Another Funeral

In June of 2014 I wrote a post entitled,  A Funeral.  My mother and I had gone to Taylorsville, in Mississippi, to celebrate the life of my Aunt Ruby.  Yesterday we went back to celebrate the life of my Uncle Sam.  We found the church, easily this time.  Many folks showed up to pay respects.  His four sons were there, as were family and friends. 

Sam had been in the military so there was the obligatory flag on the coffin and a color guard at the graveside.  One of his sons had been a marine.  He stood at attention, in full dress uniform, as escort at the foot of the coffin while in the church.  He looked sharp, and Sam would have been proud. 

I noted a young minister, the one that had bored me to tears during Aunt Ruby's service, was once again on site to finish me off.  This time, however, he brought the much older, seasoned minister, to assist in the endeavor.  Someone must have been coaching the young man, though, as his comments were much shorter and to the point.  The older minister took up some of the slack.  But, still, all in all, the service was still relatively short and much less painful to sit through.  I could imagine Sam, taking a break from enduring any long, droning, oratory on his behalf, and enjoying a stroll in the sun outside the church.  I will probably be damned for my critique of the ministers, at least in the eyes of the Pentecostal church.  What else is new?  I seem to be damned at every turn, by someone, and for less.  Such is life.  I will abide that which comes my way.

When you think about it, which amongst us doesn't bemoan their required presence at a religious service?  We know we have to make an appearance, to attend, but we tend to grumble and complain about it anyway,  perhaps because it is no fun.  In the case of funerals, we have every intent to call it a celebration of the person's life, and then we wail, cry, and bore ourselves through it.  Hell of a celebration.

Why is it ministers, regardless of sect, take these moments in our lives to launch into sermons we really don't want to hear?  They do the same thing at weddings, which makes more sense when one considers the likelihood of the marriage succeeding in this day and age, but it is still, generally, a boring ceremony.  Marriage seems to have become more of a business decision than an act of love, so a gentle reminder of the sanctity of "holy matrimony" might be in order.  But, one would think an assumption should be made that we all know why we are there.  In the case of funerals, I think we're all pretty certain the subject of our attention has passed on, and that they are in a better place.  One would think we all know there is grief to be dealt with.  Perhaps ministry would better serve their congregation to just assist in the celebration of life and simply advise everyone the ministry is available for grief counseling if required.  Say something about the life of the deceased, have a short prayer to say farewell, and do what the deceased would like us to do... remember them fondly and get on with life.

  

I think Sam would have been happy this service was as short as it was.  Selfishly, I would have been happier if we'd all met at a park afterward to grill some food, lift our glasses in a toast to him, and heard some interesting anecdotes of a man's life I knew very little about.  But, that's just me.  

My Uncle Sam will be missed by many.

When I shuffle off this mortal coil, I hope my friends and family, my loved ones, do me the favor of a short service at a park, with military honors and the haunting sound of a bagpiper, my urn full of ashes on a pedestal.  Then, let's get to partying!  Fire up the grills, put on some classic country western music, and let the beer flow freely (put a pint on the pedestal; I'll enjoy it).  My wish for all of them is to remember me; to laugh, dance, and be stupid while they have a great time in celebration of life passed, and life still to come.

But, truth be told, I'll will still hate going to funerals, even my own.  Won't we all?

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Frank Anthony Villari (aka, Pastor Tony)

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."