On the Lighter Side: Caught On Film!

What do you do when you've run out onto a board 

only to discover it doesn't completely bridge the crevasse, 

and the cat behind you knew it?  

Why, you lift your tail and show em yur butt, of course!

The bigger they are, the harder they fall... right?  Sometimes you have to pick your battles.  This cougar has done a simply marvelous job of conquering it's true nature... for the time being, that is.  One shouldn't push a good thing too far, however.

I've looked like this more than a few times in my life.  This is when you look up to heaven and plead, "Please, God, I'll never drink like this again; either let me throw up, or kill me."

This is the look you get when small flowers scare the crap out of you.

I sighed with fond memories of slamming hot dogs, till I realized this little guy was slamming carrots.  Yeah, well, I slamming carrots now, as well.  So far, I've lost 14 pounds of hot dog fat.  From the looks of my little friend, here, it would seem too many carrots have the same effect.  I may have to go back to hot dogs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I used to run five miles a few time a week and I looked just like this guy while doing it.  It was like begging for a heart attack while trying to squeeze all the oxygen out of each strenuous breath while you suck your gut in for all the good looking honeys you pass.  Have any idea how many girls jog around a lake?  I don't jog anymore.

I would never do this to a dog; it's embarrassing.  I know this because I figure this is what I'd look like on a swing.  Know how many girls go to the park?

I remember this. It's when you mistakenly drink opium laced liquor, while you're overseas in Turkey, and some chick named "Little" tells you the sky is falling. You're like, "Whaaat?" You get so upset at the prospect of imminent death, you mess your diapers.

I had a German shepherd and wiener-dog mix named brandy (yeah, don't ask).  She climbed in a dog food bag once, and then I picked up the bag.  Don't ever get in a bag when I'm around.  What happened next put her off ever getting in a bag for a bit.  Those of you who've been in the bag, fully understand.  And, yet, we keep getting in the bag.

It always seems that what we really want to have is just that far out of our reach.  All we're able to do is look longingly at it, and lick our lips.

I mean, really, just that far out of reach.  Ever notice that, just when we think we'll have it on the next lunge, some ass moves it another inch away?  This is simple cruelty.  It will serve them right if this little guy gets it off the table and onto the expensive rug, eats half of it, and then, in a sugar fueled pay-back, grinds the rest into the carpet nap by rolling around on top of the remains. 

There are certain things you learn around animals, the most important are those "tells" which are warnings of an eminent ass whipping.  For cats, the massive dilation of pupils is a great "tell" to be aware of, especially if there are two cats and you're on the floor looking up at them.  Run! 

PEANUT BUTTER!  And I have been known to try and get my tongue to the bottom of the jar, as well.  It was not a pretty sight.  Had I a tongue as long as this little fella, well, I'd have had much more luck... getting the butter.  This is where having an opposable thumb comes in handy; you can grip a butter knife and scrape out the dregs.

Yea, well, we all have something that's too damned little.  Would you like folks to make fun of your "short"comings?  I think not, because, heaven knows, I will look for them till I find them, and this will be the look you'll have on your face when I announced it to the world.  Yes, I would do that just because payback is so much fun.

Remember the warning about dilated pupils?  Remember, also, that those paws are spring loaded and will shoot straight out of that box so fast you will not even notice the needle-like claws extending prior to impact.  The humorous part of this will be you screaming like a little girl.  Been there and done this.

A warning about fat cats:  Fat cats will sucker you in, by fiening helplessness, just before they rip your arm to hamburger.  Really wanna scratch that tummy?  Uh huh.

Seldom does one catch the secret art of "cat kung fu" in practice.  I actually had a cat  do a backward flip and rake my bare chest so fast I didn't even register what had happened.  I remember whimpering in fear, and then looking down to see four, six-inch long, shallow scratches start to ooze my life sustaining blood.  The cat walked away with tail raised like a lance, showing me his butt.  How freaking rude was that?

This dog never saw the movie "Alien."  Push this cat too far and the dog will be wearing a "cat mask" and screaming for someone to please get it off.    I know this for a fact.  I wore a furry monkey mask and put my face in front of a Siamese cat to see what it would do.  I thought it was awake.  How was I to know cats can sleep with their eyes opened.  She woke up a freaked, and then I freaked.  It took two people to pry the claws from around my head. Luckily cats are not known for wrapping their tails around a victims throat.

Yep!  Been here, done this, more times than I care to remember.  Whereas my hangover was booze related, I'm certain this will be all sugar.  The bad thing about these little gays is that they can crap their weight in cake, or anything for that matter.  That's what they seem to do, eat and poop, and lick.  They are cute, though.

Again, what are we cognizant of?  That's right!  Watch out for the dilated pupils!  This youngster is just playing, but it's all fun and games until your new face earns you the nickname of Claude (re: Clawed).  Kittens tend to lose their little minds, if only for a second.  An explosion only takes a second.  Just saying.

 Oh, hell no!  If I stumbled onto this out in the woods, screaming like a little girl would be the least of my worries. I'd probably wet myself, as well, just before I ran like a gazelle back to the trailhead.  I seriously doubt that the trail would ever touch my feet.  I'd be flying.  This already creeps me out and I know its just a wet sloth that can only move at the speed of smell.  I would feel like an idiot when it finally sunk home what it is, but I'd be a live idiot.  And, I'd have set a new crosscountry speed record for seniors.

And... that it!  I hope you found these animal photos as funny as I did.  Animal and children can put a smile on my face whenever I'm feeling blue.  Just go online and search humorous images for animals or children and let the smiles begin.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with a world renowned Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.