My Own Mortality

“The curse of mortality. You spend the first portion of your life learning, growing stronger, more capable. And then, through no fault of your own, your body begins to fail. You regress. Strong limbs become feeble, keen senses grow dull, hardy constitutions deteriorate. Beauty withers. Organs quit. You remember yourself in your prime and wonder where that person went. As your wisdom and experience are peaking, your traitorous body becomes a prison.”

-- Brandon Mull, author

I wanted to write this all down while it's still fresh in my mind; before I think and wordsmith the emotion and, with it, the very meaning of what I truly feel.  I think it's what any of us might feel when a loved one has a massive stroke.  We begin to ponder our own fragile mortality.  Not that we haven't thought about it as we've aged, but there comes a time when these thoughts become all too possible realities.  Like when we're 65 years old and people around us begin dropping like flies, or when a loved one is down for the count and not likely to recover.  We try to deflect the topic by denying our own mortality, and we succeed, for the most part, until it jumps out like a "Jack-in-the-Box" with boxing gloves and punches us fully in the face.

I distanced myself from death when I was 50.  The high school alumni newsletter became more of an obituary.  I never was one for class reunions.  I didn't really "know" very many people in the "Class of '71."  It looked as if I knew even fewer now, and probably wouldn't know any others.  I went full bore into denial.  I would rage at the dying of the light... if I can.  

Neuroanatomist and author Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD., states, "To help me find my back into my peaceful right mind, I look at how my body organizes information into systems and capitalize on those already established circuits. I find that paying attention to sensory information as it streams into my body us a very helpful tool."  But, what if your "established circuits" are fried?  What if your body is waiting for information to organize, buy your brain has lost the connection?  What happens when paying attention is a serious effort and the sensory information you're receiving is like looking at a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle?  You can't really speak, so nobody really understands what you want.  You can't efficiently swallow anything, so drinking water and eating food is out even though you're thirsty and hungry.  More than anything, you want to go home.  That isn't going to happen, not anytime soon.  A massive stroke isn't good for anybody.

“Such a suitable word, stroke. I'd heard it since childhood without fully understanding its meaning, but it sounded, even through a haze of sleep and dope, just like itself: abrupt and brutal and irreversible. A stroke of lightning, the stroke of midnight, the stroke of a pen.”

-- Armistead Maupin, writer, novelist, "The Night Listener"

But, this is the fear of aging; a fear we bury down deep until it's too late.  Some might say there's no sense worrying over that which we have no control.  I'd say it.  There are fitness fanatics who have dropped dead from heart attacks and strokes in middle age, and others who finally wore out in their 90s.

We take supplements and drugs, eat right and exercise, and years later we find out, through studies, what works and what was a waste of time.  I just found out I should stop taking my low-dose aspirin now that I'm 65; they found it may do more harm than good if you're over 70.  Eggs were bad, now their good.  Non-fat yogurt is now worse than whole milk yogurt.  Don't drink coffee, but now it's beneficial if it's not a dark roast.  Statins, to control cholesterol, don't really extend your life enough to matter.  And my favorite is my own "hereditary" cholesterol which diet and exercise have no effect on, yet working out and eating right, for two years in Mexico, lowered it and my blood pressure.  There was a 110-year-old black man in Texas who died recently.  For his entire adult life, and probably before, he smoked a cheap cigar every day and drank a glass of whiskey.  Who do you believe when it comes to health?  And does it really matter, if you're eating well and working out?  If it's your time to go you really can't escape the reaper.

“And meanwhile time goes about its immemorial work of making everyone look and feel like shit.”

-- Martin Amis, author, screenwriter

I expected to find myself sitting on a porch in a rocking chair, sipping on iced tea and watching the pretty young girls go by while my cronies and I discussed politics of the day and laughed over humorous anecdotes of life, love, children, and grandkids.  I never worried that memory would be an issue, or that I might not be able to speak a coherent sentence.  My worst fear was waking up incontinent and having to wear diapers.  Many of us move through life from a baby and back to being one, it seems.

It isn't death I've learned to fear but, rather, all we have to bear on our way to it.  I will, still, try to live life to a full measure while finding time to relax with friends and family.  One can't fight the inevitable; we can only postpone it for a time, and that postponement can. sometimes not be all that pleasant.  We live a while longer and sacrifice our quality of life if we can define what's left as life at all.

“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.”

-- Mark Twain (1835-1910),  author, writer, humorist

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.