What Makes a Woman?

“Say to yourself, I am perfect, the way I am. Say to yourself, I am beautiful, the way I am. Say to yourself, those who do not accept me the way I am, do not deserve me in their life.”

-- Abhijit Naskar, neuroscientist

The "eyes" have it, and the motion passes:  Praise for beautiful women!  Well, that's just my opinion, because I love beautiful eyes on a woman.  She might feel she has numerous faults, but if she has beautiful eyes I can easily overlook the rest.

Ah, Venus!  Isn't this ancient statue of a timeless beauty what comes to mind for every man when he considers a woman?  Maybe he thinks of the Mona Lisa or any of the multitudes of movie stars from the last century.  Are any of these really what a man considers when he thinks of women?  I'd think a man would have to be pretty shallow if all that comes to mind is the physical attributes.  For any red-blooded male worth his salt, this is probably the last thing we would consider when a woman is mentioned.  What men consider attractive about women depends on the man doing the considering and, no, we all don't view women the same way, as much as I think butch feminists from the League of the Perpetually Offended might like all women to believe.  But, aren't feminists expecting men to act a certain way, and isn't their expectation a bit chauvinist?

"Now beauty should be cultivated by every woman. If you do not possess a clear complexion, regular features, bright beaming eyes, and beautiful hair, why cultivate the graces of the mind, and they will lend a brightness all their own to eyes and skin; will soften regular features, and throw a hundred nameless charms over forehead, cheeks, and lips."

-- "Daisy Eyebright," A Manual of Etiquette - with Hints on Politeness and Good Breeding

There are those women who hate men so much as to have some folks asking why they cling to heterosexuality like a tightened vise.  I think an admission of their true nature might set them free from any hidden guilt which binds them.  But then, I don't hate women, so I have no frame of reference; no understanding of their complaint about the opposite sex.

I guess I embody everything that makes a certain kind of woman hate men.  Basically, I love women!  I love everything about women.  Let's not get bogged down with what women physically look like; how big their breasts are and, as a consequence, how obvious her cleavage.  And, how about those pouty lips, shapely butt, and killer legs; the quintessential "Victoria's Secret" woman?  Really?

Let me tell you about my "model" fantasy.  I had a big crush on a particular Victoria's Secret model.  She had classic "Mediterranean Riviera" looks.  She was absolutely gorgeous, and then I saw a video where she opened her mouth and spoke.  I was crushed.  Talk about bursting a bubble!  Out of this gorgeous example of feminine pulchritude emanates this tiny voice from Betty Boop (boop, boop, be doo).  Thank God, she wasn't chewing gum!

"If love is blind, then maybe a blind person that loves has a greater understanding of it."

-- Criss Jami, poet, essayist, philosopher

So, what was wrong with this?  Absolutely nothing!  She was still a beautiful woman.  The voice just set me back a bit as it wasn't what I was expecting.  It wasn't in my fantasy.  I was thinking the glass had water in it and discovered I had a mouthful of vodka.  Nothing wrong with vodka.  I like vodka.  But a mouthful is hard to swallow.  I reminded myself that none of us is perfect, and I certainly am not.  My fantasy has changed to include the unknown, when possible. 

I always considered a beautiful woman was about the preparation, the packaging, and the delivery.  For the most part, this is right.  Her packaging was great, as was her preparation, but the delivery just fell a bit short when she opened her pie hole.  I would feel the same if some 300-pound football lineman had her voice.  It was nothing she could help, God bless her.  I chuckled at the incongruity of it which might have broken the ice, gotten me a date, and we may have made the perfect couple, as fantasies go.    

Okay, before I incur the wrath of every feminist on the planet, let me follow up my last comments by admonishing pigs who think they're men.  Fantasy is one thing, but as far as reality, I'm a pragmatist.  I expect as much from a man as I do of any woman, and I don't think that's wrong.  Men should act like mature, respectful men just as women should act like well-bred, strong, respectful women. 

Allow me to use an example of a nondescript, plus-sized, woman.  Okay, so I won't color the terminology - fat is fat, so deal with it.  Take this fat woman and do a makeover on her.  Put her in an attractive outfit, hairdo, makeup, heels, and some designer nylons.  Hey, she can be seriously attractive!  I know because I've seen it.  I think we've all seen it, on television and in the movies.  Now, teach her to walk, hold her purse, cross her legs (or not, as sitting with your knees together is still considered proper for a woman of breeding), and not to chew gum like a cow chewing cud.  Now you have a beautiful woman!  Not just an attractive one, a beautiful one.  One who meets my definition of absolutely gorgeous.  Now, if we're after perfection, then along with dressing, sitting, and walking, also teach her to think deeply, speak proper English, to carry on intelligent conversations with intelligent company.  Now, you have it all.

There was a time when quality women were trained to be quality, and quality men were also taught proper manners and dress.  What holds true for women still holds true for the gorilla down the block.  Women should view men with the same critical eye they, themselves, would expect to be viewed.  They should expect no less of men than men do of them.  We men should dress properly and learn manners.  Men should dress like we know the women we are with are worth the trouble.  We should assist her in making other women jealous by holding the door for her and attending to her chair as she sits.  We should also learn which fork is for salad and the butter knife is for butter, not steak.  This is all about mutual respect,  for each other, and for yourself!

