What Am I Doing?

There was a piece of art posted to Facebook the other day, and it struck a chord with me.  The wording was thus:  "I would just like to publicly announce that I have no idea what I'm doing."  Good Lord, sometimes I wish I knew.  Even today, retired and sixty-four years of age, I sometimes feel like my path encounters a multitude of intersections.  I find myself staring at a mess somewhat dumbfounded.  It's like standing at a cypher lock with nine numerical buttons on it and knowing the only way inside rests in finding the nine digit combination out of the 999,999,999 possibilities.  I have found, however, a saving grace in this type of scenario is in knowing something about where you are and the people you're dealing with.

I was confronted with an example of this scenario when I reported for my second tour as the NCO in charge of a particular Intelligence Division.  Air Force Intelligence is a strange animal full of very intelligent people capable of thinking out of the box while usually forgetting the box exists. 

I stood at the entry, a security door inside the main vault door which was framed by a reinforced glass wall and in full view of an administration specialist sitting at a desk inside.  He acknowledged my presence as I held up a finger, motioning him to sit back down.  He actually sat back down; mistake number one.  I remembered warning the office in charge about the functioning alcoholic who would probably take my place when I was transferred.  Upon my return I would learn why he was the reason the "by name request" submitted for me to return when he left.

I looked back down at the 9 digit cipher lock with its three rows of three numbers.  Rapidly, before the young admin troop could realize his error of leaving me unattended, I tried the last combination which I had put into the lock several years earlier.    The combination had been changed; a bit of good news.  I tried two easy "patterns" which I figured even I could remember, if I was half in the bag.  The first one wasn't it, but the second?  Ah!  Success!  Security breached, the door opened and the admin specialist launched from his seat to demand who I was.  I handed him my orders and asked him to have all supervisors report to my office immediately and that I would show myself to the Colonel's office.

This Division had fallen from the "excellent" rating I had helped build it in into, to a marginal rating in less than three years thanks to leadership not listening.  I was about to redefine the Division's box, again.  It is usually easier to do something the second time than it is the first,  but sometimes it's hard to play nice.

So, what does any of this have to do with anything?

I learned, over my years in the military, that knowledge of your job is important, but knowledge of where you are and who you're with will ultimately serve you very well.  You don't have to surround yourself with the brightest, just make sure they're the best, and you had better have the respect of those "best" or all is lost.  They don't have to like you to respect you, but they'll come around when they understand you.  I never thought of myself as the brightest, but I always worked hard to be one of the best.  Sometimes the brightest aren't the best, any more than the best have to be the brightest.  Funny, how that works.

When I find my personal path faced with 999,999,999 different avenues with which to proceed, I take a breath and remember that the destination, regardless of the choice, should always remain up front in my mind.  I can usually look passed almost all the questionable choices.  If you find yourself having to take people with you for a bit, your personal integrity and clarity of purpose and communication will always be returned to you in kind.  I never asked of someone what I myself was not willing to do.  Always listen, be even handed and fair, arrive first, leave last, and pitch in to meet deadlines as needed.

There are poor workers, only poor supervisors.  Nothing is more important than the people around you except the mission at hand, the destination.  I have found this helps minimize the multitude of available paths.  As poor choices fall to the side the only logical path becomes clear.  At times it can be all in knowing which buttons to push, and in what order.  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle said, "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."  Having a sense of human nature, helps a great deal.

What am I doing?  Well, now that I'm retired, I take life one day at a time.  I don't worry much about a past over which I no longer have control.  I don't dwell on what the future holds, as it will come in due time regardless of whether one tries to prevent it.  I dwell in the moment, for in the moment lies whatever promise is tomorrow.  The moment contains all of that which went before and allows one to see clearly that which probably lies ahead.  The path you take to get ahead is simply a matter of choice, and the consequences of that choice will occur regardless of worry, so why worry?  Worry is the enemy of integrity, and integrity will always serve you better than worry, even in when things go awry.

We never fail, and this is an important point.  Failure is a label people apply to an absence of success.  If you have done your best, it may not have been good enough, but if you learn from the experience, even in the seeming absence of success, you have not failed.  And what if someone dies?  You need to be able to honestly state you did your best work in the face of overwhelming odds.  What if you die in the effort?  Well, there is always the next life to work out the kinks in that little piece of unpleasantness.

The point is, we never fail unless we want to.  Life is simply a series of lessons with which we glean the knowledge to continue moving forward.  The only way for a subordinate to fail is if they give up, and the only way for the supervisor to fail is to give up on the subordinate.  Nobody fails, unless they want to or someone else wants them to.  A pet peeve of mine - I hate it when someone sets me up to fail and they think I don't know it.  That really chaps my butt, and it's another reason to be the best.

Consider Captain Kirk of Star Trek, and the Kobayashi Maru "no-win" scenario.  The test is designed to be unbeatable, yet he defeats it by reprogramming the test.  Did he fail by cheating, or did he adapt and overcome, did he show ingenuity by not accepting defeat as the programmed and inevitable answer?  Did he lack integrity by outthinking the curriculum when being setup to fail, or did he succeed by doing whatever was necessary to accomplish his mission?  What would you have done?  

It is important not to fear the unknown, but to fear fearing the unknown.  Franklin Delano Roosevelt stated such in his First Inaugural Address to the American people, an idea which can serve all of us well in our lives today:

This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure, as it has endured, will revive and will prosper.

So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life, a leadership of frankness and of vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory.

If we take this address and apply it to our own situations, we can read it thus:

This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need I shrink from honestly facing conditions in my life today. I will endure, as I have always endured, and I will survive and prosper.

So, first of all, I assert my own firm belief that the only thing I have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of my personal life, a leadership of frankness and of vigor has joined with my own understanding and support which is essential to light and success.

Sometimes, the man made a bit of sense.

I would like to announce, publicly, that I occasionally feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, but the feeling comes and goes in the blink of an eye.  The last time, and I think, with all humility, the only time I seriously didn't know what I was doing was eighteen years ago.  It is much more constructive to take the FDR philosophy and run with it.  So, first of all, I assert my own firm belief that the only thing I have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of my personal life, a leadership of frankness and of vigor has joined with my own understanding and support which is essential to light and success.

How about you?

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with an Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as Chaplain Program Liaison, at a regional medical center.