A Little Effort

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.

-- Erich Fromm (1900-1980), psychologist, psychoanalyst, sociologist

I made a conscious decision, a short while ago, to cut back on the distribution of my blog and let my readers make the effort to visit the site.  I am still enjoying a worldwide readership, even though most of my posts have lost around fifty percent of page views.  If I were egotistical, this might affect me.  I am annoyed, to a much greater degree, at my own humility.  What really sucks is the knowledge that I have not, yet, reached the potential I strive for.

Lower readership notwithstanding, I have kept my promise to continue writing and I think I've even written more with the time I don't spend on distribution.  I am as interesting as I can be, and even though I do care if people read what I write, if they choose not to put in the effort, I suppose their choice has consequences.

Life is too short to spend in negativity. So I have made a conscious effort to not be where I don't want to be.

-- Hugh Dillon, musician, actor

Master Yoda once said, "Do. Or do not.  There is no try."  As much as I love Master Yoda's perfect view, I've watched his character try and fail multiple times.  Perhaps it might be better to say, "Do.  Or do not. But, if you choose to "do" you must, at the very least, try."  Any effort requires energy, and energy requires effort.  You pretty much can't have one without the other.  Sorry, Yoda, but you don't learn unless you try and fail, and live to try again.  If all we had to do was "do" it would certainly be a boring existence and we would probably learn nothing from it.  Existence is, after all, about the journey, not the destination.

I have never asked the questions of my Wednesday group, at the medical center, as to who wants to be in the program to get well, as opposed to those who were ordered there by some authority.  The second question I should ask is who thinks they need help.  And the third is, who wants to be in my group meeting this morning.  All questions, to my way of thinking, will quickly determine who wants to be more than they are and/or who doesn't or doesn't know.  Since this morning is Wednesday and I leave for the meeting in twenty minutes, the next paragraph will let you know what I discover.

Make each day count by setting specific goals to succeed, then putting forth every effort to exceed your own expectations.

-- Les Brown, author, motivational speaker, statesman

I start each of my meetings with two knocks on the tabletop and "Thank you, God, for another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in life!"  I explain to the group that this is my morning mantra and something they should all consider, then I go on to explain why.  The following is what I discovered asking them the three questions from the previous paragraph: 

1. Who wants to be in the program to get well?  This was about 50/50 of the six patients.  Some were told to come and for some, it was an option.
2. Who thinks they need help?  Almost all of them saw a need to be there.
3. Who wanted to be in the group with me this morning?  Two said no, and I told them they were excused.  One took me up on the offer

None of my questions broached the subject of religion or God.  We continued the meeting with my usual discussion about having faith in one's self, and to start asking the right question when your life starts "heading south" on you.  Stop asking what happened, and start asking why.  What happened is clearly obvious or we wouldn't be asking this rhetorical question.  It would be more productive to move straight on to why it happened and, if one is totally honest in answering, the why usually comes back to a choice we made.  Our problems are usually on us; we create our own issues in life and, then, we shift the blame somewhere else so we don't have to own it or admit to a shortcoming.  We are basically lazy and don't want to put in the effort of ownership, to make better choices and fix our problems, and certainly not to deal with the humility of admitting we were wrong.  Heaven forbid!  We actually care what others think of us, and how sad is that?  I'm more concerned about what I think of me than what someone else does.  Who are they to judge me?

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

-- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961), journalist, novelist

With a little effort, we can learn humility and also own it.  We can admit to our errors and use what we did as anecdotal assistance to help others avoid pitfalls. We need to learn how to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes.  We need to not take this life too seriously.  We make choices every day, good and bad.  We hope we learn enough in this life to make more good choices than bad.  Sometimes we need some help but, sooner or later, we must learn to pick ourselves up, have faith in ourselves, and move forward on the path we discover.  It takes such little effort.

Most of the effort involved in ownership and taking control of our lives is simply believing in one's self; having faith in one's self.  Faith is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof.  You need to believe that you can be more than you are.  Most people are willing to listen and to open their mind to possibilities, and a few will walk away without putting forth the little effort needed.  It's as if being a victim of their own poor choices is a way of life they refuse to let go of, and admission of self-imposed shortcomings which many of them refuse to own.

“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, "He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.”

-- Epictetus (50-135), Greek Stoic philosopher

Life is full of pitfalls and lessons.  The mistakes we make we can try and learn to live with, or we can rise above them and make a conscious decision to change the consequences of our poor choices.  In some cases, this will require taking another loss, another sacrifice, in order to make it right; to sell your physical or emotional debt, take the loss, and become debt free.  If your new car is draining your finances, sell it and buy a used one.  If your marriage is not a happy one, end it and find happiness.  If your friends constantly drag you into trouble, get shed of them and find better friends.  It isn't so difficult and takes very little effort to state, "I am better than this!"

"The one thing that matters is the effort."

-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944), writer, poet, journalist

I have come to grips with humility.  I have owned the mistakes I've made in my life.  I have made peace with many of them.  For instance, there are people I loved, as far back as high school, whom I never told.  Honesty with myself and others which I kept close to the vest for fear of creating problems, not realizing the problem was me not being forthcoming with the honesty.  Many of us have relationships we have walked away from for fear of some circumstance we weren't willing to suffer, only to discover, all too late, that the feared suffering was much minutia which might have been our salvation, and theirs.

“I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.”

-- Laozi (601 BC-533 BC), philosopher, writer

One great lesson I learned as a non-commissioned officer in the military was to avoid putting myself before others.  I never asked anyone to do something which I, myself, was not willing to do.  No matter the task, my people knew I was going to be there alongside them to see it through to completion.  I learned to lead by example, and I feel it was this humility which made me a good leader.  Many disagreed with my methods, yet these same people requested me to lead time and again.  I think it is easier to order people to fight with you than to fight for you.  You need to be fully vested in your people before they can be fully vested in you.  A little effort on your part can pay big dividends and open your mind, and the minds of others, to infinite possibilities.

“Stay hungry, stay young, stay foolish, stay curious, and above all, stay humble because just when you think you got all the answers, is the moment when some bitter twist of fate in the universe will remind you that you very much don't.”

-- Tom Hiddleston, actor, producer, muscian

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.