What Makes a Woman?

“Say to yourself, I am perfect, the way I am. Say to yourself, I am beautiful, the way I am. Say to yourself, those who do not accept me the way I am, do not deserve me in their life.”

-- Abhijit Naskar, neuroscientist

The "eyes" have it, and the motion passes:  Praise for beautiful women!  Well, that's just my opinion, because I love beautiful eyes on a woman.  She might feel she has numerous faults, but if she has beautiful eyes I can easily overlook the rest.

Ah, Venus!  Isn't this ancient statue of a timeless beauty what comes to mind for every man when he considers a woman?  Maybe he thinks of the Mona Lisa or any of the multitudes of movie stars from the last century.  Are any of these really what a man considers when he thinks of women?  I'd think a man would have to be pretty shallow if all that comes to mind is the physical attributes.  For any red-blooded male worth his salt, this is probably the last thing we would consider when a woman is mentioned.  What men consider attractive about women depends on the man doing the considering and, no, we all don't view women the same way, as much as I think butch feminists from the League of the Perpetually Offended might like all women to believe.  But, aren't feminists expecting men to act a certain way, and isn't their expectation a bit chauvinist?

"Now beauty should be cultivated by every woman. If you do not possess a clear complexion, regular features, bright beaming eyes, and beautiful hair, why cultivate the graces of the mind, and they will lend a brightness all their own to eyes and skin; will soften regular features, and throw a hundred nameless charms over forehead, cheeks, and lips."

-- "Daisy Eyebright," A Manual of Etiquette - with Hints on Politeness and Good Breeding

There are those women who hate men so much as to have some folks asking why they cling to heterosexuality like a tightened vise.  I think an admission of their true nature might set them free from any hidden guilt which binds them.  But then, I don't hate women, so I have no frame of reference; no understanding of their complaint about the opposite sex.

I guess I embody everything that makes a certain kind of woman hate men.  Basically, I love women!  I love everything about women.  Let's not get bogged down with what women physically look like; how big their breasts are and, as a consequence, how obvious her cleavage.  And, how about those pouty lips, shapely butt, and killer legs; the quintessential "Victoria's Secret" woman?  Really?

Let me tell you about my "model" fantasy.  I had a big crush on a particular Victoria's Secret model.  She had classic "Mediterranean Riviera" looks.  She was absolutely gorgeous, and then I saw a video where she opened her mouth and spoke.  I was crushed.  Talk about bursting a bubble!  Out of this gorgeous example of feminine pulchritude emanates this tiny voice from Betty Boop (boop, boop, be doo).  Thank God, she wasn't chewing gum!

"If love is blind, then maybe a blind person that loves has a greater understanding of it."

-- Criss Jami, poet, essayist, philosopher

So, what was wrong with this?  Absolutely nothing!  She was still a beautiful woman.  The voice just set me back a bit as it wasn't what I was expecting.  It wasn't in my fantasy.  I was thinking the glass had water in it and discovered I had a mouthful of vodka.  Nothing wrong with vodka.  I like vodka.  But a mouthful is hard to swallow.  I reminded myself that none of us is perfect, and I certainly am not.  My fantasy has changed to include the unknown, when possible. 

I always considered a beautiful woman was about the preparation, the packaging, and the delivery.  For the most part, this is right.  Her packaging was great, as was her preparation, but the delivery just fell a bit short when she opened her pie hole.  I would feel the same if some 300-pound football lineman had her voice.  It was nothing she could help, God bless her.  I chuckled at the incongruity of it which might have broken the ice, gotten me a date, and we may have made the perfect couple, as fantasies go.    

Okay, before I incur the wrath of every feminist on the planet, let me follow up my last comments by admonishing pigs who think they're men.  Fantasy is one thing, but as far as reality, I'm a pragmatist.  I expect as much from a man as I do of any woman, and I don't think that's wrong.  Men should act like mature, respectful men just as women should act like well-bred, strong, respectful women. 

Allow me to use an example of a nondescript, plus-sized, woman.  Okay, so I won't color the terminology - fat is fat, so deal with it.  Take this fat woman and do a makeover on her.  Put her in an attractive outfit, hairdo, makeup, heels, and some designer nylons.  Hey, she can be seriously attractive!  I know because I've seen it.  I think we've all seen it, on television and in the movies.  Now, teach her to walk, hold her purse, cross her legs (or not, as sitting with your knees together is still considered proper for a woman of breeding), and not to chew gum like a cow chewing cud.  Now you have a beautiful woman!  Not just an attractive one, a beautiful one.  One who meets my definition of absolutely gorgeous.  Now, if we're after perfection, then along with dressing, sitting, and walking, also teach her to think deeply, speak proper English, to carry on intelligent conversations with intelligent company.  Now, you have it all.

