Your 800-Pound Gorilla

"The idiom of choice — or cliché, if you want to be critical about it — for people refusing to acknowledge an urgent problem that ought to be their priority used to be “the 800-pound gorilla in the room.” (The weight of the gorilla varied, but it was usually a gorilla.) In recent years, though, the idiom seems to be shifting as the gorilla has gotten some competition from the elephant in the room."

-- Fred Clark

Have you ever heard an expression concerning the "800 pound gorilla" in the room?  It has come to my attention the expression may have started out with a 900 pound gorilla.  Considering the average weight for a gorilla is 400, and an obese one is 600, one can assume this expression came about long before the onset of education.  

The expression seems to be most used by those with degrees from "institutions of higher learning" and those in big business, financial, and executive or boardroom circles, so, at least from a management point of view, I would have to cite the possible lack of quality education, unless, of course, we endow a select few with sense enough not to believe all the crap they're spoon fed by professors with political agendas under the guise of rounding out their "quality" education.  This endowment might credit the student with launching on a course of self-study concerning the real world and those creatures inhabiting it.  I take issue with universities that have little tolerance for an alternate opinion, like the truth.  You're supposed to go there to learn, not be programmed by plugging your little pin drive in the instructor's slot and massaging the "download" icon.  It simply reeks of whoring yourself out for a grade.  Maybe I'm wrong.

800-Pound Gorilla: An overbearing entity in a specific industry or sphere of activity. A seemingly unbeatable presence always to be reckoned with; whose experience, influence, and skill threaten to defeat competitors with little effort.

-- Urban Dictionary

Personally, as an experienced supervisor and manager of almost thirty years, I think a fat gorilla would only be frightening in the sense that it might use you for a seat cushion, whereas the extremely fit 400 pounder could easily tear you apart or use you for a flesh and bone suppository.  400 hundred pounds or 8oo, a gorilla is still a gorilla; nice to study them from a distance, but don't get too cozy with them.  So sayeth the Master Sergeant in me. 

Now it seems, and Mr. Clark is obviously aware of this as well, elephants are putting a squeeze play on the poor gorilla by sheer ease of being able to fill a room.  It doesn't have to do a thing except enter, and everything else gets pushed to one side.  Oh, the issues, the problems, and any fear of poor outcomes are still in the room, they're just compounded by the overbearing presence of the elephant looking for a seat at the table  Where does an elephant sit?  Same place the gorilla does.  Anywhere it wants.

The easiest way people avoid any kind of emotional contact is by talking about chicken-shit. Chicken-shit is the small talk about the weather, sports, or any other cliched conversation. Talking about chicken-shit serves a rather important purpose for me since it keeps me safe. I don’t have to risk being vulnerable when talking about chicken-shit.

-- Travis Crotser, blogger

The elephant in the room is what it is and there is damned little to do about it except to shoot it in hopes of putting it out of your misery, but then you'll have a dead elephant filling the same room.  Ever smelled dead, putrefying flesh?  Elephant or gorilla, once it starts to decay, the stench may never go away.  Better to get the chainsaw and take action.

Gorilla or elephant, size is really immaterial when it's in the same room with you vying for a seat at an already crowded table.  Sure, they can sit wherever they want, but why are they in the room to begin with?  Who invited them?  

Take industry, business, and government away from the definition, and look at it from a personal point of view.  "An overbearing entity... A seemingly unbeatable presence always to be reckoned with; whose experience, influence, and skill threaten to defeat... with little effort."  An entity, by definition, is a thing with distinct and independent existence.  People?  Yes, friends, acquaintances, family, the clerk at Walmart or the local bank teller can all have negative effects on our lives, and if we allow them a strong enough toehold, they can become the 800 pound gorilla in our lives.  

Another way to avoid emotional contact is by talking about bull-shit. Bull-shit is the intentional lies I tell for three reasons: I lie to hide the truth and wrong-doing, I lie to protect myself or someone else, and I lie to gain something (like prestige, power, money, sex, etc). Talking about bull-shit also keeps me safe since I don’t have to be vulnerable while talking about bull-shit.

-- Travis Crotser, blogger

But we also allow distinct and independent existence to grace our own independent thoughts and emotions; those thoughts and feelings which we initiate, and then lose control over.  However it occurs, we give them life in our psyche, our id, and by extension we then risk it invading our ego, or lack thereof.  The personality of a person becomes affected by "refusing to acknowledge an urgent problem that ought to be their priority."  These urgent problems become our own 800 pound gorillas and the overbearing tons of elephant shit which we allow into our private space.  We find ourselves suffocating in problems of our own making.  I just made a blatant point of emphasizing these are our thoughts and emotions which we create and then let slip to run amok at great peril to happiness.  Where you may have little, if any, control over gorillas and elephants in the business world, you have great control over them in your personal life.  Once you learn to take control of them you may then assist others in doing the same.

But, in order to control you first need to recognize.  In order to recognize you first need to admit.  Admit you let something in the room.  Ask yourself why it's there, why you let it in, then you can go about recognizing what it is.   Finding the answer to "why" is easy, but we have forgotten to look for it first.  Don't look for someone else to pin the blame on.  You let it in, so you can damned well take responsibility to answer the questions.  Take ownership of it.  The gorillas and elephants in our lives are all on us.  As much as we'd like to shift blame, these are all our bad, haunting us until we get rid of them.  Our poor decisions are probably why we allowed them in the room; it is our, hopefully better, decisions which will get them out.  

Allowing things into our lives is, oft times, much easier than getting rid of them.  But, getting rid of them is something we have control over, and it is something we can ask help in doing.  No one can do it for us, however.  Ultimately it is up to us to recognize it, take ownership for it, deal with it, and move forward.  Learning why we allowed it to happen is the only thing we really need to know in order to help prevent the gorillas and elephants of life from ever darkening our doorstep again.

I’ve heard two explanations for elephant-shit and I like them both. First, elephant-shit is when I talk about everyone else’s chicken-shit and bull-shit. Elephant-shit is when I get together with my friends or family and talk about other people’s drama. Or, more popularly known as gossip. As long as you and I have our neighbor’s chicken-shit and bull-shit to talk about, we never have to be real with one another and talk about what is truly happening between us. The second explanation I heard for elephant-shit refers to the grandiose plans I come up with so I never have to face reality or take responsibility. In other words, I talk about what I’ll do once I win the lottery but I won’t even buy a ticket. Either explanation works for me since they both give another example of how we avoid true connection. 

--  Travis Crotser, blogger

Fritz Perls (1893-1970) is the father of Gestalt Therapy, and those three types of shit we use in order to escape honesty with real issues in our lives.  Understanding the three different kinds of shit was one way of zeroing in on why the shit was there in the first place.  Once you understand why the shit is part of your life, your communication, it becomes easier to find the particular animal leaving you these smelly tokens of disrespect so you can send it packing.  I have included three excerpts in this post from one of Travis Croster's blogs. In this particular blog he explains, in easy to understand language, the differences between Fritz Perls' chicken shit, bull shit, and elephant shit which we seem content to haul around with us like a bad marriage.  Many times the only one who doesn't acknowledge our lives stink, is us.  As a psychology major I studied Perls' Gestalt Therapy and his ideas on shit.  I thought some of you might find it as humorous, if not as enlightening and helpful as I did. 

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.  This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot.  Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, and instructor. He is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path," which offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination.