Questioning Perfection, Motives, and Love

"Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection"

-- Kim Collins

If I have failed or quit 4-5 higher education programs due to perfectionism leading to procrastination and fear of failure, also social anxiety, and learned helplessness, how could I make it right this time around starting a new program?

Have you tried accredited online programs?  By the way, a "perfectionist" would never have failed or quit.  A "perfectionist" would also not procrastinate.  What a "perfectionist might do, however, is fear failure, have social anxiety, and feel helpless.  In my humble view, this is why they would never quit.  Quitting is a declaration they are not perfect.

Why do we question the motives of people we disagree with rather than simply rebutting them?

I’ve always found people’s motives to be, pretty much, upfront. But, then, I was trained to read people, and what they write, for mission debriefing purposes. I like to frequent bars, usually alone, so I can watch people. I like to see who’s watching who, and with what intent. The parade of humanity rarely disappoints.

What are the top 10 things a woman should say in a relationship?

Thank you. I have birth control. I love you very much. You complete me. I’m so lucky to have found you. My treat. That’s much too expensive. That looks great! I bought this little nothing to wear at the party. I have multiple orgasms. 

Pretty much everything the man should say.

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

-- Sam Keen

What would be the easiest way for an average person to improve their personal life and be more successful?

Marry into money.

How would you describe your current personal situation?

Happier than a pig in poop.

Will wrong people never love you the right way?

Probably the number one reason they’re the wrong people.

"It's better to spend years finding the right person than to spend your whole life with the wrong person."

-- Anonymous

As a wife, how would you feel if your husband had a female best friend? Do you think that's not healthy for your marriage?

That would all depend on how you feel about ménage à trois.

What's the deal with lawmakers always trying to lower the age of consent?

The most obvious answer is usually the right one.

As a man, have you ever looked at your wife or girlfriend and thought that even though you didn't get your dream girl, you're happy you at least got a consolation prize for trying?

Hell, yes! I’ve been so unlucky in love. I snatched my girlfriend up because she chased me. We’ve been together about 17 years, now.

"Such simple and steady acts of kindness are the essence of love, the substance of life. All of us need love; all of us want love. Everything else is a consolation prize. What matters is love."

--Lloyd D. Newell

What do I do? My longtime girlfriend decided she doesn't want kids, but I do. I want to have them after 10 years, should I hope she changes her mind?

If you want them that badly, don’t bank on the chance she’ll change.  You'll hate to find out she just doesn't want them with you.

If you discovered the following statement, What would You think or feel? "I will bow low and deep, for I have my head in the clouds and must bring you up to me. "

I would think it might be something from the writings of Enoch. Maybe the “angels” explaining that they will have to come all the way to earth in order for him to visit the “clouds” with them. Though I don’t recall reading this.

Author comment:  Thank you, I appreciate your reply.  I have no recall of “writings of Enoch”, thanks for that tip. A fellow [site] poster and I worked on another version, just the bit in the “_”… “I will bow low and deep, to meet you in the eye as a respectful equal.”

This works better in western culture where eye contact is encouraged, but may not work as well with other cultures who do not follow the eye contact respect ritual.

My reply:  Leave the “eye” out of the statement. “I will bow low and deep to meet you as a respectful equal.” The meaning is the same. 

Would people love me more if I was prettier?

I don’t think so, but, then, I’m not that shallow. There is a vast difference between love and lust.

My girlfriend had an emergency appendectomy that left a scar from here to there, destroying her stomach muscles. She could no longer wear bikinis or tight, fashionable clothes. I caught her looking at herself in the mirror after a shower. She was distraught. I asked her who she was wanting to be so attractive for. She gave me the look. I told her that, if it was for me, don’t waste the time. I already love her.

Scars are just “proof of life” and have little to do with who you are. Neither does beauty, which is only skin deep. I’ve made love to beautiful women. I’ve made love to “Plain Jane.” I’ll take Jane any day and twice on Sundays. It was “meaningless sex” meets “Hot Damn!”

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

-- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

What's your hope for today?

I had to chuckle at this question. I always strive to be happy, even in the face of adversity. While backing up at the gas station, this morning, I scraped by one of their red-painted concrete safety poles. I clenched my teeth as it happened, but there was not much to do about it, by then, so I continued to the market. Before going in to shop I went around to survey any damage. Jeeze! I had red paint scraped all over the corner of the passenger-side bumper. I was happy to find that a non-abrasive scrubber took most of it off and just left a few little scrape marks. This I can live with.

So, my hope for today? Even with my dumb mistake at the gas station, I laugh it off and still hope to be happy always.

Even though we hold widely differing views, are there any concerns or ideas you think we may have in common?

Finding commonality with “widely differing views” would be like throwing darts from 50 feet and hoping to hit the board, much less a bullseye. But, I will take one throw and say the probability of “widely differing views” is one concept we can agree on.

"Actually" or "to be honest"? Which one is a favorite and would you like to use when disagreeing with someone's opinion?

Neither. Just say, “I disagree with you.”

“Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

-- Franz Kafka

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com