There was a time when quality women were trained to be quality, and quality men were also taught proper manners and dress.  What holds true for women still holds true for the gorilla down the block.  Women should view men with the same critical eye they, themselves, would expect to be viewed.  They should expect no less of men than men do of them.  We men should dress properly and learn manners.  Men should dress like we know the women we are with are worth the trouble.  We should assist her in making other women jealous by holding the door for her and attending to her chair as she sits.  We should also learn which fork is for salad and the butter knife is for butter, not steak.  This is all about mutual respect,  for each other, and for yourself!

As far as "plus-sized" men dressing well, clothing stores cater to both men and women who have a bit of girth.  A point to remember, however, is to make sure the clothes fit you.  Rolled up pant cuffs, baggy shirts, and blazers, really don't send any other message than, none of it fits.  And women, a tent is still a tent, so go for something with a waist.  Just saying.

"The fallacy in Hollywood is that if you're making a 'feminist' story, the woman kicks ass and wins.  That's not feminist; that's macho.  A movie about a weak, vulnerable woman can be feminist if it shows a real person we can empathize with."  -- Natalie Portman

As I said at the beginning of this, "I love women."  I don't care how big their breasts are or if they even have breasts.  I care if they care about themselves.  If they care enough to make the effort to make me care.  I get up every morning to shower and shave.  I brush what little hair I have, put on antiperspirant and spritz a subtle cologne.  I might choose a silk tie and a set of cufflinks that compliment my dress shirt choice, and then I slip into a pair of Bostonian shoes.  I could put on khaki slacks with an oxford shirt and a polyester tie, and then slip into a decent pair of loafers with a crepe sole, but I don't.  

What I wear isn't always required attire for any work I do.  I dress well because I pride myself in the way I look.  I do it because, not being the most attractive of men, it has always served me well when it came to women who, for the most part, look for the same qualities men should.  

A stud can breed, but that does not necessarily evidence his intelligence, breeding, or the fact he'll be a good husband or parent.  Dressing well doesn't evidence this either, but given a choice between a man in a shirt and tie and a man in a "wife-beater" undershirt, I think your chances are better with the tie.  A voluptuous model can breed, but that, also, does not define a good parent, nor does her thong bikini evidence any quality other than she enjoys the feeling of a "snuggie."  A little kinky, but what the hey?

“Why do beautiful women love ugly men?”

-- Jill Lepore, professor, historian, writer

Look at the marriages that really work and have longevity among Hollywood actors.  Yeah, I know, they're actors, not really people.  But, does it occur to anyone else that beautiful and intelligent actresses are marrying older, balding, doctors?  How many entertainers, married to entertainers, really enjoy any longevity in a marriage?  The old idea of being part of the "beautiful people" just doesn't seem to work out anymore.  Maybe this where we get the saying, "opposites attract."

Now, let's say a woman or a man has achieved the perfect presentation, packaging, and delivery.  Are they, now, the fantasy you've dreamt of?  Well, maybe it's time to take a deeper look.  For all of the effort that went into presenting this well-appointed package capable of delivering an evening, or a lifetime, of companionship, it is all for naught if there is nothing on the inside, nothing of substance, to back it all up.  Our societal view of beauty means absolutely nothing if we don't realize that the true beauty of a person emanates from within.

“There are a thousand beautiful women out there, but only a handful of them possess the grace required by such beauty to stop it from looking ugly.” 

-- Pawan Mishra, author, producer, director

I love all women, I just wish some of them wouldn't try so damned hard to be so damned ugly on the inside.  Some of the most beautiful women I've known were more beautiful on the inside.  Who they were was what attracted me.  I have found that women and men who celebrate their outward appearance, assume they have it all.  There are some people, like myself, who have to put in some effort to achieve even a modicum of perfection.  So, is there an easy way to assume someone really is all that?  I think so. I'm always impressed with those who are humble about who and what they are.

God made us what we are, gave to each of us a challenge to utilize the tools we were given as efficiently as we can.  Some of us choose to live our life drinking booze and living off the public dole in some sleazy trailer park as they wait for their teeth to finish falling out.  Some come up with a multitude of excuses as to why God cursed them to be lazy, ignorant, poor and homely.  There are others who use the tools, God provided to everyone, to rise above their circumstances and become more than just the sum of their parts.  Don't ever let anybody make you feel less than the person you choose to be.  You are what you want to be.  If a loser in the ghetto is all you see for yourself, then it is all you will ever be.  Dream it, live it, be it, and don't let anybody ever tell you, you can't!  Personally, I find trailer parks depressing.  It is a matter of choice, and for every choice there are consequences.  Bad choice, bad consequence.  Make good choices!

Of course, as always, this is just my opinion.  I'm sure there are women out there chomping at the bit to burn a cross in my front lawn.  Get over it, it's just an opinion.  I could be wrong, doubtful, but I could be.

What makes a woman?  I really have no idea.  I know what I like, but for everyone, it can be something else.  God created her as a being of beauty.  A woman is the mother of all things.  Without a woman, there is only a man, and how pitiful is that?  A woman is a softness to the hard, a light in the dark, and she represents life from death.  She adorns her pedestal with other than muscle and sweat.  What did God create for Adam?  A woman.  That has to say something, right?  God could have chosen a companion for a man that smelled like a cats crusty butt.  I'm pretty certain that when Eve caught her first whiff of Adam, she immediately thought of a cat.

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass."

-- Maya Angelou (1928-2014), poet, activist

Where Is My Faith?

As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.

-- Romans 14:1-23

I hate it when people toss the Bible up in my face, especially when they rail about what they've been told the Bible says, instead of actually understanding it.  My lack of total acceptance of the "good book" damns me for all eternity but, oh well.  Why is it that I can have a deeper faith than those who constantly rant at me, using the Bible as a foundation for the "truth" they've been spoon-fed by clergy?  They have read it, probably cover to cover, and yet they don't seem to grasp the content.  It is like they can see and read the words, but the meaning of what they read is lost on them.  As my uncle would say, "They're like a pig looking at a wristwatch."  

Most church-going faithful seem to follow clergy like sheep and, in many cases, like lemmings off some suicidal cliff.  I'm not sure where their faith lies, and I'm not sure they really know either.  They say they do, but let's put a gun to their head just to be sure.  Would they die for their precious Bible?  By how they present themselves, they seem to put the Bible before their faith in Christ, and by extension, before their God.  I'd say they'd either die because of misplaced faith or wet themselves and go to pieces just prior to denying Christ.  

It isn't that evil people in this world makes you surrender to their will, it's the criminal mindset that they won't be held accountable for their actions.  I can see turning the other cheek to keep the peace and sidestep a beating.  I think I'd easily give up the Bible to this end.  I can always get another one.  If they were holding a gun to my head, I would certainly make an inner promise to punish them at some point in the future.  I didn't surrender my mind, so no harm, no foul; I just don't like people who threaten me to think they can do it ever again, to anyone.  

“Don't give up on your faith just to please someone who has no faith at all;That is like giving up a treasure to please someone who has none.”

-- Gillian Duce, author, writer

Now, consider the idea that crosses, scripture, icons, and talismans possess no more power than our faith imbues them with. I consider these objects nothing more than focal points for the energy of faith.  Evil doesn't fear the object more than it fears the faith behind the object, or in other words, guns don't kill people, people kill people.  Material objects can always be taken from us, but it our choice to surrender our minds.  Our faith, our beliefs, and our free will is something we must surrender as it can never be taken.

As for me, therefore, you can burn my Bible if you'd like.  It is a book; a physical thing.  It has no bearing on my love and faith, my belief in Christ and God.  I consider the Bible a textbook with ideas and philosophies to consider.  Some of it I agree with and some, not so much.  Once I get the gist of the text, I understand the message which I probably knew, anyway.  If I need some clergy to clarify the good sense of doing right, God's message to me, how good was God at considering the audience's ignorance?  

I think that, once you wrap your mind around the simple message "hidden" in the Bible, it all breaks down into true and false, or multiple-guess.  Yes, take my Bible and burn it.  It has no bearing on my faith, but does use of the Bible as a crutch to bolster one's belief, have a bearing on that person's lack of faith?  Perhaps the strength of their faith is more appropriate to question than their belief in a crutch to bolster it.

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.”

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

As a textbook, scripture offers a basis for discussion and discovery and, as I've stated, in this way it holds great value for me.  However, we must not ignore the fact that it is a collection of works, some of it passed down through ages, written and put together by men.  These men wrote down their best translation and interpretation of what was passed down to them.  Can you trust the interpretation?  Well, ask yourself how educated the men were, then ask how many sects of Christianity there are.  If God is omnipotent, why was the message so poorly understood?  Now, consider the ten very simple to understand commandments of this same God, the only true WORD of God, written on tablets of stone.  Now, ask yourself, where are the tablets?  They are a matter of faith.

Mistranslations, interpretations, lost books, damaged pages, and so many questions are all buried under the weight of faith. Fallible men put this book together; men with agendas and the "best" of intentions, like the Crusades, the Inquisition, and various witch trials. Can you trust the multiple interpretations? They are many, so maybe not so much. And as for using scripture as a weapon to stab at people with, well, perhaps one needs to read the instruction booklet first.

"The Torah cannot prevent us from considering to be true that which our reason urges us to believe." 

-- Levi ben Gerson (1288-1344), philosopher, mathemetician, astronomer

When all is said and done, we will have to stand and be judged, graded if you will, on how well we lived our lives.  Many will cling to scripture like a Pit Bull to a meaty bone.  When asked where their faith is, they will hold out their Bible and, in doing so, will have admitted failure.  The Bible is but a tool; you can utilize it or not, but don't let it be your faith in God.  Faith exists elsewhere, not in the pages of a book, not in a talisman or other icon or idol.  Faith exists within each of us, and each of us needs to discover that faith, understand it, and then exercise it.

In the exercise of one's faith I am reminded by Matthew 6:5-8, "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."  Faith, it would seem, is to be a personal relationship between each of us and our God.  Interpersonal definitions, interpretations, translations, and judgments don't come into play.  Your faith is your faith.  Embrace it humbly, and don't try to impress others by what you do.

"But who can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner's fire and like fullers' soap. "He will sit as a smelter and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, so they may present to the LORD offerings in righteousness."

-- Malachi 3:2-3

Like my latest hero, Pope Francis, I too am an admitted sinner.  I am easily led into temptation.  The Bible tells us that to be overtaken by some temptation is common to man.  I think God understands our weaknesses and our shortcomings.  But, if not, then how perfect is God?  How far does faith allow you to go in belief?  God stops Abraham from killing his only son, Isaac, although God commanded it.  This kind of sacrifice is unacceptable to God, so why would God command it?  Many would say it was to prove Abraham's faith, a faith which, I would argue, God should be aware of already.  This was a lesson to Abraham; God's way of saying, "What?  Are you nuts?  This is your only child, you moron!  Why, in My own name, would you think I would ever ask you to do such a thing?"  Was it proof of faith, obedience, or man's ignorance of God's true desire for mankind?

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."

-- 1 Corinthians 10:13

Where is my faith?  My faith is deep, yet clear.  It is a belief in something for which I have little or no proof.  I keep it at the forefront of my mind.  It is a belief that there is something, a treasure, a kingdom, something larger than ourselves, and life after death.  The path to be followed is traveled through this life, and possibly through the next, and the next, if lessons are not learned.  Mistakes will be made, temptations will overtake us, and we must learn from these.  

My faith is in the existence of heaven, not in some treasure map one can purchase from some con man.  It isn't the tomes of scripture lining my bookshelves, nor is it in a sermon preached by "holier than thou" clergy in some building.  Salvation cannot be purchased, nor can someone else secure it for you.  There is no fast route along this path, and righteousness can be counterproductive to what is right or moral, and in learning life's lessons.  Many hope clergy can save us, but what does clergy know about sin unless they have partaken of it?  How can clergy counsel those in need if they have never been in need?  Walk a mile in the sinner's shoes, or those of the poor or homeless.  It is not the destination that is important, it is truly the journey we take to get there.

Where is your faith? Do you wear it on your sleeve or is it a more personal relationship? Do you show up to give praise along with everyone else, to be seen and lauded with kudos, or do you speak to God privately since He already knows your heart?  A final something to consider:

“For a spiritual journey, you don’t have to meditate or visit a temple or listen to a guru! Just live a misty morning while the sun is rising!”

-- Mehmet Murat ildan, author, playwright

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

The Question of Disclaimers

“A disclaimer is generally any statement intended to specify or delimit the scope of rights and obligations that may be exercised and enforced by parties in a legally recognized relationship.  In contrast to other terms for legally operative language, the term disclaimer usually implies situations that involve some level of uncertainty, waiver, or risk.”  -- Wikipedia.com

Wikipedia goes on to address what I consider a concern with any online chat area where comment may be misconstrued as advice:

“[A disclaimer] may specify warnings or expectations to the general public (or some other class of persons) in order to fulfill a duty of care owed to prevent unreasonable risk of harm or injury.”

For anybody creating, contributing, or partaking in any form of conversation where comment can be misconstrued as educated, licensed advice, I think it is prudent to understand that the conversation taking place is only conversation and opinion.  Nothing offered should in any way be considered medical advice counseling.

We would all like to think that those around us are mature adults able to use God given “common sense.”  When was the last time you saw anyone exercising good sense that was in any way common?  It just doesn’t exist anymore.  The best we can hope for is painfully rare “uncommon” sense, and that opens the door for too much misunderstanding, which is the ultimate cause of litigation.  Lawyers live to sue on behalf of the mentally incompetent.  Remember the hot coffee in the crotch?  The traffic police too stupid to turn off the radar gun before putting it between their legs while they wrote notes?  All considered by me to be poster children for population control.  The good die young and the stupid cling to life like a cancer, but that’s just an opinion.

 

Sometimes even the most intelligent of individuals, especially in stressful situations, need to be reminded of reality.  There was a German Shepard with attitude that lived down the street form us when my son was young.  The dog was confined behind a white picket fence.  My son was not stupid, but I still warned him that if he stuck his hand through that fence the fault of his hand being mangled would be his, not the dog’s.  A person needs to take responsibility for their own actions.  They need to be held accountable.  In the case of online conversation groups the reality is that, in all probability, no one is a trained medical doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor.  People online at the site should be reminded that anything offered is just opinion.  They also need to be reminded that everyone can see what they’re writing.  There should be no expectation of confidentiality. It is the internet!

