Common Courtesy?

“Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart.”

-- Henry Clay

Common courtesy, that's what my mother called it.  She tried her best to temper my hyper childhood with some "southern gentleman."  But, just the other day, I had an instance to question the commonality of it.

I went to our local bookseller to purchase a book on the sayings of Mother Teresa (Yes, even after the Canadian smear job I still have faith in her sainthood).  I held the door open for an elderly woman, giving her a smile and a nod.  She gave me a curious look and commented that she thought chivalry was dead.  I answered back that it wasn't dead, it was just in hiding.  She smiled and told me to have a nice day.  And this made me think.  Just how common was "common courtesy?"

Well, it certainly isn't common anymore.  And, before you start, just holding the door open doesn't do the job.  Ask yourself these questions:  How many people have not rushed in before they were caught having to hold the door for you?  Of those, how many actually acknowledged your existence while doing so?  Made eye contact, smiled, gave you a nod, or simply said, "After you, please!"  It isn't your willingness to hold the door that defines courtesy, it is your willingness to hold open that door while connecting to the other person.  Please, thank you, you are so very welcome, good morning, how are you, all are an attempt to connect us to another person.

True courtesy defines who we are and who we want to be.  It is a reflection of our respect for those around us.  In my case it defined me as a gentleman to this elderly woman, and, important to me, it made her smile.  To the young teenager that filed in behind her, one can hope they paid attention and I helped them define who they want to be.  Whether we know it or not, we are always mentoring.  Our courtesy, though not as common as one would hope, is a ripple in a large pond.  Each ripple has an effect.  If we cause enough courteous ripples we will have a tempest of love and mutual respect.

I challenge you to strive for "uncommon" courtesy in life.  Take that extra effort to connect with others around you.  The next time you're in the market, just don't say "Hi" back to the checker.  Look at her name tag and try saying, "Good morning, Julie!  And how are you this fine morning?  Looking beautiful as always!  Is that a new dress?"  Watch the response on her face and in her eyes.  A bad morning might become a bit brighter.  But, more importantly, those behind you might just pick up on the idea of "uncommon courtesy."

Thank you, mom!

“This is ridiculous. Clearly courtesy is off the menu.”

-- Jack Holloway

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com