The response to the unreasoned is the rational; to the uninformed, the enlightened; to the straight-out lie, the simple truth.
-- Anthony Kennedy, 93rd Associate Justice of the SCOTUS
I suppose this is a follow-up to my post from last month, No Right Answer, which concerned what we say when faced with questions designed to trap us. While a "wrong response" can also be seen as an answer to a question, I'd like to approach it from the aspect of action rather than speech. A non-verbal response can be at least as meaningful to someone, if not more so.
The setting is a restaurant bar, an occasional pit stop for yours truly.
The liquor bottles are set up on an island in the middle of the u-shaped bar, terraced on both sides to allow easy identification of the product. I'm trying to read one of the labels from my stool when I notice the top of a ball cap moving from left to right behind the bottle facing me. Now, the top of the bottles, on the upper terrace, is probably five feet above the floor, so I figured this ball cap tops out a few inches less. What's this kid doing behind the bar? The young lady appeared from around the other end of the island, and I figured she would be staring at my sternum if I stood in front of her, because I'm only 5'9" so that would make her, maybe, five feet?
She checked the register, made a comment to a coworker, bussed a glass and a bottle, and asked me if I needed anything. I was drinking coffee, but the thought of using the top of her head as a bistro table to rest my cup on came to mind and the thought was immediately sent packing by how wrong it was. Unfortunately, I was also ushering the thought out of my mind to the tune of Randy Newman's song "Short People," which jumped in to fill the vacuum, where my brain was supposed to exist. The song was taunting me to do something stupid, like talk.
I bit my tongue.
I bit my tongue.
Truth be told, the young lady looked like she'd been behind the bar scene long enough to hold her own against guys with less self-control than me. I brought my knees together when I considered she was about the right height to put most of whatever power she could muster into a slightly downward punch to a guy's unprotected package. For her, this would take little effort. No pun intended.
I came to the bar with writer's block. I like to sit and watch the parade of humanity in hopes of finding some muse to help me write. I'm rarely disappointed, and tonight was no exception. Why does the mind, my mind at least, consider the wrong answer or action before a better one? I'm quite certain not everyone fails at this. My mother, since I became a teenager, always told me my mouth was going to get me into trouble. She is right more times than not.
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
-- Viktor E. Frankl (1905-1997), neurologist, psychiatrist,Holocaust survivor
I learned to control my poor choices in this particular "feedback" arena by learning to bite my tongue, take a moment, and consider the consequences of the choice I'm about to make. I find this usually pays off when dealing with other people, especially if the prospective target of my attention isn't being a total ass. When preparing to launch an attack, verbal or non-verbal, against a weak-minded person, one must take a moment to consider the all too probable possibility of receiving a serious butt whipping. "The better part of valour, is discretion," after all. I weighed this young lady's attributes in my mind, for instance, and her obvious experience behind a bar made up for her short stature. Good sense overcame stupidity. I told her I could use a refill of coffee, and to add a shot glass of whiskey on the side. I figured the whiskey might get Randy to shut up. It took two shots.
"When you assume negative intent, you're angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed. Your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response."
-- Indra Nooyi, business executive, CEO
Another truth I would learn growing up was to "leave it alone." Not everything requires an answer or a response. And, if you're dealing with an ass, these people are, for the most part, weak-minded. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, or you risk lowering yourself to their level. A gutter is a lonely place filled with weak-minded bullies and assholes. Sometimes it is best to just walk away.
"Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off."
-- General Colin Powell, statesman
Our response can sometimes be overwhelming. According to Coretta Scott King, "Nonviolence is the only credible response to the violence we're seeing around the world." With all due respect to Ms. King, we all see how that worked out for the Jews during World War II. Non-violence against pure evil can result in genocide or total destruction. Perhaps it might be better to consider a "measured" response in lieu of a bad response? If there's no good reason for violence or disrespect, walk away.
Our answers and responses are seen by those around us as a window into who we are. If other people's opinions don't matter to you, then you might want to consider your opinion of yourself. Consider who you see staring back at you from the mirror. Does this person make you proud? Before you get into it with some other jackass, remember the only thing many people will see - two jackasses braying at each other. Maybe you should think of putting your best foot forward?
Then again, you can always practice braying. Hee Haw! Hee Haw!
"You are the reason of your own good-luck and bad-luck; success and failure; happiness and pain. Your choices are responsible for your present."
-- Sanjeev Himachali, human resources and management consultant
Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.
It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.
We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.
Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.
Funny how parents come out with the same sayings as you posted Frank. As life goes on you run into people and a situation arises and the same comments can come out and one looks at that person like Mom said the same thing. They may look puzzled and then ask why are you looking at me that way. And the best response is Mom said the same exact thing.
ReplyDeleteFunny how parents tell us things and then later in life we experience something and that phrase will come to life and scare the crap out of you or make you laugh and say to yourself, Ya know Mom, you were right all along. Think before you speak. It works and is better than foot in mouth disease.
As always, my friend, good to hear from you. I had forgotten all about the dreaded "foot in mouth" disease. Thanks!
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