Vanity and Pride

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.

-- Jane Austen (1775-1817), novelist

So, after reading Austen's quote (above), whatchya thinkin now?  Still concerned about shopping in the "plus sized" section at Walmart?  Where your health is concerned, weight is probably a good thing to worry about.    I've been witness to several of larger friends, acquaintances, and coworkers, go the route from obesity to high blood pressure and cholesterol, to diabetes and the inevitable heart attack, stroke, or just plain dying in their sleep.  Most of us suffer from these same issues without the weight, but, if we're all treading water in the same deep lake, why do some feel it appropriate to bring along their fifty pound pack?

I wrote a post about obesity a couple of years back which rapidly became, and still ranks among, one of my most read pieces.  It received rave reviews from my readers and almost got me banned from the monastery website for using the word "sexy."  If you'd like to read this post, please follow this link to "So, Sexy Is In? "

What would you have others think of you, and does what they think really matter?  Well, if you're ashamed to be seen as a fat person, which would be vanity.  If you're afraid they laughing at you behind your back, that would be them just being rude and thoughtless.  But, what if their comments aren't humorous?  What if it's just their selfish concern for your welfare, and what the party of life would be like without you in it?  And, what if you're happy with who and what you are?  What if you really are an outgoing, fun loving, friendly, life of the party?  I think you might ask yourself, now who's being selfish?

It's not vanity to feel you have a right to be beautiful. Women are taught to feel we're not good enough, that we must live up to someone else's standards. But my aim is to cherish myself as I am.

-- Elle Macpherson, model and actress

This post started out as a comment on Facebook.  I posted the picture, above, and commented, "Not often do I take a decent pic, as evidenced here, but it does play to personality. One should not be too careful of the photos they choose. People get used to seeing a false reflection of the true self, and can be more disappointed when they meet in person and realized you had no faith in them to accept you for what, and who, you truly are."

I followed with these two photos and comments, "Point in case would be that I'm wearing a ladies hat with a flower on it... and a red dress, for the NOLA Red Dress Run."  I end by stating, "You really have to be secure with who you are, and not worry too much about what others may think. What would the fun be in that?" 

What prompted me to elaborate on the Facebook post was my comment, "You really have to be secure with who you are, and not worry too much about what others may think."  I must add a proviso to this statement, in that I would worry about what others think, if they are worried about my health and welfare, especially if they happen to be friends or family.  If you're not going to listen to your friends or family, then who?

If you just don't give a fig about what anyone thinks, and you are truly happy with who and what you are, what the rest of us  we are left with is the sincere hope you are that outgoing, fun loving, friendly, life of the party!  At least, in this way, we can also be selfish by enjoying all of you while you're here.

Vanity and pride are much overrated, although I think Jane Austen was only half right.  A person may be proud without being vain, but you cannot be vain without being proud.  But, wait!  Pride is listed as the seventh deadly sins, remember?  It ranks behind lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, and envy.  That is, unless you go by the substantially longer list in Galatians 5:19-21.  Ready?  

Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, "and such like".  Just so there's no confusion, let's combine them into one, comprehensive list:  Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, murders, drunkenness, revellings, "and such like".  I think we can all see the point of several on the list, especially uncleanness, which I'm hoping means you should bathe frequently.  The balance of the list kind of redefines fun, doesn't it?  But these are from the apostle Paul, who wasn't one of the original twelve Apostles of Christ, having been born years after His death.  I can only think Paul was not a party animal, or much fun to be around, period.  He is, after all, said to be the author of half the books in the New Testament.  

You learn something new every day.

The truest characters of ignorance are vanity and pride and arrogance.

Samuel Butler (1835-1902), poet

One thousand years before Christ, or Paul, King Solomon gave a much different list of "six things the Lord hateth, and seven that are an abomination unto Him."  This list makes a bit more sense:

- A proud look
- A lying tongue
- Hands that shed innocent blood
- A heart that devises wicked plots
- Feet that are swift to run into mischief
- A deceitful witness that uttereth lies
- Him that soweth discord among brethren

This list reads more like the Ten Commandments.  Pride still made this list as a proud look; not the feeling of pride, the outward appearance of it.  In other words, better to be humble in your pridefulness.  This sounds like sage advice. Samuel Butler was wrong in his quote, above.  I think it would have been more valid to state, "The truest character of ignorance is arrogance in your vanity and pride."  What harm is vanity and pride as long as you exercise humility in it.  

Being humble does not exclude wanting to feel or look pretty, nor does it exclude being happy in your accomplishments.  Bragging rights does violate the humility clause, though.  Humility allows happiness; it breeds happiness.  It revels in the love of self and others, and looking clean and presentable... just for you, if for no other reason.  Most importantly, it does not preclude you from being, or becoming, the most interesting person in the world like, Pope Francis, the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa, or the Dos Equis man.  Okay, the Dos Equis guy isn't all that humble, but he is touted as being the most interesting man in the world.

The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.

-- Helen Rowland (1875-1950), journalist, humorist

The Helen Rowland quote holds true, whether for man or woman.  Appealing to a person's imagination can be a bit of enticing bait for attracting that special someone.  Although, I still think cleanliness and a nice outfit can't be overstressed.  I recommend a black fedora with a garish red flower decorating the brim, and maybe a red dress.  

Then again, maybe not, it might be "event dependent."

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Frank Anthony Villari (aka, Pastor Tony)

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."