Please don't worry, I am doing fine.
You're much too busy to even find the time,
So use your chemicals and take this to your grave,
The boys you left are men you didn't raise. -- Author unknown
I hate deadbeat dads. These are the irresponsible people (I have a hard time referring to them as men) that don't take the responsibility for their actions, in this case bringing another life into the world. "You're pregnant, it's your problem, and I'm outta here!" And these sorry excuses for human flesh tend to do it more than once. I would refer to it as a mistake, but it isn't because they just don't care.
You're much too busy to even find the time,
So use your chemicals and take this to your grave,
The boys you left are men you didn't raise. -- Author unknown
I hate deadbeat dads. These are the irresponsible people (I have a hard time referring to them as men) that don't take the responsibility for their actions, in this case bringing another life into the world. "You're pregnant, it's your problem, and I'm outta here!" And these sorry excuses for human flesh tend to do it more than once. I would refer to it as a mistake, but it isn't because they just don't care.
The sad part of their action is the effect it has on everyone else, and they still don't care. The child grows up without a father, the mother without support, and those of us that want to do right by our kids during a divorce end up with a stigma that we have to fight. When I was setting up my child support through the State of Washington they were very rude to me and I called them down on it along with a threat to sic my lawyer on them if it continued. It's alright for a wife to sleep around, but heaven forbid you want to do the right thing as a man and provide support for your children. People tend to forget that blame is a two way street and you shouldn't jump to a conclusion that one party is at fault, especially if you are part of a State agency.
The one thing parents in divorce need to do is to make sure the children love the other parent regardless of whose fault the split up was. The parents don't have to like each other, but the kids need to be reminded that the erring party loves them, even if they fail to adequately show that love. This is a double edged sword. If the other parent ignores them, you become a liar, or the victim when they realize what an ass the other parent is while you are lying while trying to make them look good in their child's eyes. Either way, the bad parent loses. The big trick is never to speak badly of the other parent. You don't have to, the children will find out by themselves, eventually, they always do. You win.
The children of these "deadbeat" moms and dads are the true victims. Although the majority of definitions for "father" have to do with supplying the paternal genetic material, the only definition I'm concerned with is that of providing the "father figure" for the child. Showing a lack of responsibility doesn't do that. A child without a father figure has a choice to make. They can endeavor to be everything he wasn't in their lives, something better, or they can grow up to be the same irresponsible coward.
What of the children that know their father, but the father still neglects them? It has been my limited experience that children see through the bullshit. Whether the mother or the father is at fault in ruining the relationship to the point of divorce, the children will eventually see through it. The caring parent will be obvious to them in the long run. Mothers don't realize this when they take the kids just for the childcare. The teenager will understand this when they have to go to dad for school money and mom is out every night spending the child support check. The real test is when the absent father decides he wants to call the child and is told to get bent, by the child.
A good friend just called and she was quick to remind me moms can be deadbeat as well. Irresponsibility to children knows no gender boundary. Moms can be as guilty as dads for what they do emotionally to their sons and daughters.
Bad fathers and mothers just can't waltz in and out of their children's lives. Children are not puppies, and I don't advocate treating your puppy like that either. If you abandon a child and then want back in, you had better be prepared to do the penance for your error in judgment. That penance is going to be long, tiring, and painful, as it should be, and the child has every right to make it so. Payback is, after all, what they say it is. Deal with it, or continue to be the loser you have already proven yourself to be. There is no gray are available to you, you are a parent.
I guess, in conclusion, if you are reading this and you have been abandoned by either parent in your life, do yourself a huge favor. Don't blame yourself. Find a good father/mother figure you can open up to. Most quality parents you might have respect for would probably be happy to mentor you and help you through problems in your life. This is what makes the quality parents. Finding someone to look up to is a good thing.
Don't wallow in self-pity, don't blame the world just because shit happens, and don't hate. Hate will eat you alive and that only injures you in the end. Don't hate the parent, or parents, that have hurt you. Rise above them. Be better than they are and you will be the ultimate winner. Above all else, when you become a parent, give your child everything you ever hoped for, and love, and more love. This too will prove your worth, your value, and your reason for living.
Do not crawl within yourself. Go out into the world and show everyone who you are. Look up into the sky and scream to God, "I AM HERE, AND I AM SOMEONE!" This is something God already knows, but wants you to forcefully, and emotionally admit.
Now, prove it to yourself!
The one thing parents in divorce need to do is to make sure the children love the other parent regardless of whose fault the split up was. The parents don't have to like each other, but the kids need to be reminded that the erring party loves them, even if they fail to adequately show that love. This is a double edged sword. If the other parent ignores them, you become a liar, or the victim when they realize what an ass the other parent is while you are lying while trying to make them look good in their child's eyes. Either way, the bad parent loses. The big trick is never to speak badly of the other parent. You don't have to, the children will find out by themselves, eventually, they always do. You win.
The children of these "deadbeat" moms and dads are the true victims. Although the majority of definitions for "father" have to do with supplying the paternal genetic material, the only definition I'm concerned with is that of providing the "father figure" for the child. Showing a lack of responsibility doesn't do that. A child without a father figure has a choice to make. They can endeavor to be everything he wasn't in their lives, something better, or they can grow up to be the same irresponsible coward.
What of the children that know their father, but the father still neglects them? It has been my limited experience that children see through the bullshit. Whether the mother or the father is at fault in ruining the relationship to the point of divorce, the children will eventually see through it. The caring parent will be obvious to them in the long run. Mothers don't realize this when they take the kids just for the childcare. The teenager will understand this when they have to go to dad for school money and mom is out every night spending the child support check. The real test is when the absent father decides he wants to call the child and is told to get bent, by the child.
A good friend just called and she was quick to remind me moms can be deadbeat as well. Irresponsibility to children knows no gender boundary. Moms can be as guilty as dads for what they do emotionally to their sons and daughters.
Bad fathers and mothers just can't waltz in and out of their children's lives. Children are not puppies, and I don't advocate treating your puppy like that either. If you abandon a child and then want back in, you had better be prepared to do the penance for your error in judgment. That penance is going to be long, tiring, and painful, as it should be, and the child has every right to make it so. Payback is, after all, what they say it is. Deal with it, or continue to be the loser you have already proven yourself to be. There is no gray are available to you, you are a parent.
I guess, in conclusion, if you are reading this and you have been abandoned by either parent in your life, do yourself a huge favor. Don't blame yourself. Find a good father/mother figure you can open up to. Most quality parents you might have respect for would probably be happy to mentor you and help you through problems in your life. This is what makes the quality parents. Finding someone to look up to is a good thing.
Don't wallow in self-pity, don't blame the world just because shit happens, and don't hate. Hate will eat you alive and that only injures you in the end. Don't hate the parent, or parents, that have hurt you. Rise above them. Be better than they are and you will be the ultimate winner. Above all else, when you become a parent, give your child everything you ever hoped for, and love, and more love. This too will prove your worth, your value, and your reason for living.
Do not crawl within yourself. Go out into the world and show everyone who you are. Look up into the sky and scream to God, "I AM HERE, AND I AM SOMEONE!" This is something God already knows, but wants you to forcefully, and emotionally admit.
Now, prove it to yourself!
"Children are the angels God sends to mankind
in hope they will be everything we are not.
They are our salvation.
If we ignore our children, we ignore God
and deserve to be ignored in kind."
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