Breast Feeding Controversy

Yahoo! Shine posted another article that caught my attention on Wednesday.  It concerned that commodity, that most precious of resources that I consider of some importance and concern, at least to me.  That resource, as many of you followers of my posts know, is BABIES! I know, the picture shows a calf, not a baby, but really, you were expecting me to post a woman's bare breast suckling a baby?  Blogger might cancel me.  I'm not sure how narrow their view of pornography is.  And that comment goes to one point of this post, society's view of breastfeeding, the other concern being the mother's view of it.
 

For the most part, I felt the article did a good job of stating the issues many women feel about breast feeding.  The author's conclusions, however, became somewhat defensive.  As a father, I have my own views on breastfeeding and was going to write a post concerning her article.  As a man I knew the post would be greeted with, "But, you're a man.  Shut up and go fix something."

 

I decided the best response would come from a woman, preferably a mother that has breastfed her child, and preferably at a young age so she has had to confront many of the same concerns mentioned in the post.  I also knew I had to have a dedicated mother that I not only trusted, but respected as well.

 

I emailed my daughter.  (Quit looking at the cows and pay attention.)

 

The article, Study Reveals Why More Women Are Choosing Not to Breastfeed, was originally published by Babble.com in their Parenting section and was authored by Monica Bielanko.  I wish I could tell my readers something more about Ms. Bielanko's qualifications to address this issue, if they are any better than mine (other than being a woman, that is) but nothing was offered up in the article.  I can't even tell if she is a reporter, or just an opinionated woman.  I will pull excerpts from the article, but if you wish to read the short piece you can find it at www.shine.yahoo.com/parenting.

 

A study is a study, is a study, so I won't bore you with the meat.  Bielanko's "take away" on it was "during a baby's first two months of life almost every mom worries so much about breastfeeding they consider switching to formula.  She goes on to explain that the World Health Organization "recommends exclusive breastfeeding until a baby is six months old..."

 

Again, the article is pretty good at covering the reason why mother's should breastfeed, and discusses the stress involved in doing so.  Then we have Ms. Bielanko's personal opinion.  Now, remember my  mantra, "this is just her opinion, and we all have one."

 

"Here's what doesn't sit right with me: the implication that women are quitting breastfeeding because they're uneducated about its benefits and that most women really want to breastfeed, they just don't know how to navigate through the problems that arise or they don't have the proper family or community support.

That's a huge disservice to women who just don't want to breastfeed, for WHATEVER reason. Maybe it's uncomfortable, maybe they feel weird about it, maybe they're so stressed and tired and freaked out by new motherhood they just don't want to. It doesn't matter. We don't need another group of professionals insinuating that our decisions were based in ignorance and that if only we had the proper support we could breastfeed forever.

Newsflash: I'm well aware that breastfeeding is better (health-wise) than formula but I don't want to breastfeed for six months. I don't know if I even want to breastfeed for three months. Does that make me any less of a mother than the woman who's nursing toddlers? Nope. I was all set to get into the reasons why I don't want to breastfeed but I don't even need to. The simple point of the matter is that the act of breastfeeding doesn't make one woman a better mother than the next. We all love our children madly, we're all doing the best we can while balancing what's in everybody's best interest and if breastfeeding isn't in mom's best interest - for whatever reason - that's A-OK. She doesn't need your little "breast is best" guilt trip because inflicting a mother with that kind of stigma is just as bad as you think her decision is not to breastfeed.

Personally, breastfeeding stresses me out and I'm not talking about problems with latching or producing enough milk. Yes, being the only one who can nourish your child is beautiful. Also, being the only one who can nourish your child is really demanding and stressful. With my first two children I breastfed for as long as I could, which turned out to be two months and three months respectively. Ultimately it became overwhelming for me even though I am well-educated and had so much family and friend support, but it felt like peer pressure. Quitting breastfeeding, rather choosing sanity over breastfeeding, was me being the best mom I could possibly be.

So do we really need another study telling us we're falling short if we make choices that we feel make us better mothers in the long run? Nope."

I have highlighted those comments in blue that I feel are important to her argument.  I have asked my daughter to consider these last few paragraphs, in particular, while forming her response for this post.  I was allowed to use all or part of it.  I felt it was best to give you her entire response.  I have put those comments in bold that I feel of particular interest.  She writes the following:

 

"My son was born in 2008, just the second baby born in my group of friends, although several of us were pregnant at the same time. As a young first-time mom I was trying to learn as much as I could about motherhood and what was best for my new baby. One thing I felt very strongly about was breastfeeding and, in my mind, formula wasn't an option. I felt like formula was not only expensive, but the thought of having to get up in the middle of the night to make a bottle when my child was tired, hungry, and crying didn't seem like something I wanted to do. Breastfeeding is free, all natural, and readily available whenever, and wherever, my child needs to be fed. Sounds great, right? But formula companies start early with pushing their product at pregnant women. Somehow I ended up receiving two full size cans of formula in the mail, along with coupons and bottles, without ever having signed up for samples. I was told to keep them, from whom I can't remember, even if I didn't plan on using it because I may need it if breastfeeding didn't work out. Before my child even got here I was being told that I was going to fail!

