The Zika Spring Has Sprung!

WELCOME, sweet season of delight,

What beauties charm the wond'ring sight

In thy enchanting reign!

How fresh descends the morning dew,

Whilst op'ning flow'rs of various hue

Bedeck the sprightly plain.

-- "Ode To Spring" by Elizabeth Bentley (1767-1839)

Oh, such joy that spring has sprung and Zika has now joined the ranks of the sexually transmitted virus (STV)!  They seem pretty sure the "at risk" population (ARP) only exists below 6,500 feet altitude.  From what I understand, you can make mass love to anyone that hasn't traveled below 6,500 feet, so feel free to mate like bunnies and then pass out from lack of oxygen.  Traveling to these regions is said to be safe since the mosquitoes carrying the virus can't exist that high up, so if you plan a trip to the mountains it is good to remember a few other health concerns that come with high altitudes, like High Altitude Pulmonary Edema (HAPE), High Altitude Cerebral Edema (HACE), and Acute Mountain Sickness (AMS).  Oh, such joy.  For ARPs to escape the STV they have to risk HAPE, HACE, AMS, and sobriety (Sobriety?  Read further).

Of course, you'll also have to stay hydrated and avoid party staples like alcohol and cigarettes, and any drugs that might slow breathing thereby causing more hypoxia than the altitude already has.  Oh, and that morning breakfast in bed, or coffee for the significant other?  It will take longer at higher altitudes, so get an early start, which should be no problem considering neither of you drank any booze the night before.  The good news for Catholics is Pope Francis' approval for the use of birth control to stem the tide of birth defects caused by the virus. Woohoo!  Raincoats are approved!  I love the smell of latex in the morning.  It rivals napalm.

So, you can feel safe traveling to places above 6,500 feet but who in their right mind would want to, unless you bring an extra sensitive condom?  More importantly, who in their right mind would let you?  Low Landers will soon be labeled as possible carriers, and Highlanders will consider themselves "above" it all.  And, no, extra sensitive condoms aren't effeminate and don't cry a lot, however they may require the occasional tissue.  Personally, witnessing the effects of this new scourge on children, I think I'd double up the condoms or abstain. 

The Zika virus is no joking matter, and I use humor as a vehicle to focus your attention.  All joking aside, for those not familiar with the Zika virus, I recommend you become familiar with it, if not for your own sake then for the sake of any progeny you wish to bring forth.  Good information is presented at many sites online.  I would start with the Centers for Disease Control at cdc.gov/zika/ and expand your knowledge outward from that point.

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, and instructor. He is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path," which offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination.