No Bad Child

“If mental abuse was a punishable crime, a lot of parents would be in jail serving a long term.”

--  Maddy Malhotra, author, success & happiness coach

I really believe there is no bad child.  I've seen bad children, then I see their parents; not necessarily bad, just not being parents, or not being present, being too busy, too wrapped up in their own selfishness, or not being much of anything, anything I can mention in polite company.  I have no use for parents who refuse to parent, or parent badly, and there is little excuse for ignorance in this day and age.  Bad parenting is child abuse.  Except for the one in a million, the golden bullet, the child simply born evil, children are born innocent and learn everything else from their "mentoring" parents.  I really believe parents should be held accountable for the actions of their children.  If they were, there might be a lot fewer children born to lackadaisical parents.

“Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.”

-- Mokokoma Mokhonoana, author, philosopher, social critic

Who puts their child on a leash?  Does this bother anyone else?  If you're too wrapped up in shopping to parent your child, then don't have one!  You have to teach the child not to wander, to respect authority, to respect you.  If your child doesn't respect you what are the chances that anyone else you know really has respect for you?  What's next, locking them in a closet?

You are the positive and negative reinforcement the child requires in order to make good decisions in life and, if they fail, have the tools to turn failure into a learning experience.  If there is no parent, someone else will step in to fill that void.  There are plenty of gang leaders, dope dealers, pimps, child molesters, and the like, who are more than willing to take the reigns of control and have the tried and true tools of experience to accomplish it.

“One thing I know for sure about raising children is that every single day a kid needs discipline.... But also every single day a kid needs a break.”

-- Anne Lamott, novelist, political activist, teacher

Children are like puppies.  They are cute, fun, and need the discipline to understand the pecking order of life.  State the requirement, test their understanding, explain why they are disciplined for failure and praised for success, restate the requirement, and start again.  Keep repeating until they get it right. We call this training.  We call this communication. And, when they succeed, we praise their success with a leather chew toy... or an ice cream.  All of this is called parenting.

“Your job as a parent is not to make your child's way smooth, but rather to help her develop inner resources so she can cope.”

-- Ellyn Satter, family therapist, author

I truly love children.  I have two of my own and two grandchildren.  One thing I can say about children who are considered bad, there might be reasons for it beyond lack of parenting; Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Bipolar Disorder, Autism, and the like.  I think, as a child, I had ADHD before we actually knew what it was.  My son acted the same way, and my grandson seems to have inherited it, as well, and to his mother's chagrin.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

-- Proverbs 22:6

As children, we were pains in the ass.  Schools did not hold our attention unless it was something we wanted to learn; everything else was so much more important.  Foot stomping tantrums, yelling, screaming, crying, and so much more would come and go before I went on to a career in military intelligence, my son made his own career with Verizon and, now, we all wait with anticipation to see how the grandchild fares.  No bad children, just misunderstood or misdiagnosed.  And the best part?  After taking years off our parent's lives, we simply grew out of it.  We were lucky ones.

People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

-- Mark 10:13-16

Every year we learn more about the brain and how it works.  We learn that, sometimes, children just can't help themselves.  Instead of asylums, it is now up to science to blaze the path to some semblance of normalcy for the children.

Children enter this world without sin.  What happens after they arrive, however, is in the hands of adults.  Will their little minds be polluted by actions of others or will they be taught ethical and moral values with which to, one day, impart to their own progeny?  Will they be shown patience, communication, understanding, mentoring, and discipline?  Will they be shown love and taught how to be happy always?    

One can only hope. 

“People who are not fully enlightened have no business becoming parents. This contradicts the conventionally accepted notion that people have an inherent "right" to have children. They do not. People who have a compulsion to traumatize a child, even in the mildest forms, are breaking the child's human rights, though of course the parental compulsion to find false pleasure through procreation obliterates their awareness of these rights. But interestingly, many parents would agree that convicted pedophiles and child murderers have no right to procreate, because of the dynamics in which they are so likely to engage.”

-- Daniel Mackler, Toward truth: A psychological guide to enlightenment

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.