When my son was born via emergency C-section and spent 4 days in the ICU, I thought my dream of breastfeeding was going away. I had very little help while in the hospital to breastfeed and gave in to the pressure of giving him formula. I remember one nurse telling me "Just shove his face into your breast and he'll start sucking," which wasn't very helpful and didn’t work at all, but I was determined to figure it out. When we were released I bought a breast pump to help with engorgement and so he would still be getting breast milk while we tried to work on it. Then I bought a nipple shield, hoping that it would help with his latch. I spent the first month of his life worrying that he wasn't getting enough to eat, supplementing with formula, crying at the pain, and trying my hardest to give my child the best nutrition I could. I didn't have help from professionals. I didn't have friends who breastfed. I did it all on my own, because I wanted to. I admit that it would have been nice to know a professional to answer questions or someone to talk to, but at that time I didn't know how to get the support I needed. I fought as hard as I could and can proudly say that I nursed my son until he was 27 months old.

Does it make you less of a mother if you don't breastfeed? No. But I still cringe when I see a bottle of formula being given to an infant, because I know that formula and bottle-feeding can never live up to breastfeeding and the connection it gives you with your baby. To know that your body alone spent 9 months growing this little person and now has the ability to feed them and still help them grow, it’s something that only females can say and we should relish in that knowledge. I get that there are important reasons not to breastfeed, like having multiples or going back to work, and I applaud the women who make educated decisions. But more and more often I hear moms say that they "just couldn't" or "didn't want to." Why would you not want to? It's FREE. Yes, it's hard work at first, but what part of motherhood isn't? It’s stressful, it’s painful, it’s yet another task that falls solely on mothers. I can see why mothers would choose not to do it. But breastfeeding, and all the trouble that comes with it, is a selfless act that many mothers choose over freedom and sanity for the sake of their children.

I agree that no part of being a parent should be judged, unless it puts your child in harms way. Breastfeeding or bottle feeding, disposable diapers or cloth diapers, purees or baby-led weaning, to vaccinate or not to, homeschooling versus traditional schooling. There is no single right way to parent. If you make informed, educated decisions then I say more power to you!

In the article the author says "Ultimately it became overwhelming for me even though I am well-educated and had so much family and friend support, but it felt like peer pressure." Pregnant women are pressured from the very beginning to use formula, so if we don't bend to that pressure, if we do nurse for 6 months or a year or even three years, why shouldn't we be excited and be able to share that with others? I am PROUD to have breastfed my son for over 2 years, and I'm coming up on a full year of nursing my daughter too. I will never apologize for breastfeeding or for trying to help new moms by giving them advice and I will never say that formula is better, or even as good, as breast milk because I know it’s not.

In the case of the author, I feel like she is trying to justify her reasons for not breastfeeding, but she comes off as hostile and judgmental towards breastfeeding women. At the end of the article she writes, “So do we really need another study telling us we're falling short if we make choices that we feel make us better mothers in the long run?” I’d just like to add that as much as we didn’t need yet another breastfeeding study, we also didn’t need another article about breast milk versus formula and how we are neither better nor worse mothers based on our decisions. Breastfeeding, more specifically nursing in public, has become such a hot topic of discussion recently and I personally feel like instead of talking about whether or not “breast is best” (because we already know it is), we should be discussing ways to stop sexualizing it in the media so that whichever way we choose to feed our babies we are able to do it wherever and whenever we please."

Is there any question why I love this girl?  I think not!  My daughter is much kinder than I was going to be with the article, and I don't necessarily agree with all of her opinions, because I am a man and have no frame of reference to the discomfort and stress mother's feel with breastfeeding.  This was my whole reason for throwing the issue in her lap.

My own opinion, for mothers that choose not to breastfeed, is that it isn't about you! It concerns your baby, and what is best for the baby's health.  Does it make you a bad mother to choose not to?  Does it make you a bad mother to blow cigarette smoke in your baby's face?  To do drugs or drink alcohol during pregnancy?  To feed your child junk food?  Oh, but that's not the same thing? 

Think about it.

God, or nature, gave women breasts for a good reason, and I don't think it was just to show off their cleavage to attract men (however secondary that reason may be, personally I think cleavage is overrated).  Babies do better with breast milk for the same reason nature gave women breasts.  They were meant to use them to nurse!

Again, these are just opinions about a still controversial issue that even mother's can't agree on.  They are just personal opinions.  We all have one.

For more information on the importance of breastfeeding, try starting with this site: http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/why-breastfeeding-is-important/

I'm sure there are contrary points of view, I'd like to think we should always start with the positive side first, then we will be better prepared to deal with the negatives.