Close Enoughs and Almost the Sames

"How much life was made of 'close enoughs' and 'almost the sames', she wondered?"

-- David Wellington, author, "The Last Astronaut"

Well, was it close enough, or almost the same?  Will you respect me in the morning?  More importantly, will "close enough" buy me another date?  We do seem to accept life to be "close enough or almost the same" as what we really want, what we expect.  Is what we really want so far beyond our expectations that we are willing to settle for what we can get?  Some would say so, and others would say no.  If we "settle" are we selling ourselves short, giving up, admitting that this is all there is?  I think it depends on whether you buy into what everyone else thinks about your life.

Why do we have to be perfect?  Who in our life put that yoke around our neck?  As if we don't have enough in life to deal with, now we also have to live up to someone else's view of perfection?  I have enough faults which I freely own without pleasing someone else at the expense of my own happiness.  I am me, and that is good enough for me.  It doesn't have to be good enough for you; I'm sure you have more than enough of your own drama to deal with than to be concerned about me.  My self-esteem is fine.

“If only you knew how beautiful you are, unconditionally. Don't you know it's enough if all you do is breathe?”

-- Brittany Burgunder, author, eating disorder coach

Your life.  It is your life, after all. And, yet, we feel pressured to sacrifice happiness to grasp for some brass ring which might make our lives fuller.  We feel pressured to risk the happiness of "close enough" to go after something we might not attain and, if we do, might not make us any happier than we are at this moment.  It is your life.  If you don't want to risk your happiness, then don't.  I have come to understand my own "happiness" isn't predicated on external successes, material things, or anyone's opinion.  Happiness is a state of mind which already exists within each of us.  What we need to understand is that happiness is that simple.  We shouldn't be looking any farther than ourselves to feel the fulfillment of our own happiness.  Do you need to make damned sure your supposed "happiness" isn't simply an excuse for laziness or selling yourself short?  How do you know?

“Self-correction makes me check the ruler of my life against the yardstick of my inner voice. I acknowledge when I don’t measure up. Self-correction is an ongoing process. If done often enough, I can stop myself from straying off the path.”

-- Stella Payton, author

I have had two careers in my life.  I gave the military, and the Institutional Review Board, 23 and 17 years respectively.  I left retirement, after two years in Mexico, to come back and assist my old boss in rebuilding a golf and country club.  I've never been one to bounce around in the job market.  When I take a job I learn to love it, do my best at it, and settle in for the long haul.  I felt being reliable and ethical was important to me and to others.  I still do.  These are things I try not to settle for; I either am or I'm not, and if being reliable and ethical isn't good enough for those around me, then I will take my happiness elsewhere.  That is the point.  Rule number one is to always be happy, and rule number two is remembering, if you aren't happy, to refer back to rule number one:  Always be happy!

You are who you are, and that is enough.  I have many heated conversations with my friends; we agree to disagree.  I don't want everyone around me to agree with me.  What fun is that?  The need for meaningful conversation would exist only to enhance the insidious boredom, an inherent byproduct of sameness.  I know people who are total assholes, and that is fine.  They are who they are and I am free to tell them I accept them for the assholes they are.  If you have to strive for something greater than what you think you are, then strive to be the best you that you can be.  It is less confusing for the rest of us.

“The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.”

-- Brittany Josephina, writer, empowerment coach

Accept that you will never be good enough for you, and this is fine.  I am my own worst critic, and it keeps me humble.  If I had decided to do nothing until I was perfect, I would have done nothing with my life.  Life is all about failure.  Failure is how we truly learn life lessons.  If you haven't failed then you haven't risked enough to really know much about life.  If you fail at this moment in time, another moment will be along presently.  Failure is a reminder to learn.  Tomorrow is a brand new day to try and excel in life and to mentor those around you with the lessons you learn.

After sixty-five years I have wrapped my mind around what it takes to make me happy.  I have discovered that nothing is perfect, and change is the only constant.  What is perfect today might not be so perfect tomorrow, so why stress over it?  I have attained things I thought I needed in life, and I felt fulfilled, and I was only happy until I figured out that fulfilling some goal wasn't what made me happy.  Being me made me happy.  To be anything else is embracing a path which probably isn't really mine.  Being me is the only thing I am absolutely sure of, every moment of every day.  Is being me simply close enough or almost the same?  In who's eyes and to what imagined goal?

Gautama Buddha teaches, "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."  Life is all about the choices we make and the consequences which follow.  To say it again, everything which happens in our life is a consequence of a choice we make.  You know you better than anyone else.  You cannot blame others for your consequences, nor can you ask others to save you from them.  You can seek sage advice but, ultimately, you must want to save yourself.  The best advice a priest who has never been married can give to a couple having marital issues is to go see a marriage counselor and, even then, you will have to do the work to save your marriage.  We must work our tasks ourselves or we learn nothing from the suffrage.

Being honest with yourself, and others, and taking ownership of your life is a tough proposition.  Parents, by in large, don't teach this anymore because, well, they weren't taught it either.  Sucking it up and not being a whiny little baby is tough.  It is also a way of demonstrating to others the value of "strength of character."  Sometimes "close enough" and "almost the same" is all it takes to find a lot of happiness.  People have died trying to find perfection and not succeeding.  Find your own truth and then own it and exercise it in front of the world.  Be humble in your imperfection and love yourself all the more for it.

Being me is enough to make me happy.  If I find what makes me happy, by simply being me, isn't this all that matters?  Have I not reached self-actualization?  I think so, and that will be close enough to perfection for me... until it isn't.

“Maybe my best isn't as good as someone else's, but for a lot of people, my best is enough. Most importantly, for me it's enough.”

-- Lindsey Stirling, violinist, singer, songwriter

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.