Truth be known, I don’t think what I’m discussing makes it passed the first court hearing before it is thrown out.  But, who has the money to go even that far in their own defense?  I think a disclaimer shows the courts that you recognize there might be an issue, and were forward thinking enough to remind everyone in order to fulfill an expected “duty of care owed to prevent unreasonable risk of harm or injury.”

I found two examples, which I melded into one, that I think clarify what I'm trying to say:

"No assumption of responsibility is made, or given, and the party requesting such advice agrees not to hold the pastor liable in any form or fashion, for such actions taken of their own accord.  The method and process by which this advice and direction are given in no way would constitute an agreement or liability on the part of the provider and is acknowledged to be different in many ways than a one-on-one clinical or psychological counseling process.  Any actions or lack of actions taken by the recipient of such advice is done so solely by choice and responsibility of the recipient and is neither the responsibility nor liability of the pastor."

My disclaimer is that, I am not an attorney.  This is just opinion based on uncommon sense and should not be construed as rule of law.  As far as Wikipedia is concerned, I'm not sure how well they police what is placed on their site.  Besides, you can't believe everything you read on the internet.  "Bonjour!"  Do your own due diligence, and good luck! 

Sermon for Sunday - February 9, 2014: Patience

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us..."  -- Romans 15:4

Everything that was written in the past was written to teach us.  Whether you accept the Bible as truth, or not, even as parables what is written there is worthy of thought for what it might teach each of us about love, forgiveness, understanding, selflessness, and faith.  Even for the atheist, these lessons have provided a framework from which modern society has been created.  You can take God out of the equation, but you still have the truth behind the lesson.  This is inescapable and must drive the devout atheist nuts.  Then again, there are people that create some phony rationale to excuse their not abiding by common law.  Wouldn't refusal to abide by laws define anarchy?

I don't press acceptance of the Bible.  There continues to be conflicting information that is being discovered, even by the faithful.  It does not demean the Bible, rather it helps us understand the teachings and the meaning, not to mention the people of the day.  A greater understanding can lead to a deeper faith, even if that understanding is contradictory.

Most people that know me will admit I am a man of little patience when it comes to the trivial.  As a teacher, supervisor, and manager, however, my patience was tested and rarely found wanting in large part due to what went on before.  When you have worn their shoes it is easier to be a bit more understanding and patient, unless you're an ass.

I have stated, many times before, that I am a sinner.  To ignore one's own sin is to lie to one's self; to treat one's self with a total lack of respect.  I like what I see in the mirror and, although I am constantly dodging the lightning bolts thrown in my direction by the Almighty, I do get the message.  

Paul writes of Christ's patience, shown to him, in his letter to Timothy:

"Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life."  -- 1 Timothy 1:15-16

Even though we may be sinners, Christ will ever be patient with us.  We must recognize our error, get back up when we stumble, and try again.  Hopefully, sooner or later, we will learn from our past mistakes.  This is why I constantly remind everyone, our personal path is not about the destination, it is about the journey.  For me, I hope to learn the "immense patience" of Christ one day.

Take this Sunday and contemplate your patience.  How do you measure up?  How will you try to do better?  Do you even care?

God bless us all this fine day, and give strength to all of the athletes competing at Sochi in the XXII Olympic Winter Games.

A Poetic Definition For Valentine's Day: Woman - by Two Hopeless Romantics

There is no better time in the year for the adoration of women than Valentine's Day.  I was brought up to respect women and to show them courtesy and respect.  I was also brought up to see the beauty inside of everyone; a difficult task in my life, and one I grudgingly attempt even if I know, in my heart, that a particular woman is pure evil.   Hey, a little evil in a woman can sometimes be fun, leather not withstanding.

So, I take this post to offer a small tribute to women.  A bit of poetry and a bit of lust.  I think if Adam was first to arrive in the garden, it was only to fertilize the mother of all mankind and to protect her from harm.  I guess Adam screwed that up.

Perfect Woman

She was a phantom of delight

When first she gleam'd upon my sight;

A lovely apparition, sent

To be a moment's ornament;

Her eyes as stars of twilight fair;

But all things else about her drawn

From May-time and the cheerful dawn;

A dancing shape, an image gay,

To haunt, to startle, and waylay.

I saw her upon nearer view,

A spirit, yet a Woman too!

Her household motions light and free,

And steps of virgin liberty;

A countenance in which did meet

Sweet records promises as sweet;

A creature not to bright or good

For human nature's daily food;

For transient sorrows, simple wiles,

Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.

And now I see with eye serene

The very pulse of the machine;

A being breathing thoughtful breath,

A traveller between life and death;

The reason firm, the temperate will,

Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;

A perfect woman, nobly plann'd,

To warn, to comfort, and command;

And yet a Spirit still, and bright

With something of angelic light.

-- William Wordsworth

A Woman

She is something to be handled with a modicum of care, 
Then be returned to the pedestal from which taken.
A China doll with fragile porcelain features;
With  sparkling eyes that drive men to their knees in supplication.

She is dawn and sunset of a summer's day;
Dew on clover and scent of a morning rose.
Her's is the warmth of an evening fire
And a cup of steaming spiced cider.

Her presence is quiet modesty upon arrival
Turning many a man's head
At great cost to marriage and pocketbook.
She is a subtle hurricane to emotion.

If man was created in God's image,
Surly God improved with practice,
As man cannot hold a candle
To the beauty that is Eve.

This is woman.

-- Yours Truly

(Ol' Bill Wordsworth can't compete with this kid!)

Blunt Words for Divorcing Parents

This made the rounds through e-mail again the other day, and I found the words to be as true as the first time it came by me.  This short four paragraphs are entitled, Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words for Divorcing Parents.  Allegedly written in 2001 by Judge Michael Haas, it carries a great message:

"Your children have come into this world because of the two of you.  Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent.  If so, that is your problem and your fault.    

No matter what you think of the other party--or what your family thinks of the other party--these children are one-half of each of you.  Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an "idiot" his father is, or what a "fool" his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.

That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child.  That is not love.  That is possession.  If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them to pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children.  Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer"

Words once spoken in anger are the most difficult to take back.  They are also the most difficult to erase from a child's mind.  I can honestly say that words are equally as damaging as actions, however.  It takes one to know one.  God forgive me, I assisted my ex-wife in putting our children through this torment.  

I'm not sure if you can weigh which is worse--the selfish activity of one parent or the scathing reproaches of the offended other.  It seems like one is always looking for greener grass while the other is trying to salvage the existing pasture.  More times than not, the entire issue could have been avoided with basic honesty.  After some twenty years of fighting it, I finally had to throw in the towel as I came to grips with a marriage that was based on twenty years of bullshit.  Two painful truths hit you right in the face:  This is no way to live your life; this is not a fit relationship in which to raise children.

I'd wish I could say what we put the kids through had no effect on how they turned out--I can't.  My daughter is in a loving relationship with a great guy and has two wonderful, intelligent children of her own.  My son is in a loving relationship with a terrific, beautiful young woman, has never married and has no kids.  I have not asked either of them if what we put them through dictated the different emotional relationships they are in.  It is none of my business.  They are both happy, and I have learned to focus on the positive.

If you can understand the damage this has on a child then try to wrap your mind around the damage you do to yourself for the rest of your life; this "not knowing" if you have damaged your children.  What if they carry your anger forward into their own lives; the distrust, betrayals, and the hurt?  Live with that for another twenty years or more and see what you think.  There is no forgiveness, if you really care.  You carry what you did and what you said with you, hidden, like an ugly scar.  It is better to just walk away than to fight over an empty relationship, over nothing, especially when that is all you have.  

It is better to leave try to do the right thing.  The children will grow to understand what happened.  They will grow up to understand where to place fault.  Be remembered for doing and saying the right things.  One more bit of advice:  Always remind your children that both of you love them and, if they blame the other parent, remind them that they should love them for being their parent and not for anything they might say or do in anger about you.  You need to understand that kids really do get it, more time than not.

I leave you with a quote that, on the surface, would seem to be addressing the offending partner.  Try reading it as the offended child.  Kind of makes you think.

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."  -- Robert Brault

International Condom Day! Really?

This one blind-sided me!  Who woulda thunk it?  A day set aside to celebrate Pepe's raincoat; your little friends armor; the little discussed condom; life's little prophylactic against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. 

I thought this should be shared as part of informational outreach.  I found it interesting they opted to celebrate it in conjunction with Valentine's Day.  No wonder it isn't advertised very well.  No pun intended but, it could really take the feeling out of that special moment.  But, then again...

Isn't this what maturity is all about?  Doesn't this separate the men from the boys?  Make us stand up to be counted?  Fish or cut bait?  Personally I think its where the rubber hits the road for men in the world.

All humor aside, I think this celebration is marvelous.  I think all offices throughout the world should end their lunch with a "Mr. Condom" shaped cake to help ICD spread the word and stop the spread of an STD like AIDS.  

The following is from, www.wincalendar.com/International-Condom-Day:

International Condom Day History

International Condom Day seeks to promote the use of condoms as a means of preventing unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).  It is an informal observance celebrated in conjunction with Valentine's Day.  The holiday is also promoted by the AHF (AIDS Healthcare Foundation) in an effort to reduce the spread of HIV thru safe sex practices.  

