60 Years of Sin and Redemption

This post is dedicated to my handsome, intelligent son Todd, my darling daughter Annie, and my two beautiful grandchildren, Owen and Annabeth, to whom she is the epitome of motherhood. If I haven't made it clear enough, you are, and always have been, my life, my love, and my reason for being.  -- Dad 

 

"So darlin'

Save the last dance for me."

-- Doc Pomus

I heard the story behind this old classic song on my way home from work tonight.  Doc had polio as a kid and it left him unable to walk.  He found that the blues was an outlet that intrigued him and was soon singing in black night clubs.  When he finally married, he couldn't even dance with his wife at the reception.  He told her to go dance and enjoy herself, it was her wedding.  Years later he wrote this song on the back of old wedding invitations.  He said he was just writing another song to entertain, nothing special.  His wife still couldn't speak of it without breaking down.  I had to pull the car over.  It is very difficult to wear contacts, cry, drive, and wipe the tears from your eyes.

 

Everyone who knows me, knows how emotional I am, especially my daughter.  She would get the box of tissue before I started the tape of Disney's Incredible Journey, because she knew I would be a basket case before the end.  Yes, real men cry...a lot.  They can also wear pink, and make it look good;  cook a fabulous meal, and clean up after themselves; decorate a house, in something other than "man cave gridiron;" and actually be pretty good fathers, when they're given the chance.

 

Having said all that, I offer apologies up front, to my son.  Todd, I might be gonna do it again!

 

I made it home, finally, and couldn't get the story of Doc Pomus out of my head.  The story had more meaning to me than what Doc had intended.  For me it was about my kids, and my grand kids, and everyone else in my life that I always told I loved, or maybe hadn't told enough and it seemed I was never there for.  But, I was always there.  I was always trying to do the right thing, not always succeeding, but trying.  I always wanted everyone to be all they could be, including my ex-wife.  I told her I didn't want her to live her life for me, I wanted her to be somebody, for herself.  OK, not the best advice in hindsight.

 

My son has done more than I could have ever hoped for, including meeting a beautiful woman that's makes him very happy.  My daughter always wanted to be a mother, and she is all of that, having met a Marine any father-in-law would be proud to call son.  Teresa keeps silent, but I know she wants more of me than I am ready to give.  She is patient, and I don't tell her nearly enough how much I love, care for, and appreciate her and the effort she has given.

 

To all my friends I have kept at arm's length for years, never willing to take the emotional risk, I appreciate the fact that you have seen right through me and loved me anyway.  I love you all so damned much it hurts.

 

You can only do the best you can with the cards you're dealt.  Sometimes you toss away the wrong cards, sometimes you can double up, sometimes you have to bluff, but you can never win if you aren't in the game! Today I declare myself a winner.  Life has chewed me up and spit me back out onto a path that was 60 years in the making.  Born again?  Hmmm...to quote from my favorite movie, Oh Brother Where Art Thou:

Pete: Well I'll be a sonofabitch. Delmar's been saved.

Delmar O'Donnell: Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward.

Ulysses Everett McGill: Delmar, what are you talking about? We've got bigger fish to fry.

Delmar O'Donnell: The preacher says all my sins is warshed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo.

Ulysses Everett McGill: I thought you said you was innocent of those charges?

Delmar O'Donnell: Well I was lyin'. And the preacher says that that sin's been warshed away too. Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now. C'mon in boys, the water is fine. 

Today, my kids live in southern California, my parents on the Mississippi gulf coast, and my girlfriend is on her ranch in Mexico.  Funny, how life works out.  I'm sitting here alone in Olympia, sipping on a freshly opened bottle of 18 year old The Glenlivit, listening to Jazz on National Public Radio, and celebrating 60 years of a life I haven't wasted.  You know what?  I feel fine with that.  I can't count all my blessings on fingers and toes.  That's a good thing!

 

For me, Darlin' is everyone I know, everyone I have ever touched, or has ever touched me.  Darlin' are all those people in my life to whom I have said, "Go for it!"

 

To my family back east in Rhode Island, down south in Mississippi, here in Washington, and to my children, my grandchildren, my parents Domenic and Evelyn, Teresa, and all of my loving, caring, beautiful friends and "extended" family that may wonder if I ever think of them, I do and I love you all, so please...

 

...save the last dance for me!

 

"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly defeated age."

-- Sofia Loren