Controlling Inappropriate Conduct?

"Our thinking and our behaviour are always in anticipation of a response. It is therefore fear-based."

-- Deepak Chopra, author. alt. medicine advocate

I refuse to be afraid of women; therefore, in anticipation of a "negative" response I offer the following:

1. I will not notice you.
2. I will not notice your gender.
3. I will not appreciate your expensive wardrobe.
4. I will not be baited by your inappropriate skirt or cleavage.
5. I will not compliment you.
6. I will not approach you.
7. I will not initiate small talk.
8. I will not offer to buy you a drink.
9. I will not ask you for a date.
10. I will not give you a rose.
11. I will not hold open a door for you.
12. I will not offer you my umbrella.
13. I will not stop to assist you in the snow.
14. Yadda
15. Yadda
16. Yadda
17. Oh, and no, I will not tell if you look fat in those pants.  

Why? Well, the legal ramifications of even thinking of getting to know you, simply makes it not worth the effort. If you'd like to get to know me, on the other hand, feel free to foist inappropriate conduct upon me, for a change. I absolutely guarantee you I will appreciate the compliment and have no qualms in telling you no, if I find your advances unwanted, as my upbringing prohibits me from slapping you even if you grab my parts. Unless you're a psycho stalker, you probably won't have to worry about any rebuke, however, because, well... I'm a man, and men are generally tightly wound springs of sexual energy just waiting for someone to pull the trigger.  We live for this, though some of us have a hard time with control.

That human behavior is more influenced by things outside of us than inside. The 'situation' is the external environment. The inner environment is the genes, moral history, religious training.

-- Philip Zimbardo, psychologist, professor emeritus

I promise to handle your conduct immediately because I will not let you intimidate me simply because you wear leather skits and four inch, spike heeled, knee-high boots.  Nor does your riding crop instill fear in me.  I will not bring up your off-color conduct years later as a way of destroying you and your career, or as a way of making a buck and getting my fifteen minutes of fame.  By this time the memories will be legendary stories, blown out of all proportion.  This role reversal of women approaching men will, obviously, be a bit easier for men to deal with.  But, I have a question.  Is this truly where society is heading?

Okay, so the outfit does intimidate me, a bit, as does the riding crop,  but as for the rest of it, is this pretty much the way of things to come?  Is a woman out for a good time going to have to wear a badge stating she is prepared for all comers, so approach at your own peril?  Or, perhaps women not approachable could wear a particular color, as a notice of "not interested," so they won't have concerns about being bothered by interested suiters?  Personally, I think it's just a lot easier, and less expensive, for men to ignore all women and wait for them to make the first move but, then, patience is a virtue most men are still working on.  Carpe diem!  I've never been good at waiting.

"Because of the diverse conditions of humans, it happens that some acts are virtuous to some people, as appropriate and suitable to them, while the same acts are immoral for others, as inappropriate to them."

-- Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274),  Catholic theologian, philosopher

Men, as most women are aware, are not fast learners when it comes to relationships.  We grunt, scratch ourselves, pick at nits, fart, burp, kill things bigger than we are, and howl at the moon.  It's what we do.  We assume that the most a woman would hope for is that we take the occasional bath and brush our teeth.  Too little?  Well, damn!  What do you want from us?  And, this would be the question.

Is it respect?  Fine.  After you ask the man for a date, explain your ground rules, because what is good for one woman might not be good for the next.  One woman's "peck on the cheek" might be another woman's "you stepped too damned far over the line."  How hard is it for a man to just show a woman some respect?  I don't know.  How perpetually offended are you?

The mind cannot support moral chaos for long. Men are under as strong a compulsion to invent an ethical setting for their behavior as spiders are to weave themselves webs.

-- John Dos Passos (1896-1970), novelist

So, men, make this easy on you.  If you insist on playing in this litigious sandbox, the "he said, she said" of inappropriate behavior, respect the two golden rules of survival:  Ask before you touch, and no means NO.  How a woman dresses is not an indicator of her moral fortitude.  Look, don't stare.  Smile, don't stalk.  Ask her to dance, be a gentleman, thank her afterwards, and if she's interested let her take it from there.  Plying her with alcohol is basically drugging her, so don't; better if neither of you is tanked so, and here's a thought, you can actually enjoy each other's company.  Oh, and your hotel room?  It is not an extension of the nightclub so don't invite her there unless she asks, and remember that eyes don't talk - so no will always mean NO!  There is an obvious line one crosses into assault; learn what it is and give it a wide berth.

If you have trouble controlling your conduct toward women, some of them have no problem teaching you how.  I was always used the memory of Lorena Bobbitt who, in 1993, after years of domestic abuse, and that evening's rape, cut off her husbands "wee-willy" with a kitchen knife while he slept, drove from the house and chucked it into a field.  Ouch!  Yes, the authorities found it and were able to reattach it but, really, the story still makes the strongest man among us sit up and cringe.

When all is said and done, women will have learn what their own behavior says about them, and men will have to learn that women are no longer going to throw away their moral compass for a role in a movie.  The casting couch is no indicator of acting talent, unless they're acting like they enjoy it, but either way it speaks volumes of both parties when they participate.

Everyone needs to learn mutual respect.  We need to learn the appropriate way to treat each other with dignity, and we all need to learn how to deserve it.  The first thing we can do is learn to have some respect for ourselves.  Dress, act, and talk with, at least, a modicum of dignity.  If you don't respect yourself, how can anyone else respect you?

“We live in a society where mutual respect and appreciation should be considered one of the pillars of modern life.” 

-- Auliq Ice, author

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with an Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as Chaplain Program Liaison, at a regional medical center.