Facts about International Condom Day

• 1 in 20 Americans will get infected with hepatitis B (HBV) some time during their lives.  Hepatitis B is 100 times more infectious than HIV. (Source: CDC)
• There are more than 19.7 million new Sexually Transmitted Infections in the U.S. each year. (Source: CDC)
• By twelfth grade, 65% of high school students will have engaged in sexual intercourse, and one in five sexually active teens will have had four or more sexual partners.
• The use of Condoms make for the only proven method for reducing the transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) during sex.
• 5 billion condoms are used every year, worldwide.

International Condom Day Top Events and Things to Do

• Practice safe sex and keep condoms on hand so there is no excuse to use them if the situation arises.
• Say the Danish word for condom 10 times fast. Svangerskabsforebyggendemiddel
• Talk to your kids about safe sex and answer any questions they may have.
• Make a donation to the American Sexual Health Association (ASHA)

Sermon for Sunday - February 2, 2014: Seahawks vs Broncos

"The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand."  -- Vince Lombardi

Tomorrow the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos will face-off and apply the best of themselves to the task at hand.  There will be no loser unless one of them doesn't show up to play.  If both teams live up to the expectations of Vince Lombardi, there can be no loser.  There comes a point when the best of the best compete.  There comes a time when David can slay Goliath.  There comes a time when luck swings the balance of the game; in any game where there are rules and calls officiated over by fallible humans.  When it comes right down to it, it is just another game.

I had to go to the market today.  The parking lot of one was so full that I opted for a larger store down the road.  This one, too, was a zoo.  Lines were long and baskets full.  Beer, chips, dips, ribs, brats and buns filled baskets.  "My goodness!" I exclaimed, "It's just a football game!"  I asked the checker, Neil, if it had been this way all day.  It had.  

And what if your chosen team "loses" the game?  Will we think less of the effort they put in to get to the pinnacle of their sport?  Not if they apply themselves to the game with determination.  The only loser is the one we create in our own mind.  This is not a war, it is a game.  In a game among gentlemen the only thing that can be lost is the game; the men will return for "better luck" next time.  When we forget this we risk regressing to animals.

There will be no losers today.  There will be a game of titans for ownership of a shiny bauble to put on a dusty shelf, and a golden ring (my precious...).

I will watch the game at the Country Club on a 16 foot projection screen.  I will drink mass quantities of beer and eat fattening snacks and cholesterol ridden food.  I will cheer both teams for downs well played, and I will congratulate the victor.

Having said all this...

GO HAWKS!

Yet More on Growing Old

These three couples are having a great time.  Looks like sunshine and maybe a beach are involved.  Well, maybe the young lady on the left is having issues but, in general, a good time seems to be the order of the day.  The day would be somewhere in the vicinity of Biloxi, Mississippi around 1951.  I know this because the two people in the middle are my parents and the guy on the right is my dad's "cumpari," his best friend, Jay; I knew him better as "Uncle Joe."  I know where they are because the three of them were stationed at Keesler Air Force Base together.  Dad and Jay remained close friends until the mid to late 1960's when Jay just up and left; disappeared off the face of the earth.  There was no explanation and no goodbyes.  One minute here, the next gone.

Dad is in his early 80's now, and I'm sure everyone else in the photo is within range of that.

"As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say.  I just watch what they do."  -- Andrew Carnegie

Have you ever watched older people?  Older than my dad, that is; he would take umbrage at someone calling him old.  And I mean really watched them, not just acknowledged they are there as you move on to something else more interesting.  Try taking a moment every now and then to study them.  You have to be coy about it, especially if they're women.  Much older women have this sense they're being watched.  You can be looking at their back, for a moment longer than common courtesy would allow, when you hear, "Is there something I can help you with young man?"  There is nothing more humiliating than choking out a "No, ma'am," as your innocent act dies a painful death.

Given the opportunity, I would recommend checking out the fruit section in the supermarket.  Watching an older lady choose fruit is like watching a fine tuned machine; a ballet of facial features and digital dexterity a surgeon would kill for, as they pick through a mountain of fruit with a frail hand, looking for a likely candidate.  They gently lift and squeeze, ever so slightly as not to bruise the interior meat and close their eyes as they bring the possible treasure to their nose for the final test.  The verdict is easily determined by the slight smile of triumph, or the almost imperceptible sneer of disgust as the fruit is returned to the mountain as she searches for another.

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us.  ASt age 40, we don't care what they think of us.  At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."  -- Ann Landers

Getting caught while "older people watching" is particularly common due to the fact that watching seems to be what older people seem most adept at.  They'll sit in a park for hours, feed the squirrels, and watch the parade of life go on around them.  I think they feign the crotchety ol' fart stuff just to have some fun at our expense and have some anecdotes to tell their friends over a coffee next morning.  Most elderly people I have met in passing have been engaging encyclopedias of little known histories and most people my age were eager to hear them.  Young people now days seem too wrapped up in their own personnel bullshit to care or notice the elderly as anything more than a bothersome bump on their path.

