My Sunday Thought for 050717: I Now Pronounce You, Gender Dysphoric

“Gender is like a Rubik’s Cube with one hundred squares per side, and every time you twist it to take a look at another angle, you make it that much harder a puzzle to solve.”

-- Sam Killermann,  advocate, author

Most of us wish it were as easy as looking into our pants to solve the question of gender identity, and for most of us it is. But, for a growing number of our population, many have to struggle with a confusion they’ve been at odds with since birth. The parts they see when they look down don’t fit with their emotions. They constantly try to put the square peg in the round hole while family and friends scream at them to get a hammer and make fit in. Most of us don’t have a clue.

Psychology Today posted this about Gender Dysphoria:  "Cross-gender behaviors begin as early as 2 years, which is the start of the developmental period in which children begin expressing gendered behaviors and interests. Early-onset gender dysphoria typically starts in childhood and continues into adolescence and adulthood, which late-onset gender dysphoria occurs around puberty or much later in life.  The cause of gender dysphoria is unknown, but hormonal influences in the womb are suspected to be involved. The condition is rare and may occur in children or adults.  Onset of cross-gender interests and activities is usually between ages 2 and 4 years, and some parents report that their child has always had cross-gender interests."  Read the full post at this link, Gender Dysphoria.

"Cross-gender behaviors begin as early as 2 years," which is probably going to be confusing for those who insist on believing sexual identity is a choice. I will speak up for the gender confused when I state, those that believe gender confusion at the age of four is a choice, are getting off easy. Their particular confusion is one of ignorance.

Wikipedia's take on Gender Dysphoria attempts to simplify all this into a couple of sentences: "Gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder (GID) is the dysphoria (distress) a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. In these cases, the assigned sex and gender do not match the person's gender identity, and the person is transgender."  Okay, I have a headache and find myself still confused over the entire issue.  I suppose this also makes me sympathetic to the plight of those who find themselves dysphoric.

Ignorance, unlike being shunned by society or ostracized by friends and family and made to feel less that human, rarely leads one to consider suicide as their only recourse. Teenagers have enough trouble handling emotions without making a "choice" to be purposely confused about their gender and to suffer the slings and arrows of such a choice. Who would consciously make this decision, fully knowing what hells they will have to endure? This is a choice? Use your brain, for God's sake.  Considering their vast homosexual experience through the age of four, I would have to make the logical conclusion that these people either give toddlers way too much credit, or these people are ill-informed.

“It is not possible to preserve one's identity by adjusting for any length of time to a frame of reference that is in itself destructive to it. It is very hard indeed for a human being to sustain such an 'inner' split - conforming outwardly to one reality, while trying to maintain inwardly the value it denies.”

-- Betty Friedan (1921-2006) author, feminine activist 

Being a father and a grandfather, I am forced to give toddlers a pass and go with the latter.  Saying these judgmental folks are ill-informed is being kind, however, as many might say only an idiot would think a child of four could possibly understand the unfortunate ramifications of coming out gay.  They must forget how cruel other kids can be, or were one of the cruel kids.  But, I will give this group of judges more tolerance and understanding than they give the confused children by saying, I could be wrong about them being idiots.  What do you think?

If this subject were simply about men or women, of age, who had a propensity for people of the same sex, I would be willing to consider arguments to the point that these people might have issues of choice.  It is not.  Much of this begins with children of ages which preclude any homosexual "experience," per se.  This choice they speak of is about putting oneself in the crosshairs of hate, intolerance, bigotry, violence and, unfortunately, the very real possibility of suicide. 

"Unity depends on respect for diversity, no matter what tools of language are ultimately used. This is a very early stage for trans peoples with such diverse histories and blends of cultures to form community. Perhaps we don't have to strive to be one community. In reality, there isn't one women's, or lesbian, gay, bi community. What is realistic is the goal to build a coalition between our many strong communities in order to form a movement capable of defending all our lives.”

