Alien Allies: Who's on Our Side?

"Suppose aliens invade the earth and threaten to obliterate it in a year's time unless human beings can find the Ramsey number for red five and blue five. We could marshal the world's best minds and fastest computers, and within a year we could probably calculate the value. If the aliens demanded the Ramsey number for red six and blue six, however, we would have no choice but to launch a preemptive attack."

-- Paul Erdős (1913-1996), renowned mathmetician

Have you really taken a cold, hard, critical look at images of supposed aliens visiting our fair planet?  Other than the "Nordics," I see no real threat.  Even when faced with invasion by the earthly enemies of our country, I have often stated they won't make their beachhead in New York or Los Angeles because our first line of defense will always be our lawless street gangs.  Unfortunately, we have laws which protect the gang's right to be lawless.  Our enemies, on the other hand, would kneel the gang members down in the center of town and put a bullet in the back of their head.  If our enemies think the gangs will sit still while paradise is taken away from them, well... bring it on.  During World War II, the mafia in the United States offered to take out Hitler for us; we declined their offer, so they shot Mousellini for something to do, or so rumor has it.

So, let's take a critical eye to the extraterrestrial threat.  Speed seems to be the only superior tactic of alien craft as they seem defenseless against earthly weapons and gravity.  You'd think with all that technology they would have perfected force fields to defend their craft, and the downside of not having a craft with wings... is gravity.  You can only skip a saucer across a medium until the edge bites into the medium it's skipping across, and then, if you have no power to steer a brick... it becomes a brick again.  Terminal velocity, edge-on, will probably approach 200 feet per second from a couple of thousand feet.  Good luck walking away from a crater.

Physically, most aliens seem to have no muscle mass to speak of.  Unless they have rows of badger teeth hidden inside their unmoving mouth, even I should be able to pinch that oversized melon off their weak, sloping shoulders.  The insectoids are taller but, still, they seem to be just insects; the heel of a shoe comes to mind.  The reptilians and the Nordic might be an issue, however.  I'll make an assumption that the reptilians are bigger, brutish, strong, and have a face full of teeth.  The Nordics have us in height by a head or two and witnesses say they look to be strong, and the women are attractive, by all reports.  One upside of the Nordics is they seem to be on our side, and they have attractive women.  Okay, that's two things.  I wonder if they party?      

Are the Nordics the only aliens which seem to be friendly toward us?  I don't hear many stories of them abducting us or probing us.  And, as far as genetic research is concerned, if you'd just send over your two best looking scientists, most humanoid men and women might be willing to volunteer some genetic samples.  Far be it from me to speak for our women, though.  The Nordic male had better physically rival his namesake or their women better switch-hit.  Just saying.

Which of the alien cultures are friendly toward us would probably depend on what their particular agenda is.  The fact none of them have seemed willing to conquer us in thousands of years can mean several things.  They might be so far advanced that they can squash us at any moment, so why not just do it?  Well, they might have some concept of barbarians "opening up a can of whoop-ass" and aren't sure they can come out on top in a conflict.  Could they have a "prime directive" which prohibits interference in our development?  They crash their craft in plain sight for us to retrieve, and they abduct us and probe our parts, so unless the "prime directive" is giving away technology and allowing wanton probing and sampling, I'd say no "prime directive" prohibiting interference in our culture.

Since all indications are that the Nordics are cordial to us, we are probably them, related in some way.  They probably need us.  They need us because they're alone in a universe of greys, reptilians, insectoids, and God knows what else.  They probably need us to be ready to journey across the stars.  Maybe there is a war coming and they need the assistance of another species capable of doing something more than just probing.  They need creatures like us who can chew a cigar while emptying an automatic weapon into some particle-beam wielding creature hellbent on conquering the universe.  They need us because we love nothing more than to kick ass for mom, apple pie, and the blonde around the corner.  

Who's on our side?  Whose side do we want to be on?  Why are technologically advanced cultures not conquering us?  Well, maybe us unpredictable barbarians scare the crap out of them.  Maybe they know if they kill our dog we'll hunt them down and skin them.  Want to be our friend?  Bring a bottle of Romulan ale or kali-fal and let's watch some football while we field-strip our weapons.

"Perhaps we need some outside, universal threat to make us recognize this common bond.  I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world."

-- Ronald Reagan (1911-2004), 40th President of the United States

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.