might want to check out Hell, Norway.

In religious tradition, the Abrahamic in particular, hell conjures up visions of eternal damnation, punishment, and torment to be endured in the afterlife for sins wrought in the present.  But is this what "Holy Scripture" really says?  Or, as I believe and have asked many times before, have religious scholars been leading us down a path of fear to fulfill their own agenda for control?  I feel there is ample evidence to condemn, but it is for each of us to decide, in our own hearts, where religion has sold us out, or not.

As always, I did a bit of research to try and get a philosophical handle on Satan.  I have always had my own feelings of hell on earth, and found God's seeming penchant to damn for eternity as a bit harsh for the "loving" Father we are also expected to see.  A God I have to fear is no God of mine.  God the Father, therefore, must be a loving father, yet stern when necessary to point out childhood errors.  Whether you love God or not, His love for you is without question.  It must be, or what's the point?  Imagine my surprise when I came across an article in Apologetics Press that gave me some hope that I might be on the right track.  According to Kyle Butt, editor of Discovery magazine contributor to the Bible department at Apologetics Press:

"Satan is not the ruler of hell, and he does not have the power or ability to cast or drag anyone into hell.  In fact, when we read about Satan’s ultimate end, we see that God is the Being who will cast Satan, also called the devil, into the “lake of fire and brimstone” (Revelation 20:2,10).  Furthermore, the apostle Paul explained to the Christians in Rome that no “angels nor principalities nor powers” could separate them from the “love of God which is in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:38-39).  Those in Rome could choose to reject God of their own free will, but no power in existence, including Satan, could pluck them from God’s hand and cast them into hell."

Satan "does not have the power or ability to cast or drag anyone into hell."  It doesn't say he can't tempt you into sending yourself there.  Remember the old saying that you have to invite the devil in?  And there is also the idea that nothing can separate you from the "love of God which is in Christ Jesus."  I think the last sentence has more meaning than all others.  They "could choose to reject God of their own free will, but no power in existence, including Satan, could pluck them from God's hand and cast them into hell."

Everything revolves around your acceptance of evil and your rejection of God.  This is why I feel that a loving God, will give us well-deserved spankings, even make us endure remedial training, to live an existence again and again, in order that we learn the lessons required to achieve a higher existence on our path.  Will we fall along this path?  Most certainly!  This is how we learn; from our mistakes.  Will we taste the forbidden fruit?  More than likely!  And, like Adam and Eve, we will be spanked.  But those who are repentant, those who don't reject the love and goodness of creation in favor of inviting Satan into their house, will always have the promise of forgiveness and love.

What of other faiths, and the "godless heathen" that Christianity has historically condemned, even unto death, for their beliefs?  In the kingdom of my God, ignorance is a pretty good excuse as long as your life has been righteous.  Evil in any philosophy seems to be shunned.

It seems to me that what we have to watch out for is falling prey to Satan's ability as a used car salesman; his "Slick Willy" persona, if you will.  Satan's power is his ability as a great deceiver.  Satan may not be able to take your soul, but he can sure con you into signing it over of your own free will, and therein lies the danger.

Hell is just a four-letter word unless you want it to be something more.  We need to stop worrying about hell, having faith in hell, and start living good lives.  God gave us a wonderful existence to live and we spend way too much of it worrying about not being good enough to move forward or attain salvation.  From what I read in scripture, our salvation has already been paid for.  What we need to be doing is picking it up and moving forward.  Salvation isn't about the destination as much as it's about what we do with it on the journey.  And, if you do happen to fall hard, remember that Satan can only hold you as long as you don't allow the love of creation to bring you back into the light. This is the forgiving nature, my philosophy of the living God in which I place my faith.

“I found that I couldn't muster any belief in a literal heaven or hell, anyway. I thought the best we could all do was to look after one another and clean up the various hells we've made right here on earth.”

-- Octavia E. Butler

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Dealing with Bullies

 

"You can slap me, and I will turn the other cheek.  I will let you slap me again to show you my strength of character.  If you draw back your hand a third time, I will show you my resolve.  There is no contest of will.  At the first slap, you had already lost."

Bullies are an interesting lot.  On the face of it, they are mean, insensitive, brutes that delight in torturing those too weak to defend themselves.  Underneath it all, they are egotistical, attention whores that usually have glass jaws.  They are hiding a deep rooted cowardice behind a facade of bluster and what some dumb ass, probably their father, told them was the way to be a man.  As for women, you are not immune.  Bullies are men or women of all colors and religious affiliations, or lack of.  Their deep seeded cowardice is specifically why bullies pick on the weak; anyone stronger would pound the crap out of them, which is what they really needs to happen in order to straighten them out.  I like to call this required ass kicking, "attitude adjustment."   These are the same cowards that beat and rape women while trying, in vain, to prove what tough men they are; trying to make their deep inadequacy adequate, and failing miserably.  For the female bully, she can swing to either side, using her dominant demeanor to mentally destroy a person's self-worth, or physically beat down either sex.  But, what do I know?

"I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It's the bully who's insecure."

-- Shay Mitchell, actress

I was picked on by the school yard bullies until high school.  I was the scrawny kid with the "coke bottle bottom" glasses.  It was easy for me to deal with bullying because of the way I was brought up; I could let most of the stuff roll right off me.  I was also able to almost always avoid getting the hell beat out of me, probably because I could run like the wind and again, I was a slender, scrawny, slippery cuss.  Sometime around my sophomore year, though, something snapped.  

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

-- Harvey Fierstein, actor & playwright

There was a kid that hung around my friend and me.  He would taunt me when we were together but he always fell short of escalating it due to the fact my friend was larger than he was.  One day, as the three of us were walking through the woods, he said something that set me off.  I said something back; he pushed me, dared me, and called me a name.  Enough had become enough as I picked up a tree branch lying on the trail and proceeded to beat him with it about the head and shoulders.  He tripped, while backing away, and fell backward on his butt.  Down on the ground in a sitting position he was helpless.  I delivered retribution for years of bullies in my life.  My friend had to gather me up in his arms to prevent me from killing him.  Never again!  I promised myself; never again would I be a victim for some coward to show off with.

I kept that promise.

Oh, I got a whipping more than once after that but, I didn't run from it.  Nor did I fight.  I learned a valuable lesson:  Bullies are basically dumb animals.  If you don't play the game, it isn't any fun for them and they get bored.  Or, you can easily divert their attention to some other poor sap and make good your escape.  I was the scrawny kid that became a shield, putting myself between the bully and the other victims they preyed on; asking them, in front of their girlfriend, if it made them feel like a man to pick on the weak and helpless.  More than once this would elicit a punch, or two, and I would find it necessary to repeat the question, adding that if they found it necessary to beat on someone to prove their manhood, better they continue to beat on me as I had no qualms about reminding their friends what a true coward is.  Pretty soon the taunting stopped, along with the occasional punch.  I never whined about it.  I never cried to mommy.  I just dealt with the problem my way.

Bullies exist because there are victims.  The best way to defeat a bully is to not be a victim.  How you do this is situational, and it can be very dangerous.  It depends to what length the bully is prepared to take it, and at what point you decide enough is enough.  For me it took realizing I had no problem hurting someone back.  For me it was the realization that I have the ability, and the anger inside me, to kill another human being.  I had discovered the "Hulk" that exists in all of us and, like Bruce Banner I had to learn to control it.  I came to terms with the idea that, even though they can beat me to a pulp, payback was made for those with the intelligence to deliver it.  It would be swift, it would be overkill, and it would send a definite message.

"Bullies are always cowards at heart and may be credited with a pretty safe instinct in scenting their prey."

-- Anna Julia Cooper, African-American scholar (1858-1964)

I abhor violence and in no way advocate the use of violence; violence begets violence.  But there is a lot to be said for speaking softly and carrying a hammer-less 9 mm with a laser sight as a means of deterrence.  There is an inherent problem with this philosophy?  You need to be willing and able to go the distance that the bully isn't willing to entertain.

What scares the crap out of bullies is the unknown.  Remember, the bully is just a coward that is more afraid of what you are, and what you can be.  They know, deep down inside, they can never be anything more than what they are now.

" Some people won't be happy until they've pushed you to the ground.  What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day.  Hold on to your power and never give it away.

-- Donna Schoenrock, author 

More on Growing Old

"Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess:

Lord, thou knowest better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old.  Keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity.

Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs.  With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it.  But thou knowest, Lord, that in the end I will need a few friends.

Keep me from the recital of endless details; give me the wings to get to the point.

Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity.  But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they increase with the increasing years and my inclination to recount them is also increasing.

I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others.  Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong.

Keep me reasonably gentle.  I do not have the ambition to become a saint -- it is so hard to live with some of them -- but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces.

Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy.  Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any.  And, Lord, give me the grace to tell them so.

Amen"

-- Margot Benary-Isbert, children's author (1889-1979)

I love this quote, and smiled as I read it; I could have written it.  I think any person approaching that time in life when you realize your mortality low light is beginning to flicker would easily claim they have thought most of this.  If they haven't they may very well be "a harsh old person."  As for me, I really identify with asking to "teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong."  Only on occasion, however, and those are few and far between.

Truly I am a legend in my own mind, and I am fine with that.  Who else should I be a legend for?  Not one of us is perfect, and to claim such is to look a fool in the eyes of others.  Have you ever met a doctor that introduces themselves as, Dr. So and So?  When I hear this I always introduce myself back with Mr. Villari, or Master Sergeant Villari (which I can do, as retired rank follows into civilian life).  They only had to read a book for their title and that makes them think they deserve the respect.  I don't deserve the respect; I earned it.  You show me a doctor that introduces themselves by their first name, ran a surgery on a battlefield, and shuns their title to maintain a sense of soul, and I'll show you a humble person deserving of my respect.  I have met only two doctors like that in my life.  One was a PhD teaching astrophysics in Sacramento, and the other is an MD at the company I retired from in Olympia, Washington:  Brad Waite, I salute you.  It isn't the title that earns you the respect, and most learned people seem to forget this fact.  Even Presidents forget this fact, and I think we can all agree that Congressmen can't forget what they seemingly don't care about, which is why their benefits package is more important to them than the work they're elected to do.

"A full bird Colonel I knew once accused me of showing him no respect.  I respectfully reminded him that I respected him twice as much as any general I have ever known.  Several minutes past and he came back into my office to remind me, I once told him I never met a General I respected."

Being humble is an admirable trait.  It is sought after by the last people one would expect; the soldier.  A leader that is not humble cannot command the respect of their troops.  They can demand it, but they cannot command it, and the troops will not give it freely if it is not earned.

I am a Senior Noncommissioned Officer in the United States Air Force. I hold allegiance to my country, devotion to duty, and personal integrity above all. I wear my rank of authority with dignity, I promote the highest standards of conduct, appearance, and performance by setting the example. I seek no favors because of my rank. I am devoted to the concept of service rather than personal gain. I uphold the traditions of senior noncommissioned officers who precede me. I manage resources under my control with astute efficiency, and lead the way with the highest level of competence. I always strive to merit the respect of my fellow senior noncommissioned officers and of all with whom I come in contact.

-- USAF Senior Noncommissioned Officer Creed

Try finding this philosophy in the back stabbing world of business.  When I got out of the military, I found the hardest aspect of civilian life was the back stabbing.  Everyone did it, and that was just sad.  I grew up in a different era, raised by a military man and a patriotic American; more than that, I was raised by -- a man. Fallible?  Yes.  Prideful?  Yes.  Macho?  Absolutely, he's Sicilian!  Like most Sicilians, even as evidenced by the Mafioso, there is a code of honor.  There are certain things you just don't do, and one of them is back stabbing.  If you're a man, of any worth, you operate face to face.  If you have a problem with me, you come to me, in private. Oh, and family is off limits.  If I have a problem with you, I will not air it in front of your friends and loved ones.  Nor would I denigrate your mother, no matter how bad she was in bed.  This is honor.

"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be."  

-- Socrates

Honor is something I find lacking in the majority of young people today.  I blame the parents.  Parents without honor cannot instill honor.  If children of dishonorable parents learn honor, it is probably from another outstanding role model they have come into contact with.  This is why it is so very important for celebrity to always do the right thing.  Drugs, racism, disrespecting authority and women  the "gangsta" bullshit, doesn't cut it.  Not speaking proper English doesn't cut it.  It shows a lack of respect for yourself; it shows a lack of respect for those around you, and it shows a lack of proper upbringing.  It is "low brow," and, as my Aunt Grace would say, God rest her soul, it is plebian (look it up).

Thus endeth the lesson for today.  I have, just about, violated every aspect of the  "Prayer of an Anonymous Abbess."  I have much work to do.  To the last bit of the prayer, I offer this quote from a beautiful woman:

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love.  When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.  

-- Sophia Loren

Locked Away from Christ - Parte Seconda

This subject pisses me off so much I felt it required a bit more bloviating than normal.  I went out after the "street feed" yesterday to see the church being used as a homeless shelter at night.  Not to my surprise, it was locked up tight and had one of those real estate agent key safes on the handle so only those with the combination could enter. 

 

Well, you see, the church is a vault full of valuable "things" that God must demand for it to have on hand, for some reason.  It brings nothing to the worship; none of it feeds the poor, although it does offer bragging rights about how rich your church is.  It has been this way since not long after Christ died on the cross.  It's a good thing too; Christ wouldn't have stood for it.  He threw the money changers out of the temple.  He asked those who would follow his path to give up worldly things.  These "bragging rights" equate to selling religion, and it also equates to pridefulness.  I'm sorry.  I thought we were supposed to be humble before God.  My bad! 

 

I talk quite a bit about the Islamic heretics that embarrass their religion by re-interpreting the Qur'an for their own agenda, yet I can't help but accuse the Christian hierarchy of their own heretical behavior, behavior that has been going on since before the founding of Islam, so let's not go tooting the moral Christian horn too soon until we start selling the Vatican art collection to feed, cloth, house and educate the poor.

 

I have challenged the priests and ministers before, and I will continue to do it until I see a change in their behavior.  I want to see them downtown in full "uniform" so we can see them in action.  If the church wants to change the world view, let them start there.  I have a feeling that if more people could see the pious doing a bit more "one on one" in public, the public might just climb on the band wagon.  I would love to see a young priest in a park talking to some kids and relating Christian values to some real issues.  I would stop to listen.  I would interact.  Maybe it would turn into a weekly event in the park for him.  Beats a church any day, and its real!  It would be "in your face" discussion of beliefs and expectations, of values and desires.  Hell, the young priest might learn more in a day than he would in a lifetime.

 

The argument against this tact is going to be that the clergy is busy doing other work, like giving comfort to those in the hospital.  Well, I hate to be cold and heartless but, if they haven't found God by then, too late.  The clergy should have caught them earlier, or maybe the dying should have repented when they had the chance.  If they want to repent now all they have to do is look to God and accept Christ.  Isn't that the refrain sung by evangelists?  So if this is true, then clergy has ample time to devote to those sinners with plenty of life left to change for the betterment of mankind. 

 

And there is always the excuse of having to make time for listening to everyone's dirty little secrets in confession.  I love the screen between the priest and the confessing parishioner; like he doesn't know who this person is.  If you are truly repentant, God already knows.  Telling a priest isn't proving anything to God, and the priest isn't going to get you into heaven, only you can do that.  Try talking directly to God for forgiveness; the priest should be worrying about his own less than laudable behavior.

 

I could go on, but I think you get the gist of my personal displeasure with locking the doors to places of worship.  Give me a simple stone church, an altar of hand hewn wood, and a simple cross on the wall.  If someone steals it, God bless them, they must need it more than the church.  If they are caught in the theft, ask them if they are hungry as well, and feed them.  This is the message of Christ.

 

Of course, I could be wrong but, only a member of the clergy would probably think so.