-- Leslie Feinberg (1949-2014), author "Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue"

Gender dysphoria is a part of our society - no, scratch that.  It is a part of our civilization, and history might reveal that it always has been.  Why so prevalent now?  Science will tell.  Perhaps it is a sign of our times - mass media, the internet, social freedoms, open minds, etc.  This is not the first time we have seen civilization grow it's inclusivity, though we seem constantly at odds, for whatever selfish reasons, with letting minorities into the 'club' of civilized society.  Civilized society?  This would be the society which benefits from the arts and sciences supplied to us by the very gender dysphoric people of which society would sit in judgment?  How very civilized of us to judge, and how very Christian.

I have written so many posts on tolerance for the LGBTQ+ community, one might think I am one of them.  Well, in a way, I am.  They are people.  They are searching, as much as those who judge them, for who and why they are.  They search for Christ and for salvation.  They search for love and for life.  They hope for peace and for acceptance.  We make a good show of celebrating diversity as long as it doesn't rock the boat of normalcy, but our normal is a vibrant, robust sense of our ever changing ability to accept those who have much to offer our colorful society, and our desire for a civilized future where we all have an equal chance for happiness.

“Sometimes I don't know what I am. But what I would like to be on the outside, what I want other people to see -- is a girl.”

-- Alyssa Brugman, author, "Alex As Well"

I went back through the 635 posts I have written for the Congregation for Religious Tolerance, rereading those posts dealing with this topic, wondering if I have done it justice.  I am my own worst critic, in art as in writing.  I think I have done fine, but the ultimate test would be the opinion of the community for which they are all written.  For those of you interested in having a read on more of my views concerning this topic, I have included a list of the posts I could readily find.  I think the most important and meaningful, to me, would be the last one on the list, Quietly Confused.  I could say much about it, but I think reading it will explain why more than elaborating on what, I feel, is obvious.   

1. Transgender - An Absence of Compassion
2. Gays and Christianity Revisited, Yet Again
3. LGBT Conservatism
4. Gay Marriage Equality
5. The Gay Christian
6. LGB, LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQQ... and Confused
7. Church Law or God's Love?
8. Homosexuality: Is It a Choice?
9. Gay Christian, Gay Marriage
10. Gay Christian, Gay Marriage - Part 2
11. LGBT Teenage Suicides
12. Coming Out Gay? Invite the Parents!
13. Teenage Transgender Suicide
14. Quietly Confused

Am I a lesbian because I love women, and am I gay if I profess love for a good friend who is male?  If so, then I would be a gay lesbian who, mathematically, works out... straight?  Even the thought of this as a mathematical equation verily wreaks of judgment; a negative times a negative equals a positive, or a negative plus a negative equals a much bigger negative?  Talk about your emotional confusion!  Maybe it would be better for us to simply see the positive in all of it.

“At some point during my research, I came across the term "gender fluid." Reading those words was a revelation. It was like someone tore a layer of gauze off the mirror, and I could see myself clearly for the first time. There was a name for what I was. It was a thing. Gender fluid.

-- Jeff Garvin, actor, author, "Symptoms of Being Human"

A far as my gender is concerned, however, I am secure in the knowledge that when I look down into my drawers, I will be gratefully satisfied with the gender package which presents itself and, hopefully, possess the emotional stability to handle it.  My sadness is for those who feel they have no recourse than to suffer the labels, the judgment of peers, parents, and society.  I feel a true sense of sorrow for what others must endure; those who find themselves, for whatever reason, at odds with themselves and society for being... well, themselves.  I wish we could all just learn to accept each other for why, who, and what we are.

“What matters most is not 'what' you are, but 'who' you are.”

-- Dr. DaShanne Stokes, author, civil rights advocate

I firmly believe that once you come to accept what you are, you will then learn to be at peace with the more important aspect of who you are, and finally be ready to accept the challenge of finding out why you are.  Once we discover why we are, our personal path is clear and all else becomes the local color and excitement along our journey.

“Heather Looy, in offering some tentative considerations about the image of God in her discussion of intersexuality, offers that it is possible that the “genderfulness” of God [may have been] deliberately separated into female and male by God in the creation of humankind as a way of structuring into creation a basic need for us to be in relationship, so that it is in community, not individually, that we most fully reflect God’s image and are most fully equipped for the tasks to which we are called.” -- Mark A. Yarhouse, Professor of Psychology, author, Understanding Gender Dysphoria: Navigating Transgender Issues in a Changing Culture

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with an Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as Chaplain Program Liaison, at a regional medical center.