Happiness: Who Is Responsible? (Updated and republished from 10/25/2015)

 

"Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris." 

("To the unhappy it is a comfort to have had company in misery.")

--  C. Marlowe, "The Tragical History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus" (1592)

As I am sure it is of great comfort to the miserable, to have company in said misery, it bodes the question: Why would one voluntarily want to be in to be in the company of misery?  

It makes my head hurt.

As the doldrums of winter approach, I see comments from those around me, those in my circle,  and readers around the world, alluding to the miseries of life.  I wrote about this topic in the middle of January this year (see You're Already There). The end of the 2014 holiday season left many people wanting more from life.  I totally mean to seem cold and detached, because, pissing some people off seems to be the only way to get attention.  So, in keeping with this philosophy, well... Boo, hoo!  Maybe it's time to learn how to wipe the tears... and suck it up.

As I sat watching television last evening, a commercial. They were going to bury people alive, to confront their fear. It sparked an immediate response from me.  It reminded me of military basic training.  This is all about your mindset.  If you understand basic training is just a game meant to try and break your spirit.  You also understand, that by not buying into the game and waiting them out, it will soon be over and you can be on your way home.  The big key is that the "test" is finite in length.  The same holds true with this TV special.  

Once you understand people are monitoring you and medical personnel are on standby, others are there to dig you up at a moment's notice, and there is a time limit, there should be no trepidation about being buried alive.  I don't care what releases you sign, I would think if you die due to their negligence your family becomes part owner in a TV network.  But, you stand a better chance of spontaneous combustion while watching a political debate, than dying on their watch. 

My point? Your alleged misery is your misery.  Where most prisoners of war realize this early on and try to build some semblance of normalcy out of their environment, some of us choose to wallow in self-pity.  

A POW will learn to create a new reality for themselves and their fellows, out of their situation. Where some of us accept the seeming hopelessness of our situation and simply give up on ourselves as if we're content to wallow in the crap we've created, the POW must learn to live in a "created fantasy world" or slowly die mentally and physically.  The big difference is, they are in a brutal prison and have no choice but to make their lives better.  

On the other hand, we have a choice to rise above our issues to make our "prisoner" lives better. When you consider the other "prisoners" around you, why would any of them want to listen to how miserable you are?  Better to be the light of hope than another anchor of despair.

"If misery loves company, misery has company enough."

-- Henry David Thoreau

You can't truly take care of others until you learn to take care of yourself. This means mentally as well as physically. Nor, can you truly love others until you learn to love yourself. Believe it or not, it is truly all about you. More to the point, it is all about each of us, and how we treat ourselves. Who is responsible for your happiness? You are! And, who then is responsible for your misery? Again, you are! 

If you feel the need to blame someone, or something else, for the misery you created by making a free choice, how sad that is for you.  If you allow your circumstance to continue without taking a stand against it, how masochistic of you. If you can't or won't take a stand against it, then learn to live with it. Learn to be happy with your circumstances, and stop dragging everyone else down with you. We all make our own bed to sleep in.  If it is your choice to wallow in a pit of self-pity, then embrace it, and be happy in it, but stop complaining about it.

One "word of caution" for those, willing, to take a stand for something better. For those willing to take ownership of their circumstances. A good friend of mine warns, "If you stir the pot, be prepared to lick the spoon." I would add, if your life sucks, smile and be thankful you're alive. For some of us, the alternative to living really sucks.

“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”

-- Jimi Hendrix

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com