"Small children will talk to anyone, once the guard of shyness has fallen, and they have, like the elderly, a sense of immediacy, a need to say or do something, now, now, the minute it is thought of, combined with that other sense, of the complete irrelevance of time."  -- Susan Hill, "The Magic Apple Tree: A Country Year

Why is it that young people always want to give old people advice?  Is it that old people listen to it?  Personally I believe the old people listen because they think it's precious and are just happy some young person is giving them the time of day, as well as another funny anecdote to tell over a coffee next morning.  I always like to watch their facial expressions and their eyes as they complain about the aches and pains of a hard life, having to get up to piss four times a night, the baby food served at the cafeteria for lunch, and forgetting why they walked into a room.  I think most of the complaining is the bullshit they throw out as bait to see if someone bites.  The eyes usually give them away.  The outside of the structure might be ancient and weathered, with peeling paint and a rickety porch but, every now and then, the high wattage lights come on inside with a sharp click of the switch.  Old?  Like a fox!

I think I'll enjoy being old.  I like feeding squirrels, and watching people.  I've done both most of my life.

When You Are Old

"When  you are old and grey and full of sleep,

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars."

-- W.B. Yeats

First Love

"No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

-- Albert Einstein

Do you remember your first love?  For me, that would be the "older" woman at my fourth birthday party; a ravishing beauty for her advanced age of five or six.  Anyone could see I was playing the seemingly disinterested younger man and, yes, it did not work out as I planned.  I'm not sure if the various modifications to my "game" ever work out as planned, even though I continued to polish my technique for the next fifty odd years.

Maybe if I had just grabbed her young face in both hands, looked deeply into her innocent eyes, and planted a big wet one right on her lips?  The young Sicilian kid and his older, white bread, sugar mama.  One could almost feel the "pant down" spanking for just considering such a gutsy plan.  Dad would have been silently proud behind the admonitions and mom would have been mortified.  Hey, boys will be boys, especially at the age of four.  Holding my fourth birthday candle in my hands I looked to be considering if it would fit up the young ladies nose before she could scream foul.  I was probably also considering the consequences of trying to do it - the ever feared "pant down" spanking, always lurking in the shadows.  Needless to say, I would become better acquainted with spankings life had to offer than I would with a good looking woman.  But, at the age of four, who knew you could have both?  Who cared?

Truth be known, I would find out this little lady wasn't my type.  Age was obviously not a factor.  I would enter grade school more attracted to auburn hair, freckles, and braces.  Braces?  Yeah, who would've thought?  To find all three was, for me, the Holy Grail.  Unlike the legendary Grail, though, my quest was almost fulfilled.  I found her at the ripe old age of nine, in fourth grade, her name was Susan.  And, unfortunately, fate would rear ugly the next year, and Catholic School would put any thought of girls out of my mind and bring, instead, a waddle of giant penguins to the forefront of my reality.

Infatuation with hair color, mouth gear, and those beautiful clusters of concentrated melanized cells known as freckles, would fade with the discovery of legs, miniskirts, breasts and the associated cleavage, as I approached ninth grade and high school.

Now, at sixty-five, I still find women with auburn hair very attractive.  As for women with freckles and braces, these seem to have morphed into less appealing age spots, retainers, a removable bridge or false teeth.  Thank goodness I never had a romantic evening with a woman who whipped out her false teeth on me.  I can imagine screaming like a little girl, horrified at the thought of what body part she might remove next.  Is it any wonder people suffer from certain dysfunctions later in life?

I was never a frivolous lover.  No "love them and leave them" attitude.  No "woman in every port." I can truthfully say that, while traveling the path of life, I have loved and cared about every woman I have had the privilege to know, save one. I met her at a party, shortly after arriving at my first assignment in the Air Force.  I threw caution to the wind for one evening of meaningless "frivolity" with a young lady who would remind me of remind me of what I already knew.  She reminded me, in her own "Marchioness de Sade" way, that a woman's feelings and emotions should come well before my own.  It was a lesson I remember to this day.  Needless to say, this was a one night stand in a trailer park which, for many, explains everything.  But, I remember her as I remember others - fondly.

I married way too young, for her and for me, and as painful as the twenty years of marriage were, I still manage to care about her as the mother of my two children.  I opted not to be a glutton for any more matrimonial punishment and only married the one time.

Whether it is your first love, your latest, or your last,  every woman you're with deserves to know you care about her.  Your love for each of them may differ, but it's love none the less.  There is nothing trivial about someone's emotions.  You should never take them lightly.  They are important, and often times fragile.  Treat everyone with the same love and respect you would have them treat you, even those you love and leave.  This has to do with burning perfectly good bridges behind you.  A retreat is always an option and you might find need of that shoulder you've loved to cry on one day.

"A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man."

-- Charles Dickens

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.