As far as "plus-sized" men dressing well, clothing stores cater to both men and women who have a bit of girth.  A point to remember, however, is to make sure the clothes fit you.  Rolled up pant cuffs, baggy shirts, and blazers, really don't send any other message than, none of it fits.  And women, a tent is still a tent, so go for something with a waist.  Just saying.

"The fallacy in Hollywood is that if you're making a 'feminist' story, the woman kicks ass and wins.  That's not feminist; that's macho.  A movie about a weak, vulnerable woman can be feminist if it shows a real person we can empathize with."  -- Natalie Portman

As I said at the beginning of this, "I love women."  I don't care how big their breasts are or if they even have breasts.  I care if they care about themselves.  If they care enough to make the effort to make me care.  I get up every morning to shower and shave.  I brush what little hair I have, put on antiperspirant and spritz a subtle cologne.  I might choose a silk tie and a set of cufflinks that compliment my dress shirt choice, and then I slip into a pair of Bostonian shoes.  I could put on khaki slacks with an oxford shirt and a polyester tie, and then slip into a decent pair of loafers with a crepe sole, but I don't.  

What I wear isn't always required attire for any work I do.  I dress well because I pride myself in the way I look.  I do it because, not being the most attractive of men, it has always served me well when it came to women who, for the most part, look for the same qualities men should.  

A stud can breed, but that does not necessarily evidence his intelligence, breeding, or the fact he'll be a good husband or parent.  Dressing well doesn't evidence this either, but given a choice between a man in a shirt and tie and a man in a "wife-beater" undershirt, I think your chances are better with the tie.  A voluptuous model can breed, but that, also, does not define a good parent, nor does her thong bikini evidence any quality other than she enjoys the feeling of a "snuggie."  A little kinky, but what the hey?

“Why do beautiful women love ugly men?”

-- Jill Lepore, professor, historian, writer

Look at the marriages that really work and have longevity among Hollywood actors.  Yeah, I know, they're actors, not really people.  But, does it occur to anyone else that beautiful and intelligent actresses are marrying older, balding, doctors?  How many entertainers, married to entertainers, really enjoy any longevity in a marriage?  The old idea of being part of the "beautiful people" just doesn't seem to work out anymore.  Maybe this where we get the saying, "opposites attract."

Now, let's say a woman or a man has achieved the perfect presentation, packaging, and delivery.  Are they, now, the fantasy you've dreamt of?  Well, maybe it's time to take a deeper look.  For all of the effort that went into presenting this well-appointed package capable of delivering an evening, or a lifetime, of companionship, it is all for naught if there is nothing on the inside, nothing of substance, to back it all up.  Our societal view of beauty means absolutely nothing if we don't realize that the true beauty of a person emanates from within.

“There are a thousand beautiful women out there, but only a handful of them possess the grace required by such beauty to stop it from looking ugly.” 

-- Pawan Mishra, author, producer, director

I love all women, I just wish some of them wouldn't try so damned hard to be so damned ugly on the inside.  Some of the most beautiful women I've known were more beautiful on the inside.  Who they were was what attracted me.  I have found that women and men who celebrate their outward appearance, assume they have it all.  There are some people, like myself, who have to put in some effort to achieve even a modicum of perfection.  So, is there an easy way to assume someone really is all that?  I think so. I'm always impressed with those who are humble about who and what they are.

God made us what we are, gave to each of us a challenge to utilize the tools we were given as efficiently as we can.  Some of us choose to live our life drinking booze and living off the public dole in some sleazy trailer park as they wait for their teeth to finish falling out.  Some come up with a multitude of excuses as to why God cursed them to be lazy, ignorant, poor and homely.  There are others who use the tools, God provided to everyone, to rise above their circumstances and become more than just the sum of their parts.  Don't ever let anybody make you feel less than the person you choose to be.  You are what you want to be.  If a loser in the ghetto is all you see for yourself, then it is all you will ever be.  Dream it, live it, be it, and don't let anybody ever tell you, you can't!  Personally, I find trailer parks depressing.  It is a matter of choice, and for every choice there are consequences.  Bad choice, bad consequence.  Make good choices!

Of course, as always, this is just my opinion.  I'm sure there are women out there chomping at the bit to burn a cross in my front lawn.  Get over it, it's just an opinion.  I could be wrong, doubtful, but I could be.

What makes a woman?  I really have no idea.  I know what I like, but for everyone, it can be something else.  God created her as a being of beauty.  A woman is the mother of all things.  Without a woman, there is only a man, and how pitiful is that?  A woman is a softness to the hard, a light in the dark, and she represents life from death.  She adorns her pedestal with other than muscle and sweat.  What did God create for Adam?  A woman.  That has to say something, right?  God could have chosen a companion for a man that smelled like a cats crusty butt.  I'm pretty certain that when Eve caught her first whiff of Adam, she immediately thought of a cat.

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass."

-- Maya Angelou (1928-2014), poet, activist