Friends and Family?

You say my love is like chalk,

That I can write it on and erase it.

Well, you're wrong.

I use crayon.

What are friends if they aren't family?  Well, they're not really friends... more like acquaintances.  True friends you just know, and it usually doesn't take long to discover.  They embrace you when you first meet them, and they embrace you thereafter.  The hug isn't just in passing, either.  You can tell it means something; it means a lot.  It's a feeling of camaraderie, and trust.  For some it's about mutual knowledge that you've both crawled through the same foreign mud and humped it through the same scorching desert.  For some it feels like a much appreciated oasis, in a life virtually void of anything worthwhile and permanent.

Good friends can hear your opinion, not agree, and still love you.  Good friends are there when you need them, with no expectations, no codicils, and no judgment.  If you need help, you know you only have to call, and the word gets out so five or six more friends show up... just in case.  Some people spend a lifetime looking for friends, true friends... that are standing right next to them.  They're not really looking very hard.  Then, there are some of us who trip over them on our way in the door to the local pub.  Some of us are lucky enough to discover in these folks much more than we bargained for, and that's a good thing, a really good thing, worth looking for and waiting for.

I found it easy to make friends, back in the day, but childhood friends soon leave as travel their own path.  I have found this to be an exercise in patience as I await their realization, a feeling of real loss which, I can attest for myself, only older age brought to the forefront.  It's an "Aha!" moment when old friends realize they have left much behind and finally return in search of friendships misplaced.  My own efforts have rediscovered loves lost, and new friends that were old friends back in the day.  It becomes clear with these rediscovered old friends, however, that it is difficult to go back home; it is doable, but too much drama on your respective journeys makes this a difficult, if not an impossible, destination.

Things happen in our lives which make new and existing friendships tenuous.  For me it was the heartbreak and drama of growing up, especially during high school.  It was the Vietnam era military draft, the military intelligence career field, a divorce (more heartbreak), and old friendships that just seemed to morph into more drama and judgement than reality.  For some it can be politics, race, religion, hate, yadda, yadda, yadda, and you eventually find yourself building walls to keep everyone at a distance.  Too much drama on our journey, but it is drama which is usually necessary for growth.

After 64 years I can honestly say I've have had few true friends in my life; I can count them on one hand.  I have had a multitude of acquaintances, but few people I would allow passed the gates of my sanctum sanctorum.  True friends are hard for the young to define, but age brings the definition into focus:  True friends... are more like family.

I have finally arrived at a place in my life where just about everyone I meet has the potential for becoming more than simply an acquaintance.  Maybe it's because most of my new friends have solid military backgrounds, or maybe it's because they show a propensity for ethics, tolerance, and understanding.  It could be the knowledge we have that when one calls out for help, we all show up; we have each other's back.

We laugh together, cry, celebrate, argue, get pissed off at each other and then have a beer to makeup and laugh some more at our own fragility.  We have been around the block and are happy to impart sage advice upon the younger of us and invite them onto the turnip truck as we journey around the blocks up ahead.  We soon find ourselves accommodating our lives simply to stay where we are, as even the thought of having to move away, back into the twilight zone, can make the strongest of us emotional wrecks.  We find ourselves, now, not so much in the company of friends as in the company of family which, at our age, we are unwilling to risk losing.

Thank you, God, for family, and another beautiful day in paradise!     

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with an Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as Chaplain Program Liaison, at a regional medical center.