"The better part of valour is discretion;
in the which better part I have saved my life."
--Falstaff in Henry IV, Part One, Shakespeare, 1596
The last time I got very close to a sleeping cat with my face was back around 1981ish. The cat woke up, grabbed both sides of my head with her claws while growling and trying to make her eyes go wider than mine. Mine were wide in terror and bugging out of my head. Her entire reaction to me, being right in her face, may have had something to do with the furry monkey mask I was wearing for a Halloween party that evening. One might ask, "What was I thinking?" I know I did.
I had made a faulty assumption that, with her eyes being slightly opened, she was awake and just "catnapping." I let out a low growl to elicit some response. Nothing. I growled louder. Still nothing.
At this point, any intelligent human, a woman perhaps, would have put two and two together, but my addition kept coming up with eight and a little voice kept trying to tell me a woman wouldn't be doing this. I leaned in closer to slap my hands down on both sides of the cushion she was lying on. The shock and awe of having an animal go rabid cat crazy all over my head is a life-changing experience. Fear turned to terror. I felt her hind feet trying to find purchase on my chin and the mask was making that difficult, but not impossible. Not for a cat. I realized there were only seconds left before she positioned herself to utilize those flesh shredding hind feet. She didn't, thank goodness, make it that far. My cries for help (screaming like a little girl) were immediately answered by my wife who found me kneeling in front of the chair, the cat firmly attached to my monkey face with claw anchors as I whimpered "nice kitty," over and over again.
At this point, any intelligent human, a woman perhaps, would have put two and two together, but my addition kept coming up with eight and a little voice kept trying to tell me a woman wouldn't be doing this. I leaned in closer to slap my hands down on both sides of the cushion she was lying on. The shock and awe of having an animal go rabid cat crazy all over my head is a life-changing experience. Fear turned to terror. I felt her hind feet trying to find purchase on my chin and the mask was making that difficult, but not impossible. Not for a cat. I realized there were only seconds left before she positioned herself to utilize those flesh shredding hind feet. She didn't, thank goodness, make it that far. My cries for help (screaming like a little girl) were immediately answered by my wife who found me kneeling in front of the chair, the cat firmly attached to my monkey face with claw anchors as I whimpered "nice kitty," over and over again.
As an Air Force sergeant I was embarrassed. As a man I was mortified. As a smart-ass, I got what I deserved and learned a valuable lesson. As a member of military intelligence, well, it is an oxymoron, after all.
Cats can sleep with their eyes opened, slightly. I was familiar with the old saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie." I didn't know, until that moment, the advice extended to cats. Let sleeping dogs and cats lie. I also didn't know a cat could hiss that much, or that their pupils could go so black and big as to look satanic. I am more careful with humor now days, I give cats a bit more respect and a wider berth. I have also learned to move faster when trouble presents itself, especially when I'm the cause. I usually am the cause. I am my worst enemy.
Cats can sleep with their eyes opened, slightly. I was familiar with the old saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie." I didn't know, until that moment, the advice extended to cats. Let sleeping dogs and cats lie. I also didn't know a cat could hiss that much, or that their pupils could go so black and big as to look satanic. I am more careful with humor now days, I give cats a bit more respect and a wider berth. I have also learned to move faster when trouble presents itself, especially when I'm the cause. I usually am the cause. I am my worst enemy.
This experience taught me the valid advice to "let sleeping giants sleep." If I absolutely have to wake them up, I make sure the possible trouble I'm inviting is going to be worth it. A person needs to pick and choose their battles. It is always better to pick those you have a chance of winning and leave the other ones to fight some other day when you are better prepared to take the heat and have the time to recover from your wounds. If you opt to take on every battle that comes your way, you might end up looking like beaten dog pooh when you grow older; a visual testament to your own stupidy.
As for the unknown, those sleeping, furry little faces? Discretion can be the better part of valor. Make sure you're not alone when you do something stupid around animals with claws and teeth. Don't let the difference in your sizes give you a false sense of superiority, and have a friend is close by to remove the claws or talk you out of folly. If you are intent on following through with an experiment to evidence your lack of good sense, a thickly padded monkey mask does offer a bit of protection.
“An English traveler relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table.”
-- Stendhal (1783-1842), writer, novelist
Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.
It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.
We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.
Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.
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